Chapter Text
Before his mother died, Eddie liked to sit with her on the living room couch, watch the most unbearable TV shows possible — the ones she loved — and keep her company late into the night. Eddie liked those moments, when his mother didn’t open her mouth to complain about anything, when she didn’t hold a rosary in her hands and pray for God to cure Eddie of his illnesses. He would watch at night, before going to sleep, as Sonia knelt on the floor, raised her hands to the sky while the rosary shifted loosely in her palm, and asked — demanded — that her son would be okay.
Edward never understood why she did that. God didn’t heal anyone. He had never healed him. Eddie always felt like the frailest among his friends. He couldn’t play outside, couldn’t eat ice cream — nothing that was normal for other children was allowed for Eddie. His mother overprotected him, convinced him that he was very sick and that he always had to take his medicine.
Eddie always trusted that deeply, and especially trusted his mother. He tried to believe in the religions she believed in, that God might one day heal him and he would never feel different from the others again. But it was hard, because many people in church prayed for their relatives to get better, and by the end of the month, a funeral would take place. So, truly, Eddie didn’t understand his mother’s belief, but he obeyed her and always prayed.
Sonia also liked to tell stories — that’s what she called talking about other people’s lives. She talked about Miss Bainbridge, who had never married, so everyone thought she was a “woman of ill repute,” or about Mr. Antony, who lived with his friend Steve and neither of them had ever found a wife, and even about their neighbor Lonnie, who was a single mother to a four-year-old girl. His mother called these stories Fables. And she said that if Eddie didn’t follow God’s teachings, just like those people she loved to tell stories about, he would go to hell.
Edward was very afraid of going to hell, so he always did everything he was told. He obeyed and prayed constantly.
At thirteen, his mother died of a massive heart attack. Something about high cholesterol and a lack of physical exercise. Eddie had no family anywhere, so he was sent to the nearest orphanage in Derry.
It was a religious orphanage, since his mother had made it clear that if he ever ended up alone, Eddie should choose a place like that to live. The orphanage was called Saint Mary, and it was somewhat comical to see a place like that in a city as strange and unsettling as Derry.
Eddie was taken there by a social worker, who introduced him to the director. Her name was Veronica Grogan, and she was a very kind woman, even if she was somewhat strict.
However, unlike her, the children in that place were cruel and terrifying. On Eddie’s first day, at lunchtime, as he stumbled over his own feet while going to get his food, a tall boy, much older than him, stuck his foot out so that Eddie would fall. Eddie crashed to the ground, the tray shattering loudly and embarrassingly. Everyone looked at Edward — some laughing, others concerned, and some who didn’t care at all. The boy in front of him wore a malicious smile and held his inhaler.
Of course, besides being extremely sick and fragile, Eddie also had asthma.
“Another loser!” the blond boy laughed cruelly while holding the inhaler.
Eddie shrank at the terrifying sound of his laughter. His heart raced with fear and shame, and he tried not to look around so he wouldn’t start crying.
“Aren’t you going to say anything, freak?”
He took a deep breath and stood up. His hands were shaking, and Eddie felt terror growing in his chest. According to his mother, at that moment he should turn around and avoid a fight. According to the Bible — the book that, despite Eddie having many questions about the faith his mother taught him, he loved deeply, especially for what God taught in it — Eddie should not feel wrath. Wrath was a mortal sin; he would go to hell if he repaid hatred with more hatred. So Eddie simply lowered his head.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized.
For what? He had no idea. But the boy’s eyes seemed to light up at finding someone who respected him — or at least what he thought was respect.
“Oh, well… you’re good, loser. You obey easily. That’s great,” he said proudly.
Eddie trembled when the older boy stepped closer, placing a hand on his head and giving him hard pats. Eddie wondered if, to that boy, this was some kind of comfort.
“How about you come with me, huh? I’ve got plans for you.” The malice remained, now mixed with a hint of excitement in his voice.
The boy stepped closer and reached out to grab Eddie’s head, but something — or rather, someone — stopped them.
“Hey, you asshole!” a female voice shouted.
The boy turned toward the voice, laughing mockingly when he saw the girl. Eddie noticed her: her hair was orange-red, fiery, she was tall, with pale skin, eyes as blue as the sky, and an expression that showed just how angry she was.
“What is it, bitch?” he snapped, still smiling. “Can’t you see you’re interrupting me?”
“Don’t you have anything better to do, Bowers?” the girl stepped beside Eddie and pointed at him. “The kid just got here. Back off!”
“Where are your boyfriends, huh? Why don’t you go screw them instead of sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong?” he replied through clenched teeth, growing irritated.
“Henry Bowers,” a gruff voice called.
All three turned around. It was the school janitor, Rich Santos. Eddie had already met him when he arrived.
“Miss Grogan is waiting for you in her office.”
“But—”
“Please, Mr. Bowers,” he said firmly.
The boy — now known to Eddie as Henry Bowers — stomped his feet and handed the inhaler back to Eddie. He left with the janitor without looking back. The red-haired girl placed a hand on Eddie’s shoulder, making him look at her.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine. Thank you,” he said shyly.
The girl smiled and extended her hand.
“Beverly Marsh,” she introduced herself with a gentle smile.
Eddie liked her, but before taking her hand, he noticed her clothes. She wore short, vibrant outfits — nothing modest for a girl her age. But he shouldn’t judge. Beverly might be different, but he should still love her as a person, regardless of how she was. Eddie shook her hand, smiling back.
“Edward Kaspbrak.”
“Wow, your name is hard,” she laughed, letting go and slipping her hands into her pockets. “Did you just get here?”
“It’s been a little while, actually,” he said, crouching to pick up the tray from the floor. “I was going to have lunch.”
Beverly nodded and glanced around before turning back to him.
“I’ll go with you to get your food, and then you can have lunch with me. What do you think?”
“That’s a good idea,” he replied awkwardly.
“Come on, you’ll like my friends.”
Eddie sighed. Friends? More people? He didn’t know if he could handle it. He followed Beverly to get lunch, filled his tray, and went to a table. Beverly waved at her friends — all boys. That made Eddie even more uncomfortable. A girl who only hung out with boys? That was, at the very least… strange.
“Guys, this is Eddie,” Beverly introduced. “Eddie, these are Ben, Stanley, Richie, Mike, and Bill.”
She pointed out a chubby boy with a bowl haircut, another with curly hair and a little cap, one with extremely messy hair and glasses, a Black boy with a distant look, and a blond boy with pale skin and worn-out clothes.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you all,” Eddie smiled as kindly as he could.
Bill, the pale boy, stood up and extended his hand. Eddie shook it quickly — he never wanted to be rude.
“I-I’m g-glad you j-joined us, Eddie. It’s c-comfortable here, d-despite e-everything…” Bill stuttered a little, making Eddie raise his eyebrows.
“Thank you, Bill.”
“Yeah, Eddie Sneezes — as you can see, he’s kind of a remix,” Richie, the boy with glasses, mocked.
“Remix? Eddie Sneezes?” Eddie sat down with Beverly beside him.
“Don’t mind him. He’s got issues,” Stanley shot back.
“Oh, shut up, jackass!” Richie cursed.
Eddie narrowed his eyes at the swear word. Those people were very, very, very silly. His mother would probably say he shouldn’t hang out with people like that. But Eddie didn’t want to be alone. Being alone was much scarier than hearing bad words.
“Which dorm are you in?” Ben asked.
“Dorm 6… Chapel 12,” Eddie said, poking at his food. It smelled good, but nervousness killed his appetite.
“Oh, Richie sleeps there!” Beverly said with a smile. “You won’t be alone.”
Eddie looked up at Richie, who was staring back with a small grin. It wasn’t the same malicious smile Henry had, but there was a hint of mischief — as if that boy, as young as Eddie, might turn his life into hell. Eddie felt a shiver run through his body, but something softened when Richie offered him a juice box.
“You don’t look hungry, so at least have some juice,” he suggested, holding it out. “I got it from the pantry. It’s really good, I swear.”
“I—”
“Come on, Eddie Sneezes,” he gave him a sweet smile.
Nothing like the earlier mischievous grin. Maybe Eddie was just mistaken.
“Thank you, Richie,” he said promptly.
Eddie took the juice box and wiped it with a napkin from the table. Everyone looked at him curiously — Richie even a little offended — but they shrugged it off after a while.
“We don’t have school today, so after lunch we can hang out in the garden!” Bev said, finishing her meal and playing with her red hair.
“What’s there?” Eddie asked, interested, sipping his juice.
“There’s lots of stuff. A playground, greenhouses, and…” Richie paused dramatically. “The neighbor!”
“Neighbor?” Eddie frowned.
“Past the wall, there’s a very nice old man,” Stanley explained. “He always gives us candy and comic books.”
“Does he have a Bible?”
The group looked at him oddly. Beverly chuckled softly, Ben shook his head, Stanley didn’t laugh because he was religious too. Bill didn’t mind much, though he found it strange. Richie raised his eyebrows but didn’t care. The truth was that no one in that group really believed in God. Stanley was there by obligation and followed a different religion. It was a bit unfair, but the only one who now seemed to care about Catholicism was Eddie.
“Interesting,” Mike said.
“What?” Eddie asked awkwardly.
“Oh, nothing. But yeah, he probably has a Bible,” Bev laughed, and Ben smiled mockingly.
“Are you… laughing at me?” Eddie asked, feeling his cheeks heat up.
“No, they’re not, right guys?” Richie said firmly, looking at the others.
They all shrugged. Stanley smiled at Eddie with understanding.
“He does. He gave me a Tanakh,” Stanley said. “I can show you later if you want.”
“I’d love that,” Eddie replied, feeling a little more relieved.
He looked at Richie, who had gone back to eating. Eddie wanted to thank him somehow, but instead finished his juice and ate a bit of salad.
After everyone finished, the group went to the garden. Bev and Bill sat on a bench, looking at the greenhouse and talking. Stanley sat under a tree, reading his Tanakh. Richie, Eddie, Mike, and Ben climbed the wall and entered the neighbor’s yard. He was an elderly man with white hair and a beard of the same color. He had a warm look and a kind smile.
“Hey, old man!” Richie greeted.
Eddie frowned. Didn’t Richie know he should respect elders?
“Got more comics for us?” Ben asked with a grin.
“Of course, I’ll go get them,” the man said, then looked at Eddie. “New friend?”
“Yeah, that’s Eddie Sneezes,” Richie said distractedly, looking at the plants.
“Eddie Kaspbrak,” Eddie corrected, introducing himself. “Nice to meet you, sir.”
“Oh, you’re very polite,” the man smiled. “I’m John. I’m glad you’re here. I’ll go get the comics.” He left, patting Eddie on the shoulder.
“He’s really nice,” Eddie smiled, leaning against the wall.
“I told you, Eds,” Richie smiled back. “And you’ll like the comics.”
Eddie nodded, even feeling slightly uncomfortable with that “Eds.” Mike and Ben wandered around the yard, talking while admiring John’s beautiful flowers. Richie stepped closer to Eddie and looked at him curiously.
“So, what do you think so far?”
“It’s… nice here. But I miss my mom,” Eddie murmured softly.
Richie stayed silent for a few seconds, then put a hand on Eddie’s shoulder and smiled at him.
“Wanna play?”
“Play?” Eddie asked, confused.
Richie touched his arm and started running. Eddie blinked, then realized he was supposed to chase him. Eddie didn’t play much — not with other people, at least. He read a lot, played with little figurines on his bed, and watched TV. Nothing like this. He smiled and started running after Richie, his heart racing with the adrenaline of having fun without being told it was dangerous, that he couldn’t, that he’d get sick.
He chased Richie, who ran fast and dodged easily. Mike and Ben watched with smiles. Eddie wasn’t very fast, maybe due to a lack of exercise, but he was having fun. At some point, he stopped, panting, hands on his knees.
“You’re really fast,” Eddie said between breaths.
“Or you’re just really slow,” Richie grinned.
Eddie smiled back as John returned with a pile of comics. He sat down on the couch and called the boys over.
“Look, there’s Batman!” Richie said excitedly.
Mike and Ben dug through the pile, while Eddie just watched. He’d never been into superheroes. Then Eddie spotted a Bible among the mess, along with other books. He smiled and picked it up. After being taken by the social worker, his religious book had been lost in the move, and he’d never found it again. It felt so good to hold it once more.
“You’re a devout one, kid?”
“Yes, sir,” Eddie said, hugging the Bible with a sweet smile.
“That’s great. Maybe you can put some sense into this crazy bunch.”
Eddie laughed, and the group looked at the man, offended. Hours passed, and soon it was time for dinner. Everyone returned to their dorms to shower.
Eddie, Richie, and another boy shared the same dorm. The two waited for Eddie to come out of the bathroom so they could use it.
“Did you have fun today?” Richie asked.
“Oh, yes,” Eddie squeezed the Bible on his lap. “I’d never played like that before, or read so many comics. It was really fun.”
“Wow, your life was pretty boring, huh?”
“Don’t say that… I just had different habits. I miss my house,” Eddie said sadly.
“I’m sorry,” Richie said awkwardly.
The other boy finished his shower and went to the dining hall.
“I’m gonna shower, okay?”
Eddie nodded and watched him enter the bathroom. He sighed as the door closed and held the Bible properly, opening it and flipping through the pages.
He spent some time reading and praying, especially for his mother’s soul. When Richie came out dressed, Eddie grabbed some clothes from his suitcase and went in. The bathroom was surprisingly nice despite the orphanage’s limited finances — there was a bathtub, a shower, a toilet, a sink with a mirror, three towel racks, and a cabinet full of pajamas. Maybe Eddie should wear one.
“Don’t take too long, Eddie! I’m hungry!” Richie shouted from the room.
Eddie sighed and took off his clothes. He filled the bathtub, watching the water rise. Sometimes he couldn’t believe he was really there — it felt unreal.
He turned off the tap and got in, sighing in relief. The water relaxed his whole body. He knew that as soon as his head hit the pillow, he’d pass out instantly.
“Come on, Eddie Sneezes!” Richie urged.
Eddie sighed again. He finished his bath, dried himself with the towel, put on his underwear and pajamas from the suitcase, fixed his hair, and left the bathroom.
“Damn, finally!” Richie muttered, grabbing him by the arm.
Eddie found it strange but said nothing. This time, Eddie ate dinner. He stayed quiet, listening to his friends talk, but he was happy — for having friends, for not being alone. After they ate, Richie and Eddie returned to the room, brushed their teeth, and went to bed.
“Good night, Eddie,” Richie yawned, speaking softly so as not to wake the other roommate, who was already asleep.
“Good night, Richie,” Eddie replied, picking up his Bible and praying once more.
Before falling asleep, Eddie thought. He would never again hear his mother’s stories about what was right or wrong, but at least he had the Bible. It wasn’t the same, but it was good company. What Eddie wanted now wasn’t the fables — not any of that. He wanted the truth. The truth about the world. About a world without his mother. With Richie and the group. The truth.