Chapter Text
Shadow Milk slipped into the passenger seat, throwing his backpack into the backseat. His foster sister, Eternal Sugar, sat in the drivers seat, throwing her bag onto his lap.
He mumbled, “Bitch…”
“What was that?”
“Nothing, Sugar.” He gave her a smile they both knew was forced.
He threw her bag into the back as well. He pulled on his seatbelt strap and buckled himself up.
Eternal Sugar plugged in her phone and turned on one of her playlists. Oh god, this was one of the most atrocious things to ever graze his ears.
Shadow Milk turned off the music playing in the car. She immediately slapped his hand away.
“Ow! Sugar, what the fuck?”
“Don’t turn off my music while I’m driving.”
“The passenger always gets to pick the soundtrack. Have you no car etiquette?”
Eternal Sugar rolled her eyes as she started up the car. “Didn’t realize you were a passenger princess.”
“Fuck you. I’m changing the song.”
He unplugged her phone from the car and plugged his phone in.
“Play anything but Heathers.”
“I thought you liked Heathers!”
“I do. But I’ve been hearing it nonstop for the past week. I think I deserve a little break.”
Shadow Milk flipped her off. He scrolled through his playlist before turning on ‘Say My Name’.
“This is ass.”
“I actually hate you.”
“I love you too!”
He blew a raspberry at her before closing his eyes. He leaned into the seat, his head bopping slightly to the music.
Summer vacation was (sadly) over, which met another year of hell for Shadow Milk.
It’s not like summer was that much better. That little gnat kept trying to contact him all summer. He had to block his number.
The desperation radiating off of that man is insane…
Ignoring that whole conflict, he didn’t really do much. Rotted away indoors on his phone, was forced to hang out with Eternal Sugar’s friends (who were basically his own friends at this point), the usual.
He should’ve went to the local beach.
His eyes snapped open at that thought. Absolutely not.
Eternal Sugar turned down the volume of the music before speaking. “Sooo! Shadow.”
“What.”
“I was thinking… you know that cute blonde girl you’re obsessed with?”
“Okay one, he’s a boy. And two, I’m not obsessed with him.”
“Right, right, right. Anyways, I was on Insta the other day and it turns out he’s friends with Hollyberry!”
“Uh huh. And?”
“I was wonderinggg… Maybe you could be friends with him again?”
“What?! No! Hell no!”
“But Shadow Milk! This could be my opening!”
“I’m not feeding into your Hollyberry obsession.”
“I’m just saying, if you and Pure Vanilla were friends, then me and Hollyberry could have a natural meet cute! We could go on a double date and then our love would blossom from there!”
He rolled his eyes. He turned up the music to drown out Eternal Sugar’s weird squeals.
How could she even focus on the road like this?
She slapped his hand away again and turned down the music. “Stop it.”
“Stop it!” He replied in a mocking tone.
“I also brought this up for your well being, Shadow! You know I care about you.”
“You only care about possible romance opportunities. I just happen to be your closest one right now.”
She pouted and took a purposefully sharp turn. Shadow Milk’s head bumped into the window.
“Ow, what the fuck?!”
“You’re looking for excuses not to talk to him.”
“I shouldn’t have to talk to anyone!”
“Oh please, you’ve tortured that poor boy long enough. You even blocked his number.”
“Because he was pestering me.”
“Gee, I wonder why.”
“He’s an obsessive freak who can’t take no for an answer.”
“Keep telling yourself that, dear.”
He crossed his arms and turned his head back towards the window.
“…Could you at least ask him for Holly’s number?”
“Keep your eyes on the goddamn road.”
By second period, Shadow Milk already wanted to go home.
Normally he’d love English class. He always excelled in school, English being one of his strongest subjects. He loved reading and writing which surprised most people for some reason, even though he’s in the theater club. Screenwriting is a major part of theater.
But right now, his stomach felt uneasy. Because he could feel the presence of someone staring at him. And he knew exactly who it was.
He tried to ignore him as best as he could and focus on whatever the hell the teacher was saying.
Something about… assigned seats? Oh. Oh god fucking damn it—
People started standing from their original seats and heading to their new ones. Shadow Milk stared at the screen in disbelief for a few moments before standing up.
His seat was near the back of the classroom, next to one of the large windows. Pure Vanilla slid into the seat next to him and waved.
He ignored him.
“…Shadow Milk—”
“Don’t. Don’t.”
“Sorry…”
“That must be your favorite word, huh?”
Pure Vanilla didn’t respond to that.
Shadow Milk scoffed as he turned his attention back onto the teacher.
This was fine. He could just continue to ignore this stupid blonde like he had always done. Deny their past, deny any chance of them having a future. Deny his feelings…
That’s ridiculous. The only feelings he has towards him are hatred. No feelings of nostalgia, or remembrance.
He feels nothing.
He did feel Pure Vanilla’s hand on his shoulder.
He took a deep breath to collect himself. “What do you want now?”
“Did you… Did you block me?”
“Yes.” He spoke without skipping a beat.
Pure Vanilla probably wasn’t expecting that answer because his expression quickly turned to shock, as if he was stunned.
“I— oh… Why?”
“Maybe because you kept calling and texting me 24/7? And I very vividly remember telling you years ago for you to fuck off.”
He sighed, taking his hand off his shoulder. “Shadow Milk, that’s not fair.”
“Well, life isn’t fair! Great job learning that.”
The blonde let out a huff, shifting his gaze to the front of the classroom.
“I just wanted to see how you were doing.”
“That’s none of your business anymore.”
“I don’t care. I still care about you. You can’t change that.”
Shadow Milk’s eyes widened. He looked up at Pure Vanilla, who stared right back. He swallowed thickly.
“You don’t mean that.”
“You know I do. I wouldn’t be trying to contact you this much if I didn’t.”
“…Shut up.”
“What?”
“Shut up! I couldn’t care less if you cared about me. I don’t care about you. I’m done with you.”
Pure Vanilla didn’t respond to that.
Shadow Milk dunked his sand sieve into the sand. He waited for a moment before pulling it out.
He shook it violently, sand falling from the sieve and onto his lap. The sand washed away, revealing only small two rocks. Practically pebbles.
He pouted before standing up. He turned around to where his friend was. She was sitting in the water, her dress getting wet. She dug around in the wet sand, looking for seashells. Whenever she found one, she scooped it out of the water and dunked it into her baby blue beach tote bag.
Shadow Milk’s smile returned to his face as he ran over to her.
He stepped into the water, wetting his own clothes. Just before he reached her, he misstepped and fell into the water with a big splash.
She flinched and snapped her head towards him.
“Shadow Milk!”
The sieve slipped from his hands, the rocks spilling into the water and floating away.
He sat up in the water and let out a whine, “My rocks! Nooo!”
The poor boy was completely soaked head to toe. He flopped down into the water, making another loud splash, getting water on his friend.
She pulled him out of the water with a huff.
“Are you okay?”
Shadow Milk let out a loud whine, covering her mouth with his hand.
“Shut up!”
He pushed her into the water. She let out a yelp as her head went under. He let go of her and stood up. He stomped back onto the land, walking until he reached the sand that went untouched by the waves.
He sat down, tears forming in his eyes, watching as his rocks floated away in the water.
His friend sat up, coughing out the water from her lungs. Her hair was still miraculously in its long braid. It felt heavier though.
She looked over at Shadow Milk. She frowned, grabbing her beach bag and standing up.
A few of her seashells had fallen out and were no drifting away in the water, just as Shadow Milk’s rocks had.
She quickly shrugged it off, running over to Shadow Milk and plopping herself down next to him.
She leaned her head against his.
“I’m sorry about your rocks, Shadow Milk… Do you want some of mine?”
“I don’t want your stupid seashells, Nilly!”
Pure Vanilla grabbed her beach bag and opened it.
“No, I have rocks and stuff in here too!”
Shadow Milk crossed his arms and pouted. Pure Vanilla pushed the bag into his lap. She stared at him until he eventually gave it and began digging around in the bag.
She gave him a smile.
“…How did you get so many?”
“My mama helped me earlier before you got here! You always lose your rocks and I wanted to help!”
Shadow Milk stared at her for a while, as if he was trying to pick apart her expression. Pure Vanilla simply stared back.
“…Hmph. Thank you.”
Pure Vanilla’s smiled instantly brightened, flashing her pearly whites.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, nuzzling their cheeks together.
Shadow Milk smiled and hugged her back.
“Shadow Milk.”
He blinked and looked towards Pure Vanilla.
“Shadow Milkkk…”
“…What?”
“Shadow Milk!”
Shadow Milk snapped out of his thoughts.
He was sitting in the grass underneath a tree outside of the school building, sandwich up to his mouth.
“We’ve lost him again…”
He blinked, his mind still in a daze. He quickly realized that he was staring at Pure Vanilla from across the courtyard. And he was staring back.
He quickly scowled, snapping his gaze back to the person sitting next to him.
Eternal Sugar’s smiled brightened. “Did you enjoy your fantasizing?”
“I was not fantasizing.”
“Oh you definitely were.”
“I was glaring.”
“That’s a pretty romantic glare you have.”
“It’s my face shape.”
Burning Spice, who was sitting on the other side of Shadow Milk, scoffed, “Just admit you were fantasizing.”
“Fuck you, Spicy. You’re literally eye fucking Golden Cheese right now.”
“At least I’m honest about it.”
Shadow Milk rolled his eyes.
“Shadow, darling, we’re seniors now.”
He gave Eternal Sugar a side eye. “Okay? And?”
“You should make amends with your little friend over there before it’s too late!”
“Absolutely not.”
“Dear, you’ve known him since birth. I think he deserves a chance.”
“Can you just drop this? You’re only saying this bullshit to get in Hollyberry’s pants.”
“What? Oh, honey, of course I’m not! I care for your well being and your social life as much as I care for mine. And right now, we could both use a partner.”
“So you’re not denying it.”
“She’s so effortlessly beautiful! She’s so strong and capable… It would be so easy for you to set us up if you just spoke to Pure Vanilla!”
Shadow Milk let out a huff, dropping his sandwich back into his lunch box.
Burning Spice let out a chuckle, “She’s not wrong. He’s literally walking up to us right now.”
“What?!”
Shadow Milk looked up and saw Pure Vanilla hesitantly stand up from his lunch table and start making his way towards him.
He froze for a moment. He quickly stood up and walked away from where he was sitting, leaving his lunch and his friends in the dust.
Pure Vanilla was stunned. He stopped walking, watching as Shadow Milk ran inside of the school building.
He quickly snapped out of it and ran after him.
Shadow Milk turned a corner before leaning against the wall. Jesus… he’s not used to running at all. Last time he ran was in middle school when he was with—
He slapped himself across the face. Don’t think about that right now. Or him.
Hopefully Pure Vanilla took the hint and left him alone.
“Shadow Milk?”
His breath hitched. He opened his eyes and looked down, seeing Pure Vanilla standing in front of him.
Too close.
“What the fuck do you want now?”
“I just… You…” Pure Vanilla inhaled deeply, trying to find his words.
Shadow Milk didn’t give him time to. He lightly pushed Pure Vanilla away from him and started walking away.
The blonde grabbed his wrist, pulling him back.
“Shadow Milk, please.”
“What is it.”
Pure Vanilla was taken aback by the bite in his tone. He wasn’t used to this…
“I just… I miss how things used to be.”
Shadow Milk scoffed and turned around, a grin forming on his face.
“Aw, is silly Nilly feeling nostalgic?”
Pure Vanilla let out a puff of air, “Shadow Milk—”
“Do you miss your little blue bird? Are you regretting your past actions?”
“Can you please be serious for once? Can we have one honest conversation?”
“Yes, let’s. Let’s have a conversation about you and what you did to me.”
“That was years ago—”
“So get over it? Is that what you’re saying?”
“What? No, I—”
“I’m tired of your BS. Now if you excuse me, I have to get back to my friends.”
Shadow Milk pulled his hand away. He crossed his arms as he walked past Pure Vanilla, heading to the door that let back to the courtyard.
He could never take a fucking hint could he? Did he seriously have to spell it out every single time for him?
But this was what he expected. Another pitiful attempt of Pure Vanilla trying to reconcile. Like always.
What he didn’t expect, was for Pure Vanilla to pin him to the wall in retaliation.
His breath hitched, his eyes narrowing at the shorter man. The latter’s hand was pressed against his chest.
The touch was firm. Stable. Enough to keep Shadow Milk in place without it feeling forceful. As if he was trying to make him feel safe.
Safe…
When was the last time he felt that?
Pure Vanilla exhaled slowly before speaking, “Shadow Milk… Please. I don’t expect us to be friends or for you to forgive me. I just want you to know I didn’t mean it.”
“But you did.”
“I didn’t. I was mad and you were also upset. It came out wrong.”
He leaned his forehead onto Shadow Milk’s chest, listening to the sound of his heart beat.
“I really, really missed you. You have no idea.”
“Vanilla…”
Shadow Milk shakily rested his hands on Pure Vanilla’s shoulders. He missed this too…
The warmth that Pure Vanilla had around him was glorious. Inescapable. Precious.
Too precious.
Shadow Milk despised himself for entertaining it. It was poison to him. A poison his body couldn’t seem to reject. Sweet, delectable… addictive…
He breathed in before slowly pushing him away.
“Blue bird.”
He immediately froze, locking eyes with the other once more. The latter had tears in his eyes now.
“A few more minutes. Please.”
Shadow Milk let out a huff. He wrapped his arms around Pure Vanilla’s waist, letting him rest his head on his shoulder.
He always lets himself indulge in this every fucking time…
Pure Vanilla shakily wrapped his arms around his neck. “Thank you…”
“Haah, did you miss hugging me that much, Nilly?”
“Yes.”
“Oh.”
“You’re always so cold. I missed warming you up.”
Shadow Milk tightened his grip on his waist. “Oh.”
He went silent. What the fuck was that supposed to mean?
He inhaled sharply. This man was really testing him today. He was close to breaking. Close to giving in.
Seriously? This close after just a hug? But it is never just anything with Pure Vanilla. There’s always something deeper underneath. It’s always been there. He could never put a name on it.
“…I could try.”
Pure Vanilla pulled away to look up at him. “Try what?”
“Try… Us. Again. Maybe.”
He felt something bubble up in his chest as he saw Pure Vanilla’s eyes widen.
“Really..?”
“Say yes before I come to my senses.”
Pure Vanilla smiled softly at him. “Okay. Thank you.”
In that moment, Shadow Milk’s brain caught up with him. He realized what the fuck he just did and he was horrified.
He quickly pushed him away. Pure Vanilla stumbled a bit before regaining his balance.
“I— uhm, I’ll see you later.”
The shorter man blinked up at him in confusion. “Oh. Okay. Bye blue bird.”
A small whimper escaped his lips. He covered his mouth and quickly walked back outside.
What the fuck did he just do??