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Can one really be ‘in a relationship’ with Rin Amamiya? The girl it's impossible to truly know? That's a question for the ages. But to begin with it would help if the asker were honest with themselves. Sojiro has never before moved a so-called romantic situation past the casual hookup phase. Yet he would always claim that he was participating in a fun love affair, a love affair which always ended after a few weeks or months, if it ever even rose to the level of being a regular, orderly thing. That's what was so attractive about Wakaba, she was forever out of reach, and therefore safe. With her around to act as a lightning rod he never needed to commit to any one woman, and once she died, she still protected him, giving him something to point to as this great love he couldn't get over. All bullshit. She may have enjoyed having him around for what he could provide, but she was so detached from him that she never realised he was into her, and he was glad of that.
Rin's not the first young woman he's been with. They tend to quickly solve the problem of commitment by pulling disappearing acts when a man their own age catches their eye, and as he grew older, Sojiro needed to front more and more money in order to land the young koi. Presuming, of course, that they weren't one of the rare damaged sort of fish who was specifically into older men and exclusively older men. It never used to make him feel bad when he'd get with those sorts of girls, never used to, until one began living with him. Then he began to feel bad, hoo boy, he couldn't not, not when he began to care for her, truly, no longer simply half-assedly pretending in the cause of some virtue signalling sham.
But she wanted him and shied away at the same time, and that set off the old chase instincts, and here they are, involved but not officially so, playing their usual parts when others are looking, and playing new ones when they aren't. The reasoning, her reasoning behind hiding their thing is that someone might try and get him in trouble for dallying with her, and thereby give ammo to people who don't like that he’s in control of Futaba's money. Rin being of age and a filthy, no good criminal to boot, causes her to believe that no one cares how she's treated except for when she can be used to aid some ulterior motive. That's how he used to think too, and back in the day he would have gladly kept their thing under wraps. However, now he finds her reticence about the full extent of their relationship to be immensely aggravating. Immensely. It's like she's ashamed of him. Like he’s a dirty secret. No one has ever been ashamed of him before. No woman anyway. It has yet to occur to him that Rin might believe that he’s ashamed of her.
“Hey,” he says into her neck late one night while she's putting the finishing touches on curry prep, his arms creeping round her waist. “I've gotta go before Futaba wonders where I've gotten to.”
As always, Rin doesn't react to either his closeness or his words in the way he expects. He expects some sort of response, but she takes so long to put her ladle down and place a lid on the pot that he cinches his arms tighter in frustration. That makes her laugh and struggle, which only makes him more determined to keep her in captivity. A duel erupts, Rin pushing him back against the fridge, just like the first time. This time though, he switches their positions.
“What are you doing, Boss? Someone might see.” she giggles, a sound she only makes with him.
“I don't care.” he replies, his lips on her throat, arms holding her tight against him.
All her wriggling causes him to decide that there actually is time to wrestle her upstairs for another attempt at taming the tiger, and so there goes another Mistake with a capital M to add to the growing Monolith of Error, a monolith that has yet to collapse on him with all its guilt and shame.
Sleeping with her is intoxicating for so many reasons, and he must admit that part of that is the secrecy aspect. None of his customers would be surprised if they found out though. None at all. And none would care, except that one woman who keeps flirting with him. But sleeping with her always feels just a tiny bit non consensual, because he knows she's been damaged by her experiences, and because she fights back, forcing him to subdue her before he can have his way. But that's playtime, and she's as into it as he is, so he supposes it's his knowledge of wrongdoing, waaay in the back of his mind, that makes him feel vaguely disquieted. Rin, meanwhile, seems to lack knowledge of wrongdoing entirely, and he keeps putting off enlightening her. No, just keep teaching her about coffee, that’ll be adequate salve for his conscience.
“Sojiro, won't you come to karaoke with me? You and Futaba. It's such a good time.” Rin asks, while her lover sits on the edge of her crappy bed, buttoning up his shirt. She's still nude, ensuring that anything she asks for will be granted without as much of the usual grumbling.
He looks over his shoulder, and becomes caught on the soft curves on display behind him, his hands pausing in their work. This always happens, making him put off to another day what he should do now, which is not this flagrant fornication. “Sure, just don't make me sing any sappy love songs. Futaba's got sharp eyes.”
“Why should singing those sorts of songs be a problem? I intend to belt them for the lolz.” The girl sits up and rests her head on his back, her right hand smoothing down some errant strands of his hair so that the style is pristine again, amply displaying why it should be a problem for him to sing love songs. If it were just her body he was into, they wouldn't be a problem.
“... Don't you know why, sweetheart?” he asks, turning so that he has her on her back again, so he can easily look into her eyes, easily caress and kiss her without her fidgeting away. Easily return to the dream. Sometimes it feels like suicide or self destruction, what he's doing, because he isn't using ‘protection’. He hasn't brought it up, and neither has she, and if she won't, then he won't put such crassness into her head. Insane, insane, if he means to carry on as he always has. Utterly insane if he means to let her go at the end of the year.
“Hmm?” Under his touch she smiles and purrs and closes her eyes, the contrast with who she is to others versus how she is with him being addictive in itself. It's like he's seeing a side of her no one else, no one else at all, is allowed to. And she soaks up the attention like he's the greatest lover to ever exist, like he’s a young and beautiful film star or something. And…and there's the domination aspect. She's so strong and tough, yet he's able to conquer her and bring her to the point of needing him. Able to mould her to himself. The other women he's been with were the opposite - soft in public, hard in private. He was a tool to them, they were never willing to fit into his life.
“Don’t you know why it's dangerous for me to sing those songs near you?” he whispers, tracing her lips with a finger. They're soft but cracked. He needs to get her on a water drinking routine, one with rewards for doing well. She’s really very obedient and he doesn’t know why he was so harsh and cruel with her in the beginning…oh, yeah, cause he was afraid she would do whatever she wanted and he wouldn't be able to reel her back in or control her, the same way he’s unable to control his daughter.
Rin, who misses almost nothing, opens her eyes, her gaze hopeful. And sad. “I wouldn't presume to know, 'Jiro.”
“Well, it'll be obvious that there's something more going on between us than just lackadaisical pseudo-guardian and troublemaking demi-ward.”
“Oh, really? What, you'll croon Westlife at me with a sentimental look on your face and tears in your eyes? ”
“Yeah.”
“I've definitely gotta witness that. I’ll respond with Celine Dion.”
“It's not funny. Futaba will put two and two together. She’ll know I, uh…you know.”
“You haven't got a call, my guy, and it's three in the morning. I think she’s already aware that something’s going on.”
Knowing is not approval, but Sojiro unbuttons the shirt he just painstakingly buttoned up, dropping it to the floor and throwing the duvet over his and Rin's heads.
“You're going to make me sleep in and be late if you stay over.”
“I'll call in sick for you.”
“Mmm. So long as you tell them I didn't get any sleep, and I'm not actually ill.”
“They don't need to know the details. It's none of their business.”
“True that.”
“...So, karaoke on the weekend?”
“Yay, I look forward to it.”
“Me too, now come here.”