Chapter Text
Ignitions. Blasting through the air, chasing after each other. A blur of green and a whip of yellow with glowing black energy streaking across the city. A bright clear day. An even brighter smile. And then a crack of thunder. Instead of lightning, black spikes with jagged red veins pierced down from the now dark sky. Blasting through a ruined city, ash everywhere. Decaying landscape. Scared green eyes caught his. Black and red spikes hailing down and striking right through his body. Green eyes so scared. "K-kacchan?" A rush of fear. Cracking skin and more ash, freckles disappearing in front of him. Terrified green eyes and then nothing. It got darker, rain pummeling down. Alone. All alone. No green hair. No bright eyes. Where was he?!
Katsuki jostles awake, breathing hard, hands sparking in the darkness of his bedroom. His eyes flit around his dorm room, quiet, organized, the same as he left it. There are shadows under his doorway, though, accompanied by a soft knock and a whispered, strained "Kacchan?"
He was out of his bed, feet carrying him to his door before he even knew he made the decision. He had to see Izuku. He had only just gotten back yesterday- more accurately been dragged and carried back unconscious. After finally bathing, Izuku had fallen asleep on the couch, the rest of 1-A watching over him in shifts the entire time. Earlier in the day, all of them had watched out for Izuku; some bombarding him with questions, some trying to act as normal as possible to make him comfortable back home here, others nervous that he'd bolt again. He had tried to keep enough of a distance, tried to be their usual selves, let Izuku settle back in and not bare his teeth darting his eyes around for an opening like a scared shelter animal. He couldn't have that happen. He needed the other boy to stay. He needed to make sure Izuku was alright. He needed to see with his own eyes, not read shitty headlines about whether or not there was a sighting or hear from All Might how haggard he was looking out there on his own.
Scared green eyes and decaying skin had been haunting his dreams since the hospital.
Bakugo wanted them to stop.
He opens the door more forcefully than he had intended. The faint rush of wind against his face from the door made his eyes flutter for a second. An urgency coursed through his body, he couldn't help it. Especially after seeing those scared green eyes in front of him.
No, not scared anymore. He watches them morph into something calmer, something assured. Something that looks close to crying again.
"I'm sorry, did I wake you? I didn't mean to, I just..."
His body is moving on its own again, but not against his heart. Bakugo grabs the smaller boy's hand and pulls him forward. Surprised emeralds pass his field of view when he engulfs soft hair, freckles and fresh All Might pajamas in his arms. Izuku is turned into his neck. He can hear the small shaky breaths before a large inhale right at the crook of his neck. The air tickles his skin, but his attention is solidly on the hands gripping the back of his tshirt in fistfuls like he was a life preserver and Izuku was drowning. Bakugo can feel hot wet on his neck and he knows the other is crying, even as quiet as he's being.
He doesn't let go of the green haired boy when he shuffles back a few small steps to close his door again. He doesn't let go when Izuku's hands relax a bit. He doesn't let go when the choked off sobs finally become small whimpered gurgles. He doesn't let go because he needs this just as much as Izuku. Feeling the boy, alive, here, bracketed in his arms. He didn't realize the shaking was his own body until those hands that had felt like brands at his back started petting down his spine, shushing in his ear.
"Don't ever do that again."
"I'm sorry."
He doesn't have to specify, Izuku knew. He always does. He knew it was about leaving Katsuki behind.
"Still can't sleep?" he tried instead.
Izuku shook his head, it feeling like a nuzzle further pressed into the side of Katsuki's neck. Maybe it was. He could hear another long inhale, skin prickling over the curve of his shoulder where Izuku's nose was.
His hands had settled down at the small of Izuku's back, one hand grasping his other wrist. He flexed his arms, tightening around the greenette once before slowly letting go altogether. The contented hum didn't go unnoticed to Katsuki's ears, but he wasn't going to address it. He wasn't going to project his own wants onto the smaller boy just because he could've held onto Izuku for hours in the quiet of his own room, making Izuku home amongst his own things. Home. Huh. That word is coming to his mind now... Katsuki feels his ears heat up and is grateful for the darkness he can hide in.
"If it's okay... can I..." the shade of Izuku's face darkens slightly. Maybe the darkness is helping more than Katsuki right now.
"Duh."
"Huh?"
"I said yes you idiot." There's no bite or irritation though, when did they start speaking so quietly anyway? Almost like they were afraid that the noise would shatter whatever this moment was.
"Do you have an extra blanket for the floor?"
"Take the bed dammit. Did you not listen when everyone told you to rest and recover? I'm not gonna be at fault for you throwing your back out sleeping on the floor."
"Okay." Bright shining eyes catch the moonlight scattered across the room from the rustling trees. Those eyes look like they're trying to piece something together, gears constantly running in that head of his. "Can I ask one more thing?"
Of course, anything. Instead he quips, "What, you come back and start telling people what to do just because they care about you?" He takes a short break from keeping eye contact, eyes wandering to his lips. Yeah, much better you creep.He watches Izuku bite his lip, open his mouth slightly about to say something, close it again. "Just say it-"
"-Just stay in sight til I fall asleep?"
It feels like one of Kaminari's attacks just zipped through him. "Y-yeah sure."
Izuku must have been reading his mind, or had seen his dreams, or known how he felt about Deku disappearing again. Having the shorter boy out of his sight made it feel like he was just gone. Off on his own. Alone again. It's like Izuku knows Katsuki needed to see him to make sure he was real. Was Izuku feeling the same?
"Take the wall so you don't fall off." So if he tries to slip away, if something happens, Bakugo can grab him, protect him, keep him here and safe.
The shorter boy scrambles onto the bed, slippers being kicked off as he does so. The bed isn't terribly big, only meant to house one person comfortably, but Izuku somehow looks so small curling up under the covers. Bakugo slides in after him, keeping as much room as he can now. Just because they're closer and exploring simple types of physical touch doesn't mean he wants to push being in Izuku's space. His own body was still getting used to it, sometimes still flinching reflexively when Izuku reached out to him. Years and years of misplaced rage and disgust severing them being close. Despite that, he craved it regardless. Even if it hurt. Even if it was just sparring, accidental grazes, just with eyes.
So he kept some breathing room between them.
The light softly trailing in from the blinds shifted as the leaves rustled. The grey-blue giving a glow to where it hit the white sheets under his dark blankets and reflecting in Izuku's eyes. Bakugo fluffed the pillow he was using and slotted an arm under it to use as padding. A scarred hand is loose and open between them. He traces the scars littering up the arm to the arm compress under one of his many worn-soft All Might tees. Freckles and curly green hair pepper across his pillow, burrowing in slightly. The boy already looks calmer, more put together, suddenly sleepy.
"Against everything I was afraid of happening, I kind of figured you guys would come after me."
"You'd be a moron if you didn't."
"Thank you for doing it anyway." Izuku's words are soft, he can feel the vibrations of each syllable on the pillows. "I was.. kind of hoping you would."
"Can't get rid of us that easy."
Izuku's brow furrowed like he was confused. "Yeah." Something unsaid fell between them. Bakugo could only guess with that wrinkle to his brow and lips parted like there was more. There always was between them. This complex dance they had been doing around each other for years. His apology is flashing in his head. The way Izuku stumbled. The half second it took him to lunge forward to catch him. Something broken being mended. Proof of it right here in front of him, Izuku in his bed seeking him out in the middle of the night for comfort.
Katsuki and comfort, what a laugh. He knew he was bristly. It was more than just his quirk.
"Kacchan?"
He hums.
"I never hated you. When you were mean. I never hated you for it. I actually admired how strong you always were when we were growing up. You always had a smile. It was kind of like knowing a real hero." Izuku's eyes are intent on him. "It did hurt, when you pushed me away. I could see it hurt you too though maybe." Bakugo stares at him, he has to. He can't look away when Izuku is being so honest. He nods, because, yeah. It did hurt, he just hadn't figured out why until it felt like it was too late. He's glad it's not. "But I want to thank you. For apologizing. It's made me happy."
There that feeling was again. Home. But more. His chest was tight, a flutter, his explosions sparking internally it felt like. Katsuki wanted to lean forward and kiss the incredibly gentle smile the greenette was giving him right now. To feel it against his skin. He felt like he was losing air and the only way he could breathe is if Izuku pumped it into his lungs himself. But Katsuki didn't deserve to have Izuku. Not with their past. So he pushes down the feeling, that light fluttering in his chest. That ache.
"Me too." He says simply, barely above a mumble. He watches Izuku's hands on the bed between them flex, twiddle his fingers just slightly in the silence. It was comfortable, but still there were a million things he wanted to know. He had Izuku here, just the two of them. No one around to interrupt or listen in, accusing him of being out of character just for being nice. "Have you..." been okay? missed us? taking care of yourself? been scared? thought about me as much as I have thought about you? "been having nightmares? Since the hospital?"
The green haired boy looks down at a point between them and nods, seeming to get lost in thought just from that.
"What are they about?" When he sees his eyebrow furrow, he adds, "You don't gotta talk about it either. Not trying to bring it up to make it worse, ya know?" Bakugo curls into his shoulders, shrinking slightly feeling dumb for asking. Izuku came in here to relax and maybe sleep, not be re-traumatized.
"I-" He worries his lip for a second but continues. "I don't want to worry anyone more."
"Don't think it can get worse to be honest. You already have a target on you for pulling the stunt you did leaving like that." Izuku's eyes wander from Bakugo's towards the closet where the campus lamps are casting a warm light towards the ceiling, then back.
"I couldn't stop dreaming about seeing all of you dying. Every time I stopped for too long, the dreams would get worse, so I kept moving."
"Yeah, I get that." Bakugo grips his bicep, thinking of a tattered and anxious Deku flying through the city relentlessly moving for fear that Fear it self would catch up with him. "I've had dreams like that too."
Izuku doesn't say anything, but his eyes are locked on Katsuki.
"You made it really difficult to deal with them." Izuku's breath hitched. "You were in a coma at the hospital and then you were just gone. And all you left was a letter." Bakugo could feel his throat start to get scratchy, threatening to close up and swallow his own words. "Having been there to see Shigaraki and knowing that's what was out there with you, how much power he has..." I've barely slept. I've been training for hours everyday to get stronger. I've been trying to keep tabs on you. I've been having nightmares about you dying. I've been worried about you. "It's all I've been thinking about."
"I'm sorry Kacchan." his voice is small and weak, eyes going glassy again, tears on the brink of falling to the pillow. "But that's why I left."
"I know." He says a little too fast, cutting off the shorter boy. "I know why, but that didn't help me not see you dying every time I closed my eyes." Bakugo's cheeks heat up, he can feel it down the back of his neck too. He frowns because if he doesn't, Izuku will see how shocked he actually feels saying it out loud, like giving it a voice makes it suddenly real and has it crashing down all around them laying here. The rubble he's been seeing every night kicking up dust circling them and pressing an insurmountable weight above. "I know it has to be you to defeat him, but you can't do all of it by yourself. You may have All Might's power, but you're not him. You don't use it the same as he did, and you've had it less than a year, right? So stop expecting the same results."
"So you know how far behind I am! You can see how much further I have to beat All For One!" Deku sits up on his elbow, hands curled into fists, looking down at Bakugo. He has tears at the corners of his eyes. Somehow it made him feel better. It was a good sign that he was crying, it meant he cared and still had fight in him.
"I'm saying you should have stayed here to keep getting stronger, you idiot. Unless you don't think you can learn anything from any of the teachers, the other pro heroes, or All Might himself anymore. Unless you think you're better than everyone here." Bakugo growls out matching his stance, the anger he's been feeling since Deku disappeared prickling under his skin. Izuku chokes on a sound, looking like he's been slapped in the face. "We could have all been challenging each other, keeping each other in check. You could have had a safe place." Here. With me. "We've had a hell of a year, sure. But you can't keep severing ties thinking it'll make you safe. I-" Bakugo swallows thickly. "I had to learn that the hard way. Like I said out there," he looks down at Izuku's trembling fist at his side, speaking softer again. "I'm- I'm sorry for pushing you so far away. I can tell you it only makes you weaker. If you don't have ties to other people, none of this is worth it. You won't be fighting for anything. The moments I've felt strongest..."
He thinks back to every challenge, every fight, every villain attack. Messy green hair and determined eyes across the battlefield. The feeling of the rest of his class behind him, at the ready. The ground shaking and that thrill of adrenaline when his explosion clusters land the same time Deku's air smash hits. The energy he hasn't felt just on his own before, only when fighting alongside the people who have never sworn to protect him, but show it everyday in their actions. A silent promise. He feels stronger when he knows he can count on the others where he falls short. Freckles and a set smirk have carried his morale more than a handful of times.
"is with you, Izuku."
"Kacchan..."
"It kind of feels like we're destined to do this forever, you know?" Katsuki picks at his fingers, not looking at the other boy. "Surpassing each other and getting stronger."
Izuku slumps back to lying down, his body shaking something terrible, eyes fierce though despite the tears flowing freely. Katsuki freezes. "Promise me, Kacchan." Izuku's hand splayed on the bed pushed towards him, palm up and open. Always reaching out to him.
Katsuki lays back down, locking eyes with green counterparts. His hand slots around Izuku's easily, as if he had been grasping it in his own all these years after all. Izuku's fingers clutched tighter. "I promise, 'Zuku."
He doesn't know how long they stay like that. He doesn't care. He'd chase after Izuku every time to end up here. Their little cocoon of quiet and dark light and just the two of them with all of their unsaid things slipping out finally. This space tucked away just for them to repair and Be.
His body feels heavy and blurred at the edges, a fuzzy contentedness washing over him. Katsuki hasn't let go of Izuku's hand, but it's a loosened grip now, letting air between them to breathe. His palms were a little sweaty. His body heat ramping back up just before sleep; it was a radiating warmth that made him kick off the covers most nights, seeping into his bed sheets and encompassing himself.
Izuku's eyes had closed awhile ago, but the languid way he scratched at his hair or resituated his legs told Katsuki he was still partially awake, for now. He was listening in the dark. He only heard one breathing pattern until Katsuki took a deep breath himself and heard Izuku's just under his own.
Just like in training. Just like walking down the hallways. They matched each others' rhythm, falling in sync together.
"We're both here, yeah? 'Zuku..." Katsuki mumbles, more for himself. There was a squeeze to his hand. Katsuki couldn't help but smile against the pillow before closing his eyes too, enjoying listening to the other boy existing beside him. Here. In his room. Safe again. Home.
---
Cracking his eye open, his alarm clock read it was late morning already. It's not like he had to be anywhere, but getting a couple hours in of training and getting to the quad for food wouldn't be the most terrible idea either. His body wakes up in stages, not all coming to him at the same time.
Warm, soft, a familiar smell that wasn't his own, but was basically ingrained in his nose surrounded him. Turning his head down, his chin and the tip of his nose brushed the source of the smell where it was strongest. Messy green hair tickled his face. He looked around, squinting at the pose he had been placed in during the night and the weight now pinning him down.
His left hand was buried under blankets and had a firm grip in a thin worn shirt that wasn't his. One leg was pushed over the covers, bare foot open to the air to regulate his body temperature which was so much warmer than usual. 'Suppose that's what happens when there's more than just you... His other leg had a tangle of weight dispersed on it: his hip and upper thigh and then down across his shin. But the bulk of weight on top of him was the rest of Izuku. The shorter boy was curled into his left side so much his face was planted square on Katsuki's chest, arm slung across then back to grip his shirt collar loosely with two fingers. Izuku was tucked into his body, draped across him as if he was one of those massive teddy bear prizes at carnivals.
His heartbeat picks up because what the fuck is that brat doing to him? The movement Katsuki had attempted made Izuku nuzzle into his collarbone, mumbling something he couldn't pick up but could have been "five more minutes". Katsuki laid still, acutely aware of Izuku's torso rising and falling on top of his own, the way Izuku's hand twitched ever so slightly, grip opening and closing in his sleep, and the warm puffs of air dancing across his chest. His body feels fuzzy, like him and Izuku's forms were melding together in this pile of blankets and limbs. If Izuku was still unconscious maybe he could just live in this moment, greedily.
His arm nestled under Izuku tightened, shifting the boy to fall even closer, his head burrowing into the side of Katsuki's neck more, hair pushed out of his face to the side showing his features. Katsuki got to look up close at all of those freckles smattering across his face, able to take his time pinpointing exactly where each fell. He took in how pretty his eyelashes were. The shape of his nose. The apple of his cheeks. His relaxed expression, not a worry etched on his face. His hand slid under Izuku's tshirt that was already bunched up at his stomach, wanting to touch his sleep-warm skin directly. This was okay right? If he was just a little selfish? To ghost his fingers over small scars and raised moles he hadn't had the courage nor the discretion to see before?
Katsuki pressed his nose into the crown of green hair, inhaling slow and deep. The clean scent of the dorm soap, the slight salt of sweat from overheating in the middle of the night, the comfortable warmth of what he thought sunshine smelled like. He let it wash over him, fill his senses, cover him, keep him calm for the moment. It was the most comfortable he's been in a long time. Katsuki could float away in this with how weightless it felt, both their bodies puddling together in a heap he doesn't want to be pulled from.
He doesn't realize he's slipping in and back out of consciousness. The fuzzy barely-there grip of sleep blending the warmth of the sun spilling in over them, and the heat generated between their bodies keeping him perfectly toasty and loose limbed.
It's not until there's a yawn and a tension in the body stretching like a cat against him that he suddenly freezes. Izuku does mid stretch, too. His leg is still slotted between Katsuki's, and the stretch rubbed his thigh directly on the v of his crotch, toes grazing his other leg through the blankets and his sock. Izuku doesn't relax, Katsuki can tell he's holding his breath since their chests are still firmly pressed together. Izuku was trying to gauge if Katsuki was awake too.
Does he pretend? Does he play it off? What does Izuku expect his reaction will be? Should he be honest? Does he have to say anything at all? Should he just let Izuku lead?
The longer he lies there questioning himself, he can feel his ears heat up, a furrow most likely being set into his brow. He could feel it. He was getting restless.
Izuku finishes his stretch, making more of a show of it so that his body lifts and turns away from Katsuki towards the wall where he started last night. So he was trying to play it off like they weren't just cuddling, got it. Bakugo could pretend. He's pretended not to care about Izuku for years. He's pretended he's been strong when he just wanted to run. He's pretended to himself that Izuku's smile wasn't the highlight of his days because when the green haired boy is happy, the world feels like it makes sense. If he could pretend to not be head over combat boots for his childhood best friend, he could easily pretend they weren't just practically nose to nose for the last 9hrs. He could pretend, sure, but that won't stop him thinking about if Izuku is embarrassed that it happened. Embarrassed of being with Bakugo. Maybe that this was a mistake brought on by sleep deprivation? But with the way Izuku isn't looking at him for more than a couple milliseconds and his face is turning more and more red, Katsuki is sold that it's embarrassment.
"O-oh! Kacchan! You're awake." Izuku sits up quickly, rubbing the back of his neck with his right hand so that his folded arm covers his face from Katsuki's view. "How did you sleep?" He lets out a small nervous laugh, not being able to contain his nerves. Even if the denial hurts, Bakugo chuckles at the animated display. He crosses his arms behind his head, propping a leg up lying there.
He thinks about it though, how did he sleep?
"I... feel great actually." He doesn't hide the surprise, not ashamed of that part at the very least. "I can't remember the last time I didn't have a nightmare. You?"
Izuku finally feels confident enough to look at him, hands dropped into his lap and glancing over his shoulder down at the blond. "Hmm." Izuku looks down at his lap, the blanket pooling in large messy waves. He also looks a little surprised after doing his mental diagnostic. Bakugo could almost hear the nerd muttering to himself in his head, it was all over his face. Katsuki sits up, using his arm for support as he turns into the smaller boy, still keeping a comfortable, conversational distance between them since that's what Izuku seemed to want.
"It's a simple question, 'Zuku. Don't overthink it." He taps the greenette's forehead as they look at each other and decides to get up from the bed finally.
A chill swoops over him. It's not cold, and there's not actually much of a difference between the blankets and the rest of the room. His body just already misses Izuku pressed against it. Christ what a fucking sap. Who was he anymore? This crush was getting the better of him.
"I didn't have one. Actually, I think-" Izuku stops talking. Katsuki looks over at him staring off at the closet in front of him, a blush creeping back to his face. He shakes himself out of it, feeling Katsuki's eyes on him, giving a breathy laugh again. "I just think that's the most sleep I've gotten in a while is all." He shuffles to the edge of the bed, reaching for his slippers where they had dropped last night. Katsuki grabs a hoodie, puts on some socks and finds his own slippers.
Izuku stands there, not knowing what to do with himself in Katsuki's room as the blond mills about, grabbing for his phone and checking his messages. He glances goosebumps on Izuku's arms though. That's new... Maybe it was the last of his adrenaline wearing off, his body reacclimating to actual rest and recovery. Katsuki goes to his closet and pulls a black hoodie out that has All Might's name characterized in white and yellow on the front. It was simple, it was well worn. It was one of his favorites. He knew the nerd liked it already, so it was a no-brainer to offer up this one. It could possibly pass off as one of Izuku's if anyone questioned it. He tosses it at Izuku who looks startled, amazed, flabbergasted. "Don't let your body drop into fatigue. Let's get something to eat."
"This one is your favorite though." Izuku is still just holding it in his hands, looking at it like a trophy of some kind.
"Then freeze for all I care." That seemed to be all the permission the boy needed, tossing it over his head quickly. It was a little big on him, the bagginess emphasized just a bit more on his smaller frame and honestly it shouldn't have made Katsuki's cheeks heat up. It's a damn hoodie! It's not that big of a deal!
Except it was 'Zuku. Wearing his hoodie, knowing it was his favorite. He shouldn't have looked so cute, already messy curls sticking up a bit more from how hard they both slept. But, well, it was the nerd. Freckled face surrounded by slightly piled, slightly faded black fabric, little tattered bits on the edges of the hood and cuffs showing how worn in it really was. The sleeves hung halfway over his puppy-dog hands, swallowing him slightly. Katsuki pulled up the hood on his own hoodie and tightened the strings on it, scrunching it around his face as he reached for the door.
"Thank you, Kacchan." The blond humphs. "For letting me stay last night, too." Katsuki stops, hand on the knob.
"Just don't make it a habit, Deku." Or I might not be able to hide my feelings for you. "I'm starving, let's go," he mumbles and swings the door open, walking out and falling in step with Izuku like none of that happened and they were back to just being classmates hanging out on the weekend.