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He’s not moving. This was the only thought circling through Ilya’s head. Shane wasn’t moving, and Ilya felt like his whole world was crumbling in on itself.
His omega laid there, flat on the ice after a hit from Marlow, and he wasn’t moving. Ilya wasn’t sure he was breathing. He’s not moving.
The utter devastation and panic that coursed through his body was so intense, so all-consuming, that Ilya wasn’t sure how he would endure it. His body told him he was suffering through an unimaginable pain that had no beginning and no end, that this blind rage and grief and protectiveness he was feeling had been going on for hours now, days even. His mind told him it had been only a couple of seconds. Seconds where Shane lay there motionless. He’s not moving.
Motion drew his attention, knocked him out of whatever spiral he had been in as the need to protect flooded his body with a new wave of adrenaline. Marlow was backtracking, alerted by the crowd that something was wrong and going back to check on the man he had taken out. Ilya intercepted him, cutting between Marlow and the body of his unconscious omega, a growl splitting the air.
Marlow slid to a stop, brow furrowing in confusion. “Roz-”
Whatever he was trying to say, Ilya would never know. His fist connected with Marlow’s face before any more words could pass his lips. He heard the groan of pain, saw Marlow hunch over, hands protectively splayed over what was probably a broken nose. But Ilya was already turning towards Shane. He’s not moving.
More people were headed their way, Shane’s teammates, his coach, a ref, a couple of EMTs. But Ilya was closer, and he was fast. Faster than anyone else on the ice. Well. Almost anyone. He’s not moving. He beat them there and immediately got into a protective stance. His growls rose in volume as people tried to approach Shane. His omega. Mine. Protect. Keep him safe. He’s not moving. His mind was a mess, but these key points were front and center.
“Rozanov! Back to your bench,” one of the refs had the audacity to snap at him. He turned towards him, growl rising again. Movement in his peripheral alerted him to one of the EMTs getting close. Too close. As quickly and carefully as he could, he lunged to the side, stepping into the man’s path.
“Stay back,” he warned, words barely escaping between his clenched teeth. Between the growling and the accent, he wasn’t sure if he was even understood. There were more shouts of his name, more orders to get back to his bench, to get out of the way. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Ilya understood these words, but he was too focused on Shane to process them right now. People edged toward them, but didn’t get close enough to touch. Scared of what Ilya would do or of Shane getting caught in the crossfire of whatever scuffle followed, he wasn’t sure. But he wasn’t complaining.
More movement off to the side. “Back off, Rozanov!” One of Shane’s teammates this time, trying to get a hold of him and pull him away. Away from his omega. His unconscious omega. He’s not moving. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Ilya knew that he and this teammate of Shane’s would typically be evenly matched in a fight. But this wasn’t a typical situation. Ilya was an alpha protecting his defenseless omega. His animal instincts were at the surface, giving him an edge that made him dangerous. He shoved the outstretched hand down and then shoved, sending the teammate sliding back and tripping over his own feet.
Movement again. Ilya whipped around. There were too many people converging on him. He couldn’t fight them all off at once, especially without risking Shane’s safety. With no other feasible option, he threw himself over top of Shane, protecting the unconscious omega with his own body. His knees were on either side of Shane’s hips, his forearms braced on the ice near the omega’s head. His own head was lifted, warning snarls still spilling from his lips.
The crowd of people thinned out a little, players from both teams being shooed away by the refs, who also left the area. More people called his name, yelling at him, trying to reason with him. Ilya didn’t hear any of them.
“Ilya.” The growls falling from Ilya’s lips stopped for the first time. It felt like a punch to the gut, the way his breath left him at the sound of that name. Not the name that had been being hurled at him from everyone surrounding them. Not Rozanov. No. Ilya. And the voice that said it was the most precious voice in the world to him.
He looked down to see Shane blinking pain-filled, confused eyes at him. “Ilya,” he said again. It was a question. A confused omega seeking reassurance from his alpha.
“Shane,” he breathed out, the strength leaving his body. His arms threatened to give out, he was so overwhelmed with relief. But he wouldn’t risk hurting his omega further. He locked his muscles, forcing his trembling arms steady. “You’re ok. I’m here,” Ilya told him. Shane’s eyes fluttered, and he let out a sigh. He was the very picture of an omega trusting that he was safe, that his alpha would take care of him. Ilya was flooded with affection at the sight of it.
Then someone was there again, kneeling next to Shane. Ilya disregarded the outfit that marked him as a medical man. He only saw someone near his injured omega, and the alpha in him saw red.
“Don’t touch him!” He snarled so fiercely the man actually flinched. Shane whined and it broke Ilya’s heart, but he couldn’t comfort him right now.
“Shane,” someone was calling out in worry. A male voice. Off to the side. Not as close as this other man, so not Ilya’s concern right now. His growls were back in full force, but unfortunately, in this position, there wasn’t much more he could do without risking hurting Shane.
“Rozanov, we’re trying to help him,” the man on his knees next to Shane said, but Ilya was too far gone to understand the words.
Shane whined again. “Ilya?” He said again, this time with a note of fear laced through his tone.
“Shh. Is ok. Is ok, omega. I’m here,” he said again, hunching closer to Shane’s body.
The EMT made himself known again. “Rozanov. You need to move,” he said firmly, but the words were drowned out by the noise of the crowd and the roaring in Ilya’s own mind. Shane stayed quiet, letting his alpha protect him. He wasn’t sure how long he stayed there, body tensed, heart pounding, meaningless words being shouted at him. Until finally, one voice reached him.
“Ilya!” The sound of his name caught his attention. This time it wasn’t coming from the beautiful omega underneath him. He couldn’t be sure with everything going on, but he thought it was the same voice that had called out Shane’s name earlier. He turned his head and saw Pike standing there. “Ilya,” he said again, seeing he’d gotten the alpha’s attention. “You have to move out of the way.” Ilya growled at that.
“Listen to me,” Pike insisted. Ilya was inclined to ignore that order, but something about the situation made him obey. “You’re trying to protect him. I get that,” he told him. “But all you’re doing is hurting him.” Ilya flinched. Pike may as well have stabbed him for the pain that split through his chest. “He needs medical help. You have to let them help him. Please.”
It was like a shock of cold water. Ilya felt the blood drain from his face as the primal, animalistic alpha part of himself that had fully taken control backed off. He carefully maneuvered himself off of Shane, who immediately started to whine.
“Ilya,” he pleaded, reaching for him. “Alpha, please.”
“Don’t move, Shane,” the EMT that had dared get close said, immediately swooping in to start checking the omega over.
“No. Please. Ilya. Ilya!” He cried, his omega side riding him hard the way Ilya’s alpha side had been mere moments ago.
“I’m here. Shane, I’m here,” Ilya said softly, grabbing his searching hand. Shane immediately relaxed. “You need to stay still now. Do what they tell you.”
The medical team did a quick examination and then brought in a stretcher board to get him off the ice. Ilya’s heart nearly stopped at the sight of it. “Is he ok?” he demanded. No one answered him. “Is he ok?” He asked again, pushing to his feet to follow once they had Shane situated.
Ilya’s coach stepped in, placing a hand on his chest to stop him. “Back to the bench, Rozanov,” he ordered. Ilya had been doing a lot of growling in the last few minutes, but the snarl that left him at that order had silence falling around them at the intensity of it.
“Ilya!” He heard Shane call from where they had just gotten him off the ice. Ilya shoved his coach’s hand off his chest and started forward, only for the coach to step in front of him. Before Ilya could do something truly stupid and potentially career-ending, the brave EMT stepped in.
“Let him go,” he ordered the coach. “He’s going to be no good to you for the rest of this game, I can promise you that. And Hollander needs him. If you separate them right now, you risk him dropping.” The frustration was loud and clear on Coach’s face, but he stepped out of the way.
Ilya raced over to Shane’s side, immediately grabbing his hand. “I’m here,” he told the omega, who had been whimpering in distress without his alpha. Shane quieted down immediately and the two of them were ushered on to an ambulance where Ilya spent the whole ride silently hoping everything would be ok. At least he’s moving, he told himself.
~~~~~
The hospital was a blur of waiting and worrying, but eventually Shane was released to a recovery room with a diagnosis of a concussion and broken collar bone. Ilya hated seeing him in that state, but reminded himself it could have been worse.
By now footage of the hit and Ilya’s subsequent loss of control would be all over the internet. He couldn’t bear to look at his phone. He didn’t want to know what people were saying. He didn’t want to know what his teammates and Svetlana were saying. His phone had been going off nearly nonstop for the first half hour or so of waiting, so Ilya had shut it off. He would deal with it later.
Now he was sitting at Shane’s bedside, waiting for him to wake up. His hockey gear was piled somewhat haphazardly in the corner of the room. And Shane’s parents were sitting on the couch on the other side of the room, waiting for an explanation. An explanation that Ilya wasn’t sure how to give them.
“So,” Yuna started. “How long has this been going on?”
Ilya ran a finger gently over the hand he had clasped between his own as he considered his answer. He wasn’t sure how much Shane would want them to know. But he didn’t want to lie either. Tell the truth, but keep it simple, he decided.
“A few years,” he admitted.
The intake of breath told him neither of Shane’s parents had even suspected.
“And…” she continued, unable to keep a hint of hurt out of her voice. “How long have you been bonded?”
It was Ilya’s turn to draw in a breath. “What? Bonded? We are not bonded.”
“Son, I understand you’re in a tough situation here,” David told him gently. “And I know it’s probably second nature to lie about your relationship at this point. Or maybe you think you’re protecting Shane by lying. But an alpha doesn’t react that way to an omega he’s not bonded to.”
A denial was on the tip of Ilya’s tongue. He wanted to assure them that he was telling the truth. He and Shane had only just admitted their feelings for each other. Bonding was never on the table before, and it wasn’t something they had discussed yet since their first whispered ‘I love you’s only a couple weeks ago.
But before he could explain, Shane’s hand twitched, followed by a deep sigh, the kind that signals someone is waking up. All heads turned to him as he blinked open sleepy eyes. A soft smile settled on his face when his eyes settled on Ilya.
“Ilya,” he sighed contentedly.
Ilya felt his lip quirk up in a fond smile, mirroring Shane’s own. “Hi, sweetheart,” he murmured. “You scared me.”
Shane’s eyes fluttered shut again, not quite ready to keep them open in the harsh light. “Mm. Sorry,” he mumbled back, sounding more happy than apologetic.
“How are you feeling, baby?” Yuna asked as she and David moved to stand next to the bed. Shane’s eyes shot open as he whipped his head in their direction. A hiss of pain followed.
“Slowly,” Ilya admonished softly.
“I-” Shane looked slowly back and forth between Ilya and his parents, his brow wrinkled in confusion. “What’s going on?” He asked.
“You don’t remember?” Yuna asked at the same time David said “You took a bad hit during the game. You have a concussion.” He gestured to the arm cradled in a sling. “And a broken collar bone.”
“Oh,” Shane said softly. He sat there for a minute, processing this information. “And, uh, why are you all here together?”
A fair question really. One Ilya was once again saved from having to answer by the arrival of the doctor.
“Hello, Mr. Hollander. I’m glad to see you awake. How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Good,” Shane answered immediately.
The doctor smiled. “That’s likely due to the pain killers we’ve got you on. You took quite a hit. What do you remember?”
“Nothing,” Shane told him. “My dad was just telling me what happened. I don’t remember any of it though.”
Ilya frowned at that. Was that normal? Was it a sign of a serious problem? He knew with head injuries you really just had to wait and see, but surely not remembering was a bad sign, right?
“That’s alright,” the doctor assured them. Ilya resisted his body’s demand to let out a relieved breath. “It’s perfectly normal. You may be able to remember it eventually, or it might never come back to you. Either way, it’s nothing to worry about. How about everything else though? Can you answer some questions for me?” The doctor asked Shane a few more questions, some to test his memory and some regarding how he was feeling. He seemed pleased with Shane’s answers.
“We will of course keep an eye on you, because concussions are serious things, but so far there is nothing to give us any worry,” he said. He took a couple of steps towards the door before turning back. “A nurse will be by to check on you, but until then all I can prescribe for you is rest. And Mr. Rozanov, I understand you have a busy schedule, but the longer you can stay, the more time you can spend with him, the better. Having his mate nearby will help with his recovery more than anything else I can do for him at this point.” Ilya nearly choked on his own spit and Shane’s startled inhale sounded loudly through the room. The doctor paused at the reaction, but continued, somewhat haltingly. “Your pheromones settle the omega in him. It helps him to rest more deeply, which speeds healing.”
“We’re not mates,” Shane said quietly.
The doctor frowned before flipping through the clipboard of paperwork he had with him. After a cursory scan of one of the pages, his eyes flicked to Shane’s neck. A possessive growl threatened to leave Ilya’s throat, but he bit it back. Barely.
“You didn’t know.” The doctor said, somewhere between statement and question.
“Know what?” Ilya bit out through clenched teeth. Shane looked at him in concern and his parents shifted on their feet.
“Well,” the doctor started delicately. He pulled out the chair from behind the small computer desk in the room and sat down. “I see Shane doesn’t have a bonding bite.” The growl managed to escape this time, but Ilya quickly cut it off, his face flaming in embarrassment at the lack of control. The doctor gave him a sympathetic, knowing look. “But his bloodwork indicates he is bonded.”
“That’s not possible,” Shane said.
“It is possible,” the doctor gently disagreed. “Sometimes an alpha and omega are extremely biologically compatible with each other, so much so that nature all but demands they be together. Now, biologically compatible doesn’t mean emotionally compatible. Your bodies aren’t going to force a bond that would just be rejected anyway. But when there is an emotional connection… well, the alpha and omega natures imprint on each other so strongly that it triggers the same biological change in your blood that a bonding bite does. It’s not common, but it does happen.”
Ilya sat back heavily in his chair, his mind somehow racing and sluggish at the same time. He thought back to the crazy draw he felt towards Shane, to the way he couldn’t seem to resist being in his space. How repeated rejections (however insincere) hadn’t phased him in the slightest, when normally he wouldn’t find it worth the work. There were too many people who would willingly and easily fall into his bed to bother with someone in denial of what he wanted. But Ilya couldn’t stop going back for more. He thought of how intensely he felt around Shane, and how quickly and easily it had gone from lust to something more, despite his best efforts. But to be mated to him? Without even biting him? Without being aware it happened?
“If this bond happens without a bite,” Ilya said, “how can you even know it happened without bloodwork? How can you know I am alpha he bonded to?”
Shane squeezed the hand Ilya was still holding, but Ilya was unable to look him in the eye. Surely the doctors were mistaken. There must be another alpha out there somewhere that Shane’s body decided was his. Someone more worthy than him.
“You know the same way any bonded pair does. Extra sensitivity to your mate’s scent. An awareness of them, of their wants and needs, that wasn’t there before and that goes beyond what any other person would be able to sense from them. A lack of desire or even inability to be with anyone else. Those sorts of things.
“As for your other question… Mr. Rozanov, if it would make you feel better, we could draw your blood and show you the markers that prove you and Mr. Hollander are mates. But I don’t think there is doubt in anyone’s mind but your own. I haven’t seen the footage myself, but the EMTs explained what happened. Mr. Rozanov, your alpha saw his omega in distress and took over to protect him. You couldn’t be reasoned with, maybe didn’t even understand what people were saying to you. I was told that the few words you spoke were in Russian. With your baser, more animal side in control, it makes sense that you would revert to your native language. You wouldn’t let anyone close and you were growling loud enough to intimidate an entire stadium. You don’t lose control like that for anyone but your bonded mate.
“Not to mention Mr. Hollander’s actions on the ice. My understanding is that he only spoke to call out to you, and that he was in great distress in the brief time the two of you were separated. That all tells me loud and clear that you are the alpha he is bonded to.”
This was all too much. His head was swimming with the implications of everything the doctor had just said. And if it was too much for him, surely it was too much for Shane and his concussed brain.
“Ilya,” Shane said calmly, and how was he even calm right now? Ilya looked at him, noting the blush staining his freckled cheeks. “I think he’s right.”
“You think we bonded without biting each other? Is crazy talk, Shane.”
“It’s not,” Shane insisted. “Haven’t you noticed-” Shane cut himself off, glancing at his parents. “Look, we can talk about it more later. But it’s not crazy. And I know you like to run away from your feelings, but-”
“Me?” Ilya asked incredulously. “I like to run away from my feelings?” He scoffed. “Yeah, okay.”
“But,” Shane continued, blush a little bit brighter. “If I’ve noticed it, I know you have. Even if you won’t admit it.”
“Unless you have any questions, I’ll leave you all alone,” the doctor said, politely making his escape.
“No, I think we’re fine for now. Thank you, Doctor,” David said.
Ilya waited until the door closed before he spoke. “Shane,” he started slowly, deciding how to start this conversation.
“Ilya,” Shane countered, hearing – or maybe sensing – the skepticism in his voice.
Ilya sighed. “You know I-” he cut himself off, looking at Shane’s parents in indecision. Shane looked at them too before turning back to Ilya with a raised eyebrow. Daring him to continue. And, well, Ilya was never one to back down from a challenge. Especially one from the usually polite omega in front of him. “You know I love you,” he continued, ignoring the soft gasp he heard from Shane’s mother. “But we aren’t bonded. We can’t be.”
“The doctor has paperwork that says we are.”
“The doctor has paperwork that says you are,” Ilya argued. “The part about me is… is guessing,” he said. It wasn’t the word he was searching for, but it would work well enough. He didn’t have the patience to figure out the right one.
“We’ll give you boys some privacy,” Yuna cut in cautiously. “We’ll be back in a little while.” She and David headed for the door, concern on both their faces. Shane stared him down while they once again waited for the sound of the door closing. He spoke as soon as they were alone.
“Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed,” he said, frustration starting to bleed through.
“Noticed what?” Ilya exclaimed. He wanted to be calm for his – not his, he reminded himself – injured omega, but this was all too much and all he wanted to do right now was cry or scream, so he thought he was holding it together pretty well all things considered.
“Everything the doctor said!” Shane yelled back. His heart rate started rising, nearly sending Ilya panicking. “I know you can pick my scent out in a crowded room, I’ve seen you do it. And don’t pretend like you don’t know me better than anyone else in the world. No one has ever been so good at understanding what I need from them. And-”
“Okay. Okay, yes,” Ilya said placatingly, hoping to get the omega’s heart rate back under control. “You’re right, Hollander. Is all true.”
“Shane.” Shane corrected, grumpily. His heart rate had stopped spiking and was slowly going back down. Ilya couldn’t stop the small fond smile that pulled at his mouth.
“Shane,” he agreed. “You are maybe, probably right. About all of it. But this is nothing new,” he confessed. “Has always been this way with you. Or at least… it’s been this way so long that I can’t remember it ever being different. Maybe in the very beginning, but…”
If he thought about it long and hard, Ilya knew he could place the start of this sensitivity to Shane. But he didn’t want to admit it to himself. Because that meant admitting he had been wholly in this relationship for a very long time. Since the first time they had been together. He knew it took much longer for Shane.
“Yeah. Same for me. I think we’ve been bonded since…” Shane took a steadying breath. Ilya almost stopped him, begged him not to say it. But he didn’t. “Since the first time we slept together.” And there it was. So that crazy logical, intelligent brain of Shane’s – injured as it was – had figured it out that quickly. Shane took advantage of Ilya’s inability to speak by barreling on, as he was liable to do when he felt strongly about something and had no one stopping him.
“I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. About why I always react so strongly to you, about why I can tell you’re in a room without seeing you, about why as hard as I tried to want anyone else, you were the only person I could think about.” Ilya winced a little at these words. He hadn’t had any more success than Shane in actually wanting anyone else, but that hadn’t stopped him from doing his best to make his brain and his body forget the omega with as many willing people as he could find.
“And then I started wondering how this happened. When this happened,” Shane continued, either unaware of or choosing to ignore Ilya’s guilt. “I had no idea about the bond,” he clarified. No, Ilya realized. Shane had been as surprised as he was when the doctor said it. “But I figured out when it all started. I was always a little more sensitive to you than anyone else, but after that first time…”
He didn’t need to finish his sentence. Ilya knew what he meant. He had experienced the same thing.
“I’m sorry,” he said. Shane’s brow furrowed.
“Sorry?” He asked.
“Yes. I’m sorry I bonded you to me. Took away your choices and chance of finding someone else. Someone less complicated. I couldn’t admit it to myself then, but I was starting to fall for you even then. That must have been the emotional connection the doctor was talking about. And I know it was different for you. I know it took a lot longer for you to start feeling something for me, but-”
“Ilya,” Shane cut him off. “I love you too, remember?”
“Yes, but-”
“But nothing. I don’t love you because the bond forced me to. I’m bonded to you because I felt something for you that was able to turn into love. The emotional connection has to go both ways, remember? He said our bodies wouldn’t form a bond that we would reject. So it wasn’t just you. And… I don’t think it took as long for me to love you as you think. It only took a while for me to understand what I was feeling. Just like it took me way too long to realize what was between us wasn’t normal.”
Ilya let out a long breath. “So, we… we are bonded,” he said in disbelief, the truth of it finally sinking in.
Shane laughed softly. “Yeah. I guess so.” His tone was one of wonder and love. Ilya’s heart felt like it would explode with the love he felt for this omega. He leaned over and kissed him gently. When he pulled back, Shane let out a contented sigh.
They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, processing everything that had just happened. Ilya would have been happy to stay like this forever, but eventually Shane’s curiosity got the better of him.
“Did you really not understand what people were saying?” he asked softly.
Ilya had to think for a second to understand what he was referring to. “I… I don’t know,” he admitted. “I think I would have, but. I couldn’t hear them. Or process what they were saying maybe? It was just noise. So many voices yelling at me, none of them sounding like words. Just noise.”
“What snapped you out of it?”
Ilya thought back to those hazy moments of pure panic and rage, trying to remember what had pierced through the fog of his alpha’s control. He snorted at the realization.
“Pike,” he said, surprising Shane as much as himself.
“Hayden?” Shane questioned. “Why would he be able to get through to you? You hate him.”
Ilya hummed, considering. “Not hate,” he said. “I cannot say I like him very much, but…” he trailed off. The unimpressed look on Shane’s face caused a low chuckle to fall from his mouth. Then he got serious. “He called me Ilya,” he explained. “Everyone else was calling me Rozanov. It was shouted over and over. I know it was. But it was just a meaningless name to me at the time. But Ilya, especially coming out of Pike’s mouth…” he paused to think through his words. “I think it made me realize it was serious – important – whatever he was trying to say to me. It cleared my head enough to realize what was going on.”
Guilt built quickly in Ilya’s chest, huge and unescapable. “Shane,” he said, fighting back tears. “I am so sorry.” He could hear Shane shushing him, but he couldn’t stop the words. “I kept the doctors away from you. It could have been so much worse. I could have made it worse for you if I-”
“Hey,” Shane said forcefully, cupping Ilya’s cheek with his good hand and forcing him to meet his eyes. “It’s okay. I’m okay. And it’s not your fault. You didn’t do it on purpose and you had no control over it.”
“But I should have.”
“No you shouldn’t have. It was biological instinct. You saw me hurt and your alpha couldn’t see friend from foe. He only saw danger and knew he had to protect me. You couldn’t stop it from happening any more than you could stop the sun from rising.” Ilya huffed, wanting to argue that point. “But you pulled yourself out of it,” Shane said firmly. “That’s what matters. You kept me safe. I’m safe.”
Ilya wouldn’t argue this point now. He was just relieved to have Shane here with him, safe, like he said.
“I love you,” he whispered as a tear escaped. “And, um. I’m sorry that everybody knows about us now. I don’t want you to worry about it though. We’ll figure it out. Me and my agent and your parents. We’ll all work on figuring it out. You just rest and we’ll deal with it.”
“You need to stop apologizing for things that aren’t your fault,” Shane said.
“But it is-”
“No it’s not. Like I said, it was a biological instinct you couldn’t control. And besides, it sounds like I’m just as much to blame. I was a little out of my mind about you too, apparently. And honestly? Maybe it’s just the meds talking and you can expect a full blown meltdown at a later date -” Ilya chuckled at that, “- but I’m actually not even upset that everyone knows. If anything, I think I’m kind of relieved. I want everyone to know about us. I’m tired of hiding it. I love you, and everyone should know that.”
~~~~~
Shane’s POV
“So,” Hayden said. It was Shane’s second day in the hospital and he was glad for the company. Ilya hadn’t left his side more than necessary, but it was still getting extremely boring being stuck in this bed. “Rozanov?” The ‘really?’ was heavily implied.
Shane sighed. The man in question had left when Hayden showed up to give them privacy. Hayden had promptly settled in the chair Ilya had vacated. “Rozanov,” he agreed.
Hayden raised an eyebrow. “Really? The man completely loses his mind over you and you can’t seem to think about anything but wanting him near you, and that’s all you have to say to me?”
“What do you want me to say, Hay?”
“I want you to tell me how the ragebait king of the ice who has never once let an insult get under his skin ended up losing complete control. I want to know how long this has been going on and why you didn’t tell me.”
These were reasonable questions. And Hayden was staying remarkably calm, given the circumstances and especially given how much Shane was sure he wanted to rip his hair out at the thought of Ilya and him being so important to each other.
“Well,” Shane hedged. “I didn’t tell you because… well, I think that’s pretty obvious.”
“What, you think I care that you’re gay?” Hayden sounded offended.
“No. I think you care that I’m with Ilya,” Shane answered.
“Well, really Shane. Rozanov? Rozanov? There was really no one else that interested you? Even a little bit?”
Shane couldn’t help the smile. He knew Hayden was hurt, but he also knew they would be alright. And he couldn’t deny that the playful – but also mostly genuine – disgust amused him. “No. There was really no one else.” He paused for a second, mentally preparing himself for the fallout of what he was about to say next. “Because, to answer your other questions… well, this has been going on since our rookie year. Before, actually.”
Hayden’s mouth dropped open in shock, but before he could react to that particular bit of information, Shane hit him with the next truth bomb. “And also, apparently we’re mated?”
Hayden sat back heavily in the chair. “Wow. Okay. Yeah, that’s… a lot to process,” he said. Shane knew it was, but it must have been even more so than he expected, because he’d never known Hayden to be shocked into silence. After a few aborted attempts at starting a reply, Hayden cleared his throat. “What do you mean, ‘apparently’ you’re mated? How could you not know? Also, I can see right now that there’s no mark on your neck.”
“Yeah, well. The doctor said there’s this rare form of bonding that happens without a bite. Apparently it only happens with extremely compatible alphas and omegas. And, uh, after we talked about it for a bit, we came to the agreement that we’re pretty sure it happened-” Shane cut himself off. Maybe Hayden didn’t need all the details. “Well. It happened in 2011.”
Hayden let out a long breath. “2011,” he said under his breath.
“Yeah. So that’s why I couldn’t even look at anyone else. I didn’t know it, but I was bonded and so of course no one else caught my attention.”
“Wow, man. So you’ve been keeping this relationship secret for that long?”
“Sort of,” Shane told him. “It… wasn’t exactly a relationship, per se. Not until recently, anyway.”
Hayden gave him a look. “Shane. I know you’re a little out of touch with your feelings. But are you really telling me you were hooking up with an alpha you were bonded to for years and didn’t even know you were in love with him?”
Shane blushed. That was exactly what happened.
“Wait,” Hayden blurted, concern coloring his tone. “You are in love with him, right? Please tell me your body didn’t bond you to a man you don’t even want. I swear I’ll do everything I can to keep him away from you if-”
“No, Hayden. It’s not like that,” Shane assured him. “I do love him.” Saying the words aloud to someone other than Ilya was slightly terrifying, but also kind of freeing. “The doctor said the bond couldn’t happen without an emotional connection. So in a way, even if we didn’t realize it, we both wanted it.”
“So you really were bonded to him for years without realizing you were in love with him.”
“Yeah,” he admitted, a little embarrassed.
“Shane,” Hayden said exasperatedly. And then, “Shane,” this time with that ‘I can’t believe your choice in men’ judgement. “Really. Why him? And I don’t want any ‘it was biology’ excuses. You just admitted to me it happened because you had feelings for him.”
Shane thought about the many ways he could answer this question. Because his ridiculously good looks and his accent mixed together were a dangerously attractive combination. Because he challenges Shane in a way no one else does. In a way that’s exhilarating and addicting. Because he’s patient and kind and secretly a big, sweet softy. But the easiest answer was, “Because. He gets me.” Hayden’s face immediately softened in understanding. “I know my brain works differently than most peoples’. I know my priorities are different. I know my interests border on obsessiveness. I know I’m not the easiest person to get to know and maintain a relationship with. And you’ve been such a great friend to me. You’ve been so accepting and supportive, and I can’t tell you how much it means to me to have you in my life.
“But Ilya… he gets me. He can understand what I’m feeling before I even know myself, and he bases his words and actions on what he knows I’m comfortable with in that moment. I know you find it hard to believe because you don’t ever get to see that side of him, but he’s so patient and sweet with me. Well. I mean, he’s still an asshole. But he has this whole other side of him. He has this ability to talk me off a ledge I didn’t even know I was on, and I just… How could I not love him?”
“Alright,” Hayden said, looking like the world had just shifted out from under him. “I can’t promise I’ll ever be able to actually like the guy, but. I can accept that you feel this way, and maybe even understand why if what you’re saying is actually true and not some love-blinded misinterpretation of fact.”
“Hayden,” Shane sighed. Of course he just had to get a dig in there.
“Fine. He hung the moon and all the stars and they shine only because he tells them to for you.”
“Hayden,” Shane warned.
“What? I’m allowed to be upset when I find out this massive secret my best friend has been keeping from me.”
Guilt settled in Shane’s chest, and he nodded in agreement. “Yeah. You are.”
“And look, I get it. Okay? I really do. And you get a free pass for now, seeing as you’re in the hospital and all, but I am hurt and mad and we’re going to talk about it. Really talk about it. Later. When you’re feeling better.”
“I’m not sure what more I can really say, but sure, Hay.” An explanation was the least Hayden deserved. He had been by Shane’s side for years, and he really couldn’t have asked for a better friend. It hurt him to know how badly Hayden was hurt.
Hayden looked at his phone, swearing at the time. “I have to go. We’ll miss you the rest of the season, but I’m glad you’re okay.” He clasped Shane gently on his good shoulder as he stood to leave. Just before he turned towards the door he stopped. “And, um. If you ever tell Rozanov this, I have every right to revoke best friend status, but… He gets points. In my book. For how much he clearly cares about you. It was kind of scary seeing how desperately he wanted to protect you. So. I’ll try to keep that in mind next time he says something that makes me want to kill him.”
Shane snorted a laugh. “I love you too, man.”
Hayden smiled, but apparently couldn’t stand leaving things on saying something positive about Ilya. “I still hate him though,” he tossed over his shoulder as he stepped through the door.
Shane smiled, leaned back into the pillow propped up behind him, and shut his eyes. He had really enjoyed talking to Hayden, but now he was ready for a nap. He was spending a lot of time sleeping, which the doctors assured him was normal. His body needed rest to heal. He was just starting to drift off when he heard the door open. The scent that followed told him it was Ilya. He settled back into the chair he had been occupying and grabbed Shane’s hand and pressed a kiss to his forehead.
“Hi,” he said quietly, as if they’d been apart for days and not less than an hour.
“Hi,” Shane said with a smile, not bothering to open his eyes. How Ilya knew he was awake, he wasn’t sure. The pattern of his breathing maybe. Or maybe just his unfailing ability to read Shane and all of his subtle, unintentional cues.
“So Pike was so boring he put you to sleep then?” Shane pulled his hand out of Ilya’s grasp to halfheartedly slap at his shoulder. “What?” He asked innocently, but Shane could hear the smile in his voice. Then in a more serious tone, “Did you have a good talk?”
“Yeah,” Shane sighed. “It was good. I’ll tell you later. Sleep now.”
“Okay,” Ilya agreed, pressing another kiss to his forehead before settling back in the chair. Shane drifted off into a peaceful sleep, feeling like all was right in the world.
Sure, he still had the world itself to deal with and the consequences of everyone finding out in such a shocking and undeniable way that he and Ilya were together. But he had hope that maybe things would work out. And for now, everything was just how it should be. His parents knew and were happy for him. His best friend knew, and maybe he wasn’t exactly pleased, but he wasn’t cutting Shane out of his life over it. He was accepting, if not thrilled. And the man he loved was by his side. Watching over him. Bonded to him. He thought his chest might burst from the overwhelming love and happiness he was feeling. As sad as he was to miss it, he decided being out for the rest of the season was a small price to pay for this peace and joy he was experiencing.
The road might not be easy, but he didn’t care. With the most important people in his life by his side, supporting him, he could finally see a future. His future. With Ilya. And he could think of nothing better.