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Rain hit the window, the first time having done so since he arrived. It was a light shower but the darkening sky miles afar was worrying. Pine was closer to his goal and these next hours mattered. Yet he could not bring himself to stand. Pine had been sat in the chair for far too long, staring at the ground. A dull ache building behind his eyes.
The revelation that Roper was not dead, that Angela lied, was shattering.
It was a whole new hurdle that he didn't know how to face. He only had him, Sally and Basil. Roxana too but she was less willing yet he still put his faith in her. She had something he could provide. That made their pairing suitable.
Jonathan was going in blind, at least it felt that way. Up against a foe that had haunted his dreams since he'd saw the man be taken away in a convoy in front of the Nefertiti Hotel. He hadn't had one normal night since. Becoming Alex Goodwin had helped; it shook off the dregs of a ghost. But that time had been minimal. Small things at first, enough to shake off. Residual torments that held little space. The louder they got the more he pushed against them.
Rex had found him. The two were supposed to meet but Pine never showed. Rex had thought it unusual and went to check on him, half out of concern and the other to give him a lecturing on missing the importance of it.
Rex thought someone had broken in and attacked. The apartment was a state. An opened bottle of Vodka sat on the table across the TV, still blaring. The remains of a glass lay shattered, its liquid coating the carpet. The destruction led in one direction.
Jonathan was found in the bathroom flickering in and out of consciousness. The mirror had been smashed.
Rex had known, he had for the best part of a few years. He had noticed Jonathan's behaviour, his irritability, and asked. Pine had deflected too quickly. The two stood both knowing.
"If I need help, I'll come to you." Was what he had told Rex. He hadn't lied for the most part. When he could feel the scraping voices increase, he would visit. Both would sit and talk whilst drinking. Rex had taken note of Pine's liking of strong spirits and his ease of drinking them. He'd lied one day, told him he had no more, and brought beer instead. Jonathan had to have known. Other days, Pine simply had not come. He couldn't bear to drag Rex to his level, to his destruction. Too vulnerable, too weak.
The scene before him revealed the true extent of Jonathan's horrors. Capsized against the bathtub, bloodied knuckles and tear stained face. Jonathan only looked at him once that night - when he entered. Conscious enough to see the abject look of pain spread across his face. Rex wanted to talk about it again but the two were both busy. Trickles of blood on his arms had convinced him other wise.
That is how Jonathan Pine had been forced into having Dr Kim Saunders as his psychiatrist. He would never admit that it had helped with some things though it was far too clinical. He kept seeing Rex.
The glass exploded, shards flying outwards. Rain on the windows. It was heavier. He observed the damage. Asides from the exploding of a wonderfully made glass, the hand that had held it was bleeding. Pine couldn't look away. Couldn't clean it. He needed to stare. To feel it. It trickled down his hand slowly drying before it had time to fall. The pain provided control. It cleared his mind. He remembered why he had been sat for so long.
His answer was Teddy.
The cargo on the ship. It needed to be stopped. That's why Teddy had been the solution. The heart of the operation. He was building an army, for Roper presumably. The more they could export the richer he would get. Inconceivable power held by a mad man, an intelligent and influential man but mad nonetheless.
Bathroom. He was in the bathroom. The lights were brighter than he remembered. Cold rushed over his hand. His fingers tingled. Mirror... was staring at it. He tore himself away. His hand. Icy cold. The blood had gone. When had he decided to clean up? No matter. He needed to hide the wounds as he was to meet Teddy in an hour. Teddy was far more observant than he let on - he would notice. Thankfully, the bleeding had slowed. Butterfly strips would be enough.
Teddy had not mentioned what the meeting was about, just when they were to meet. Pine's suitcase had far too many suit jackets and other accoutrements that, if he was not Matthew Ellis, he would never have brought. That didn't stop him packing like a soldier.
Old habits die hard.
-----
The rain had briefly stopped. Teddy had met him in the foyer before the two went on a drive through the city to some quiet location. Pine knew as soon as he saw the building. They knew something. Something had happened. Either he was implicated or Teddy thought it wise to warn him. It was worrying.
Pine had seen worse places to be. Whatever they were to do here it wasn't torture. It was well looked after, frequented no doubt, but assuredly not by Teddy though he would be involved in whatever dealings took place.
Teddy motioned for him to sit. Jonathan made sure to keep his hand face down. He sat opposite at the desk.
A ghostly weight loomed behind: Victor.
Jonathan looked at him. Victor appeared nonplussed. A voice.
"Some of our friends are concerned. They think someone may... dislike our business."
"They know its a cover?"
A hummed response.
He leaned in "Do they know who?"
"No. They think it may be a small group."
"A small group?" His eyebrow rose. "What's a group of delinquents going to do?"
The other man gestured vaguely. "I don't know. But it will be treated seriously."
Fear washed over Pine. It was him, Sally and Basil with Roxana. None of them could be pulled inwards. He promised Roxana immunity. The others... if they were found out it would mean this mission of theirs would be fruitless. The deaths of their friends pointless.
He leant back in his chair. "Do you have any idea of what this group may do?"
Teddy took a breath then sighed. He shrugged.
"You said you had ways of finding information. You could help. A favour if you will."
A little light lit up.
"I will." He smiled.
This is how he could keep the heat off their backs.
"Good." He smiled back.
A quick flicker of the wrist and Victor left. Pine couldn't help but wonder why. What privacy was needed? Teddy stood and walked to the front of the table directly in front of where he sat. He leant against the table. The jacket came off, nicely rested against the wooden desk revealing the pressed cream shirt underneath. He stared at him.
Pine gave a confused shake of the head. "Am I missing something?"
"Your hand, you keep running your thumb over your palm. I hope I have not stressed you."
"What?" Too quick. "No. It's a small injury that's all. Something stupid."
Teddy hesitated, thinking. His hand ran over his own. Fingers smoothed over his fingers wrapping around to flip it. Some of the strips remained pristine. Blood had begun to leak through others. Jonathan daren't look at him. He knew he was being stared at. He was expecting some remark. Something about how his carelessness will cost him. But it never came. Instead warmth enveloped his hand, it lifting towards Teddy. He curled his fingers in, his hand holding them in place. His breath dusted over his knuckles. A light kiss pressed to them.
"A glass?" teddy looked at him expectantly. He met his gaze.
"Yes. I got distracted. There was thunder..." He gestured with his free hand. He averted his gaze.
Teddy placed his hand on his shoulder. A light squeeze. He looked into the distance, pensive. Jonathan took this moment to observe. Immaculately dressed as per usual: button up shirt with the top buttons undone for an air of casualness; cream trousers to match; bracelets decorating both wrists; a necklace, silver and expensive hung close to his neck - on closer inspection there was another necklace, plain and simple, that of a cross. His eye trailed down his sleeve. It was a half sleeve ending just after the elbow. Like the rest of his attire, it too was perfect. But his eye locked onto a patch of skin. It had a reddish tint, irritated. He was hiding what he had done with the paperclip.
A finger trailed over it absentmindedly. Teddy pulled back harshly.
"Teddy..."
The other man became reclusive, fumbling for words.
"I know Teddy. I know."
He looked at him, an unintelligible emotion across his face. "You partake too?"
A sigh. "Not often. I've gotten better at resisting the urge." Ever since he had come to Columbia, adrenaline had powered him. That familiar thrum. An old friend. It took him back. Actually doing something, being on the ground and undoing his business adventures one by one was better medication that those given to him by Dr Saunders. "Why do you? Repenting?" He pointed at his cross.
"I grew up in a monastery. I can't shake my upbringing." He paused. "What about you?"
Blood drained from his face. His heart pounded too quickly. "I have many reasons." He trained his gaze to the floor.
Teddy's hand moved from his shoulder, trailing up his neck to his jaw. He flinched away. The silence began to ring.
"Don't," His voice shook, "Please."
"We are in the same boat here Matthew. Nobody but us will know."
His eyes snapped up. He jumped from his seat. Teddy was confined, blocked by Pine's arms. "NO! No you don't..." He stepped back, suddenly aware of his actions. A brief moment of fear danced in Teddy's eyes. "I can't speak on it Teddy, I'm sorry." Jonathan wiped his face with his hand, holding it over his mouth.
Teddy approached cautiously. "Matthew I didn't mean to push. You and me, we share similar experiences. We are the same-"
His back hit the sterile white of the wall held roughly by his collar. Suddenly his extra few centimetres of height over Matthew seemed inconsequential - he loomed over him, drowning out the light. His grip was rough. Teddy touched a nerve he shouldn't have.
"You and I are NOT the same! True we share similar experiences but you wouldn't understand. Each night they are all I can think of. They haunt me."
"You think I am not haunted by my past too? By what I have seen?" His voice rose. "What gives you the right?"
"Gives me the right? Maybe the bodies of the innocent I have seen, of those I have failed!" He pushed harder. Tears began to pile at the corner of his eyes.
"And that's it? Just the dead? Or do the living haunt you too?" He chuckled. "You know Matthew, I think there is something deep within you that you don't want to admit-"
"Why would you think that, huh? HUH? Go on, speak your truth!" His voice ricocheted. "Why is one of us more deserving-"
"I never spoke of that!" He tried to shove Pine off him to little avail, pained by how Ellis spoke of such thing. "You don't think that religion holds me in a cage, ever looming? I can never be free of sin!"
Jonathan pushed harder against Teddy, their faces centimetres apart. "Just your God? Is that it? IS THAT IT-"
Teddy grabbed him by his jacket and pulled. They kissed roughly. Both clawed at the other's body and clothes in an attempt to free themselves. Ellis' jacket was pushed off and thrown to the side.
"That was an expensive jacket!" He roared. His vengeance morphing into biting the side of Teddy's neck.
A guttural laugh, "You think I care?" Ellis bit harder at the response causing Teddy to groan in pain. He grasped the other man's shirt, it riding up to show his abs. "You're well built too, how many secrets do you hide Matthew?"
"You want to know?"
He smirked, dragging his nails deeply into the flesh of Pine's stomach. He lurched his head back at the sudden pain, stifling the grunt that threatened to escape. It was Teddy's turn to bite his neck. This slip gave the perfect moment for him to slot his leg between the other man's and flip them, pining Pine to the wall. He could do little as the other took control. He grasped at Teddy's clothing, bunching the fabric of his shirt until it became untucked. He slid a hand to the small of his back and tugged him closer. Heat rolled off the two in waves. Jonathan could feel the heightened rise and fall of the other man's chest. He dug his nails through Teddy's hair into his scalp.
"You gonna threaten me?"
"What would you like?" His eyes glistened.
The two kissed again, still as hate fuelled as the last yet now the two held each other. Their hands roamed over their bodies. Pine's hand slinked up Teddy's shirt, hand over his heart. The two slowed. Movements became more meaningful. A dance of sorts. Their kiss softened. They broke apart but continued to drink in the other's presence. Harsh breaths fanned over skin. Jonathan rested his head against Teddy's shoulder.
Minutes passed, neither willing to move from the embrace. Teddy broke the silence.
"We will have to move. Victor is not a patient man."
"Fuck him."
A dry laugh. "Let me get your jacket."
They parted and Jonathan already missed the heat - his hand trying to follow the man's movements. The jacket hadn't been thrown far but Teddy's walk to it allowed him to take in what they'd done. His shirt was untucked, creases beginning to form where he'd grasped at the fabric. He assumed he looked just as dishevelled.
His back hit the wall. "I'm... I'm sorry Teddy. I don't know what came over me." Blood drained from his face once more, panic slowly rising. He had fucked it. He broke Teddy's trust - had he? Did it matter? His vision clouded over. He was so cold.
"Matthew," His voice was soft, "You're shaking." Teddy was knelt on the floor in front of him. His hand came to his face, thumb rubbing away the wetness that had formed. He offered his hand. The two stood, Jonathan using Teddy as balance. He reached for his jacket but Teddy held it away.
"Let me." He draped it over his arm. Soft hands held his waist. They began to tuck his shirt back in and smoothed any crease. Teddy stood close to him, almost chest to chest. He made sure the jacket was put on smoothly.
"Like nothing ever happened." He patted his waist.
"Almost," Pine eyed his neck.
"Then we'll have to wait until it goes down, any ideas?"
"Perhaps."
The two kissed once more, back against the wall. A slow dance.