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"D'you think this looks good?" Joaquín sized himself up in the full-length mirror on Sam's hotel room wall. The gray hoodie fit him well, and the blue jeans he wore looked casual enough. His hair was combed back, and the five o'clock shadow on his upper lip was only barely visible.
Sam, who was laying on his back on his bed, looked down from his phone for about a quarter of a second before turning back to it, flatly saying, "Yeah, man, looks great."
"It's just, I don't want to show up looking too casual, y'know? I don't want her to think I don't care at all. But I don't want it to look like I put too much thought into it, either, then she'll think I'm trying too hard," Joaquín said, turning around to face Sam.
"And bringing in ten different pairs of pants to get your boss's advice on your outfit isn't trying too hard?" Sam asked.
Joaquín sputtered. "W-well, yeah, but Ava doesn't see this part. But if I show up and I look like I spent hours thinking about it, then she'll think I'm a lame performative douchebag, and she'll hate me and have a terrible time," he said plainly, like it was an obvious fact.
"Joaquín, you're overthinking it. It's just dinner and a movie. If you both have a good time, you can stay in touch, and if it goes wrong, we go back to DC on Saturday, and you never have to talk to each other again," Sam said.
"Yeah, I guess you're right," Joaquín sighed as he glanced down at his watch. "Oh, shit. I gotta go. Thanks for helping me out, Sam!" Joaquín grabbed his phone and wallet and ran out the door.
"Wait, Joaquín, don't forget to take your... clothes," Sam called after him in vain, pinching his forehead when he looked at the piles of pants and shirts and sweaters Joaquín had brought into Sam's room to get his thoughts on.
"You got your phone? Wallet? You spent time in your chamber, right?" Bucky asked Ava, following her to the elevator.
"Yes, I spent time in the chamber. It's not like I want to suddenly become intangible while I'm out on my date," Ava said, rolling her eyes, although she did run her hands over her pockets just to make sure she hadn't forgotten her wallet.
"Alright, cool. Have a good time!" he said, waving, as Ava stepped into the elevator.
Yelena chuckled from behind him on the couch. "You don't have to do that, you know. You're not her dad," she said, looking up from her phone.
Bucky laughed back and sat down next to her, grabbing a book he had left on the coffee table. "Well, Bob said we're all family now, so I don't see why I can't be her dad," he countered.
"Because Alexei is team dad," Yelena explained matter-of-factly. "You are more like... our emo older brother with repressed homosexual urges."
Bucky huffed in amusement, then stopped, looking up from his book. "What was that last bit?"
When Ava arrived in the lobby, Joaquín was standing near the entrance, a huge grin on his face.
"Hi! Hi!" he said as she approached him. "Uh, lead the way."
As soon as the pair stepped outside, Ava put up her coat's hood, and did the same with the hood on Joaquín's sweater.
"Woah, hey. What was that for?" he asked, chuckling.
"Paparazzi usually hangs out around here. And since your boss is suing me and my team, it's probably best if they don't catch us on a date together."
"Still, I don't think we have to worry," Joaquín assured her, lowering his hood and ignoring how much faster his heart started beating when Ava described their outing as a date, "I don't think the lawsuit's going to get to court. When I got back to the hotel last night, Bucky and Sam were sticking their tongues down each other's throats, so... I have a feeling Sam'll drop it."
Ava gawked before laughing. "Oh, my God, no way."
"Yeah, I guess they confessed to each other or something. That's what Sam told me, anyway."
"Honestly, I'm shocked it took them this long. After the team first got together, I thought Bucky and Sam were already dating. Bucky's always going on about 'this reminds me of something Sam told me' or 'if Sam were here'. When John told me they weren't together, I thought he was lying," Ava said.
"Oh, no way. Sam does the same thing with Bucky!" Joaquín replied.
When they reached their destination, a medium-sized restaurant made of brick, Joaquín stepped in front of Ava to hold the door open, letting her pass through as she whispered a quiet "Thank you."
"Ah! The gwisin!" the hostess, a short old woman with black, short-layered hair, said when she saw Ava, apparently recognizing her.
"Hello, Mrs. Koo. Table for two, please," Ava said in response.
"Of course! Right this way," the hostess, Mrs. Koo, said, leading Ava and Joaquín to one of the booths. "Who's the young man, gwisin? He's not one of the people you usually bring around."
"This is Joaquín. He's a friend, visiting for the week," Ava said.
As they sat down on opposite sides of the booth, the glazed wood table and the grill built into its center between them, Joaquín smirked at her. "You've brought other people here before?" he joked, pretending to be jealous.
"She's talking about my teammates," Ava replied, rolling her eyes, "Sometimes, after missions, we come here to celebrate. If it makes you feel better, you're the only person I've brought here one-on-one."
Joaquín laughed, and watched as Ava picked up a menu. He would've done the same, but he had suddenly become lost in her eyes, in her smile, in her long wavy hair. He could've looked at her for a very, very long time, but then he remembered The Thing that he should have told Ava much earlier.
"So, uh... I'm bi," he said, "But I haven't ever... hooked up with a guy... and I haven't dated one since, like, college." He made sure to say it as clearly as he could, so he didn't have to repeat it. He wanted this to be over as quickly as it could be.
Ava looked up from her menu. "Okay. I'm not sure why you wanted me to know that."
"Oh, well, it's just, sometimes, straight women have, like, hang-ups about dating bi guys," Joaquín explained.
"Well, I'm not straight, so you don't have to worry about that," she said.
"Usually, when I tell them, the conversation kinda fizzles out, and we don't end up going out again." Why are you telling her all this? his inner monologue told him, as he opened his mouth again to say, "One time, a girl just got up and left. That was when I decided to tell people before we actually go anywhere. I guess I just forgot with you." What the fuck are you doing? his inner monologue said again. Given this, in addition to the circumstances under which he'd asked her out, it just seemed like he couldn't stop running his mouth around Ava Starr.
"That... that sounds pretty rough," Ava said, a sympathetic look on her face.
"It's not that bad. I'm not that... hurt by it. I get why they don't really like it about me. I mean, I don't really like it about me, so..." Joaquín said. His tone was nonchalant, but Ava could see a glint of sadness in his eyes.
"Joaquín, come on," Ava said, concern clear in her voice, "It isn't okay for them to feel that way about you. And it's definitely not okay for you to feel that way about yourself."
"I know. I know, but, it just... I hate it. It makes me feel weird and gross and..." he stopped there, careful not to let anything else spill out. Because what else might he tell her if he didn't? That every time he saw a guy and thought he was attractive, his chest felt tighter and it felt like something was crawling on his back? Or that he had a nagging thought telling him he was deceiving the women he dated, or even ones he just flirted with at random parties and bars? The fact that he was constantly questioning his attraction, if he was only pretending to be attracted to women to repress something or only pretending to be attracted to men for attention and to feel special?
Ava phased through the table and sat herself next to Joaquín on the cushion of the booth seat, wrapping her arms around him. "You're shaking," she told him. Joaquín buried his head in his hands, trying his hardest not to cry in such a public space, his eyes becoming clouded with tears and his lip quivering.
"For what it's worth," Ava said, "I don't hate it about you at all."
Ava didn't touch on the subject anymore after that. They ordered soon after, and although the mood around the table had been diminished somewhat, both were still enjoying each other's company. Ava made sure to keep the conversation going; if so many of Joaquín's previous dates had died out after he told the person he was with that he was bi, then Ava was determined to make sure this one was different.
"What's like, one movie that everyone tells you is a classic that you haven't seen?" Ava asked before biting down into a piece of beef.
"Oh... I've never seen Inglorious Basterds," Joaquín responded.
"Really?" Ava replied.
"I've seen clips online and stuff, yeah, but never the whole thing," Joaquín disclosed.
"John likes it a lot. We watched it on his birthday a couple months ago, and Bucky spent the whole thing complaining about historical inaccuracies."
Joaquín laughed. "Is it just me, or does that one Nazi in that movie look just like Helmut Zemo?"
"I know, right? We all felt super startled when we saw him. Bucky almost punched the TV," Ava agreed, giggling.
"What about you? Any critical darlings you haven't seen?" Joaquín asked, picking up a mushroom from the grill.
"A few. Everyone keeps telling me that Parasite is really good, but I've never seen that one," Ava said.
"Oh! You should, it's incredible," Joaquín responded.
"So I've heard, but it sounds really boring. I'm sure it has important things to say, but it just sounds like such a slog."
"That's where you're wrong. See, people talk about it like it's a really heavy political drama, but it's actually really, really funny," Joaquín said. "Honestly, I also put off watching it for a really long time, and I wish I hadn't. It's so good."
Once they had finished their dinner and Joaquín had paid for dinner (despite Ava's protesting that she was perfectly willing to), the pair walked outside.
"Theater's that way," Ava said, pointing down the street. They kept trading stories and jokes as they walked. Each one they told managed to make the other laugh. Ava's laugh was subtle and reserved, a quiet series of catlike hisses. But Joaquín's laugh was boisterous, loud and bombastic, and he always had a big grin on his face after he finished laughing. It reminded Ava of a girl she'd met when she first arrived at SHIELD, a daughter of one of the researchers. They had brought her in to be her friend, keep her docile in between the experiments they did on her. The girl was only a year older than Ava had been, and she would tell Ava about things that had happened at her school, or things she learned or saw on TV as they sat together in her tiny, padded room. Ava had forgotten the girl's name, but she remembered the orange-red undertone of her ochre skin, her long, thick twisted hair and her downturned brown eyes that thinned when she smiled, same as Joaquín. After SHIELD had finished the suit and started sending her out on missions, they stopped having the girl visit her.
Soon, they reached the theater and paid for their tickets and bought a couple of bags of candy to share. As they settled down in the red velour seats and the lights dimmed, Ava shot Joaquín a soft smile that made his heart flutter a little bit.
The movie was nice. A funny, bright indie rom-com about a young man with chronic pain in his legs that left him almost unable to walk falling in love with a deaf woman. It was a touching story about disability and young love. Joaquín had a smile on his face the whole time, and he would occasionally glance over at Ava just to see her absolutely transfixed, watching the screen with such focus that she nearly never blinked.
"I liked it," Joaquín said when the movie finished. "I'd see it again."
"I loved it. I really, really loved it," Ava said quietly. It was almost a whisper. Joaquín felt like Ava hadn't meant for him to hear it, so he didn't say anything. They exited the building and began the walk back to the tower. About a block away from the theater, Ava began to sniffle, and Joaquín turned to face her, concern evident in his expression.
"Are you okay?" he asked, tilting his head like a dog.
"Yeah, it's just, uh... the movie," Ava replied, wiping her eyes.
"Oh... what about it? Did-did you not like it?" Joaquín asked.
"No, no. It- it hit close to home, is all. You know about my condition, right?" Ava explained.
"Quantum molecular disequilibrium? That's where your powers come from, right?" Joaquín confirmed.
"Yeah. Well, a side effect of your cells blinking in and out of physical space is... it causes pretty bad pain. Not as bad as the guy in the movie, obviously, but still. It would sort of come and go, different places would hurt each time, but..." Ava breathed in and paused, considering whether or not she really wanted to tell Joaquín the next bit. Eventually she continued, "A few years ago, when I was still working for SHIELD, after this one mission, I couldn't get my arm to become solid again. They tried everything. They had me wear the suit instead of my normal clothes when I was back at the base, I spent hours in the quantum chamber, but nothing worked. And it stayed like that for two weeks. It hurt the whole time. I was so scared, I thought I was gonna die. And the condition's better now; it's not life-threatening anymore, but sometimes, my arm still-" Ava cut herself off again.
"It still hurts," Joaquín finished for her.
Ava nodded, before murmuring, "I've never told anyone that before."
"What? Why not?" Joaquín asked, confused.
"I don't want people to think of me differently. And if I do tell them, then they'll get all condescending and start asking me all these questions, and I just- it's better if people just don't know," Ava huffed, angrily waving her hand.
Joaquín considered that for a moment. Sure, Ava's logic was sound, but it still just didn't feel right for him to let her keep hurting alone.
"Why'd you tell me, then?" he asked.
"I don't know. I trust you," Ava responded.
"Don't you trust your team?" Joaquín asked incredulously as they stopped at a crosswalk. "I'm sorry if I'm coming off too strong, but you're... you're amazing. And maybe I don't know you well enough to be saying that, but I know you don't deserve to be suffering in silence. Please, please just tell them."
"It's not... it's not even that bad. They don't need to know, anyway. It's not like they can cure it or anything," she said, running a hand through her hair.
"I'm not saying they'd be able to cure it! I'm saying... look, Yelena told me about how much opening up to the rest of you helped with her mental health, and I know it's not the same thing, but... I don't know, maybe it would make it easier to deal with."
"The scientists at SHIELD knew. That didn't make it any easier," she retorted.
"The scientists didn't care about you like the Thunderbolts do. Like I do," Joaquín said. "I get that you're struggling. And I get that you didn't always have people who would help you, but these people will."
The light of the crosswalk switched to green, and they both wordlessly crossed the dark, empty street.
"I'll think about it," Ava said, once they had reached the other side.
"Alright. That's good," Joaquín said.
"I had a great time," Joaquín said once they had reached the tower.
"Yeah, me too," Ava replied.
"I really hope you didn't feel pressured to do this," he said.
"What?" Ava raised her eyebrow and smirked.
"I just- I hope that when I asked you out, you didn't feel like you had to, to make me happy or anything," he said nervously, scratching the back of his neck. "Or, you know, to feel safe. I wouldn't have gotten mad if you said no, is all."
Ava scoffed, before moving towards Joaquín, cupping his face her hands, and kissing him.
"I didn't think you liked me," he whispered after she broke off. Ava gave him another peck on the lips.
"How could I not?" she asked rhetorically, before turning around and heading inside. "'Night, Joaquín."
Joaquín stood there, stunned. He ran his fingers over his slightly parted lips, as though he could still feel Ava's mouth on his, before he regained his composure, smiled, and walked back to the hotel, humming happily all the while.