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“Can we talk?”
You looked up from where you sit. You were helping, or at least, trying to help Mari with washing clothes y’all have.
Natalie was looking at you with her green eyes filled with concern and worry. She was wearing her black jeans and a simple grey shirt.
“About what?” you asked her.
“Well, it’s kinda private,” she says as she takes your hand and pulls you up, “Let’s go.”
“But…Nat…”
“Shh. Come on.”
She starts walking away from camp. Her steps are quiet, steady and confident. You two walked for a few minutes. She is silent the entire way, only throwing short glances back at you. You had no idea what she wanted to discuss. And those glances aren’t helping either.
“I think we’re far enough,” you said without any emotion in your voice.
She stops like she agrees with you. And then she turns around to face you.
“Are you okay?” comes out of her mouth.
“Did you seriously took me here to just ask me if I’m okay?” you look at her with amusement and slight annoyance. Right now you could be back at the camp and help around, but instead here you are standing in the middle of the woods with Natalie Scatorccio.
“I just…” she looks down like she’s trying to find a right way to say it, “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
Your body shivers slightly. You tried not to show it to anyone. You didn’t said anything to anyone. You thought you had no right. You aren’t the only one stuck here. So you can’t just expect them to treat you like a traumatised teenager you are.
“I’m okay,” you say trying to hide the shaking in your voice, “I mean… with everything going on right now. i’m fine.”
“I need you to be honest with me,” she looks in your eyes. Her facial expressions shows worry. Like she knows that you’re not okay. “You don’t sleep. I hear you turning around at night. And you don’t eat. Not that we have a lot, but…”
“You’re distancing from everyone. From me.”
You don’t even notice your eyes watering ‘till ypu started crying. You tried so hard to look like everything is okay. Because you have to be okay. And as more tears runs down your cheeks you found yourself in Natalies arms. As your sobs grew stronger you feel her hug getting stronger too.
It takes you a couple of minutes to calm down. You two are sitting on a ground in the middle of the forest. Her hands stroking your hair as a way to calm you down.
“You know you can talk to me, right?” you hear her voice muffled with your hair.
“I know…” you reply quietly.
“It’s just…” you take a deep breath. “Everything is so fucked up. Nobody is coming to save us. And everyone is acting like… like they’re getting used to this. To this life. And everyone knows what to do around here.”
Your lips starts trembling again. “I don’t belong here. I don’t. I’m not good at anything Nat. I suck at cooking. And I’m too weak to even chop wood. I can’t do anything right. When I try to help others I just end up ruining everything. And I…” you let out a shaky breath. “And I know that. I’m useless.”
“Don’t say that.” you hear her say.
“It’s true. Soon they’re going to notice. Then when they do I won’t matter anymore. Don’t you see that? They’re noticing it in Jackie.”
“And now they look at her like she’s their enemy. I don’t want that Nat. I don’t wanna die. I don’t be Jackie.” Your voice cracked.
“Shh… it’s okay,” she says like a lullaby. “You’re gonna be fine. I won’t let anything happen to you. You’re going to be okay.”
As she held you in her arms listening to your sobs, she cursed every God she knows ‘cause you don’t deserve that. No one does.
And in that moment Natalie Scatorccio promised herself that she would do anything for you. You’re the only thing that matters to her.