Work Text:
A few months had passed since Saitô’s defeat at the hands of the onryô. Summer had given way to autumn, and the closer winter got, the more a strange tension could be felt in the house under the ginkgo tree.
--------------------
One evening, Ran the bowyer came by for a visit. After a series of very heated zeni hajiki games, Atsu and Oyuki went outside and took on the task of preparing dinner, while Ran and Kiku were sitting at the fireplace, enjoying the warmth and staring into the dancing flames.
Ran noticed Kiku fidgeting and looking nervous. “Something on your mind, kid?”
“Can I ask you a question?” the girl replied, avoiding looking at Ran directly.
“Sure, go ahead.”
“When I was still living in the estate next to Matsumae castle, there was a boy in our group of friends. He was a bit older than me.” Kiku paused for a moment. Ran wondered where this was going.
“He said he liked one of the girls from the village, and after he asked her out one day, they spend all their time together and became a couple.”
“Ah yes, boy and girl. The oldest story in the world.” Ran nodded. “You still haven’t asked me a question, though.”
Ran waited patiently while Kiku seemed to work up the courage to speak again. When Kiku finally asked, she spoke so softly that Ran almost couldn’t hear her.
“Can the same thing happen with two girls?”
The question caught Ran by surprise. She moved closer to Kiku and lowered her voice as well.
“Did you meet a nice girl?” she asked.
“This isn’t about me,” Kiku replied and looked away. Ran followed her gaze and noticed Atsu and Oyuki at the end of it.
“Ah, those two,” the bowyer said with a smile. “To answer your question, yes, this can also happen to two girls.” When Kiku didn’t say anything, Ran continued. “Oyuki lives with you and Atsu now, doesn’t she?"
The girl stopped looking at the two women sitting outside preparing dinner and turned back to the bowyer, shaking her head.
“Not really. There’s been talk about her going back to Teshio Ridge before the winter, and I don’t understand why. If what you said is true, why don’t aunt Atsu and Oyuki just become a couple?”
Ran had witnessed these kinds of situations before in the village she was from. She needed a moment to come up with an answer the girl would understand. To gain some time, she took a sip of sake.
“In your story, the girl was from another part of the settlement, right?” Ran asked. Kiku nodded. “If she had turned down the boy after he confessed his feelings to her, what would’ve happened?”
“He would’ve been sad,” Kiku answered.
“Sure. But how would it have affected him other than that? She wasn’t part of your group, was she?” Kiku shook her head. “You see, the boy would have been hurt. But since they weren’t that close to begin with, there wasn’t a friendship that could’ve ended up being ruined.” Ran paused for a moment. ”The closer two people are, the harder it can become to confess.”
She looked at Atsu and Oyuki again, who were finishing up with their preparations outside. “These two mean the world to each other. And they’re so afraid to lose what they have; they don’t have the courage to talk about what more there is for them.”
“But that’s stupid. They need each other.” Kiku had a desperate expression on her face.
Ran took the last sip of sake in her cup. “I agree.” A conspiratorial grin appeared on her face, and she leaned over to Kiku. “So, wanna team up?”
--------------------
After dinner, Kiku insisted on making up for the shamisen lesson she had missed earlier that day. The girl liked learning from Oyuki, and while the sudden fervor was a bit surprising, no-one was going to turn down her wish. As the older woman and Kiku went outside, Ran produced a sake bottle from her belongings and sang the praises of its contents so convincingly that Atsu couldn’t turn down the offer to give a try.
And Ran hadn’t exaggerated. The taste was superb, and Atsu could feel a nice warmth spreading in her stomach. From the outside, she could hear Oyuki and Kiku play.
Good drink, good company, what more can you ask for?
Atsu enjoyed the moment.
“Oh, what I’ve been meaning to ask,” Ran started while pouring another cup for Atsu, “does Oyuki live with you now?”
“She can stay here whenever she wants.”
“That’s not what I asked, Atsu,” Ran replied, filling her own cup. She put the bottle down and looked Atsu straight in the face. “Have you asked her to live with you? Have you told her how you feel about her?”
Atsu could feel the heat shooting into her cheeks. “I don’t know what you mean,” she said, emptying the cup in one gulp to get away from the topic.
Ran rolled her eyes and got that expression she usually reserved for customers who had no idea about the quality of her work and tried to haggle. Atsu quickly held out her cup for another fill.
“I don’t know what I feel,” she added. “What I’m allowed to feel.” And she hated how weak her voice sounded at that moment.
“Come on. You rid Ezo of the Yôtei six, you single-handled cut through half of Saitô’s army, and you’re telling me you don’t know how you feel about Oyuki?” Ran asked playfully while filling the cup again. “Let me help you. How do you feel every time she leaves this place for a few weeks?”
Atsu thought for a moment, staring into her filled cup.
“It’s like I have a knot in my stomach.”
Ran nodded. “And how do you feel when she’s around?”
This time, the answer came faster.
“I feel safe. Not in the sense that I need protection; you know I can take care of myself. But I feel as if I can live a normal life when she’s around; that it’s okay to feel happiness. Just looking at her helps puts me at ease and...” Atsu couldn’t stop the words anymore. She had never talked about this with anyone, hadn’t even been aware of half of it herself, and now, she was laying it all out in front of Ran. The bowyer didn’t interrupt her even once, patiently waiting for Atsu to finish.
“See, you know exactly how you feel about her. So why don’t you tell her?”
Atsu shook her head.
“I can’t, Ran. What if she doesn’t feel the same and I lose what I have?” Atsu’s voice started to waver again.
“What if you lose it because she leaves and all you’re left with is the knot in your stomach for the rest of your life?”
--------------------
Kiku dove into her shamisen training tonight more eager than ever before. All she wanted to do was learn today’s melody and then talk to Oyuki. The lesson flew by, and after a quick glance into the house to confirm that Ran and Atsu were still occupied, Kiku put her shamisen down.
“Oyuki, can I ask you a question?” the girl said.
“Of course, Kiku”. Oyuki smiled at her warmly and put her own instrument aside.
Kiku told the same story she had recounted to Ran before, though she added the new wording about “confessing” which she had learned from the bowyer before. Oyuki’s only reaction to the story was a raised eyebrow. When the woman didn’t say anything, Kiku blurted out her question.
“Are you going to confess to aunt Atsu?”
The girl saw the surprise on Oyuki’s face, but then the woman’s expression changed to something Kiku could not read at all.
“Why do you think I would confess to Atsu?” she asked.
“Because you love her, don’t you? And she loves you”
Oyuki shook her head. A sad smile appeared on her face, and she raised her hand to lightly pat Kiku on the head.
“My feelings for Atsu don’t matter. Too much has happened between us, things you don’t even know about. She could never feel about me the way I feel about her.”
“That’s not true,” Kiku hissed angrily and wiped Oyuki’s arm away. The girl was surprised at the ferociousness of her reaction, and she could see in Oyuki’s face that she was just as surprised. Kiku looked down.
“I’m sorry”. She bit her lip and looked at Oyuki again. “I’m sorry,” she repeated, “but you don’t know what it’s like. You’re not around when aunt Atsu barely sleeps because she wakes up with nightmares every night. You don’t see how she cries every time you leave for a while. You don’t know how different she is when you’re around, how much happier she is.” The words were just flowing out of the girl, and she couldn’t stop them. Didn’t want to.
Oyuki didn’t say anything at first; Kiku could see her outburst had overwhelmed the woman.
“Atsu...cries when I leave?”
“She tries to hide it, but I can hear her at night when she thinks I’m asleep. And I can see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice the next morning.”
The two sat in silence. Kiku became afraid that the lack of shamisen playing might cause Atsu to come outside and check on them.
“She needs you, Oyuki.”
--------------------
Ran had left a while ago, and Kiku was already asleep. Atsu and Oyuki were outside, sitting seiza-style on round tatami mats, close enough to each other that Oyuki could feel Atsu’s warmth next to her. The bowyer left them the bottle of sake she had opened for Atsu, and it now stood empty behind the two women. Neither of them spoke; the only sounds were wild animals in the distance and the wind, which carried a crisp foreshadowing of winter from up north.
Staring straight ahead into the darkness, Oyuki waited for Atsu to say something. Anything. Finally, she couldn’t take the waiting anymore and broke the silence.
“Some Ainu merchants I talked to mentioned that winter is arriving sooner than usual, and that travelling north will become dangerous soon.”
“Mhm,” was all that Atsu offered as a reaction.
“Maybe I should leave as soon as possible so I get back to the Red Crane Inn before the worst of the winter storms arrive,” Oyuki added.
What am I doing! This is not what I want!
A feeling of despair crept up inside of her. She didn’t have the courage to say what she really wanted to say. Oyuki snuck a glance sideways at the younger woman, and she could see the tension in Atsu; back straight, fists clenched at her side, staring just as intently into the darkness as Oyuki had before.
While Oyuki was frantically trying to come up with a follow up that would get her out of the hole she had dug herself, Atsu finally spoke.
“Or you could stay. You know they love to have you at the Yôtei’s Shadow Inn; they’d be delighted if you stayed.”
“What about you?” Oyuki asked. Another silence that stretched uncomfortably long.
“Kiku would also be really happy if you stayed,” Atsu added.
“Atsu...” She wanted to say more, but the words got stuck in Oyuki’s throat, and her heart felt as if it was about to rip. She moved around to face the younger woman directly.
Atsu had lowered her head and was staring at her hands. After a moment, she turned towards Oyuki. They were facing each other now, their knees almost touching.
“Atsu, please, I need you to say it,” Oyuki finally managed to say. After she these words, she could see all tension fall off the former onryô. Atsu slowly raised her right hand and gently cupped Oyuki’s cheek, using her thumb to wipe away tears Oyuki hadn’t even realized she was crying.
“Stay here,” Atsu said, and a warm smile appeared on her face. “Stay with me.”
These few simple words were everything Oyuki had hoped for. She was so happy she didn’t know what to say. Atsu was still cradling her face, so Oyuki slightly turned her head and planted a gentle kiss into the younger woman’s palm.
“And not just for this winter. For all the coming seasons. I want you by my side,” Atsu added, her eyes starting to glisten.
That’s when Oyuki couldn’t hold back anymore. With her left hand, she grabbed the fabric around Atsu’s raised arm and pulled the woman closer to her. The moment she was close enough, Oyuki used her right to grab the back of Atsu’s head and kissed her.
Atsu needed a second, but then she responded to the kiss with all she had. It was obvious that she didn’t really know what she was doing, but what she lacked in experience, she made up for in eagerness.
And I have all the time in the world now to teach her, Oyuki thought while slightly adjusting the tilt of her head to make it more comfortable for the two of them.
--------------------
Kiku woke up because her feet had gotten cold. The first thing she noticed was that she was all by herself under the quilts; her aunt and Oyuki hadn’t come to sleep yet. The girl turned towards the door and saw the two women sitting outside.
Oyuki was facing Atsu, and even though Kiku couldn’t hear anything, she could tell that Oyuki was crying. Anger at the two adults welled up in the girl, but before she could do anything, Atsu turned towards Oyuki. Slowly, almost as if she were about to pet an animal she didn’t want to scare off, her hand came up and touched Oyuki’s face.
Kiku wanted to crawl out from under the quilts and get closer to hear what they were talking about, but she stopped immediately when the two women kissed. The girl’s anger evaporated, and a grin appeared on her face. She laid down again and kept watching her aunt and Oyuki kiss again and again, first kneeling across from each other, then Atsu on top when the two lost their balance and fell over. They were still kissing when Kiku fell asleep again.
--------------------
The worst of winter had passed, and some early signs of spring could already be seen. The nights were still biting cold, and Atsu, Kiku and Oyuki slept huddled against each other under all the quilts they had in the house.
Atsu woke up slowly. The first thing she saw after opening her eyes was Oyuki’s peaceful face, still sleeping. And the top of Kiku’s head between them; the girl had otherwise completely disappeared under the quilts. That’s how they always slept; the two women keeping Kiku warm between them.
Thank you for kicking my butt, Ran, Atsu thought not for the first time.
And thank you for having the courage when I didn’t, Oyuki. She could still hear what the older woman said. I need you to say it. Hearing these words took all the fear away from Atsu. She realized there was more for the two of them, more than she had dared to hope for, and she responded to Oyuki’s plea.
I love you, Oyuki.
Enjoying the calm morning, Atsu didn’t attempt to get up at all, as she didn’t want to wake the others. After a while, Kiku started moving, and that woke up Oyuki. Kiku’s head popped out from under the quilts.
“Eh, still way too cold in the morning,” she said, squinting at the light coming in from outside.
“Well, that’s too bad for you, because you’re on breakfast duty today,” Atsu commented with a grin. Kiku pouted playfully, but then scrambled from under the quilts to get to her chores. Oyuki smiled at Atsu and immediately closed the distance between them, Atsu welcoming her in a loving hug.
“Good morning, Atsu.”
“Good morning, my songbird of Ezo.”
Their lips met, and a long kiss ensued, at times tender and playful, at others wanting and passionate. While the two never went any further than that when Kiku was around, they certainly indulged in kissing. Long and often. Just like this morning, when they didn’t stop until Kiku let them know that breakfast was ready.
--------------------
During breakfast, they talked about going to the market in the nearest town to replenish some of their supplies that had dwindled over the winter months, and who they might meet there.
“Do you think we should tell them?” Atsu asked Oyuki. “About us, I mean.”
“I don’t think you need to tell anyone. They all already know anyway,” Kiku mentioned between two bites of her breakfast. The two women looked at her, their surprise clearly visible on their faces.
“What do you mean, they already know?” asked Oyuki.
“And who is ‘they all’?” Atsu added.
With her chopsticks still in her right, Kiku started counting on the fingers of her left. “Ran and Ina knew about you before you two did. Then there’s master Heijirô, who made some comments when we last visited him. Tarô also talked to me about you. Oh, and so did the creepy bounty guy, Kojirô...” With every name Kiku added, Atsu’s and Oyuki’s cheeks turned a deeper red; the girl could see just how embarrassed they were.
“... and Huci and Hana talked about you, too, when they visited us before the first big snowstorm and I rode a bit with them to see them off.”
The two women looked at each other and didn’t know what to say. Atsu and Oyuki, known for their razor-sharp wit and never being at a loss for words, had been shut up by a girl.
And that girl enjoyed her little victory with the biggest grin imaginable.