Work Text:
My friends call me a loser
'Cause I'm still hanging around
I've heard so many rumors
That I'm just a girl you bang on your couch
I thought you thought of me better
Someone you couldn't lose
You said, "We're not together"
So now when we kiss, I have anger issues
Sometimes it was hard to decipher John. It was all new, all strange.
In short, Bob was really trying to understand him.
For someone who had just discovered the male body, if you will, he was pretty good.
Bob found himself thinking about what it must have been like with Olivia, when they were still together.
It had started with one of his usual nightmares. He shared a wall with John's room and one with Yelena's; it was normal for one of them to come check on him when they heard him screaming in the middle of the night.
But instead of doing his usual thing, John sat down next to him.
They started talking about books, music, things they had in common.
And Bob fell for him completely. John was smarter than he looked, the only one in their little group of hapless superheroes who'd gone to college.
I mean, he'd been a West Point cadet.
Bob didn't know anything about any of this, but It seemed cool.
Then he'd started going to the gym with Yelena, and his physical attraction to him had worsened.
Honestly, he wished he could talk with those damned haters who kept saying he'd gained weight, or that "He's not as handsome as Steve Rogers."
Screw it.
John was tall, with huge shoulders that filled out his U.S. Agent suit in all the right places. His hairs were so blond that when the sun hit them just right, they looked almost golden. His eyes were light blue, the exact opposite of his dark ones. Ocean blue looking into sky blue eyes.
You said, "Baby, no attachment"
But we're
He'd been knocked down by him in a moment of distraction, and the only thing he could think was that he needed that man and he needed him now.
Taking courage, that same evening he asked to go to his room, and the rest is history.
They fucked, but nothing more. Bob even tried to make do with it because he'd confessed to him more than once when he was still confused.
"I like being with you, but I also like girls," said John. "It's a little complicated."
"Ever heard of the term bisexual?" asked Bob.
"Yes, but you're the first man I've had feelings for, Bobby," said John. "I don't even know what this is."
They'd tried to be discreet, but it didn't take long for Yelena and Ava to corner him.
“Of all the men in the world, you got a crush on Walker?” Yelena asked.
“It's not exactly something you plan, Lena,” Bob said.
Really, Bob was trying to make it go.
He'd never had a serious relationship, only guys who took ad sevantage of him in exchange for a place to sleep or a fix.
But John, with his gentle ways and his little gestures, was nothing short of intoxicating.
Especially when Bob started noticing little things.
Knee deep in the passenger seat, and you're eating me out
Is it casual now?
Two weeks, and your mom invites me to her house on Long Beach
Is it casual now?
I know what you tell your friends
It's casual, if it's casual now
Then, baby, get me off again
If it's casual, it's casual now
They'd been together, and as usual, Bob had seen stars.
A while back he'd read a comment from a Twitter user that "the serum most likely made him impotent" about John.
Well, maybe the opposite.
No one had ever made him come so many times in a single night.
And what's more, they worked perfectly.
Bob was a natural bottom, and John was still far too straight to even think about doing anything other than being on top.
He'd woken up in his bed. It had happened before, but it was still relatively new to them.
Bob stretched like a cat, a small trickle of saliva still connecting him to John's chest.
"Hey," he said, "I didn't mean to wake you. You were sleeping so well."
It was now commonplace to find John incessantly doomscrolling on his phone. Usually it was to look at the denigrating Reddit posts, where Bob would laugh out loud at the absurd conspiracy theories they concocted about them as a team, and John in particular. Or to engage with his haters on Twitter in full-blown battles that almost always ended with his account being suspended.
"You promised you'd stop looking at that, John," Bob said, rubbing one eye. "It's not good for you. And they had just given you your Twitter account back. Do you want to lose it again?"
"I'm not on Twitter," John replied, a slight blush on his cheeks.
"Oh, Reddit?" Bob asked. “That place is crazy. Lena sent me a link to a guy who went on for 20 posts in a row saying he thought I was an alien. They've called me a mutant before, but never an alien.”
“I'm not even there.”
“Come on, don't tell me Val's sending you on another mission,” Bob said. “You guys just got back.”
He just glanced at the screen and read “New pharmaceutical discovery.”
The article continued with “It could be a breakthrough in the treatment of mental illnesses like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia.”
John was reading an article about a new discovery about his fucking mental illness.
“You should show this to our therapist,” he said, blushing. “It's cool. It says here that they got rid of the side effects like lethargy or mental confusion. It could make your life better.”
“Thanks,” Bob said, blushing. “I'll send her the link.”
He was learning about something as important as his mental health.
John had also started seeing their therapist, mostly because Bucky had insisted on it for the full functioning of their newborn team.
He had become calmer and less of a jerk, to the point of taking an interest in him in that way.
Bob tried not to read more than he had to, but he couldn't help but smile as he continued reading the article.
Dumb love, I love being stupid
Dream of us in a year
Maybe we'd have an apartment
And you'd show me off to your friends at the pier
I know, "Baby, no attachment"
But we're
Bob certainly couldn't consider himself good with children.
He'd started to notice how John had suddenly stopped wearing his wedding ring.
At first, he kept saying it was because, "He didn't want to lose it while he was working out."
But then it would stay in the pocket of his gym shorts for days, at least until Bob picked them up for his usual laundry run and found it just before putting it back in.
He'd leave it on the nightstand, and only then John would remember he had it.
Then came the divorce papers.
John seemed to stare at them forever, and Bob almost swore he'd shred them in the paper shredder in Bucky's little office.
But John read them over and over again.
Finally, he asked him for a pen from the pen holder they kept in the kitchen and signed them with a sigh.
"I'm sorry, John," Bob said, trying to smile.
“Not much to me,” John said honestly. “Olivia and I are talking again, and that’s fine. They’ll be here in a few weeks, her and Liam. I’ll get to see him more often now.”
“That’s fantastic, John,” Bob said.
“I was just contemplating the failure of my marriage, but believe me, Olivia and I have never been on better terms than we are now.”
Bob fell silent for a moment, already contemplating the inevitable end of their “thing.”
If they were on good terms, it meant they’d most likely start seeing each other again, and that what he had with Bob would just be a “phase,” a moment of confusion in a rather straight life.
John continued to spend nights with him regularly, and Bob savored each one as if they were the last one.
In fact, he began waking up in his bed more and more often, the firm shape of John's chest beneath his face as the blond dozed just inches from him.
He was even more beautiful while asleep. His face relaxed, his long blond lashes against his cheeks, he looked even younger than his nearly 40 years.
He was going to miss him terribly.
When the morning of Olivia's arrival arrived, Bob was in a decidedly bad mood.
In short, it was the end of everything. Olivia would get her man back, and that was that.
Perhaps John would return with them to Georgia, and they would only see him again for Valentina's galas or for the missions.
Perhaps he would even leave their team, going back to doing missions alone like he did before.
Bob tried in vain to hide behind Yelena's slender and decidedly smaller figure, his hands hidden in the long sleeves of his sweatshirt.
"Hey guys," said John. "I wanted to introduce you to my little man."
Liam was three years old and had his father's blue eyes. The olive complexion and dark curls were definitely Olivia's, but Bob would have recognized those eyes anywhere.
Olivia was just a few steps away, and Bob couldn't help but feel the sight of her, her deep, dark eyes practically piercing him from side to side as Liam greeted his teammates with a big smile.
"This is Bob, baby," John said. "Do you know he can fly?"
"Fly?" Liam asked excitedly. "That's cool."
Bob chuckled slightly as the boy looked up at him with adoring eyes.
Bob couldn't know his future yet. That he would be Mr. Walker someday. That Olivia would become a dear friend, in time. And that the child he held in his arms would become his step-son, and that he would love him as if he were his own.
Olivia was shaking hands with his teammates when she appeared before him.
"Can I have my baby back?" She asked gently.
“Oh, sure,” Bob said, blushing
“Bob, right?” Olivia asked.
“Yes, nice to meet you, Olivia,” Bob said, trying to smile. Trying to smile at the woman who would take back his John.
“i've been told a lot about you,” Olivia said, smiling. “Take care of him, okay?”
She said the last part almost in a whisper, her gaze eloquently shifting toward John.
John had spoken about him to Olivia. Who knows what he'd said? Maybe he'd simply mentioned him while talking about his new teammates.
But what did “Take care of him” ment?
Perhaps their end wasn't written yet.
It's hard being casual
When my favorite bra lives in your dresser
And it's hard being casual
When I'm on the phone talking down your sister
And I try to be the chill girl
That holds her tongue and gives you space
I try to be the chill girl
But honestly, I'm not
Bob wanted to break away from him, try to survive even without the constant presence of his little blond face.
So he refused to go to him for almost a whole week, spending the nights alone in his bed, curled up.
They couldn't go on like this.
Bob kept saying they were "just friends" and "it was just sex," but he didn't really believe it anymore.
He said it because he believed that was what John wanted.
Which to him, really, meant nothing more than that.
He just wanted John to hold him in his arms, kiss him, and tell him he wanted to be with him.
He wanted to be his boyfriend. He wanted to be someone's boyfriend, just once.
But if he was never going to get anything more from John, it was right to end it there. End it before the team itself suffers.
They could still be friends, after all. But Bob loved him; he didn't want to be his friend.
He didn't even realize he was sobbing like that, his thumb tucked into his mouth to try to mute himself, when a pair of hands turned him around and hugged him to their warm chest.
"What's going on, honey?" John asked softly. “Nightmare?”
“What are you doing here?” Bob asked instead.
“I heard you cry,” John said. “I know, I don't even know what I did, but I gave you space. Even though it was the longest week of my life, Bobby. But I can't hear you cry; it makes me sick too.”
Bob wasn't intimidated by that infinite kindness.
He pulled away from him, glaring at him, before speaking.
“This is what you deserved,” Bob said. “I can't be with you anymore, not like this. I need you.”
“I'm here, Bobby. I'm here.”
“Yes, but for how long?” Bob said. “Are you going back with Olivia someday? And I'm just going to be Uncle Bob, the one who can fly?”
“What the hell are you talking about, Bobby?”
“I want you,” Bob said, crying. “I want to be with you, I want everything about you. I don't even know if you're still straight or not, damn it. Forget I said that.”
“Slow down for a second,” John said, wiping his eyes with his thumbs. “It seems pretty obvious to me that Olivia and I are divorced now. See? I haven't even worn my wedding ring in a while. It's in my nightstand drawer.”
“But…”
“No, let me finish,” John said. “You're the one who kept telling me we were just having fun. That it wasn't anything important.”
“That's what you wanted to hear, right?”
“Let's get this straight once and for all,” John said. “I'm divorced from Olivia, and I have no intention of getting back with her. I'm bisexual, I still like women, but I like you too, and if that makes me bisexual, then I am. And I love you, that's the only thing I'm sure of in my life right now.”
Bob never expected to hear those three words come out of John's mouth. God, no one had ever said them to him, only his mother when she was still well.
But John was looking at him as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, and Bob felt a little stupid.
“We really are stupid,” Bob said, chuckling.
“You can say that out loud, my love.”
He kissed him on the lips, and for once there was no passion. It wasn't like the kisses they shared during sex, full of desperation.
It was a kiss of love, and Bob had never had that before.
“I love you too,” Bob said, still on his lips. “I love you more than anything.”
“So we’re boyfriends now?”
“Yes, please,” Bob said.
For once they were together without having sex, in each other’s arms.
And Bob couldn’t wait to spend every night of his life like this with John.