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A crisp breeze blew in through the office window as Sanji smoked. Apparently, he was prone to overscheduling himself and working through his breaks, so he was often itching for a cigarette by the time Zoro showed up at his office. Zoro didn’t particularly care if he smoked during their sessions, but the love-cook still insisted on doing so by the open window to avoid the scent lingering too heavily in his workspace. He exhaled a lungful of smoke into the cool outside air before leaning away from the window. He looked far less irritable now that the nicotine was hitting his system, his expression more relaxed as he rested the cigarette in the ashtray on the windowsill and turned to address Zoro.
“Alright, let’s talk about your dating history, dumbass.”
Zoro shrugged. “Not much to talk about.”
“Do it anyway,” Sanji ordered.
“Guys asked me out. I’d go out with them. It sucked, and then it was over,” he supplied. “That’s it, no big fireworks, or heartbreaks, or whatever you’re expecting.”
”Come on,” Sanji prompted with a skeptical glance. “There had to be something you enjoyed about it.”
“Yeah, right,” Zoro grumbled, “I stopped going on dates because I always felt like I was just waiting for it to be over.”
Sanji looked at him curiously, sitting further back in his chair as he tapped the end of his pen rhythmically against the notebook. “What’d you hate so much about those dates?”
Zoro shrugged again. “Does it matter? You’re not going to agree with me, Love-Cook.”
“Humor me.”
Zoro sighed, propping his chin up on his knuckles and staring out the window down towards the street where cars passed at regular intervals.
“People talk about dating like it’s so fun and exciting. I just don’t get the point. Where’s the fun in spending hours with someone you barely know, wearing uncomfortable clothes, and doing something you don’t even enjoy just on the slim-to-none chance you might have sex with them or marry them one day?” He shrugged. “It’s the same thing over and over; I just got sick of it.”
Sanji let out a huff that was somewhere close to a laugh, and Zoro glanced at him sharply.
“I think you have the wrong idea about what a relationship is, Mossy.” Zoro raised an eyebrow at him, and Sanji shrugged, smoothly crossing one long leg over the other. “You don’t have to dress up and go out to a fancy restaurant just because that’s what people do on dates. Some people like that kind of dating, yeah, but if you don’t get anything out of it, you don’t have to do it like that.”
Zoro stared at him. “What does that mean?”
“It means that you think you don’t like dating because you’re only going on dates you know you’ll hate.”
“As opposed to what?”
Sanji passed a hand over his face, clearly trying to smother the quiet laugh he let out, and Zoro was a little irritated about how funny he found this. He thought he was so smart, always acting like he knew something Zoro didn’t.
“The point of dating is to have fun and potentially make a romantic connection with someone,” he said once he’d regained his composure. “If you’re going through the steps of dating just for the sake of checking them off like it’s a checklist, there’s not much point to it. You’re not very likely to make a connection if you actively hate whatever it is you’re doing.”
Zoro stared at him for a moment, drumming his fingers against his bicep before he tentatively responded. “…Thought you’d tell me ‘relationships are about compromise’ or something.”
Sanji closed his eyes, humming quietly in thought. “They are. There’s no such thing as a relationship without conflict, romantic or otherwise, but if all you’re doing in a relationship is shaping yourself to fit a certain mold, then it’s probably just not the right fit.” His gaze fixed on Zoro again as he absentmindedly lifted his fingers to rub against his facial hair, studying him with a calculating expression that made Zoro feel like an insect pinned to a wall. “You’re a straightforward guy. You know what you like and what you dislike, and you’re blunt about it to a fault. I think your ideal partner would be someone who’s willing to push you out of your comfort zone when they need to, but who’s also fine taking things at your pace. Someone whose priorities complement your own.”
Zoro considered that for a moment. It sounded… Well— too good to be true. Zoro hadn't accepted a date in a long time. Partially because he found the process so tedious, and partially because he was tired of being bitched out for canceling at the last minute when Ussop texted him in a panic that he’d dared Luffy to eat a tidepod, not thinking he’d actually do it. The last “relationship” he’d had ended after three dates with a long text message from the guy about how he could see the future of their relationship and that Zoro would never stop prioritizing his friends, and bla bla bla. Zoro had only skimmed it before deleting the number without much thought. It never made sense to him that a person he’d had a few stilted conversations with felt entitled to his time over the friends he’d known for years.
He’d never met someone who wasn't put off by the fact that the important people in his life were crazy, and sometimes that made his life crazy too. It’d gotten to a point where he didn’t think anyone would be willing to accept the huge presence Luffy and the others would always have in his life, let alone appreciate it the way Sanji was implying. He couldn’t imagine the type of date Sanji was talking about as though it was something obvious that he was an idiot for not getting. It sounded too idealistic, like a fairytale you’d tell to a kid.
“I don’t think there’s any kind of date I’d enjoy like that,” he finally said, plucking at a loose thread hanging off his pants. “It’s just not for me.”
Sanji gave him a flat look. “Really?” He asked incredulously. “Not one?”
“Doubt it,” Zoro deadpanned.
“Alright,” Sanji leaned forward, steepling his fingers in his lap as he flashed Zoro an impish grin. “If you’re so sure, how about we make it a bet?”
Zoro perked up, responding to the competitive twist in his tone. The hairs on his arms were already standing on end, his skin prickling with goosebumps at the thought of another chance to put the prissy bastard in his place. “What kind of bet?”
Sanji tapped the end of his pen against his lips, looking smug and over-confident in a way that had Zoro’s combative side swelling instinctively against the challenge. “Using what I know about you from the unfortunate times we’ve spent together. I’ll plan a date I think you’ll enjoy.”
Zoro blinked, taken aback. “You’re gonna take me on a date?” He asked incredulously.
“We’ll call it a practice date,” he said. “Part of your ‘training’.” He punctuated the word with air quotes, drawing it out in a way that made Zoro feel like he was being mocked. “If you have a terrible time, I’ll admit you’re right and you really are just the kind of guy that hates dating,” he picked up his cigarette from the ash tray and took a drag, lips curving into a smirk around the filter, “but if you have fun—you have to admit that I’m a professional genius when it comes to love and you’re a sad single moss who wouldn’t know romance if it bit him in the ass.” He blew the plume of smoke out the window. “What do you think?”
Zoro scoffed at that, leaning forward in his chair. “Your funeral, Curly. Don’t blame me when your precious ego gets hurt.”
Zoro was just getting out of the shower when his phone buzzed with an incoming text. He wrapped his towel around his waist, wiping the moisture from his palms so he could collect his phone and swipe it open on his way back to his bedroom.
He was more surprised than he should have been to see the love-cook’s contact flashing across his screen—it was the man’s own idea after all— but it still felt slightly unreal to thumb open the message and read: “Meet me on the corner of Dawn and Marbella at 8pm.” Then, just a moment later, “Have someone drop you off so you don’t get lost.”
Zoro glared at his phone, quickly typing back, “I don’t get lost” before tossing it onto the bed to focus on drying off.
The phone dinged while he was rubbing the towel over his hair, then once more as he pulled on a pair of boxers. Zoro begrudgingly turned to grab it and swipe open the new messages.
‘If you’re more than 30 minutes late I’m not sticking around.
Wear clothes that are comfortable to move in. Probably not hard since the only thing you seem to own is athletic wear and t-shirts…’
Zoro narrowed his eyes, reaching into his—admittedly barren—closet to grab a t-shirt from his clean clothes pile. ‘I own nice clothes’ he replied, before tossing the shirt behind him onto his bed so he could fish out a pair of sweats as well.
He straightened up, watching as the typing bubble on the screen disappeared and reappeared, each second making his jaw clench a little tighter until the infuriating reply came.
‘I bet you own one button-down shirt and a pair of slacks that a friend picked out for you.’
Zoro kicked his closet door closed with unnecessary force as his cheeks flushed red at the thought of the outfit Nami had shoved in his arms and told him to buy for Chopper’s graduation. Irritation flared as he texted back, ‘Fuck off.’
The typing bubbles immediately reappeared, taking only a split second before Sanji replied, ‘That’s a yes then haha’
Zoro threw his phone to the other side of the bed, where he wouldn’t have to look at it while he got dressed. He wasn’t sure how mocking him before they’d even met up was supposed to help him win their bet. Unless his strategy was to piss Zoro off so badly that he stood him up, thus winning by default. The idea of Sanji holding such a stupid, meaningless win over his head had Zoro’s blood boiling, yanking his shirt on to banish the image of the man taunting him, calling for his surrender because Zoro was clearly hopeless at love if he couldn’t even show up for a simple date— He shook his head to dislodge the thought.
Zoro agonized for a while over whether he should really ask one of his friends to drop him off. He wasn’t overly interested in cowing to Sanji’s demands. Plus, whoever he asked would inevitably want to know why, and he didn’t want them catching a whiff of anything that would make them stick their noses further into his business. On the other hand, he didn’t doubt the love-cook’s threats for even a second, and if he missed the date, he would surely get an earful about it the next time they met.
Steeling his resolve, Zoro quickly scrolled through his short list of contacts. After a brief debate, he settled on Robin and sent her a short text. She was the most likely of the group to take one glance at him and know exactly what was going on without needing to hear a single word, but he was also sure she’d keep her thoughts to herself, which was more than he could say for most of his friends.
Half an hour before eight, her sleek black car rolled to a stop in front of Zoro’s shitty apartment complex, looking entirely out of place amongst the many old, rusty junkers that lined the street. He slid into her passenger seat, giving her a slight nod in greeting. She didn’t say anything, but offered him a familiar smile and a polite nod back before she fixed her eyes on the road. That was another thing he liked about Robin; she didn’t feel the need to fill silence with unnecessary chatter. Neither of them was a big talker, so car rides between the two of them were generally a silent affair apart from the quiet instrumental music Robin would sometimes play, which was precisely what he wanted right now. If it were Usopp or Luffy, they’d insist on chatting his ear off the entire drive, and he’d be worn out before he even made it to Curly’s stupid date.
Actually… Luffy would probably just end up crashing whatever Sanji had planned, which was kind of beside the point of a date and added an entirely different level of chaos that the shrink was definitely not prepared for.
It was a short drive, so he was about 10 minutes early when they pulled up at the spot where he was supposed to meet Sanji. Zoro grunted his thanks to her, quickly climbing out of the car before she could analyze too much about the situation. His efforts didn’t seem to matter because she turned a playful smile on him, blue eyes sparkling with mirth.
“Have fun,” she offered in a knowing voice that had heat rising to the tips of Zoro’s ear. He quickly slammed the door shut behind him, but he could hear the muffled ring of her laughter as he stomped the other direction, not watching her pull away from the curb.
Curly wasn't here yet, which had Zoro feeling just a little smug as he leaned against the wall of the closest building. Marbella Avenue was a commercial street located just outside the city’s center. The sidewalks were paved with neat red brick and strung with lights to illuminate the stretches between colorful storefronts. It was a popular place to visit on a day out, though Zoro himself had only been here once or twice. Many people strolled along the strip, stopping in at any of the numerous restaurants, shops, or other attractions.
He glanced up and down the street, half looking for a flash of blonde hair as he eyed the various businesses lining the street. He wondered what such a sappy, over-the-top man could have planned for this date. Sanji waxed poetics about love and relationships that would make a Harlequin romance writer roll their eyes. Aside from Zoro’s occasional shots at his relationship status, he didn’t really talk about his own approach to dating—only how it related to Zoro and other clients he’d had—so Zoro really had no idea what he would consider the perfect date. That being said, Zoro couldn’t imagine the other man being anything less than an overzealous romantic down to his core. If he wanted to win their bet, he was sure to pull out all the stops. The possibilities made him shudder.
He was so caught up in the horrifying thought that he didn’t notice another person approaching until a finger jabbed unexpectedly into his side. Zoro managed to bite back a noise of surprise, jolting only slightly as he turned his head to find the very man he’d been waiting for, standing behind him with a mean smirk on his face.
“Did I scare you?” Sanji asked.
“Yeah, right,” Zoro scoffed, pushing off the wall and turning to look him over. He was wearing a long coat, suitable for the chill that hung in the air. It wouldn’t look out of place for the man’s usual attire if not for the worn sneakers on his feet in place of dress shoes.
“You’re here early, should I be flattered?” Sanji teased, planting his hands on his hips. Zoro scoffed in response.
“More like I didn’t want to hear you bitch about it for the next month.”
“C’mon,” Sanji said as he turned, gesturing down the street with a jerk of his head. “It’s down that way.”
Zoro fell into step beside him, eyes darting between various signs to try and guess where the love-cook was bringing him. To his confusion, they didn’t stop at any of the popular stores or restaurants; they continued down the street, where it petered out into smaller businesses, offices, and vacant properties.
“Where are we going, Curls?” He asked, glancing at the other man from the corner of his eye.
“Secret,” Sanji answered with a casual shrug, sliding his hands into the pockets of his jacket.
“Hm,” Zoro hummed in suspicion, glancing back towards the buildings in front of him. If he weren’t absolutely sure he could take the other man in a fight, Zoro might have been concerned that this was all just a ruse for the love-cook to finally make good on murdering him.
They stopped in front of a nondescript building that Zoro was pretty certain was closed. There was a sign above the door that he couldn't make out with the lights shut off. When Zoro reached for the handle, it didn’t budge as he tried to turn it.
“Locked,” he offered, looking back at Sanji with an eyebrow raised. “Great date so far.”
Sanji rolled his eyes. “If you wait three seconds, I’ll unlock it.” He pushed past Zoro, producing a set of keys and flipping through them as Zoro watched him in confusion.
“You own this place?” He asked, but Sanji shook his head, fitting the key into the lock to open it.
“The owner’s a friend, he lets me use it after hours sometimes if my schedule’s too backed up.”
The small bell above the door rang when they opened it, announcing their arrival to the empty building. Sanji walked confidently into the dim room, flicking on the light switch as he went. The fluorescent bulbs flickered to life, revealing a wide, mostly empty room, save for a few unmistakable features.
He stopped dead in his tracks, taking in the familiar setting with mounting confusion.
“Curly, is this a dojo?”
“Mhm,” Sanji hummed in a musical tone. “Come on, Musclehead, we’re gonna spar.”
Zoro balked, doing a double take around the studio, as if it might change what he saw and rose petals would start falling from the ceiling. However, the dojo remained alarmingly normal and free of picnics or candlelit dinners of any kind.
“How is this a date?” He asked, turning on Sanji indignantly.
“It wouldn’t be for most people, it definitely is for you.” Sanji slipped out of his shoes, leaning down to pick them up with one hand and neatly slide them into one of the designated cubbies before turning back to Zoro with a self-assured smirk. “A date is anything planned for two people to get to know each other and explore compatibility.” Sanji leaned in slightly, a challenge clear in his expression. “You gonna look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t think you’ve figured out everything you need to know about me from one good tussle?”
Zoro clenched his jaw around a retort that would sound hollow in his own ears, unable to deny it, but unwilling to let the love-cook know he’d hit the nail on the head. Zoro wasn't always great at reading people, but his intuition in a fight had never steered him wrong. Sanji retreated from his space, shucking off his overcoat to reveal a thin workout shirt underneath as he went on to say, “It’s a nice bonus that I’ve been wanting to beat the shit out of you since the day we met,” with an absolutely insufferable grin stretching across his face.
Any lingering hesitation Zoro had was instantly consumed by the competitive fire that roared to life at those words. His eyes narrowed as the other man tossed his coat over a bench and stepped backwards towards the mat, locking onto the movement like a predator while flames licked at his insides.
“Don’t expect me to go easy on you,” he growled, low and threatening as he kicked his own shoes off and followed Sanji onto the sparring mat. “I’m going to knock you on your ass, Curly.”
Sanji laughed, a clear and pure note in the empty dojo as he shifted into a ready stance. “In your dreams, shitty mosshead.”
It was a clear invitation, and Zoro took it without hesitation, barrelling into the fight with single-minded intent to take the other man out as brutally as possible. Only Sanji didn’t miss a beat, rolling into the fight as easily as breathing as he dodged the attack and returned with his own. They quickly found themselves in a deadlock. Zoro could take down most opponents without breaking a sweat, but Sanji was matching him blow for blow. Zoro couldn’t gain any headway, but neither could Sanji, his brow furrowed in concentration as he read Zoro’s movements, waiting for any opening he could take advantage of. Zoro couldn’t remember the last time someone had challenged him like this. It was exhilarating in a way that prickled like static across his skin.
Sanji shifted, a telegraph of his next strike, and Zoro made to block it. He realized a moment too late that it was a faint, Sanji’s eyes sparked, and Zoro didn’t have time to dodge before Sanji’s foot connected with the middle of his chest, knocking his breath loose. He stumbled back from the force, trying to catch a gasp of air. The pain did nothing to curb the energy thrumming beneath his skin, and Sanji’s self-assured grin made it worse. Zoro still didn’t know how this was supposed to be a date, but fuck if it wasn’t already the most interesting one he’d ever been on.
“You ready to admit you were wrong yet?” Sanji asked cheekily, also breathing heavily.
He snapped out of his shock enough to right himself, reminded of the bet that brought them here, finally drawing in enough air to huff out, “Like I’m gonna do that when you cheated.”
“Cheated?” Sanji barked out a laugh. “It’s not my fault you have an extremely black and white idea of what a date is.”
Zoro had grasped as much; it wasn't the first time someone told him he was a bull-headed idiot, and it wouldn’t be the last. But he wasn’t ready to admit that he might lose this wager just yet.
Arguing with Sanji was fun, but actually fighting him was something else, pinned by the way Sanji’s eyes followed his every move. Zoro wasn’t much of a brawler, preferring his swords over hand-to-hand combat when given the choice, but he couldn’t deny there was something heady about the way their bodies moved around each other. The push and pull as they each tried to catch the other off guard enough to gain the upper hand, as ferocious as it was intimate.
“Thought you’d be an over-the-top cheesy romance kind of guy.” He teased. “This looks like you barely put in any effort at all.”
“I’m an expert date planner and put in the exact level of effort that is wanted and deserved,” Sanji growled, whirling on him with a kick.
Zoro caught the blow just before it slammed into his head, squeezing his grip tauntingly around the man’s ankle. “You sayin‘ I don’t deserve flowers and chocolates, Curly?”
“You wouldn’t even appreciate them, you barbarian.” Sanji tore his leg out of Zoro’s grasp, dancing back out of his reach.
He was enthralled by the way Sanji moved like liquid, nothing but instinct keeping Zoro reacting fast enough to block and dodge the attacks. He knew Sanji had fighting experience, but if he’d thought the glimpses of agility he got inside the man’s cheesy office through threats to his well-being were impressive, it was nothing compared to this. This was Sanji with his violent fucking attitude on full display in a way Zoro had never seen. Letting down walls Zoro wasn't even aware of in order to dump all his effort into knocking Zoro’s teeth out.
“Why’s a shrink know how to fight like this anyway?”
Sanji’s eyebrow twitched at the nickname, enough force behind his next kick that Zoro was pretty sure he’d have a nasty bruise on his forearm where he blocked it.
“Giving green oafs life advice isn’t the only thing I do,”
“Yeah, you also make ugly cookies and play with yarn,” he teased, spurred by the way Sanji’s strikes grew more ferocious with each taunt that left his lips.
“I come here to blow off steam,” he growled. “Since someone in my line of work isn’t exactly supposed to beat the hell out of shithead clients like you.” Zoro grinned wickedly at the implication. He wondered how many times Sanji had ended up here, venting his frustrations on some poor sparring partner while imagining Zoro in their place. It thrilled him to know how easily he got under the man’s skin. Sanji pushed his hair out of his face. “I also help teach self-defense courses sometimes.”
That gave Zoro pause, and Sanji took full advantage of the hesitation, surging into his space to tackle him off balance. Despite stumbling, Zoro managed to hook a foot behind Sanji’s leg, dragging it out from under him to break his stance. He shoved his forearm into Sanji’s chest and sent them both crashing to the mat. He wrestled with the cook, managing to trap one thigh under his knee and grappling with Sanji’s arms to pin him to the floor.
“You mean those group things where you teach women how to kick men in the balls?” Zoro grunted.
Sanji smirked, “Among other things.” He wrenched his trapped leg free, and suddenly his powerful thighs wrapped around Zoro’s waist with a crushing force, using Zoro’s own weight to tip him to the side in a dizzying flip. Zoro’s back hit the mat, and Sanji straddled him, one leg pressing across Zoro’s to immobilize them and the other pinning Zoro’s left arm to the mat. His right arm was caught in Sanji’s solid grip, extended painfully forward as he loomed over Zoro with an insufferable grin on his handsome face.
“Yield?” He asked cockily.
Zoro heard the word as though muffled by water, blood rushed in his ears, his heart pounding as he tried in vain to catch his breath. The world was still tumbling around him, and he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the man above him, haloed by the fluorescent studio lights. His face flushed a blotchy red, his chest heaving, sweat rolling off his skin. It was by far the most disheveled Zoro had ever seen him, and something about it had his insides twisting into knots. The feeling rose from his gut to fill his chest, expanding until it pressed against his ribs with nowhere to go but out. The burning need to do something before it consumed him.
Before he could even consider what he was doing, Zoro leaned up, bumping his mouth against Sanji’s in a brief, clumsy kiss. It lasted barely a breath before Sanji flinched away, dropping Zoro’s arm and leaping off him like he’d been burned. He covered his mouth with a hand, staring down at Zoro like he’d seen a ghost.
Zoro continued to sit half propped up on his elbows, trying to catch his breath, still a little shell-shocked by his own impulsiveness and the strength of the feeling that had overcome him moments before. He couldn’t even hazard a guess as to what his own expression was doing as Sanji's gaze flickered over his face.
“I—” Sanji turned his head to the side, lowering his hand to take an unsteady breath before he looked back at Zoro. “I know I’m good at planning dates, but I think you got a bit carried away.”
It was an obvious deflection, but enough to startle Zoro out of his daze and actually register what he’d just done.
“Shit.” He swore, pushing himself to stand on unsteady legs. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have—”
“No, it’s–” Sanji interrupted, then paused. He ran a hand over his face, and Zoro watched as his expression shuttered, withdrawing behind a professional mask. “It’s my fault… I don’t know why I— This was a stupid idea.” He turned on his heel, and Zoro trailed him to the front of the dojo. “We should just forget this happened.”
With a jolt, Zoro realized that he didn’t want the night to end like this. He faltered as Sanji wrestled his shoes from their cubby, caught between the desire to say something that would save this and a childish stubbornness that wanted to prevent the other man from knowing he’d won.
“Curly,” he called out, just as the bell over the door chimed to signal the others’ hasty exit. Sanji froze with one hand against the door, looking back over his shoulder with a hesitance that made Zoro’s chest tighten.
“You— uh… That wasn’t… a terrible date…” he muttered lamely, feeling for all the world like a kid trying to tell his crush he like-liked them in the school yard. It was mortifying admitting he’d enjoyed the evening despite his earlier conviction, but the small smile that returned to Sanji’s face convinced him it was absolutely worth it. Embarrassed warmth fluttered in his chest like a thousand tiny insects flapping their wings, his heart still pounding in a way that should maybe be concerning.
“I know,” Sanji teased, perhaps going for derisive, but the impact was softened by the insecure way he held himself halfway out the door. “I win. You can tell me all about how amazing I am at your next session.” With that, he slipped the rest of the way out of the door, letting it fall closed behind him with a decisive click.
Zoro ran a hand through his hair, then dropped his hand to palm at his sternum for a moment, trying to slow the uncomfortable beat of his heart. After a moment, he sat down on the mat, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath to center himself. It had been a long time since anything had thrown him out of whack as easily as Sanji seemed to. Even then, he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt something quite like this. His mind flashed with the phantom sensation of Sanji straddling him, the warmth and weight of that powerful body pressing him down, the split second where their lips touched. Zoro had kissed people before, but he always found it kind of underwhelming. It was just something he did. He kissed his dates because he knew they wanted him to. He couldn’t say the same about what just happened. That certainly wasn’t for Sanji’s sake. Zoro just wanted to kiss him.
He was starting to understand what the love-cook meant by 'going through the motions'. Zoro wasn’t a stranger to following his instincts into a decision before his brain caught up, but never in a situation like this. No date had ever fired him up enough to ignite that part of himself, acting purely on impulse and the desire to be close to someone. It was like Sanji managed to slip past some barrier Zoro didn’t even know was there, so he could drag these feelings to the surface. Closing a connection that allowed electricity to surge through Zoro and light him up, like flipping the light switch on the dojo wall. He lifted his hand to his chest once more, trying to rub away the crackling warmth that lingered there. Whatever this was, he wasn’t going to let it slip out of his grasp that easily.