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His head felt fuzzy.
He didn’t exactly remember the events of that day. He remembered the emotions, and that was enough. Sad. Angry. He sort of knew in the back of his head that they were bigger emotions, but they were too big for him. So, here he lay. On his soft, pastel carpet. With a weighted plushie on his chest Ragatha had made it for him. He didn’t really remember when. But he knew it was from her. It was soft, and had black beady eyes that looked off into the void.
…and it loved him, so that was nice too. Ragatha let him know that every time he was this small. Which was comforting to know, because usually, he- uh…
He hears a knock on his door. He looks up, and panics.
“Go- go away!”
He speaks in a voice too high to be his own. Maybe he could pass it off as his voice just- rising? Because he was surprised? It really depended on who-
“Jax? Uh- are- you okay? Pomni wanted to make sure you were awake. Even… after yesterday.”
He, for a second, had a thought. Mama. Then, it went away when she finished her sentence. She wasn’t here for him, and even if he asked she wouldn’t want to take care of him.
He paused. He really wanted to stay little. It was comforting, to be clouded by his mind falling back to his youth, to be 5 and surrounded by soft colors and cute toys. But not right now. He did something bad. And he couldn’t go outside like this. Sure, he could ask Ragatha to come inside, but he knows she would just be forcing herself to be nice because she’s just too nice for her to just be like that, and that level of niceties has to be forced.
Ah. Before he could even consider it again, he was big again. He knew it wouldn’t come back again for a while. Or if he was like, under extreme stress or whatever. It’d be fine!
“Uh- Jax?”
Oh shit right, Ragatha. He sits up.
“GEEZ- I’m coming, Raggy. Let a man have THOUGHTS.”
“Oh… okay- “
And he walks to his door, opening it with an energy far too large for his own right now.
“Hey, Jax. Uh- just… wasn’t sure you were… you know.”
He knows what she means. Sometimes he can’t force his brain out of what she calls ‘littlespace’ and what he calls ‘kid mode’ or ‘baby mode’. Which ISN’T a reference. By the way. It’s NOT. HE- uh, where was he?
“Pssh- nah. Not after yesterday. That’s stupid.”
She shifts uncomfortably, deciding to start walking out of the hallway.
“No, it’s- sometimes you can’t exactly control it, and that’s fine! Sometimes you can just… slip. It’s- “
She would have continued, but they exited the hallway, and she stopped talking. Because the others were in the couch area, and she wasn’t really sure if she wanted them to see her talking to him.
“Eh. Whatever. Hasn’t happened yet. Might never will. Who cares. Anyways- “
“UGH, why’d you bring him HERE?”
…Zooble. He could tell right away. The tone, the fact that Zooble stood up. He walks faster than Ragatha, starting to pace towards Zooble.
“Hey, well, i just uh- I checked on him and he uh, he came out of his room, and I couldn’t really just tell him to go back, you know? Because of uh, yesterday…”
Jax, now right in front of Zooble, begins to speak, but Zooble cuts him off.
“You know what? Whatever. I’ll tell him myself.”
They turn to him, the two close enough to fight. Ragatha speeds up her walking speed.
“We don’t want you here, Jax. After the bull[plonk] you pulled? The only reason Ragatha even went to get you is because Pomni wanted to make sure you didn’t abstract.”
Jax backs up a bit.
“Well, good for her, I guess- “
“And honestly, I don’t know why she did- “
Pomni stands up. She didn’t exactly want to get involved- this was clearly something she should let Zooble and Jax handle themselves- they’re adults, after all. But getting mentioned means she had to at least speak up for herself.
“Hey- don’t bring me into this! I just wanted to make sure he was okay, that’s all- even… even if he really messed up yesterday, I don’t want him to abstract or something.”
Zooble was about to say something they were going to regret. They knew it. The anger they felt at him was something they knew they should control, but either way they speak, knowing it was stupid of them to say something before collecting themself first-
“Maybe we should just let him abstract- !”
Zooble motions to Jax, immediately realizing their error the moment they stop talking. The way the other’s faces shift- most of all the active ones within the fight- Jax , Ragatha, and Pomni. After a moment of silence, Zooble tries to speak up. But Ragatha interrupts them.
“Zooble. You- you can’t say something like that- ! That’s horrible!”
They take a deep breath. Shit. They knew they didn’t mean it. They didn’t. They hate him so, so much but even so the thought of seeing his door with a large red X made them feel sick.
“I know, I- s[bonk]. I didn’t mean that. I just- f{honk!].”
Ragatha glances at Jax, who’s gone silent. His pupils and mouth are so small she can’t see them, and she’s so close to him too. She quickly grabs his wrist- it would have been his hand, but she didn’t want to raise any suspicion, and she wasn’t sure if Jax was stable enough right now.
“Hey uh, I think we’re going to go back, okay? We’ll… discuss this once tensions have gone down, okay?”
She says this to all of them, leading Jax back to the room's hallway. Once the others are out of sight, she speaks again.
“We’re going back to my room, okay Jax?”
He’s silent. And then-
“Ma... mm- “
She knew what he was going to say. She lets her hand slide down from his wrist to his hand, and she walks a bit faster so she can guide him. Once they reach her door, she opens it and leads him inside. Placing him onto the carpet on the floor, she goes to shut the door so they’re alone. She turns to him. He’s sitting cross-legged, staring at the carpet. He’s biting his thumb.
“Was… was that too much for you, bunbun?”
She kneels next to him, watching as the thumb goes further in. He nods.
“That’s okay. We can stay here for a bit, alright?”
Another nod. She hesitates, before walking over to her toy chest that doubled as a piano stool. It found more use as a toy chest. At least their color palettes were similar enough to where he could use them too. She picks up a pastel purple pacifier, walking over to Jax. She kneels again.
“Can you take your thumb out of your mouth, dear?”
He hesitates, looking up at her and then looking down at the paci. He obliges. The thumb leaves with a small pop. She gives him a soft smile, placing the pacifier in his mouth as she speaks.
“That's my good bunny.”
She spends the next few minutes grabbing him his usual comfort items- the paci was one. He also had a weighted blanket, some fluffy slippers, a bottle and- uh…
Oh. She approaches Jax, empty handed.
“Um… bunbun, did you leave your plush in your room?”
He stares at her, and she realizes he can’t really understand right now. She sighs.
“Okay um… here.”
She hesitantly hands him a normal plush. A soft white dog. He looks at it, before frowning.
“I’m sorry… I don’t have a key to your room.”
She scootches a little closer, wrapping her arms around him. He’s been silent this entire time. Now she’s a bit worried…
“Dear, how old are you now?”
He pauses. He looks like he’s thinking, but in this state he doesn’t tend to think much. He holds up 2 fingers. Well, that was… helpful. And explained the silence.
“Hm. Alright. Thank you.”
She pets him in between his ears, and he melts a bit at the touch. She considers taking his key, but she isn’t sure where it’d be on him. Also this was nice. Petting his ears, sitting with him quietly as he falls asleep. She knew eventually she’d have to let him handle the mess that was yesterday. But she knew now was certainly not the time. Tensions were too high. He was too small. She knew things had to calm down if they were to get anywhere.
She felt him lean against her- she looked down and his eyes are shut. She knows when he wakes up he’s going to ignore this and pretend it never happened as usual- and she doesn’t exactly mind. She’s fine just being here now, with her baby bunny.