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In these restless nights amidst the never-ending tides of war, on a barren planet, among an endless siege, it was truly hard to find refuge in what little you had.
In times like these you truly had to take hold of what you loved and never lose sight of what made it so special to you in the first place…
Everyone had something, she was sure of it. Something that reminded them of pre-war times, something that made them feel Cybertronian and not like a faceless mech of war. For some of her troops it was a specific make-up, some trinket, or even some kind of special polish they used once in a twin blue moon to make themselves feel ‘normal’ not that normal was so bad, but when your reminder was light years away things became hard to remember.
In the beginning she would often find herself risking shooting messages out to the stars calling him, begging him to come back for her. To help her, guide her through her new role. And while she awaited oh so patiently for a response that would never come, she had begun to lose hope. Well until that faithful day. A spacebridge had opened, and her reminder came back. There he was, like he never left, despite the scuffs of battle and decades of ware on his frame he still shone like he had in all his pre-war glory, an endlessly hopeful symbol of what they were fighting for. Home. Yet home hadn’t felt like home in millions of years. War had dulled their planet further, the last remaining pieces of hope whittled away by the deft hands of time.
But now, here she sat rereading a message she had refused to believe. The latest update from the Autobots main earth faction. Her hands shook despite herself as she read over it once more. A recovery count and multiple obituaries. They read like headlines, big and bold, although one stood out the most, and that was likely by design, Optimus. He hadn’t made it. He…
Elita buried her faceplate into her hands and tried to hold back a choked sob. She couldn’t bring herself to physically cry though, she simply stared down with dry almost numb optics. She physically ached from the hunched position she had assumed.
How could this have happened? How could she be so powerless to have not been able to prevent it. To the pit with Optimus, she thought bitterly for a moment before whimpering and pulling herself in tighter. How could he have been so stubborn? She had begged to go with him, desperately willing and endlessly capable. She huffed out an airy chuckle, it was muted and weak. ‘Capable’. How could she have been such a fool? To have believed he would have called for her, even in their most desperate hour. He had never called, perhaps he thought he was saving them by letting himself return to the well, but it had not felt that way.
Where was she when Optimus had been lying on his death-berth? Where was she as he sunk into his final moments as his body initiated the final form of stasis, graying his lively reds and blues, his chrome losing its luster as his frame was devoid of the spark she held so dear. Where was the message? Where was the transmission he promised her, why was she left on the sidelines like some helpless sparkling? She had commanded her own troops for just as long as Optimus had, they could have helped, could have prevented this! Even just a few deaths…
She physically sank into herself feeling small in the dimly lighted control room of the new underground base. She couldn’t focus on the screen of the holo-screen nor the gray flooring panels that had all bled together at some point. She stayed there like that until a soft knock took her from her downward spiral of thoughts. She lifted her head and looked up at the door barely giving the okay to enter before she was looking up to see Chromia.
The other said nothing as she stepped closer before kneeling next to her, taking the pink mech’s shaky hands and gently holding them. “We’ve all lost a great deal, Chromia, and there is nothing we could do about it.” Chromia tightened her grip on the other’s hands and looked down and away. Elita’s hands grasped Chromia’s back and she pulled the other femme closer to her, there was a broken look in Elita’s eyes, like the starts of a crack that might fracture at any given moment. “Don’t be so hard on yourself” She spoke softly as if not to spook the other away, but Elita made no move to leave.
“I know we could have helped in some way, if only he had taken me when I had asked. Maybe he would still be-“ She pulled her hands away and buried her face into them giving a broken sob as she finally let loose the tears her frame had so stubbornly held in. Chromia had rose and embraced her, holding her tight and gently rubbing her back plating.
“Elita.. I understand your pain; I too lost my best friend..” She said gently “Ironhide.. he” Chromia shook her head and pulled Elita closer. “They wouldn’t want us to mope around; we have a duty to fulfill.. Although time to mourn our losses is only natural.” She said stiffly. She pulled away from Elita and sighed looking at the sitting mech. “I-“ She fidgeted with her hands a moment before sighing. “I think it best to skip any larger memorial..”
“I agree” Chromia was about to pipe up once more with a proper reason but was promptly stopped through her own surprise. “Really?” Elita stood and looked at the holo-screen one more time before shutting the screen off. “I think its best if I skip the memorial as well, we will still hold one for the others. I trust you and Moonracer can prepare it? Just something small to say some farewells.”
“Elita- Are you sure you don't want to participate?” Chromia asked worry lacing her voice. “Yes, I.. I don’t have anything to say for my fallen.” Chromia seemed a bit curious about that. Once more she came in close and held Elita’s shoulder. “Are you still mad at him?” She asked gently watching as Elita turned away before subtly nodding. She smiled a bit and patted her shoulder in a comforting way. “I understand, we all wanted to go.. It was a hard decision, but I’m sure he thought we were safer here, that’s all..”
Elita scoffed and pulled away from Chromia. “It was harder being apart from him for so long, harder leading a dwindling faction on a dead planet. Harder dying of thirst and watching your friends in the same state.” She said in that even voice as frustration washed over her field. “I didn’t want to see this day come. I could have prevented this. If only I had been there to stop-“ Chromia cut her off with some gentle shushing. “Elita- Elita I understand you’re upset, But Optimus wanted us to be safe, we don’t know that planet like he does-“ “We could have learned! All of us! We can only fight shockwave for rations for so long!” She said anger beginning to bubble up from the depth of her field like something tangible and hot.
“It’s okay, we’re still okay, Elita you’ve done good here, so much good. We would be lost without you.” She took her friend by the pauldrons and gave her a worried look. “I’d be lost without you.. As much as it hurts, we both must stay strong, especially for the others…” She sighed deeply and once more pulled her into a hug. Elita returned the embrace and felt herself relax into it after a moment of pause. “Thank you..” She said softly a moment resting her helm on the other’s pauldron sniffling a bit before pulling back, nodding while clearing the tears from her optics.
“You’re right… you’re right.” She sighed deeply and shook her helm. “Optimus may be gone but we remain. The war is not yet won, we must do everything we can to help the main faction from here on out…” Resolve settled in her tanks like iron, her will redoubled. Although the twinge of guilt and remorse still stung through her lines she understood moving on, to that better and brighter future her friend, their leader, … Optimus had all but promised them would come. The smallest flicker of hope could be felt through her field, like a small flame that needed kindling but was steady enough not to immediately fizzle out.
Chromia smiled and lightly punched Elita’s shoulder. “There she is. So how about we go ahead and get this sorted out with the other gals?”
With a nod Elita left with Chromia. Out of the dim control room and into the light of a brighter area. Her troops all sitting around waiting to hear the verdict. But when she saw them, she did not feel pity nor did her heart ache for her own loss. When she saw them, she saw the potential Optimus hadn’t, she saw them as they were, their future was not dull but bright. Bright with dedication and strength that burned through these femmes’ lines. She knew they would make it. Her gaze was caught by Chromia who simply smiled at her in that gentle knowing way.
She knew it with all her spark.