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The nightmare is not surprising for Lucy, she was already triggered after the case and saving the girl. She already felt like the walls were closing in on her. She felt like everything was crumbling down in front of her. She hadn’t had a nightmare in years. Not about this—Caleb or Rosalind or being trapped in the barrel. She had had more than a few panic attacks, tight spaces were always a thing that made her heart quicken but—
The nightmares disappeared for awhile. She had nightmares about different things, the horrors of the job creeping into her mind. And when she started dating Tim—it was always in the forefront of her mind that she would lose him.
Permanently.
She dreamed she would never see him again. He would be gone, buried and gone and the only way she could see him was a grave.
But—
She didn’t lose him after the breakup. Not really. He was still there and breathing.
After the fire, the nightmares came back for her. The haunting words of his love confession making her heart beat faster.
It wasn’t easy being away from him. And she didn’t really get sleep without him. But the nightmares tapered off.
And then the girl was kidnapped and it was eerily similar to hers. And nothing she told herself calmed her down.
She was here. She was alive.
She takes a deep breath, and rolls over on her side to look at Tim who is staring at the ceiling. She knows this day wasn’t easy for him either. They started their day off with a breakfast, soft kisses and Kojo by their sides. And then it turned dark and twisty.
And now—
She pokes his arm, and he looks over at her. “Hi.” She mutters.
“Hi.” He replies and as if she was a magnet he scoots closer to her
“You good?” She asks. It’s a silly question really but she needs to know.
“I’m fine.” He says. “You?” She shrugs her shoulders, she’s not sure she will get a lot out of him. And really she doesn’t mind. She just wants to be close to him. Her safe place. Her home.
“I’m—here.” She says. Tim searches her face and then pulls her in closer.
“Thank god.” He says. Lucy sighs and rests her head on his chest.
Her home. Her safe place.
***
Lucy is back in the barrel but there’s no noise. It’s pure silence. She can’t breathe. She can’t move. She knows Tim is looking for her, he would find her. He would. She would be okay. She moves her hand a little and something hits the side of the barrel. It makes a loud noise in the tight space.
She freezes and raises her hand in front of her. She can’t see much but she knows.
It’s her ring.
She didn’t drop it for them to find.
They wouldn’t know she was here.
They wouldn’t find her. And if they did, it would be too late.
Tim.
Oh god.
She can’t breathe, her breaths are becoming louder and closer together. She can’t breathe. She needs to get out.
She starts moving around, please find me. Please find me. But she knows it’s useless.
Useless.
She takes a sharp breath and then everything goes black.
***
“Lucy!” She feels someone shaking her and she sits up quickly and looks over to see Tim staring at her. He reaches out to pull her in but she jumps back. Her heart and head pounding. Her vision blurry. “Hey. It’s okay.”
“No I—” She starts and looks around the room. “I didn’t drop my ring.”
“What?”
“My ring. That’s how you found me right?” She asks turning to look at him. “I dropped it.”
“Yes.” Tim says quietly with a haunted look on his face. “Yes. I found it. And you—”
“I just—”
“You had a nightmare.” Tim says realization flashing over his face. “You didn’t—”
“Yes.” Lucy says and Tim reaches out to pull her in. This time she lets him. He presses a kiss to the top of her head.
“I’m sorry.” He says. “I didn’t—I didn’t realize. You were mumbling something.”
“You found me.” She says. “You pulled me out.”
“Because your ring that you dropped led me to you.” Tim says. “You saved yourself.”
“You helped.” She says and she plays with his shirt. “You did.”
“I pushed you to go with Caleb.” He says softly. “If I—”
“It wasn’t your fault babe.” She says and she has told him this before. It wasn’t his fault. She didn’t blame him. Not even a little bit.
Tim sighs softly, and leans in to press a kiss to the top of her head. “You are safe Lucy.” He says. “It was just a nightmare. Caleb is dead. Rosalind is dead. And that girl is safe.”
“Right.” She says and she feels him press another kiss to the top of her head. She’s safe. She’s here.
Tim is here and holding her. They are in their bed in their house. They are starting over, and it’s working.
She is safe. She is safe in his arms.
***
Lucy wakes up before Tim and rolls out of bed. She makes her way to the living room to let Kojo outside. And then grabs a blanket from the couch and goes outside and sits down on the patio. She wraps herself in the blanket and watches as the sun rises in the horizon. The colors changing the sky little by little.
She didn’t think she would be here or out of her apartment. She didn’t think she would be living with Tim or waking up before him.
She hears the door open behind her, and looks up to see Tim. She scoots over and he sits down without another word.
“I’d thought I find you out here.” He says. She lays her head on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”
“I’m okay.” She says. She is a little shaken by her nightmare but she didn’t wake up after that. She found herself not moving away from Tim though. “Just thinking.”
“I figured.” He says. “You did a good job saving that girl. And helping her through it.”
“She is going to carry that trauma.” Lucy says. She taps her fingers on his leg. “But she’s strong. And if she has a good support system.”
“You are one of the strongest people I know.” Tim says. “She’s brave. She made it through.” Lucy nods and closes her eyes.
“You helped me.” She says. “You probably don’t realize it but telling me it wasn’t my day of death but—”
“The first day of the rest of your life.” Tim says. “I meant it.”
“I know.” She says. “I’m glad it was you who pulled me from the barrel.”
“I wasn’t going to stop until I found you.” He says. “And I probably wouldn’t have let any one else do it.”
“I know.” She says. “And I will forever be thankful for it.”
“Hmm.” Tim says. “I have a confession.”
“What’s that?” Lucy asks.
“I stayed with you all night.” He says. “I know—”
“I knew that.” Lucy says giving him a look. “It was pretty obvious.” Tim shakes his head, and grabs her hand. He plays with her fingers.
“You never told me what a BTS was.” He says. Lucy can’t help but laugh, and she feels lighter all of a sudden.
“God I love you.” She mutters. And she really is grateful to have him in her life. Always.
“I love you too.”
***
Tim is used to nightmares, they started in his childhood and followed him to when he was an adult. He had them after the military and everywhere in between. They got worse after the breakup with Lucy and really it was his own damn fault.
He would lie awake at night not wanting to close his eyes because he didn’t want the nightmares to take over.
He didn’t want to see Lucy walk away from him or disappear into the darkness. The abyss. He didn’t want to relive that night over and over in his head like a movie.
Except this movie was never ending. It went back to the same scene over and over again. The one where he broke her heart.
It didn’t help when they both almost died in the fire, he knows without a doubt that he would have saved her if it came to it.
But—
He would have reoccurring nightmares in the days after that had him sweating. It almost had him reaching for his phone to call Lucy.
But he didn’t—
He couldn’t sleep without her. He’s not sure he has had a good nights sleep for a long time. It was either the nightmares plaguing his mind or he was wishing he could reach out and touch Lucy.
And now he could. It was nice to finally be able to have her next to him. And even if she woke up with nightmares—he was there to hold her.
Always.
But there’s a seed of doubt in the back of his mind that makes him think it’s too good to be true. That this was just a dream, and he wasn’t living with the woman that he loves. He was alone as usual in a empty house.
A dark empty house.
Tim looks over to his right and sees Lucy scrolling through her phone. She looks like she’s concentrating on something. He hesitates before he’s moving closer and putting an arm across her chest.
Lucy looks over at him, and lowers her phone. “Tired?” She asks. Tim rolls his eyes a little. They had spent the better part of the day unpacking. It was getting a little frustrating living in a house of boxes.
But he didn’t want to take his frustrations out on her. It was a job for them both and he wasn’t living more than happy to help. He just didn’t know where she got all this stuff.
“A little.” He says. “You?” Lucy yawns on cue and nods her head.
“Moving in is stressful.” She says. “But there’s something else bothering you.” Tim swallows hard, and she knows him too well.
“That nightmare you had. Have you—” He stops and Lucy looks up at him.
“Have I had them before? Yes I just haven’t had one in a long time. I guess the case triggered something in me.” She says. “Why?”
“I was just curious.” He says. He moves his hand down to her side, and then gives her a smile.
“What about you?” She asks. “Have you had nightmares?” Tim doesn’t answer for a few minutes. He’s wondering if he should just be vague.
“More than I can count.” He says softly. “It was especially bad after the fire.”
“Same.” Lucy says. “I didn’t want to lose you but I was scared because—”
“I know.” Tim says softly pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Losing you terrifies me.” Tim sees Lucy swallow and then she sighs.
“I’m sorry.” She says. “For not saying it back.”
“It’s okay.” Tim says although his heart races a little. He knows why she didn’t say it back, she didn’t want to say it while they dying. She didn’t want that to be the reason why she said.
“It’s not.” Lucy says. “I wanted to. But there was a part of me that—”
“Hadn’t forgiven me?” Tim asks. Lucy hesitates but nods.
“Yes.” She says. “I didn’t stop loving you that was never the problem.”
“I love you Lucy.” He mutters and she curls up into his side. He doesn’t say anything, just lets Lucy’s soft breathing lure him to sleep.
***
Tim is holding onto Lucy, he hears the fire around him. He hears the destruction outside but he holds onto her. He knows they may not make it out alive.
He turns to look at Lucy, ready to say something. Ready to confess even more. But her eyes are closed and it doesn’t look like she’s breathing.
No.
No.
No.
“Lucy.” He says softly. “Lucy.” He pushes at her shoulder. But there’s no answer. He puts his ear near her mouth but he doesn’t hear anything.
No.
He puts his hand on her chest but it’s still.
No.
This wasn’t happening, why did they come here. Why didn’t someone tell them it was dangerous?
Why did he not tell her sooner that he loves her? Why did he walk away from her?
Why?
He let all this time pass and now she was gone—
No.
No.
No.
***
Tim jolts awake and looks over at Lucy who is sleeping. He swallows hard, and reaches out to put his hand on her face.
She’s here.
She’s safe.
She’s alive.
She stirs and opens her eyes, and blinks at him a couple of times. “Tim?” She says her voice sleepy. “What’s wrong?”
“I had a nightmare.” He says. “We were in the fire and you died.” Lucy blinks at him some more.
“I’m here.” She says and she moves closer slotting her leg in between his. “I’m okay Tim.”
“I know you are okay.” He says. He still has his hand on her face and he drags it down. She grabs his hand and laces her fingers with his. “It was just a nightmare but it doesn’t make any less terrified of losing you.”
“I know.” She says and she gives him a soft smile and leans in to give him a kiss. “I love you Tim. And I’m right here.”
Tim takes a deep breath. She’s right here, she’s in his arms. She’s safe.
Safe.
They would have more nightmares, that was a guarantee but he would be there for her and she would be there for him.
And they would be safe with each other.
Always.