Chapter Text
“If you don’t drop it, I’ll drop you,” Miranda warned Nat, adjusting her grip. She tightened her hold on Nat’s ankles as she shifted her weight on Miranda’s shoulders.
“I’m just saying you’d make a cute couple. Cute enough that the media will stop wondering who he’s a lovesick puppy for,” Natasha said.
“I’m not the one he has a crush on.”
“So you’ve said. Two inches to the left,” Natasha instructed. Miranda shuffled over accordingly.
“Is your gaydar broken, or do you just not have it? And how complicated is this? I can’t keep you on my shoulders forever.”
“Almost done. And actually, you make a valid point. I just assumed Steve was straight.”
“Oh, look, you were wrong about something. But, quite frankly, I’m not sure he’s admitted it to himself, so,” Miranda said, stopping herself just before she shrugged.
“We’ll have to fix that. But in the meantime, Steve still needs a date for the gala at the end of the month.”
“He’s gone alone before,” Miranda countered.
“Yeah, and women practically throw themselves at him and he gets really uncomfortable. People are less like to flirt with someone who’s in a relationship.”
“We’re not dating.”
“I know, I know,” Natasha placated, dismounting Miranda’s shoulders. “But the public doesn’t need to know that. Look, Steve is the most awkward person I have ever encountered when it comes to flirting or dating. You’ll be helping him out.”
“Fine,” Miranda relented. “I’ll go, but on the condition that you stop playing matchmaker with us. He’s not interested in me. Get your gaydar fixed.” She paused and looked around. “Was that the last target?”
“Yeah. Everything should be ready, now we just wait for everyone to get down here.” Natasha started walking back to the the start of the maze, and Miranda walked alongside her. “How are you getting along with the new nanny?”
“She’s nice. Thanks for the recommendation, by the way.”
“No problem.”
“How’d you meet her? Wait, let me guess: classified mission.”
“You’re getting better,” Natasha grinned.
“It’s almost like that’s the answer I get for everything,” Miranda said sarcastically.
“Funny how that happens with spies.”
*****
About an hour later, everyone was standing outside the paintball maze in minimal protective gear. They were waiting for Jarvis to divide the teams and light up their vests with the appropriate color. They called it urban combat training, but in all reality it was just because they were all competitive as hell.
“Have you talked to Thor recently?” Steve asked.
“Yesterday, yeah. They’re doing alright. I think Thor is bored though. He’d rather seek out his enemies than hide from them,” Miranda replied.
“We’ll have to bring him in then. Give him something to do.”
“Darcy would appreciate that immensely, I’m sure.” A buzzer went off, and all the conversations came to a halt.
“ The teams have been divided ,” Jarvis announced. The team indicator lights on everyone’s vests blinked twice before staying red for a few seconds and then turning off. Except for Miranda’s, which was blue rather than red.
“Hang on, something goofed. Why am I a one-woman team?”
“To test your powers,” Natasha grinned, handing her a blindfold. “We’re going to see how well you can do using them and only them to get through the maze.”
“You’re joking,” Miranda said flatly.
“She’s not. You’ve read what we have, Douglas. Records say you should have no problem with this,” Tony commented.
“This is dumb,” she muttered, tying the blindfold over her eyes.
“Can you see anything?” Natasha asked, waving her hand in front of Miranda’s eyes.
“Not with my eyes,” Miranda replied.
“Good,” Natasha said, motioning for everyone to move into the maze. “Jarvis will tell you when to start.”
Miranda stayed still as she listened to everyone enter the maze, nodding in response to the ‘good luck’ she got from Bruce. She hadn’t done it in a long time, but using her powers like this wasn’t anything new.
‘You have be aware of your surroundings,’ Bucky had told her, tying a blindfold over her eyes, blocking out the bright summer gardens of Versailles. ‘Use your senses.’
‘To do what?’
‘Spar with me. Now focus. You don’t need your eyes to see, you said so yourself.’
In the present, she took a steadying breath. “I can do this,” she whispered to herself.
“ Miss Douglas, you may enter the maze, ” Jarvis told her.
“I can do this,” she repeated, taking her first steps into the maze.
*****
Her progress was slow at first, but luckily she didn’t run into anything. She heard a rustle to her left, and rotated, firing twice as soon as she confirmed that the noise came from a person.
‘ If you ever shoot someone, mean it. The easiest kill shot is a clean double tap to the heart, ’ Natasha had told her once. It was almost reflexive now.
“They never stop stinging, no matter how often we do this,” Bruce grumbled. Miranda chuckled softly before moving on.
She paused for a moment in the door to the next room. She couldn’t hear anything, but she knew Clint was in there. She had to be careful if she didn’t want to get hit. She sidestepped to avoid a paintball before firing a return shot.
“This isn’t the Matrix, Andy,” Clint joked.
“Nope. I’m prettier than Reeves anyway.” She took another shot and heard it splatter on his vest as his feet hit the ground when he dropped from his hiding spot to ensure “fatality.”
“You’re getting better at this.”
“Thanks,” she smiled before moving on. She swore when she ran into a box in the middle of the hallway that hadn’t been there before and again when she got hit on her arm by a paintball. She dropped, using the box as cover.
“How am I the first one to get a hit?” Tony shouted from his spot.
“The box threw me off,” she shouted back. Miranda steadied her breathing, calculating her next move.
‘Arrogant men are the easiest to kill. Use their arrogance against them,’ Bucky had told her once, on one of his bad days. She had struggled to keep up with the Russian then, but the advice had been simple enough to understand.
“That was pretty clever of you,” she shouted. She slowly moved around the box, staying out of Tony’s sightline.
“I’ve been known be.”
“But not clever enough,” she said, rounding his cover just enough to shoot him in the back.
“Damn it.”
“You lose, clever boy,” she smirked. Miranda quickly got back to her feet and moved on. Three down, two to go.
*****
The maze wasn’t very big, Miranda knew that, but it seemed longer as she moved through it without encountering Natasha and Steve. She knew where they were, and that they were planning to attack at the same time, but the minutes ticked by slowly.
They were in the next room, the last room before the very end. Miranda pressed herself to the wall in the hall, planning, waiting. She took a steady breath, then crept down the hall with quiet steps.
Steve grabbed her from behind as soon as she was fully in the room, picking her up so her feet couldn’t touch the ground.
“Ugh, no fair!” she whined, thrashing around. She felt his grip loosen, and jabbed her elbow into his side. He dropped her and she took a few steps away.
“And how was that fair?” Steve retorted. She grinned devilishly. Her smile disappeared quickly when she felt two paintballs hit her in the back though.
“You’re dead,” Natasha stated. “You let yourself get distracted. You have to always be aware of your surroundings.”
“Right,” Miranda replied, taking the blindfold off. She squinted against the bright lights. “But to be fair, I don’t have combat training, nor do I have a need for it.”
“Not yet,” Natasha said, walking out of the room.
“That sounds vaguely ominous,” Miranda muttered. Steve chuckled.
“I think it was more... prophetic.”
“What are you planning, Rogers?”
“ I’m not planning anything.” Miranda narrowed her eyes before turning on her heel and striding out of the room.
“Alright, Captain, let’s go get ready for round two,” she called over her shoulder.
*****
For the next three rounds, they were split into two teams of three. Team Red was Bruce, Tony, and Clint, and Team Blue was Steve, Natasha, and Miranda. Best two out of three went to Team Blue, though the last round was pretty close.
After everyone had cleaned up, they gathered on the communal floor for dinner.
“Thank god for crockpots,” Miranda muttered, checking the roast to see if it was done. “I’m too tired to cook.” She turned the crockpot down so that it would just stay warm.
“Only downside is that we’ve been smelling it all day,” Steve said, pulling plates out of the cabinet.
“You saying my cooking smells bad?”
“I’m saying the opposite. Did you need a bowl for the carrots and potatoes?”
“Yeah, thanks,” she replied, digging in a drawer for the slotted spoon. She handed it to Steve after a glance at the clock. “Could you scoop the carrots and potatoes into the bowl? I gotta go get Ben, Grace gets off in ten.”
“No problem, go ahead.”
“Thanks!” she called over her shoulder, blowing a dramatic kiss. “You’re the best!”
“You two are so cute,” Natasha said, appearing at Steve’s side. He was already turning pink, but knowing that Natasha had seen it made him turn pink faster. “The public is going to eat it up.”
“What?”
“She agreed to go to the gala with you. A few pictures and everyone will think you’re dating.”
“Nat, we’re just friends.”
“Well, your good friend has basically agreed to fake date you so people stop flirting with you. A few appearances here and there, then we release a fake announcement confirming the rumours that you’re dating, and people will probably leave you alone. Simple.”
“Right,” Steve said flatly, scooping carrots and potatoes out of the crockpot.
“Unless you’d rather tell me who you have a crush on so I can set you up.”
“Soon as you find him, you can do just that,” Miranda commented, sweeping back into the kitchen with Ben on her hip. “Let me know, too, I want pictures.”
“What kind of pictures?” Natasha asked, smiling at Ben. Miranda handed him to her when he made grabby hands at her.
“Awkward prom style,” Miranda grinned. She nudged Steve out of her way so she could clean the roast.
“It’s a deal,” Natasha said.
“Why am I friends with either of you?” Steve asked rhetorically.
“We have the same level of interest in reckless self-endangerment?” Miranda provided.
“We also make better friends than enemies,” Natasha added.
“That was rhetorical, guys.”
“We know,” they chimed, grinning at each other. Steve shook his head fondly as he took the bowl and plates into the dining area. Natasha helped him set the table after she strapped Ben into his highchair.
Dinner was a social affair as always, and wasn’t interrupted by a call for the Avengers (which seemed to be happening more and more frequently). It was a good day.