Archive of Our Own

Letting out a sigh, Nao took a reluctant sip of the now room-temperature beer that he’d been nursing for the past two hours— surrounded by his classmates as they celebrated finishing their second year's first-semester finals. As much as he didn’t want to be there, he had already skipped out on every single night out so far in their first year and his classmates were starting to wonder if he was a recluse or just rude. 

Nao had always imagined his university life to be quiet, studious and uneventful, surrounded by like-minded academics. He hoped to leave behind the gossip and prying of his high-school days, but that wish unfortunately never came to fruition as half of the students in his class were just as lively as those he’d known in his previous chapter of schooling.

He’d answered all of the ‘So, where did you go to school?’s and ‘So, you got a girlfriend?’s he thought he could manage for one night— or for a lifetime. Suddenly a voice he recognised called from further down the table.

“Iseya?”

Nao looked up with a frown trying to trace where the voice had come from, flitting his eyes from face to face until he landed on… Akiyama?

“Oh, hey…” It felt like all of Nao’s hair stood on end. Akiyama was a classmate from his second year at high school, not someone who he knew but still recognised by face. He’d never had a bad experience with him — or any experience at all — but the familiarity made Nao feel uneasy to say the least.

“I haven’t seen you in forever!” Akiyama got up from his seat and shuffled around the table to sit across from Nao, holding up his glass in a ‘cheers’ motion. “Oh! I’ll get us another drink!”

Before Nao could protest, Akiyama had already gotten out of his seat and mingled in with the hustle and bustle of the bar. Suddenly the room felt stuffy. The boisterous voices that he had managed to tune out were now blaring in his ears and dulling all of his senses. 

Why did I even come?

Nao took another sip of his beer, grimacing at the flavour. 

And why am I drinking this? I don’t even like this shit. Maybe I should just go home.

Nao’s thoughts were cut off as Akiyama returned, presenting Nao with a fresh, cold, bitter beer for his enjoyment. Nao begrudgingly took it, feigning a polite smile with a quick nod.

“So how have you been?”

“Same old.” Nao wrapped his fingers around the new, condensation-covered glass, grounding his senses as a shiver ran down his spine. “How about you?”

“Oh yeah, all good! What are you studying?? I’m doing Engineering— boy is it tough!”

“Ahh…” Nao looked down into his beer, the foam softly sloshing against the side of the glass as he tipped it back and forth. “Yeah, I’m doing physics.”

“Oh, no way, that’s cool! I bet there’s a lot of jobs waiting for you after you graduate!”

“I haven’t really thought about it.” Nao’s voice was barely a mumble — almost drowned out by the loud conversations happening on the next table over. 

Can’t he just take the hint?

“Man, wasn’t high school great? I remember you and Ueshima always getting into those huge fights!” Akiyama let out a loud laugh, his eyes scrunched up and face flushed from the drinks.

Was it really that funny?

“Are you two still close?” he continued, taking a huge glug of his beer.

“Still close?” Nao frowned. “We were never close. He hated me and I never even figured out why.”

“Oh, really? I’m sorry man, I thought you guys would have made up by now.”

Nao scoffed and took a big mouthful of beer, the cold and fizz stinging his throat. “It’s fine, it’s not like it matters now, high school is long finished.”

“Yeah but still… Well I guess you always were a bit of a loner.”

“Yeah. I guess so.”

They sat in uncomfortable silence for a few moments before Akiyama got up, gesturing with his now empty glass. “Well I’m gonna go get another drink, see you around, Iseya!”

“Yeah, see you later.” Nao smiled again, fingers still tightly wrapped around his glass.

He slumped back in his chair, resting his beer glass in his lap, the condensation soaking slightly into his trousers. It felt painfully obvious in moments like these that Nao had no social skills, or at least he didn’t let himself have any social skills because of how many walls he had up. His brows furrowed slightly as he watched the groups around him talking, chatting, singing and drinking with ease.

I just don’t understand how they can make it look so simple.

He tapped his finger on the outside of his glass, then lifted it quickly to his lips and chugged the remaining three quarters.

“Woah who knew you could drink like that?!” one of his classmates cheered from further down the table. “Get this guy another drink!”

“No, no, I think I’m gonna head home. Thanks, though.” Nao wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He grabbed his coat, slinging it over his arm as he got up to leave.

“What, already? We’ve been begging you to come out for months, please stay for one more!” one of the girls pleaded, her fingers threaded together in a prayer. 

Nao looked down at her, then glanced towards all of the faces looking up at him. The pressure built more in every passing millisecond, and more of his classmates began pouring in words of encouragement, tugging at his jacket as they pulled him back into his seat. 

A part of Nao was annoyed by the overzealous faces surrounding him, but he couldn’t deny that the warm feeling of being actually wanted felt good, as much as he didn’t want to admit it.

“Okay. Fine. One more drink.” 

One drink turned into two, and three. Suddenly the conversations didn’t feel so painful, they flowed like a trickling stream over sodden, rock-covered land — a little tricky to traverse, but at least it was going somewhere. 

As Nao stood at the bar waiting for his fifth drink of the night to be poured, Akiyama appeared next to him again and gave him a nudge with his elbow. 

“Hey, fancy seeing you here, Iseya!! I thought you would have gone home by now, you didn’t seem like you were in a very good mood.”

Nao looked at him, tilting his head slightly to the side. “I guess I wasn’t.”

His head started to feel fuzzy, not only did he not usually drink, he usually stopped halfway through his third drink regardless. 

“I like your honesty!” Akiyama grinned, holding up his glass to ‘cheers’ Nao.

Nao let out a small laugh, holding up his own glass and clashing it with Akiyama’s, sending a slosh of beer pouring down both of their hands. Nao repositioned himself, leaning heavily on the bar.

“What did you mean when you said you thought Ueshima and I were close?”

“Huh? Oh, I dunno… I guess you always seemed like you were both having fun even if you fought all the time. I can’t really explain it.”

Nao hummed in response, looking across the length of the bar. He didn’t really want to drink any more of his beer, but somehow it felt comforting to have a fresh one in his hands. “You know, I think I envied him.”

“Hm??” Akiyama was halfway through taking a huge sip of his drink and clearly didn’t catch what Nao had said. He tilted his head forward and cupped his ear. 

Nao paused, his stomach suddenly tied in a knot. “I said I think I’m gonna head home soon.”

“Ahh right, no problem man! We should do this again!”

“Yeah, we should.” 

The familiarity didn’t seem so daunting anymore. 

We looked like we were having fun, huh? I wonder…

Nao quickly said his goodbyes as he slung his jacket on, trying his best to get his arm through the sleeve but somehow failing. Giving up, he held it by the collar instead. 

The summer air was hot and stuffy as Nao stepped outside and he decided it was probably for the best that he couldn’t put his jacket on. He swayed slightly on his feet as he took out his phone, checking his location to make his way back to his shared house. 

Keys noisily collided as he unlocked the front door. He kicked his shoes off, stepping through, but tripping before he’d even made it past the genkan. Turning around and grumping to himself, he organised the household's messy collection of shoes into their designated spots, then made his way into the kitchen to get some water.

As he went into his room with a big glass of water in hand and a snack — just in case — he placed them on his bedside table and slumped down onto his bed face-first.

Stupid Usehima. I can’t believe the last thing I’m thinking about before….

Before he could even finish his thought he was out like a light.

*

Nao had managed to lie low for the whole of the summer break, spending his time reading, listening to music, practicing guitar and taking long walks around the local parks. He had even spent an afternoon watching one of the local schools play a soccer match and half-bitterly, half-nostalgically reminisced on his youth playing soccer at school with his friends. 

After his one night out with his classmates he had somehow gained a reputation as someone you had to coax out of their shell, like a tortoise, or a shy housecat with sharp claws. Nao had never considered himself a social person, but after being asked by three different people to attend the first event of the second semester, which of course was just an excuse to go out for food and drinks, he finally caved. He tried his best to ignore the slight warmth he felt tugging in his chest every time. It felt silly to actually feel good about people wanting to spend time with him, but that’s just part of being human.

I don’t understand why they have to ask me of all people, half of the class don’t even go to these events but they don’t get pestered.

Nao had deliberated for far too long about what to wear for this night, so much so that he started to get texts from his classmates asking where he was, which only made him feel more overwhelmed. After finally deciding on his outfit he headed out the door, grabbing his keys. He paused, turning to look back into the empty living room, all of his roommates out having get-togethers of their own. He took in a breath, fighting to quell the ache in his chest.

Different house, empty home. I guess nothing really changes.

He let out a sigh, shaking off the feeling with one final motion before heading out the door.

The bar was noisy, and Nao felt way too sober to deal with his already half-drunk peers as they cheered on his arrival. 

“Better late than never, Iseya!”

“Alright alright, quiet down,” he half-heartedly complained, taking his jacket off and swinging it over the back of the nearest chair.

“I don’t know how you can wear that jacket, it's sweltering today!” one of his classmates joked.

“Here, this is what you were drinking last time right?? I just got two so you can have one of mine.” Another classmate gestured a glass towards him, spilling some as he did.

“Thanks.” Nao let out a small laugh as he took it.

There it was, the familiar acrid taste he had come to expect from events like this. The bar was bustling the same as last time with waves of people swaying to and fro along the bar like fish by a pier waiting for their next meal. Suddenly, a familiar face appeared in the sea of moving bodies. Akiyama.

He watched Akiyama order two drinks, chug one then turn around to look for an empty seat. He locked eyes with Nao, a wide smile spreading across his face as he gestured towards him. He quickly made his way through the bar and plonked himself down on the seat opposite Nao.

“You will never guess who I bumped into!” 

“Huh?” Nao paused, his glass half-lifted to his lips.

“Guess.”

“I… I don’t know, who?”

“Guess.”

“I told you I don’t…” Before he could finish his sentence another familiar face caught his eye, and as quickly as the thought had entered his mind, Akiyama had spun around on his seat and yelled across the bar.

“UESHIMA!”

Nao sat frozen. He didn’t quite understand why but his heart was thumping in his chest, so much so it started to tie his stomach up in knots. Ueshima turned to find the source of the voice and started walking over without giving Nao even a second to collect his thoughts.

“Oh, hello again, Akiyama.” Ueshima smiled at him, clearly not noticing Nao sitting just across from him.

“I told you that I’d bumped into Iseya, I wasn’t lying!” 

Akiyama gestured towards Nao, who could only stare up at Ueshima like a deer in headlights. The flood of anxiety he had managed to hold back before he left the house came rushing in all at once, and he suddenly felt very out of his depth, and maybe a little nauseous.

“Oh.” Ueshima’s expression shifted to something Nao couldn’t quite place. “Hey Iseya, long time no see.” His voice was familiar and soft, softer than it had ever been in high school.

“Hi— Yeah… It’s been a while.”

“You can sit here a while if you like, I’ve got some friends to say hi to!” Akiyama hopped out of his seat and pushed Ueshima towards it before he or Nao could say otherwise and quickly disappeared into the crowd.

Ueshima stood with his drink in hand. He hesitated, mouth slightly open like he wanted to say something, but in the end he didn’t. 

“You don’t have to sit, I think Akiyama’s a bit drunk.” Nao let out an awkward laugh, holding tightly to the cold glass that sat in front of him.

“Oh no, I mean… It’s fine. My friends actually aren’t here yet so…”

“Oh… Yeah…” Nao looked down into his glass, half expecting Ueshima to make up some excuse to leave, but again, he didn’t.

He instead pulled out the chair and sat down, resting his elbow on the table as he took a sip of his beer. “The beer here is horrible,” he laughed, grimacing as he took another sip.

“Right? It’s so bitter.” 

The two sat in silence for a moment. Nao wasn’t sure exactly where the conversation could even go — it wasn't like he knew Ueshima well enough to ask about his life. He contemplated taking another sip of his beer, but his body refused to move.

“So… it’s been a while, huh? How have you been?” Ueshima rested his chin on his hand with a faint smile tracing his lips.

Nao didn’t even know where to begin. How have I been? It really did feel like nothing had changed since his high-school days. He still felt like a recluse, he still struggled to connect to people, still pushed people away and melancholy still underpinned at least half of his waking moments.

Nao settled on a simple, “Same old,” and hoped that would be it, but as he looked over at Ueshima who was still watching him with curious eyes he felt compelled to say more. “You got taller.”

“Did I?” Ueshima’s face lit up with a smile, something that Nao had already seen many times from afar. Nao shifted his gaze back to his drink, the condensation on the glass now creating a small pool around it as it stood untouched. 

He really did. It was obvious from how much taller he sat than Nao, not a lot but it was noticeable. His hands looked bigger too, and yet his smile remained the same.

“And you never changed your hairstyle, huh?” Nao quipped.

“And you did. You keep it a little shorter now.” Ueshima let out a laugh, taking another gulp of his beer. Nao couldn’t help but notice Ueshima’s other hand holding tightly to the hem of his jacket as his knee bounced up and down, barely hidden by the table they sat at.

Nao hummed in response, bringing his beer up to take a sip but pausing just before it reached his lips. “I alway—”

“I never got w—” 

They both began talking at the same time, each cutting themselves off and gesturing for the other to continue until they came to a standstill. Ueshima finally relented, breaking eye contact with Nao as he spoke. “I just never got why we hated each other— or why you hated me, I don’t know...”

“I didn’t hate you.” Nao finally took a sip of his beer, as much as he hated the taste it felt refreshing and the bar was beginning to feel a little too stuffy.

“I mean, you kinda did…”

“No, you hated me,” Nao clarified.

“I didn’t…” Ueshima trailed off, a furrow forming between his brows as he thought. “I mean, I guess I thought you were a bit… stuck up… but I never hated you.”

“You sure as hell acted like it.” Nao leaned back in his chair and folded his arms over his chest. His body language was cold and closed off — even so, he couldn’t help but let a small smile grace his lips as he spoke. “I overheard you talking shit about me more than once, why would you do that if you didn’t at least dislike me?”

“Man, I don’t know…” Ueshima stopped, then let out a sigh and continued. “I mean we were stupid teenagers, I guess I was jealous of you. People seemed to like you even though you didn’t give them any reason to…”

“Harsh.” Nao remained motionless as he watched Ueshima fumble his explanation.

“No, I mean— Not that… You weren’t exactly the most friendly guy ever, you know?”

“Yeah, I know. I was pretty miserable.” Nao let out a dry laugh, leaning forward as he picked up his beer.

“Miserable? What do you mean?”

“Hm? Oh… Nothing.” Nao took a breath and quickly changed the subject. “So do you go to university here?”

Ueshima glanced at Nao over his glass as he drank — it felt like he was peering directly into his soul. “I’m actually just here to visit my friend Keisuke, I go to Nagoya University. What about you?”

“Ah, I see… Yeah, I attend this university.” Nao had finally let his hands relax, laying them on his lap instead of wrapping them tightly around his beer glass. “I remember Keisuke. How is he doing?”

“He’s good. He recently started seeing someone— do you remember Inoue from high school?” Nao gave a quick nod and Ueshima continued. “Yeah well, Keisuke and her started seeing each other not too long ago, I think he helped her with the entrance exam. Oh! She goes to this university as well!”

Nao was suddenly reminded of one or two times — or maybe a few more than he would like to admit — he found himself watching Ueshima at school. He always seemed to be surrounded by friends, like Keisuke, who Nao only knew by name because of Ueshima. He was the polar opposite of Nao: a boy always so full of life and energy, and had no cares in the world other than playing football and hanging out with his friends.

“Yeah. I remember her. I’m happy for them.”

“Right?!” Ueshima’s face lit up with a huge grin. “Honestly I used to have a huge crush on her so I—” He paused, his face suddenly turning a shade of red that even his auburn hair would be envious of. “I— well, no… I… Ah whatever.” He ruffled the back of his hair with his hand, a sheepish smile on his face. 

“You don’t mind? Even though you used to like her?” Nao couldn’t help but be curious, even though it realistically had no impact on his life whatsoever. And for some reason he felt like teasing Ueshima. 

I could tell him that she almost confessed to me in high school. I overheard her and one of her friends talking… I wonder what he would say?

Nao took a breath in, preparing himself, but stopped. A strange dull ache radiated inside of his chest for just a moment, painful enough for his brows to furrow slightly but nothing more. 

Ueshima continued his conversation, completely oblivious. “Nah it’s no big deal, really. I didn’t stand a chance! They really suit each other. I’m happy for them.” His face settled into a comfortable smile, swirling the remainder of his drink around the bottom of his glass as he watched. “Are you dating anyone?”

Nao stopped. It felt like the room had gone silent for just a moment. It wasn’t the first time he had been asked, but he got the same reaction every time.

“Nope, I don’t really have the energy for that,” Nao huffed, preparing his defence before Ueshima had even replied.

“Ah, fair enough. I’m the same— well I do have the energy… I guess I just haven’t clicked with anyone yet!” He grinned. “This is probably the longest conversation I’ve had with anyone other than my roommate and you’re my high school rival!” Ueshima’s laugh was warm, welcoming and contagious. So much so that Nao followed suit, letting out a laugh of his own.

“Rival!? I wouldn’t go that far.” Nao’s voice came out louder than he intended, but the bar was busy enough that it was swept into the hubbub without any notice.

“Well, what else would you call it?” Ueshima said between breathy laughs.

“I dunno, sworn enemies? Arch-nemeses? My un-worthy advisary?” Nao tried his best to contain his smile, which at this point was teetering between barely-stifled and goofy.

“Un-worthy—” Ueshima, clearly caught by the influence of all the beer that he had already drunk that night, lit up into vibrant laughter once again. He creased over, holding the edge of the table for support. “Oh god, stop, that's too funny.”

“Souta!” A call came from across the bar, and Ueshima whipped his head around.

“Keisuke! Finally!” Ueshima stood up from the table to greet his friend with his back turned.

Nao reached up to hold onto his beer which by this point was barely cool, his hand wet from condensation. He suddenly felt out of place and the unfamiliar ache hit his chest once again.

“Oh, I forgot to say—” Ueshima spun back around to Nao who was awkwardly drying his hand on his trouser leg. “I bumped into Iseya— well, I bumped into Akiyama who told me he saw Iseya but I didn’t believe him…”

“Hey.” Himura leaned sideways to give Nao a friendly wave.

“Hi.” Nao waved back, looking between Ueshima and Himura as they caught up.

“I’ll see you around, Iseya!” Ueshima flashed him a warm smile, then he and Himura disappeared into the crowd.

Nao’s classmates who were sitting nearby called him back over, questioning him about the guy he was talking to and telling Nao he should have invited him back over. Nao shook it off, ordering another beer and settling in to sit, quietly drink and observe other people's conversations for the rest of the night.

The cool air felt refreshing as Nao made his way outside, the night sky above spinning slightly as he took a few steps.

“Iseyaaaa!” a mysterious drunk classmate called from behind, but Nao had already started confidently striding down the street, almost slipping on the cobbles as he did. Steadying himself on the nearest wall, he held his head in his hand for a moment to try and re-calibrate his brain before making any further moves.

Taking a breath in, then a slow breath out as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. The screen flashed on for a split second, then went black again. He frowned, furiously clicking the button as he swayed like a maple tree in the autumn wind.

It’s dead. 

He let out a loud sigh then glanced around.

I’m pretty sure I know how to get home from here… 

If he had the mental capacity to, he would definitely have been annoyed with how drunk he’d let himself get, but that was for tomorrow's Nao to worry about — tonight’s worry was trying not to end up in a gutter, or worse.

He took his steps carefully, re-tracing them back along the street and through a warmly-lit park. Walking past a bench and stopping just as he reached the end of it, he took two steps back, glanced down, and slowly slid down onto the seat. Head leaning against the back-rest Nao turned his gaze to the stars, which were still spinning slightly in his vision.

After a few moments, his breath had become calmer, his blinks had become slower, and the constellations had been replaced with a sweet relaxing darkness. That, paired with the distant rustle of leaves and the whine of a few stray cicadas and…

“Is…ya…”

A distant muffled voice called out, followed by a slight shake.

“Iseya..!”

Nao was startled awake, grabbing a handful of whatever held onto his shoulder.

“S… I…” He blinked a few times, bleary eyes looking up to see— “Ueshima? What are you doing?”

“More like what are you doing.” Nao’s eyes focused just enough to make out the slightly amused, but scornful look in Ueshima’s eyes. “I thought you were smart enough to not fall asleep in the middle of a park.”

Nao whipped his head around, which felt a bit less foggy than it had done a moment before.

“What time…”

“It’s about 2am. I was just walking back to my hotel since I can’t stay at Keisuke’s place…”

Nao let out a sigh. How have I been sitting out here for over an hour… 

“Are you… Do you need to crash at my hotel?”

“No, no. I’m fine. I can walk home from here.”

“Can you… let go of my arm then?” Ueshima gestured with the arm that Nao still had a fierce grip on, with an amused smile.

“Shit, sorry.” Nao let go, letting his arm fall to his side. He braced himself to stand up, but Ueshima had already gently taken his arm and begun hoisting him up to his feet. 

“Which way are you heading?”

Nao pointed down the path he had been walking before he got distracted.

“Oh, me too! I’ll walk with you then, we can’t have you getting caught by another bench.”

“Ha ha.” Nao laughed sarcastically with an over exaggerated eyeroll to hide his growing embarrassment. 

As they walked together, Ueshima filled the silence with small talk, stories from their high school days that Nao remembered differently and reports of what their old classmates were doing now. Nao, with his head still spinning slightly, just listened.

“I don’t think I kept in touch with anyone from high school,” Nao said, his tone a little too honest.

Ueshima was quiet for a moment, their footsteps hitting the gravel path in tandem with a crunch loud enough to fill the silence. “We can…” His voice was barely a mumble, a fleeting pain could be seen in his expression just before he looked over to Nao. “We can keep in touch, if you like.”

Nao reached down and touched his pocket, remembering that his phone was dead. He stopped on the path, reaching into his pockets one by one until he found what he was looking for and with an outstretched arm presented Ueshima with a blue ballpoint pen.

“Huh?” Ueshima took the pen, but his expression remained puzzled.

“I don’t know my phone number, and my phone is dead.” Nao motioned to the inside of his forearm. “Write your number.”

“Oh, right. Of course— I mean, Yes sir,” Ueshima said with a smirk, taking Nao by the wrist and holding it firmly as he scribbled out his number. He paused three numbers in, mumbled a quiet ‘Shit,’ to himself, crossed it out and started again. He signed the end with a confident ‘Souta’ and handed the pen back to Nao. 

After chatting about Ueshima's crappy handwriting and their plans for next semester, the two of them had found their way to Nao’s front door, which conveniently happened to be a five minute walk from the hotel Ueshima was staying at. Nao couldn’t help but think that convenience was a cover-up. He, however, didn’t hate the idea of being walked home after a long night, even if he was being escorted by his unworthy adversary.

“Well this is me.” Nao stepped up to his front door, grabbing his keys out of his pocket as he did. 

“I hope you have a bench in there,” Ueshima laughed, causing Nao to playfully roll his eyes.

“I can do one better— I have a bed. I don’t only sleep on benches, you know,” Nao mocked, but a slight smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “I can’t say I’m not glad you found me, though. It would have been so annoying to wake up in that park at dawn.”

“Well you have my number, so figure out how you can repay me before you text me.” Ueshima grinned, shoving his hands into his pockets as he took a slight step back. “Well I better go, hope you sleep better in bed than on the bench.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead.” Nao shooed him with his hand, unlocked the door and turned to give one final wave before disappearing through it.

As the door clicked closed Nao let out a deep sigh, like he had been holding his breath for the past hour. He looked down at his arm, tracing the numbers with his fingers. He stopped with a slight frown, shaking his head and kicking his shoes off in the genkan before going to get ready for bed.

Sitting on the edge of his bed, he plugged the charger into his phone. After a moment the screen lit up, enveloping his entire vision in a cold white light.

0%

…

1%

Nao held the button down to power the phone on, tapping his foot as he waited for it to load up. He made his way through his apps, finding his contacts and typing in the numbers one by one as he glanced down at his arm. He followed with the contact name—

Sout

Delete.

Ueshima

Save.

He quickly typed out a message to send so Ueshima wouldn’t have an excuse to not save his number.

Nao: “Hi, It’s Iseya. Sending this before I forget.”

Nao tapped his thumb on the side of the phone a few times before shutting off the screen and setting it face down on his bedside table. He got into bed, tucking the sheets up to his chin and quickly falling asleep before Ueshima even had a chance to reply.

*

A few weeks had passed since that evening, and Nao had nearly forgotten about it. He had checked his phone habitually over the first two or three days, but soon gave up, telling himself that Ueshima must have decided he wasn’t interested in keeping in contact. His classes were in full swing and there were more important things to think about. 

He had even attended a few group study sessions with his more sociable classmates and just about moved past the basic “So where did you grow up?” questions onto more pressing matters, like “What kind of music are you into?” and “Are you going home for the winter break?”

“I think I’m going to stay here, I don’t really have a reason to go home,” Nao answered matter-of-factly, causing an awkward lull in the conversation. “My dad works a lot and my sister doesn’t live with us anymore.”

The group let out a collective sigh, clearly happy to not have to dive into troubled waters so early in the morning, and Nao continued to work on his assignment, ticking his worksheet as he went.

“Your notes are really neat.” One of his classmates peered over at his workbook, tucking her hair behind her ear as she did to get a better look.

“I’ve asked him to share his notes but he never does. So selfish!” another jested with a cheeky smile. “But I’ll give him credit, he always helps me when I ask.”

His peers had joked about how Nao would have made a great teacher in another lifetime, even if he would have been the strict teacher they all hated but ended up with amazing grades by the end of the semester. 

“You must have been pretty popular at school with your looks and your brain!”

“Stop being stupid and finish your assignment, it is due tomorrow,” Nao said, gesturing towards their workbooks on the table.

“That attitude is what would have ruled him out of the popularity contests...!” another of his classmates chimed in with a laugh.

It was times like this that Nao wished he studied alone, but being around other people made him feel a little more at ease… Something about humans needing a few hours of social time a day to stay sane. 

“Can you guys be quiet, I’m trying to work here. This is a study session after all,” one of Nao’s more studious peers complained, gesturing to her textbook as she spoke.

Nao felt a buzz in his pocket, and in one quick motion he put his pen down, pulled his phone out and opened the screen to check it.

“You got a girlfriend or something, Iseya? I’ve never seen you check your phone so quickly!”

Nao let out a dry laugh and put his phone away. “No, of course not. Just waiting for a text from a friend, that’s all.”

While that wasn’t a lie, it had already been weeks since the day he saw Ueshima, and his hopes of ever getting a reply were dwindling. He resisted the urge to get his phone out again to check the text chain or send another message.

If he wanted to reply he would have by now. It’s no great loss.

Nao headed home after the study session, even after his classmates begged him to join them for food afterwards, he made up an excuse on the spot and took his leave. The fatigue overwhelmed him the second his body hit the bed sheets, even though it was only 7pm. He rolled onto his back, pulling his phone out to check his messages one more time before he was officially giving up. 

Nothing.

His initial annoyance had transformed into indignation, and now finally into a hollow acceptance. He didn’t want to care, but even the simple act of reaching out a hand just for the other person to swat it away stung.

Nao threw his phone to the side, swung his legs over the edge of the bed and begrudgingly got up to his feet. A heavy ache filled his body, but he forced himself to make some dinner with the promise of an early night, and the hope of a better day tomorrow.

*

It had been another two weeks, five weeks in total — not that Nao was keeping track. His other message threads had moved Ueshima’s all the way to the bottom of the screen, just out of sight, and almost being forgotten — truthfully this time. 

And as expected, Nao was fulfilling the other 50% of his social contract by going out for drinks with his classmates before their short winter break. They went to the usual bar, and Nao nursed his usual brand of bitter beer for the first two hours.

“You're not drinking tonight?” 

“Not much, no. I drank way too much last time,” Nao said with a slightly embarrassed smile. A wave of voices chirped up attempting to persuade Nao to have another drink, which he politely declined. 

Being around people had become comfortable, for times like these at the very least. He didn’t feel as isolated, even going back to his quiet shared house didn’t feel so daunting. There was still a strange invisible wall holding him back from making a true connection with any of them, but they seemed to like him enough regardless.

Plus, he had actually managed to befriend one of his more outgoing classmates, a guy who instantly introduced himself by his first name, Hiro, with a confident smile.

“Iseya!” Hiro appeared just behind him with a fresh beer. Before Nao could protest he had grabbed Nao’s lukewarm, barely touched drink and replaced it with the fresh one.

“Now nobody can accuse you of nursing the same beer all night!” he said, giving Nao a thumbs up.

“Right… You really didn’t need to waste your money on that, though.” Nao gave Hiro a disapproving look, but was secretly thankful.

“Sooo… what are you doing for winter break, then?” Hiro pulled up a stool and sat next to Nao.

“Not a lot, I’ll probably just head to a temple on the second or third to avoid the crowds.” 

“Are you not heading home to see your family?”

“Nah, no point. I’d just be home alone. Besides, a few classmates are sticking around as well so I’ll still have people to study with.”

“Of course, all you think about is studying,” Hiro mocked with a playful roll of his eyes. “The only people staying behind are nerds, I hope you still manage to have a social life.”

“Did you forget which course you’re studying?” Nao joked.

Hiro had only been sitting for a few minutes before his attention was taken by a girl coming over and starting a lively conversation, not that Nao minded. Hiro quickly excused himself to go and grab another drink. Nao didn’t know Hiro very well, but he absolutely seemed like the kind of guy to go out for the sole purpose of making friends, something Nao himself had next to no interest in.

The night ended without too much fuss, everyone said their goodbyes and began heading their separate ways in smaller groups, linking arms and drunkenly making their way through the bustling streets. Nao pulled out his phone to check the time, and to procrastinate starting the walk home. He heard a familiar voice call out nearby, but couldn’t quite make out what had been said. He looked up, glancing around to try and trace the sound through the crowd. 

“Iseya?” 

Nao turned just as Himura appeared in front of him.

“Oh, hey Himura… What’s up?” Nao wasn’t sure what exactly to make of Himura being here, all he knew was that he didn’t dare look around to see if Ueshima was with him. He didn’t reply straight away, instead watching Nao with a calm but friendly smile.

“Nothing much, just spotted you here and thought I’d say hi.” Himura glanced over his shoulder before continuing. “Souta is going to kill me for asking this but… Is there a reason you didn’t text him? He won’t shut up about it.”

“What? I did text him, but he never responded.” 

“Well, he told me that you never sent a message, but maybe he just missed it…”

“I swear I…” Nao stood in stunned silence for a few seconds. He grabbed his phone out, swiping to Ueshima’s chat and flipping it around to show Himura the screen without saying a word.

Himura’s eyes scanned the name at the top, his lips moving along with the words, then the message at the bottom of the screen. “It says undelivered.”

Nao’s brow furrowed, spinning the phone around and checking the message. In very small, greyed-out letters under the text read Undelivered, tap to try again. Nao stared at it in disbelief. He tapped the screen, clicking ‘yes’ on the pop-up to send the text again. He watched as ‘Undelivered’ transformed into a little tick mark, and before he even had a chance to think, it changed to ‘Seen’.

Nao looked up at Himura, who watched him with a puzzled expression. 

I can’t believe I didn’t think to check if it had actually sent. I didn’t open the text once this whole time…

Nao’s phone buzzed in his hand.

Ueshima: “???????”

“He replied,” Nao said with a small laugh. “Shit. I can’t believe I didn't check…”

Nao started to feel just a tiny bit guilty for all of the assumptions he had made about Ueshima over the last few weeks.

Himura began to respond, but before he could finish even the first word his phone started loudly buzzing in his pocket. He clicked the green button and held it to his ear. “Yeah. Yeah… Yup. Sout—” He looked over at Nao with half-lidded eyes and an amused smile. “I just said, yeah. Yes, I heard you. By the entrance of Oz. Yep.” 

Himura put the phone down, turning back to Nao with an apologetic expression. “He’s coming over… Is that okay? You can leave if you like, I’ll tell him you had to get home.”

Nao was completely torn between running away or facing this head-on.

‘This’? What is ‘this’? he thought to himself, shaking his ridiculous worries out of his system. “It’s fine, I should apologise, it’s mostly my fault.”

The two stood in relative silence for a few minutes since they didn’t really have much to talk about— Nao had only known of Himura due to his closeness to Ueshima, which didn’t mean much in the grand scheme of things.  

Before too long, a breathless Ueshima pushed his way through the crowd of bar-goers and made his way over.

“Keisuke…” he huffed, holding Himura by the shoulder as he caught his breath, his head slumped forward.

“Did you seriously run here? What's your deal,” Himura laughed.

Without replying, Ueshima turned to Nao with a determined expression. “Seriously? I thought you completely ghosted me but as soon as Keisuke turns up you finally text me?”

“Souta, he—” Before Himura could finish, Ueshima had quietened him with his hand over his mouth. 

“Well?”

Nao watched him with a mixture of concern and amusement. “It didn’t send… it was stuck on undelivered and I didn’t realise…” 

Nao didn’t want to think about all of the hours he had spent agonising over why Ueshima had ignored him. He didn’t even want to admit that he’d agonised over something so trivial. 

He got out his phone, double checking the text message. Sent. Today, 11:48pm. There was no evidence that he had tried to send the text all those weeks ago. Ueshima had made his way round to stand next to Nao peering over to look at the text thread. 

“You’re just going to have to believe me, I have no reason to lie,” Nao grumbled, already prepared for Ueshima to fight him on the issue.

Without a word, Ueshima grabbed his phone and tapped on the contact.

“Hey, what are you—” Before Nao could finish his sentence, Ueshima had returned his phone with a cheeky grin.

Contact updated: Souta

Souta got his own phone out, tapping quickly through the apps to find his contacts and flipped the phone around to show Nao his own number saved in Souta's phone.

Nao

*

The sun had already long since set as Nao began his short journey back to his house after another uneventful study session. As much as his classmates liked to talk, when they actually got their heads down they could work for hours uninterrupted, which Nao definitely enjoyed. 

There was a slight tug, it was a feeling that he’d already grown so accustomed to that it wasn’t usually noticeable anymore. He felt lonely. Without much thought, he ventured into his contacts, choosing a number and clicking ‘call’. It only rang twice before a click and a crackle could be heard through the speaker.

“Hello?” Souta’s voice was warm, and sleepy. Nao felt that same strange dull ache in his chest, a feeling of dread, nostalgia and excitement all rolled into one. 

“Hi.”

There was a short pause at the end of the line before Souta responded, as if he was waiting for more to be said. “You okay?” 

He sounds concerned. Why wouldn’t I be okay? That's not why I…

Nao only replied with a hum, not even sure himself what it was supposed to mean.

“Did you need anything?”

Again, the ache. “Nope.” Nao closed his eyes lightly, holding his hand over his eyes with his thumb and middle finger resting on each temple.

“Ah, right… Are you walking home?”

“Yeah…” Nao took in a deep lungful of the cool winter air, looking up at the stars above him. The line was silent on both ends; only a light crackle could be heard so Nao knew they were still connected.

“Did you go out with your friends”

“Yeah, just studying though. Nothing exciting.”

“Were you worried you’d get caught by a bench, again?”

Nao let out an involuntary laugh. “Yeah, something like that.” 

Glancing up at the stars above him again, his mind twisted with things to say, but nothing felt right, and the frustration in his chest was only building. “So what did you do today?”

“Mmm…” Nao could hear a shuffle of fabric on the other end of the line. “Nothing much, I studied a little and played some football. Oh, I joined a local team, did I tell you? Nothing professional, we just play in the local park— but it’s fun!”

“Oh yeah? Are you as good as you were in high school?”

Souta let out a laugh. “As if you’d know how good I was in high school! I may be a little out of shape compared to back then, but I’m still pretty quick!” There was a slight pause on the other end of the line. “I’m coming back up to see Keisuke soon. We should hang out— only if you want to!”

“That sounds nice.” Nao held his hand softly over his face, unable to contain his smile. It felt a little embarrassing, even though nobody was around. “When?”

“It’ll be in a couple of weeks, but Keisuke’s roommate is going home for the break so I can stay with him.”

“Sounds good. Let me know what the plan is when you know.”

“Willll do!” Souta’s cheery voice called through the speaker.

“It’s weird…” Nao's voice came out before his brain caught up. Shit. I didn’t mean to say that outloud.

“Huh?”

“Errrm…” He tried to think of a quick lie, but his mind was blank. “Just… Talking on the phone makes it feel like you’re really far away.” Even as the words came out of his mouth Nao couldn’t help but cringe a little. He stood, holding his head in his hands as he spoke trying to fight the discomfort. “I guess it’s because I don’t call people much. It's just weird.” 

Great save. Amazing.

“Hmm you’re right.” Souta let out a sleepy sigh. “Well, I’ll see you soon, anyway. I’m pretty tired, so I should go back to bed.”

“Back??” Nao pulled the phone away from his ear and checked the time. “Shit, sorry, I didn’t even think about the time. Did I wake you up?”

“It’s cool, I don’t mind, it’s nice to talk. I'll see you later.”

Nao let the line go dead, looking down at the name on his screen for a moment before putting his phone back in his pocket to resume the walk home, feeling a little warmer than before.

*

It was early evening, the sun had long since set beyond the winter skyline and the quiet roads were only lit by soft street lamps and the silver moon as it hung lazily in the sky. After double, then triple checking the address that Souta had sent him, Nao looked at the sign in front of him.

I guess this is the place. 

The quiet hum in the bar made a welcome change to the rowdy nights that Nao had previously endured. There were a handful of tables dotted around the ground floor, and though each one was full of people the sound still wasn’t too overwhelming. A low murmur of live music that droned over the speakers beckoned Nao to one of the back rooms where Souta’s text had told him to go.

Dodging the tables, Nao peeked around the door frame into the dimly lit back room where small tables and sofas filled the space, along with a simple wooden stage that sat against the back wall. A three-person band was playing a simple acoustic number Nao didn’t recognise, but he was already too busy tracing his eyes from face to face until he finally landed on someone he knew.

Souta was surrounded by people, as usual. Nao couldn’t tell if it was anxiety or magnetic repulsion that was stalling him from making his way over, but as soon as Souta met his eyes and flashed him the usual grin with a beckoning hand, it was as if everything had been forgotten.

“Nao! I thought you’d bailed on me!” Souta smiled as Nao reached the edge of the circle. Souta grabbed him by the sleeve and pulled him close, gesturing towards the group around them. “These are some friends of mine, well, mostly Keisuke’s but still… This is Iseya Nao, someone I went to high school with!” 

The group greeted Nao with slightly bowed heads and friendly smiles, then quickly got back to their own conversations. Souta turned to Nao with a twinkle in his eye. “The band that’s playing right now is someone Keisuke knows— How cool is that?!”

Nao replied with a hum, watching as one member idly strummed his guitar while the others sang in unison. The song quickly ended and scattered applause dotted the room, and before long the next song had begun as Nao and Souta watched. Folding his arms over his chest, Nao closely observed the chords being played, wincing at every dead note that hung in the air.

“That guy needs to practice his barre chords a little more,” Nao joked, turning to Souta and being met with a tilted head and curious eyes.

“You play?”

“Yeah. A little.” Admitting it so openly, even something as simple as being able to play an instrument felt awkward to Nao who had spent his entire youth trying to hide away from prying eyes.

“So is there anything you can’t do?” Souta said with a roll of his eyes, but a faint smile still remained on his lips.

“There’s plenty I can’t do,” Nao retorted, furrowing his brows as he glanced back over to the band. 

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I swear you can do everything. Miyako said you used to be amazing at soccer, too. I might be developing an inferiority complex.”

“Well don’t, you can do plenty of things I can’t. You’re great with people, just being around this many people is…” Nao trailed off, then shook his head. “Anyway, it’s n—”

“Wait, come with me.” An excited glimmer flitted over Souta’s expression, and before Nao could even finish his sentence he had grabbed him by the arm and began leading him somewhere. They weaved past groups of friends, past tables filled with empty glasses and through a doorway to a slightly smaller room, with far fewer people. Souta brought them to one of the three-seater sofas that lined the walls and gestured for Nao to sit down. 

“I’m gonna go get us a drink, wait here!” Souta only made it two steps before he spun back around and leaned down towards Nao. “What drink do you want?”

“Surprise me,” Nao replied with a comfortable smile. “Nothing fizzy, though.”

Nao could still hear the faint thrum of music through the wall as he leaned his head heavily on the back of the sofa, letting out a breath. This was the first time he was seeing Souta again after a few weeks apart and it felt surprisingly natural. There wasn’t even a hint of underlying awkwardness. 

“Here, I got you a cocktail… I don’t actually know what you like, but I felt like I shouldn’t give you beer again,” Souta laughed, passing a tall, icy drink with a lemon slice to Nao as he took the seat next to him. “The bartender said it had complex flavours… whatever that means.”

Nao brought the straw to his lips and took a small sip. It was refreshing, citrussy and floral with a hint of bitterness.

“Is it good?” Souta asked at the exact same time as Nao took the sip. “It looks good.”

Nao looked up at him with an amused expression. “Do you want to try it…?”

“Yes!” Souta answered with all the enthusiasm of a child being asked if they want to skip school and go to DisneySea. Reaching over, he held the straw with his thumb and forefinger as he took a small sip, his face scrunched up slightly. “Wuahh! it’s bitter!!”

“It’s not bitter, it’s complex,” Nao said through a smile, taking another drink.

“Like you, then?”

The comment took Nao off guard almost as much as Souta’s soft smile did, and it brought an uncomfortable warmth to his chest. Nao quickly cleared his throat, dismissing the feeling. “Yeah, yeah. I think most people would just consider me to be bitter.” 

They chatted effortlessly, only pausing for Souta to go off and buy them more drinks every time their cups became empty again. Souta mentioned his recent soccer match, in which one of his teammates had somehow managed to lose one of his shoes. Nao talked about school, his course and his mountains of assignments. 

Nao found himself sitting alone again for a short time as he watched the people around him schmooze, chat, drink, and sing. Souta had gone to get some drinks, or talk to a friend, he couldn’t quite remember. His chest and arms felt heavy and the world was spinning oh-so slightly. Just the thought of Souta coming back and talking with that face of his made Nao’s stomach hurt.

Maybe it’s the alcohol.

The seat shifted slightly as someone sat next to him. Nao rolled his head over to see that Souta had returned, and watched him with half-lidded eyes. He felt warm, and a little sleepy. The mess of black hair that he had let grow out for far too long fell into his face, obscuring his vision.

“You’re drunk,” Souta laughed, brushing Nao’s hair out of his eyes. “How can you even see with this in your face all the time? 

“I’m fine.” Nao continued to watch Souta, who wore a warm smile as he tried, and failed, to move Nao’s hair out of his eyes. 

“It just keeps falling back…” He laughed again, catching Nao’s eyes watching him. He paused, his expression shifting to a playfully forced frown but his smile still unwillingly remained. “Why are you staring? You wanna fight?”

“Maybe.” Nao finally broke eye contact, turning his head back to look at the ceiling above them. He had almost gotten used to that dull, persistent ache that had developed in his chest. He could ignore it most of the time, but it was particularly strong this evening.

It’s probably the alcohol.

Nao reached up, covering his face with his hands, and let out another heavy sigh.

“If you’re gonna throw up you should go to the bathroom.”

“I’m not…” 

“If you need me to carry you I totally could.”

“I told you, I’m not going to.” Nao rolled his eyes, and Souta simply replied with a small laugh and a hum of acknowledgment. 

“Oh, yeah! I was going to tell you, you know my roommate, the one who goes swimming at 6am every morning? So he recommended this movie to me and…”

As he spoke, the words were not registering in Nao’s mind. The drone of the music playing over the speakers mixed with the countless voices spilling in from all directions started to fade into one homogeneous sound that became indistinguishable from the pounding inside Nao’s chest. Souta’s voice gradually faded into the background, and Nao could only sleepily watch his mouth move without taking in any of the information. He wasn’t listening, he was instead looking, his eyes wandering between all of Souta’s features like he was taking in the information for the first, or last, time. He felt a tug, a pull, a sudden switch flipping in his head that told him to reach out and—

“Souta!!” a chirpy voice called from the other side of the room as the door swung open. 

Souta stopped mid-sentence, his hands hanging in the air as he explained some action scene in the movie he’d watched the night before. “Miyako!” Souta called back, snapping Nao out of his trance.

He suddenly felt a hell of a lot more sober, sober enough to question just where his thoughts were leading him a moment before. He blinked a few times, then watched as Souta got up and headed across the room to greet his friend with a warm exchange and a hug. Nao couldn’t quite hear what was being said, but Souta had half-turned as he gestured towards him and continued the conversation. Inoue peered over at him, raising her hand slightly to give a polite wave, which Nao returned with a small smile.

It didn’t take long for Souta to return to the sofa, sitting down heavily enough that Nao had to hold himself in place to keep his balance. 

“Miyako said Keisuke is on his way over, he had some event to go to with one of his instructors. I think Inoue might be staying at his place too…” He looked over to Nao with an uncomfortable smile. “A bit awkward, huh…?”

“You can stay at my house, if you’d like.” The words came out before Nao could stop them.

“Mmm… Well…” Souta pondered for a moment, furrowing his brows as he looked towards the door that Inoue had just left from. “It… kinda does feel like I’m intruding on newly-weds… And seeing your place would be…”

Nao watched him inquisitively, waiting patiently for his answer and ignoring the heavy thumping of his heart. After a heavy sigh, and a few more contemplative hums, Souta finally came to a conclusion.

“Okay, sure.” He turned back to Nao with a smile. “Wait— Your roommates won’t mind, will they? Keisuke’s roommates hate when people stay over at his place.”

“Nah, nobody is ever at home. They’ve all gone back to see family for the winter break, anyway.”

“Oh… Is it always like that?” Souta lounged back on the sofa, making himself comfortable within the plush cushions once again.

“Pretty much, It’s not a big deal, at least the house is quiet,” Nao mumbled, picking at the edge of his thumbnail subconsciously.

“Oh!” Souta suddenly called out, sitting bold upright as he read something on his phone. “Sorry to cut you off— Keisuke just texted me that he’s here. Shall we go and meet him?”

“Yeah, sure,” Nao smiled. He really is just the same as in high school. How funny.

Following Souta into the larger room, Nao noticed that even more people had been drawn to the outer edge of the stage, singing along as the band played some more well-known hits. They walked around behind the crowd to a back corner where Himura and Inoue stood.

“Keisuke!” Souta yelled out, taking the final few steps in a skip as he dashed towards the pair.

“Woah, Souta! How much have you had to drink?” Himura laughed, preparing his stance to catch Souta in case he fell face-first. He looked over to Nao with a slight nod. “Hey Iseya, how are you?”

“All good, how are you? He really can’t handle his drink, can he?” Nao laughed, gesturing towards Souta.

“Good, good. He’ll sober up soon enough. Don’t worry, he shouldn’t make a mess of your house in case you’re concerned…”

“Hi Iseya-kun, long time no see. I had no idea you went to this university!” Inoue smiled, threading her hand around the crook of Himura’s elbow as she spoke.

“He only cares about studying, that's why!” Souta cried out in a dramatic display, draping his hand over his forehead for added effect.

“You don’t even go to this school, how would you know?” Nao countered with a smirk. 

“I just know— your grades say it all, you’ve been an overachiever since high school," Souta asserted, then turned to Himura with a grin. “Keisuke, this band is really good, how do you know them?”

“I only know the guitarist, this is one of their first gigs so they invited me… probably just to boost the numbers, but still.” 

“Did you know Nao plays the guitar?” Souta grabbed onto Nao’s arm to pull him further into the conversation. “And he said your friend needs lessons.”

“Souta!” Nao grumbled, “I just meant… because his chords didn’t sound quite right… He’s still a good player.” He turned to Souta, who still had a clueless grin. “You shouldn’t just tell people things like that.”

“Whaaat, it’s no big deal, Keisuke isn’t even that close to the guy, right?”

“Right.” Nao looked to Himura just in time to catch a small, knowing smile turn the corners of his mouth before he glanced over at Inoue. “Well, I’ve shown my face, did you want to head out now?”

“Sounds good,” she grinned.

The brisk winter air hit Nao as soon as he walked through the door. He hugged his jacket around himself as tightly as possible as he said his goodbyes to Himura and Inoue.

“Text me when you get back, Souta. Your place isn’t too far, is it, Iseya?” Himura asked, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “Can I get your number just in case Souta ends up being too much for you to handle?”

“You act like I’m some deranged puppy,” Souta complained as Nao and Himura exchanged numbers. “Anyway, I bet you’re just glad to get me out of the way…” He trailed off as Inoue appeared from behind Himura. “I— I mean… get me out and about!! Hahaha!!”

Himura watched Souta with an amused smile and half-raised brows. “Yeah, sure. Thanks for taking him off my hands, Iseya. I only have one spare bed, anyway, so he would have been sleeping on the bathroom floor.”

“Spare bed my ass…” Souta mumbled under his breath, only just loud enough for Nao to hear. 

The four of them said their goodbyes and went their separate ways in pairs. Luckily for Nao, the cool air had sobered and woken him up enough to make their way back to his house without issues. Or benches.

“Your house really is quiet,” Souta commented as he kicked off his shoes in the genkan. “You said nobody is here right now?”

“Yup, we have the whole house to ourselves.” Nao leaned down, organising both his and Souta’s shoes into a neat line by the front step before making his way into the living room. “We have a spare futon I can lay out in my room, or you can sleep on the sofa here, it’s up to you.”

Nao glanced over at Souta who wore a slight look of panic, and tracing his line of vision Nao locked eyes with the creepy, two foot tall wooden doll that stood next to the TV stand on the floor.

“What the hell is that thing,” Souta said with a shudder. “That is the scariest thing I have ever seen.”

“Don’t ask. Something about warding off evil spirits— one of my roommates insisted we have it since her granny made it...”

“Oh, one of your roommates is a girl…?” 

That distracted him quickly…

“Two of them, actually. It’s me, another guy and two girls… All of our rooms have locks, so it’s not a big deal.” 

“True… Anyway, I don’t want to stay in here with that creepy thing.” Souta’s voice trailed off as he once again became distracted by the room around him, curiously glancing over at the kitchen. “Your house is really big for a student house… I basically just have a room the size of my bed.”

“It’s… My dad just wanted me to have more space. He said it would be ‘good for my mind’, whatever that means.”

“Oh, moneybags over here huh? Must be nice!”

“I’d rather have a functioning family. But yeah, sure, nice,” Nao retorted, catching Souta’s mournful expression on the last word. 

“Sorry, I didn’t—”

“No, it’s fine.” Nao couldn’t help but feel guilty watching Souta try to fumble an apology for something he never could have known. “I shouldn’t have— It’s not like you know my family situation.”

“Still, sorry…” Souta’s gaze shifted awkwardly around the room as they stood in silence, his fingers loosely threaded together in front of him. “So, er, the futon?”

“Oh, yeah. Of course.”

Nao rolled the futon out, dusting it off with his palms as he laid it flat a little distance from the edge of his own bed. Souta had gone to bathe, so now that Nao had time alone with his own thoughts he desperately tried to occupy himself. He had already made the bed, laid Souta’s futon and bedding out and gotten changed into pajamas, so what else could he do?

As he stood in the middle of his room with his arms folded over his chest pondering what to do next, an event from earlier in the night suddenly sprung to mind. The shame took hold of his stomach in a vice-like grip. I shouldn’t be thinking that, even if I was drunk. He silently thanked Inoue for interrupting his train of thought just before he thought, or god forbid, said something absolutely ridiculous. He could almost feel the headache threading its way through his synapses the longer he contemplated what could have happened.

Alcohol is a dangerous thing.

“You okay there?” Souta said, standing in the open doorway with a towel slung over his shoulders, hair still wet from the bath.

“Yup. I’m just making sure your futon is far enough away from my bed so you don’t wake me up with your snoring.”

“Hey! I don’t snore… I don’t think I do, anyway,” Souta grumbled.

“Well I guess we’ll find out…” Nao laughed.

Souta sat on the futon, drying his hair with the towel that Nao had lent him. His hair was wild, sticking up in all directions as he roughly scrubbed the towel back and forth over it. Nao had his arms folded as he leaned against the wall and watched. 

“You’re going to go bald if you dry your hair like that,” he joked. 

Souta stopped mid-scrub to flash Nao a glare, which quickly transformed into a look of concern. “No I— wait… that's not true is it?”

Nao let out a laugh, making his way over to a wooden box by the edge of his bed and pulling out a small portable hair dryer.

“Oh of course Mr. Fancy has a hair dryer for his precious locks,” Souta taunted as Nao unfurled the wire and plugged it in.

“Yeah, yeah, shut up. I’m saving the future of your hair right now.” 

Nao gestured to the bed in front of where he stood for Souta to sit down. He looked a little confused at first, but did what he was told and accepted the pampering. Even after Nao began sweeping the hot air gently back and forth along his auburn hair, Souta didn’t shift his gaze from Nao. Something about the scene, and Souta’s attentive eyes made Nao’s heart beat quicken. 

Reaching up, Nao hesitated just before his hand touched Souta. Is this weird? I hope he doesn’t think this is weird. Why would it be weird, I’m just drying his hair… before he allowed his thoughts to take over, he shook them off and ran his fingers quickly through Souta’s hair. It really was a different experience than drying his own— Souta’s hair was thicker, but softer than it appeared from a distance. Even the hair strands themselves were stronger, holding their shape more as Nao combed back and forth, drying it section by section. When he flipped the switch the room fell quiet, almost too quiet. 

“See, that didn’t take long at all.” Nao was trying not to notice the way Souta’s hair curled slightly in one place at the nape of his neck.

Souta hummed in response, not looking up at Nao straight away and instead combing his own hands through his hair and patting down the front. “It feels hot.”

“Well yeah, do you know how a hair dryer works?” Nao let out a laugh, going over to unplug the tool and wrap it back up to put away.

“Do you do that every time you dry your hair? No wonder it’s so floofy.”

“Floofy?” Turning to Souta with an amused smirk, his heart momentarily lurched into his throat when he saw Souta’s expression. He had expected a playful smile, or a mocking grin. Instead he was met with soft, warm eyes and a relaxed smile, like a puppy that had been playing out in the summer sun all afternoon. He had never seen this expression before, especially not from Souta. The uncertainty of what it meant brought an anxious buzz to Nao’s insides. He cleared his throat, throwing the hair dryer into its designated box and quickly found an excuse to leave the room before he could question the feeling any longer. “I’m gonna get us some water before bed.”

The cold slosh of water pouring over Nao’s hand as the glass over-filled startled him back into reality. He quickly turned the tap off and poured a little water out before placing it on the counter and holding the edges of the sink with both hands to ground himself. Even now his heart was racing in his chest and he could feel the pulse in his fingertips as he gripped firmly onto the metal.

This guy is seriously messing with my head.

“Have you brushed your teeth? I have a spare toothbrush if you need,” Nao said, handing the glass of water to Souta who sat on the futon on the floor, and as much as Nao felt the urge to smooth down the little tuft that stuck up at the back of his head, he resisted.

“Oh, no, I’m good. I brought one with me.” Souta took the glass, then stared down into it for a moment before looking back up at Nao.

“Okay, well I’ll go first anyway. I set your bed up, just let me know if there's anything else you need.” Nao placed his water down on his bedside table, then began making his way to the door.

“Nao?”

He stopped, turning back to Souta. “Yeah?”

“I… erm…” He paused, looking back down into his glass, then shook his head slightly. He glanced at Nao with a sheepish smile. “Can I use your toothpaste?”

“Sure,” Nao laughed. “I’ll be right back.”

Saying their goodnights to each other after getting ready for bed, the two settled in for the night. Nao’s body felt incredibly tired after his long day, and even as his mind raced, his eyelids felt heavy and before long he had reluctantly drifted off to sleep.

*

Nao was awoken to the sound of running water the next room over, and the clatter of something being dropped in the sink followed by a muffled “fuck,” as Souta scrambled to clean up whatever mess he had made. Unwillingly, Nao propped himself up in bed, stretching his arms over his head with an enormous yawn. He stepped his feet onto the cold floor and stood up, almost stumbling.

“Not a morning person, huh?” 

Nao grumbled to himself, ignoring the question and rubbing one of his eyes with his hand as he fumbled with his phone to try and tell the time.

“It’s 7:50,” Souta said between brushing his teeth, leaning through the bathroom door. “Your trouser leg is stuck by the way.”

Nao looked down, spotting that the leg of his pajama trousers had folded in on itself leaving it stuck halfway up his leg, just below the knee. He grumbled again, leaning down to fix it as Souta half-laughed, half-choked on his toothpaste suds. Souta came back into the bedroom having already changed into his regular clothes, and styled his hair for the day while Nao was just on his way to brush his own teeth.

After getting ready, and heading back into his room to ask Souta if he was going to meet up with Himura, Nao found him sitting on the futon, half of Nao’s belongings strewn across the floor in front of him.

“What are you doing?”

“Huh??” Souta’s head spun around to look at Nao as he threw his arms wide to try and cover whatever mess was laid out in front of him. “Nothing! Nothing!! It just fell, I wasn’t doing anything!”

Nao looked across at his bookshelf, which now had a patch of missing books and vinyls on the bottom shelf. “Yeah, sure,” he grumbled, a barely hidden smile spreading across his lips. “You gonna put them back, then?”

“Errr….” Souta turned back to the items neatly laid out on the floor. “I’ll just have a quick look, first, it would be a waste if I didn’t.”

Nao kneeled on the futon next to Souta, flipping over one of the vinyls and dusting the cover. He didn’t know what expression his face was showing, but he could feel Souta observing him carefully out of the corner of his eye. “This one was my mum’s, I don’t even really know why I kept any of them.”

“How come?”

Nao let out a sigh, looking up at the shelves. “I didn’t listen to any of them for the longest time… I love music— her music, but it’s just… difficult.” The room was silent for a moment while Nao considered what to say next, the moment felt tense — delicate. “It’s fine, though, I guess I keep them for nostalgia, and I still love the songs.”

Flipping over the vinyl right in front of him, Souta let out a small laugh. “I don’t know what half of this means, I was never very good at English.” His fingers grazed the covers of a few vinyls sitting stacked up in front of him. The colourful covers felt more like diary entries than a random collection to Nao. Every album told a part of his story in one way or another. “Maybe you should show me them, sometime,” Souta added.

“I’d like that.”

They sat cross-legged, knee to knee, on the floor as Souta asked questions about the records, questioning the strange song name choices and art. “How do they even come up with these ideas… Walruses? Yellow submarines?”

“And that’s just The Beatles.” 

Souta let out a small laugh through his nose. “You…” He quickly trailed off, awkwardly shifting his weight where he sat on the futon, and Nao could almost feel the tension in the air. “You never really talk about your mum…”

Nao hummed in response, shifting his gaze up to the rows of vinyls on the shelf in front of them. “She…” His eyes moved slowly down as he pressed his lips into a thin line in contemplation. “She died.”

Nao did his best not to react to the small, but audible inhale that could be heard from his left. He was used to the reactions, but he didn’t want pity, he didn’t deserve it.

“I’m sorry, I had no idea,” Souta mumbled, and Nao fought the urge to roll his eyes. I’m sick of people feeling sorry for me. “I guess that’s what makes these vinyls special, no wonder you want to keep them.” 

It wasn’t quite the reaction that Nao expected, he was anticipating some sorry look with teary eyes like he’d gotten in the past. It wasn’t like Nao was over his mother’s death, or the turbulent relationship prior, but the complicated twist of emotions felt too large to simplify into a disingenuous ‘I’m sorry for your loss’, an awkward ‘that’s awful…’ or a borderline offensive ‘she’s in a better place.’ 

“Something like that…” Nao replied with a small smile, thankful that at least he didn’t have to fake a reaction.

“What happened, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Nao leaned back, planting his hands on the futon behind him and stretching his legs out in front. “It was cancer— she died when I was 17.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

Nao hummed in response, and he could feel Souta’s expectant eyes on him. The pain he once felt even thinking about his mother had dulled over time, but the conversation still dug into old, unhealed but still unexplainable wounds. “There’s no point worrying about it now, it’s not like we can go back in time.”

They sat in uneasy silence for a moment before Nao propped himself up slightly, tilting his head in Souta’s direction as he gestured towards the vinyls. “Do you want to hear one?”

Souta turned to Nao with a slightly glazed-over look in his eyes at first, but with one blink the sparkle returned, accompanied by a wide smile. “A song? Really? Yeah!”

Souta eagerly helped put his shelf back in order, and folded the futon away before taking a seat on the edge of Nao’s bed. A small record player sat neatly on Nao’s desk with an even smaller speaker plugged into the back, and before he turned it on his fingers traced the front covers of the vinyls that filled his shelves, finding their way comfortably to a particular record and taking it out in one swift movement.

Nao pulled the vinyl out of its card covering and flipped it over to the B-side. He held it by the edges as he inspected it closely before placing it on the turntable and carefully positioning the tonearm. After clicking the green button a soft guitar melody began to play.

“I don’t think this will be your style, but it’s the first album I thought of,” Nao said with a shrug, sitting down on the bed with a heavy thump next to Souta. “This song is The Gallery by Joni Mitchell.”

“The Gallery? What’s it about?” The gentle crooning voice over the speakers continued in a language that Souta could not quite understand, and the slight look of confused concentration on his face reinforced that fact to Nao.

“I think it’s about the singer being cheated on— it’s not a song I relate to at least,” Nao mused with a half-laugh.

“Oh, that’s good then,” Souta replied with his own awkward laugh, as if letting out a breath he’d been holding just in case Nao did relate to the song. “Who would ever cheat on you, huh?”

There it was again, the gentle ache that Nao had become accustomed to, which he now recognised as an excited buzz, a small sense of thrill, or butterflies. He took in a breath to release the tension. “Well it’s not like I’ve been in a real relationship so it’d be impossible.” 

“Really?”

“Yeah? How would someone be able to cheat if—”

“No, no, you’ve really never dated anyone?” Souta doubled down, his genuine look of shock forcing an amused smile onto Nao’s face.

“Yeah? I mean, no? I haven’t, is that really so hard to believe?”

“I mean, yeah, it kind of is,” Souta laughed to himself. “Even I have, even if it was short-lived.”

Nao didn’t reply straight away, annoyed by the slight twist he felt in his stomach at the fact. We’re adults, why would he not have dated someone. Nao realised he had balled his hand into a fist, creasing the covers in his grip slightly.

“We only dated for about a week and a half, and she dated like four other guys that same semester…” Souta continued with a look of self-pity. “Well, I only said yes because it was the first person to ever ask me out, so I can’t be too annoyed. It’s not like I knew her very well, and it wasn’t serious.”

“Serious?”

“Yeah like… Like how…” His brows furrowed as he looked over to Nao who now wore an amused smirk. “I’m not going into detail.”

“Detail? I never asked for details.” His smile widened with every word, and Souta’s blush burnt redder on his cheeks.

“Good! Anyway, we weren’t talking about me, we were talking about you.”

“Well, I said I’d never dated anyone but I kinda had a girlfriend for a few days when I was about fourteen, so I guess we’re on the same level.”

“Fourteen…? Ugh. I can’t believe I am on par with a fourteen-year-old.” 

“So you’ve had your first kiss, at least?”

“At least?” Souta whined to himself. “Yes, at least.”

“Then we’re on the same level.” 

“Somehow that doesn’t make me feel any better…”

“Being on par with my own fourteen-year-old self doesn’t make me feel any better, who cares about you,” Nao joked. 

“I’m sure we can find someone who’d want to kiss you,” Souta asserted, but his eyes were fixed to the bookshelf that sat across the room from them.

“Just make sure it’s someone I also want to kiss, if you’re going to decide these things without me.”

“Well we’re going out with Keisuke again tomorrow, some of his friends from university are having drinks and he invited me. Plenty of opportunity.”

“He invited you,” Nao clarified. 

“He knew I’d invite you, it’s fine.” Souta grinned.

The record crackled as the needle slipped off the grooves and made its way over the center label. Nao was too immersed in conversation and completely forgot that the music was even playing, and Souta clearly didn’t pay much mind either. He got up and pottered over, slipping the record off the player, into its sleeve and back onto the shelf where it came from. “Fine. I’ll go.”

*

“Didn’t manage to find anyone tonight, huh?” Souta nudged him with an elbow to the ribs.

“I guess not,” Nao sighed, unsure of when he’d decided to play along with Souta’s absurdity. “You?”

“Nope!” Souta replied with a grin. “That’s nil nil, then.” 

“Don’t look so happy about it,” Nao scoffed, pulling his jacket around himself as they walked towards his house. “I didn’t even decide to play this game, yet you’re still keeping score.”

“Someone has to keep us accountable!”

“What does that even…” Nao trailed off, realising he couldn’t make sense of Souta’s mind even if he tried. The streets had grown quieter the closer they got to Nao’s house, and it was only another ten minute walk through the park until they reached it. People tended to hurry home as quickly as possible at this time of year, favouring trains, buses or taxis over walking in the brisk night air.

“I guess we just have to try harder, you said you’d be my wingman!” 

“I never agreed to that, that sounds more like a job for Himura.”

“I’m not asking Keisuke, c’mon!”

Watching Souta with piercing eyes, Nao shook his head. He really didn’t want to feel annoyed by Souta, but the idea of helping the guy he likes kiss someone else was appalling. “I don’t really feel like it. Besides, how am I supposed to convince a girl to kiss someone else?”

“Use your charms!” Souta cried out, throwing his arms into the air. “Just talk to them like you talk to me, you’d convince them in no time.”

“Like—” Nao cut himself off, looking at a half-drunken Souta in disbelief. He doesn’t realise what he’s just suggested, does he? “Like what? I just talk to you like anyone else.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, you’re just naturally charming, I guess.” 

Nao’s perplexed expression remained, he had never once in his life been referred to as ‘charming’, by friends, family or otherwise. “I think you’re the only person who has ever thought that,” he finally managed. They had walked through most of the park, stopping just shy of the wooded area which split off into two paths at the edge of the park.

“I really doubt that.” Souta’s eyes lingered a little too long on Nao’s features, and as much as it made him want to turn his face away he felt glued in place. A thumping rush of adrenalin had already begun coursing its way through his veins, and every second that Souta looked at him but didn’t meet his eyes the ache grew stronger and stronger until he couldn’t contain it any longer.

Nao reached out, hastily grabbing a handful of Souta’s hair between his fingers as he held the back of his head, just at the base of his skull. He hadn’t thought this far ahead, and the slightly panicked look on Souta’s face was not helping the screaming fire that had built in his chest, but it was too late to go back. 

Nao pulled Souta in just close enough that he could feel the breath on his face. With his free hand, he grabbed onto the front of Souta’s jacket as if to stop him running away, and pushed forward. Their lips met, and for a terrifying moment he was faced with… nothing. Souta didn’t reject the kiss, but he also didn’t return it, instead opting to stand shellshocked. The daunting prospect of having to back away from this to face rejection lurked just in the back of Nao’s mind, and every millisecond that went by that fear drew a little bit closer. 

After his split-second moment of hesitation, Souta reached up, gently holding Nao’s face in one hand as he leaned heavily into the kiss, enough to knock them both back half a step. He wrapped his free hand around Nao’s waist, pulling him in slightly closer. He tasted like the lemon highball he’d been sipping all evening.

Holding his hand against Souta's shoulder, Nao pushed him away slightly to catch his breath but Souta instead pushed forward, kissing him again. Nao's mind was melting and short circuiting simultaneously as it darted between being completely lost in the moment, and wanting to run away. Where Souta's fingertips pressed into the small of Nao's back, where his hand still held Nao's cheek, every touch burned. His fingers reached behind Nao's ear and tangled into his hair, and his thumb caressed where Nao's beautymark lay on his temple. 

Their ragged breaths cut through the silence of the park, muffled only by the rustling of the leaves that surrounded them. They had somehow found their way off the gravel path, nestled between the trees on the edge of the park with Nao’s back pressed up against the bark of an evergreen, tall enough to obscure the stars above them from view.

Suddenly his thoughts became clearer, and the heat radiating from Souta’s body snapped him back to reality. It seemed they both had come to the same realisation at the same time, as with an awkward cough and a shuffle of feet Souta had moved away, fixing his hair with one hand and raising the other in surrender. Both of them remained silent for a few uncomfortable seconds, Nao pushing himself away from the tree he had found himself pinned to, straightening his coat and fixing his hair.

I just royally fucked up. 

“Err…” Souta let out an awkward laugh. He refused to meet Nao's eyes, and an uncomfortable ache sprung in his chest as he watched Souta wipe his mouth and ruffle his hair. “That was… I mean, that kinda…”

After one final sweep over the front of his coat, Nao took a couple of steps over to Souta who still refused to meet his gaze, and even though it stung, Nao understood. He reached up, fixing the collar on Souta's jacket and dusting the forest debris from his shoulders. 

“Sorry,” Nao murmured, the confidence he had tried to feign failing him just as he opened his mouth. Clearing his throat he continued, “Forget it. We— I drank too much. It's fine.”

“I… I guess you're right,” Souta conceded, letting out a controlled breath and grabbing his phone from his pocket. “Shit, Keisuke called me. I should probably head back to his place tonight afterall. I still have my stuff at your place, though…”

Nao already knew that was the perfect out, why would Souta want to stay at his house after such a display?

“No problem, I’ll give it back to you next time I see you. I'm heading back to mine anyway. I'll see you later,” Nao said, dodging past Souta and making his way back to the path. He continued home, not looking back once.

The key noisily clattered inside the lock, the key-ring catching on Nao's finger as he tried to turn it.

Shit.

He swung the door open, losing grip of the handle and watching as it slammed into the inner wall with a loud thunk. He stepped inside, throwing his jacket over the coat rack and hurriedly kicking his shoes off.

Fuck’s sake.

As he struggled to untangle the scarf from around his neck, he finally relented on the second attempt, crouching down to his knees in the genkan and holding his head in his hands.

Fuck this.

*

Even though Souta had refused to meet Nao's eyes, the week following the event had been surprisingly unevenful. Nao had given Souta’s belongings to Keisuke with the excuse of ‘being too busy’ at the times when Souta was free, even though that was an obvious lie. They’d seen a little of each other, secondhandedly, through catch-ups with mutual friends or simply being at the same place at the same time. Souta hadn’t avoided Nao, but he hadn’t made an effort to spend time with him, either. He had however suggested meeting up one more time, via text, with Keisuke and Miyako before heading back home to see his family. After which he would be going back to his university for his next semester. Nao had finally settled into calling Souta’s friends, now his friends, by their given names — it had only taken the repeated insistence of Keisuke over text that he was allowed, in fact, encouraged to.

The place Souta had chosen was a small, family-owned restaurant which specialised in a local delicacy, a miso glazed chicken dish served with rice and locally sourced vegetables. Keisuke and Miyako sat on one side, sharing side dishes and flirty glances half-hidden by casual conversation as Souta and Nao sat awkwardly across from them.

I wonder if they think they’re being subtle.

“The food here is always the best,” Keisuke said with a smile, melting into the first bite of his meal.

“I remembered this place from the last time, it’s really good,” Souta added, then paused. It looked for a moment like he wanted to say something else, but the conversation continued without him.

“Have you ever been here before, Nao-kun?” Miyako looked towards Nao, who had been shuffling his share of chicken around his plate for the past few minutes without taking a bite.

“No, I haven’t.” The uncomfortable buzz that had been slowly building in the pit of his stomach for the past week had begun to feel like rocks tumbling against the bank of a river, kicking up all sorts of unpleasant sediment and unresolved emotions. “It’s really nice, though. I’ll have to come back.”

Nao just hoped that nobody saw through the lie, as barely one morsel of food had passed his lips since they sat down. Luckily, the other three seemed to be too deep in conversation to realise. Although Nao did notice that Souta had not kept still the entire time since they had sat down; from before they’d even bought their drinks his leg had been bouncing up and down with an erratic energy. He’d also finished his first drink before the food had arrived, and the cherry glow that flushed his cheeks showed that the alcohol had taken effect, even if he hid it well.

“So you’re studying physics, right, Nao?” Keisuke casually dished a fresh portion of pickled vegetables onto both his and Miyako’s bowls. “Do you like it?”

“Like is a strong word.” Nao let out a small laugh, tapping the side of his glass with his fingertips as he spoke. The cold sent a shiver up his arm and then down his spine. “I guess it keeps me on my toes.”

“So why did you want to study physics?” That was the first question Souta had asked him all night.

He pondered for a second, unsure of whether to answer honestly or come up with some flowery excuse that seemed to fit the bill. “I… like astronomy." That was it, the answer hung in the air like a half-deflated balloon, leaving Keisuke and Miyako both with a slight frown as they contemplated what Nao had said.

“Like… Stars?” Souta questioned.

“Yeah…” Nao let out an awkward laugh, then took in a breath ready to come up with a more convincing excuse, like- ‘I’ve always been fascinated by space’ or ‘Solar is a good option for renewable energy’, something that would sell 'stars' as a viable career path and not the deranged whims of a guy in his early twenties who didn’t know what he was doing with his—

“That’s cool,” Souta added, cutting Nao from his train of thought. “I like that you just picked something you liked and made it yours, I don’t know many people who can say they’ve done that.”

And for the first time in seven days, Souta met Nao’s eyes. Even if just for a split second, it was long enough for Nao’s heart to beat deafeningly loud in his ears, and almost enough to send the rest of his senses haywire. Those soft brown eyes that Nao had quickly become attached to, and longed for as they looked away. It really did feel like time stood still for that second, and Nao noticed the flush on Souta’s cheeks had spread to his ears as he turned his gaze back to Keisuke.

“And here I am stuck doing boring business, what good is that going to do for my soul?”

“Your soul?” Keisuke quizzed, taking another mouthful of his food. “Well, you still play soccer, right? Surely that’s good for your ‘soul’.” He added loose air quotes on the last word with a smile.

“My soul really needs some work, right now,” Souta laughed, but quickly cleared his throat and changed the subject. Nao could feel a slight twinge of tension forming in the 8cm gap between them. “Anyway, I’m heading home tomorrow, so I’ll get to play soccer again soon!”

“In this weather? Even you would catch a cold playing when it’s this cold.” Miyako’s voice was concerned.

“Don’t worry so much, Miyako. We play indoors, mostly because Shoichi slipped and hurt his leg when we played in the snow one time…” 

“Make sure you keep your health omamori on you, then!” Miyako implored, taking her own out of her coat pocket to show him.

“Oh, Iseya, did you manage to go and get your omamori?”

“Ah, no… I never got around to it.”

“Why don’t we go get some?” Miyako grinned. “I could get another one, and the shrine shouldn’t close for another hour… who cares if it’s not the first of the month, let’s go!”

“Wait, wait, Miyako. Let’s finish our meal first…” Keisuke laughed, pulling an eager Miyako back onto her seat. 

After paying the bill, the four of them made their way up to the closest shrine. Nao and Souta walked side by side in silence, watching the couple in front flaunt their springtime of youth.

“What omamori are you going to get?” Souta asked, kicking a small rock and sending it skittering down the path in front of them.

“Just general luck, I don’t really have anything else I…” He let out a wry laugh. “Maybe health, as well, what about you?” As Nao looked over towards Souta, he just caught sight of him quickly turning back to face the front.

“Oh— er— yeah, general luck for me too,” he quickly affirmed, shoving his hands into his pockets with a huff. “So how’s that creepy doll in your living room? Has it started moving around yet?”

Nao let out a laugh, slightly taken off guard by the unseriousness of Souta’s question. “Nope, she’s still exactly where we left her. Just as creepy as ever.”

“That thing seriously gives me the heebie-jeebies.” 

“I swear, you…” Nao shook his head, his smile uncontained as it spread wildly across his face. “You say the stupidest things.”

There was a pause, Souta stopping on the path momentarily, then quickening his pace to catch back up on the step he missed. “Nao, I—”

“We’re here!” Miyako called out from the front, turning to the two of them just in time to catch them both looking like a pair of deer in headlights. 

Keisuke turned, glancing between Souta and Nao with a confused look, but gave a shrug and took Miyako by the hand. “Come on, let’s go before they sell out.” 

“Huh? They’re not going to— Hey, wait!” Miyako called out, stumbling after Keisuke as he sped towards the shrine entrance.

The two deer stood in stunned silence for just a moment longer before Nao cut through with: “I guess we should hurry up before Miyako buys them all, huh?” 

With haste, and many questions unanswered, Nao pushed forward. He managed to finish the day with a general luck and a health omamori, as well as a gifted ‘love’ omamori which Keisuke had claimed he had picked up an extra of, by accident.

*

Nao’s room was lit only by the slight tint of dusk that graced his windowsill, and the small desk lamp he’d been working by all afternoon and into early evening. He had spent his weeks quietly studying for the upcoming exams, as he always did. He’d made time to see Keisuke and Miyako a few times at least, catching up over lunch or having a quick drink together when they were all free. Souta was kept in the loop, of course, via text. 

Souta and Nao had spoken plenty of times over text, but here Nao sat on the edge of his seat deliberating on whether or not to press the ‘send’ button. It had, unsurprisingly, felt different after he had impulsively decided that kissing his now closest friend was a good idea. He hunched forward, elbow propped on his knee and face resting in his palm as he held his phone with his other hand.

The conversations since Souta had returned home had been usual and boring, and continued without acknowledging anything, which Nao felt both terrified and thankful for. Over the last couple of weeks he’d already asked the usual ‘How’s school?’, and ‘how’s soccer?’, and now his mind was coming up blank. It also didn’t help that the little typing bubble had popped up and disappeared again at least fifteen times in the last three minutes. He couldn’t tell if it was an error, or if Souta was stalling as much as he was.

Suddenly, his phone buzzed in his hand, and he peeked past his fingers to take a look at the screen.

Souta: “How are you?”

Nao let out a breath. Nice, something simple, I can work with simple.

Nao: “I’m alright, you?”

Souta: “Yeah, I’m okay.”

The phone swayed in Nao’s hand as his knee bobbed up and down subconsciously. He bit the inside of his lip as his fingers hovered over the screen, ready to type. The bubble popped up again, then quickly disappeared. This really felt like a game of cat and mouse.

Souta: “Are you ready for your exams? They’re coming up pretty soon.”

Nao: “Yeah, I’ve been doing nothing but studying, so I’m pretty confident. You?”

Souta: “You know me (⁀ᗢ⁀) I’ve left the revision to the last min, but I think I’ll be ok!”

Nao let out a chuckle. I know you, huh?

Nao: “Sounds about right lol. Goodluck, I’m sure you’ll do great.”

Souta: “You too!”

As Nao looked down at the screen there was no typing bubble to make him wonder. I guess that’s it. He pondered how he could, or if he should keep the conversation going, but ended up clicking the phone screen off with a small sigh. Unfurling himself from his hunched position and stretching out, he was just about to slip his phone back into his pocket when it buzzed again. It however took a second for Nao to realise that it continued buzzing. The screen was lit up with Souta’s name. He’s calling me? Nao’s heart somersaulted in his chest, momentarily halting his breath. The quiet chime had already rung out twice, and Nao couldn’t risk the line going dead before he had the guts to answer so he closed his eyes, clicked the green button and put the phone up to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey.” Souta’s soft voice came through in a murmur. There was a moment of quiet on both ends of the line, cut by a sharp breath. “Remember when you called me in the middle of the night?”

Covering his eyes with his free hand, Nao let out a breath. “Yeah, I remember. Is this payback?”

“Something like that.” Nao could hear the smile in his voice, and couldn’t help but smile at the thought. “I always wondered what would make you call me out of the blue, but I kinda get it now. It’s nice to have someone that you know would pick up.”

Nao sat with his brows knitted firmly together, and his eyes shut so tight they began crinkling at the outer corners. He could feel the tension building in his shoulders and jaw. Souta’s statement had absolutely made him happy, but for some reason he also felt like crying. “Aren’t you cocksure?”

Souta’s breathy laugh echoed through the speaker, sending a shiver down Nao’s spine and tinting his ears pink. “Were you when you called me?”

“Not at all,” Nao replied, gently rubbing his thumb and forefinger over his temples in a circular motion. “I just hoped for the best.”

“You do a lot of that, huh?”

Nao pulled the phone away from his ear to glare at the name on the screen. Just who does he think he’s speaking to right now? He almost felt like laughing, but the nervous buzz brought on by Souta finally acknowledging their situation just made him feel nauseous instead. He couldn’t even bring himself to reply.

“Sorry, that wasn’t— I didn’t…” Souta let out a heavy sigh, and Nao could hear movement. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Yeah,” Nao mumbled. You shouldn’t have, and yet. “The same way I shouldn’t have done… that.” This time Nao did let out a laugh, and got to his feet to pace the room to quell the uncomfortable antsy feeling that was growing inside.

“I mean…”

“You don’t need to say anything, honestly. I shouldn’t have ruined a good evening.”

“You didn’t ruin anything, Nao,” Souta’s usual bright intonation was replaced with a soft plea. “It’s…”

“Souta, really—” The words caught in his throat, stinging as he forced them out. “Please don’t say anything.”

“I can’t stop thinking about it.” Souta’s words overlapped with Nao’s own as he finished the sentence.

He can't stop thinking about it.

His nails dug painfully into his hand as he gripped the front of his shirt. With a twinge his heart rattled against the inside of his ribs, followed by a wave of dizziness. He thudded down on the edge of his bed and fought to control his breath as he drew it in. “Souta.”

“Nao, I’m not— I don’t want to just ignore it forever, we need to talk about it.”

“What is there to talk about?” He couldn’t stop thinking about it. “Everything that should be said about it has already been said, and that's ‘nothing’.”

“You don’t just get to put this in a box and pretend it didn’t happen, I have feelings too.”

“Yet I’m almost positive the feelings you have about it are not the same as—” Nao’s voice had risen to an almost-yell as he once again got up to his feet, the queasy feeling being replaced by irritation. There was a creak of floorboards and a shuffle of books a room over, reminding Nao that he wasn’t home alone.

“How would you know? We haven’t spoken about it once.”

“Souta.” Nao let out a bitter laugh, half tempted to sling the phone across the room and be done with the conversation. “Your reaction told me all I needed to know, and you refused to even look at me for almost a full week. We don’t need to embarrass ourselves any further.”

The line fell silent. Nao’s pacing had come to a halt, but his heel still tapped noisily on the floor as he stood in place. He couldn’t decide if he wanted Souta to have some rebuttal, or if he wanted him to relent and tell him he was right, but the quiet only brought on more of a headache and his eyes were starting to feel hot.

“Well I want to talk about it,” Souta insisted, his tone firm.

Nao let out a groan of annoyance, dragging his hand across his face. “Okay, what.”

“Erm…” Nao waited patiently for him to continue, Souta was the one who asked to talk after all. “Why did you… kiss me.” The last words were said in a hushed voice, and Nao could almost imagine his hand cupped around the phone to stop the sound from traveling.

“I guess I just wanted to,” Nao answered matter-of-factly. 

“No, I mean, does it— do you—” Souta let out an exasperated sigh. “Do you like me?”

“Like—” Nao sat bolt upright, a ferocious blush spreading across his face. “I…” I do. I like you. How am I supposed to just admit that outloud? They sat in silence again, Nao’s brain whirring with potential explanations and excuses — anything to avoid admitting he actually had genuine feelings for Souta. “What about you?”

“Me!? You’re the one who... you answer first!!”

Even Nao could admit it was a stupid deflection. “Yeah, and you kissed me back.”

“Wha— yeah, well. That’s…”

This conversation isn’t going anywhere, Nao thought to himself, deftly avoiding the fact that was almost entirely his fault. “Maybe we should just call it even and forget it happened.”

“You’d love that, wouldn’t you.” The words stung, and Nao folded back into a defeated mound as he perched on the edge of his bed and there was a soft sigh on the other end of the line. “I invited Keisuke to come and visit me in Gifu. We’re renting an apartment— separate rooms… Do you want to come?”

Nao hummed in contemplation, glancing up at the shelf across the room from him and spotting the Joni Mitchell vinyl he had played for Souta those few weeks prior. “Sure. I’ll go. Do I have to share with Keisuke?”

Souta let out a laugh that filled Nao’s heart with warmth. “I already booked the one with three rooms so I was… kinda relying on you saying yes. So I’ll see you in a couple of weeks? I’ll text you the details.”

Even without a resolution Nao felt calmer, and it felt good to know that Souta still wanted to see him after everything. “Sounds good, I’ll see you then.”

*

The journey would take just under an hour, and Nao came equipped with headphones and a small backpack holding some changes of clothes and basic toiletries. The trip was only for two days, just enough time to see the city, eat some good food and catch up with his friends.

Nao’s phone buzzed in his pocket, which he ignored at first, opting instead to watch the buildings and people move past the window of the bus. Another buzz, then another, and another. Nao let out an exasperated sigh and rolled his eyes as he pulled his phone out of his jean pocket. 

Souta: “Hey, you’re still coming, right? Me and Keisuke will meet you at the cafe just next to the bus station.”

Souta: “The cafe is called Carimel Rabbit, by the way!!”

Souta: “Caramel***”

Souta: “Nao?”

He let out a small laugh, hiding his smile with his hand as he glanced from left to right to make sure nobody was judging the reaction.

Nao: “I’m literally on the bus, calm down lol. I’ll be there in 10.”

The door of the cafe chimed softly as Nao made his way through it, and looking around it didn’t take long until he spotted Souta and Keisuke sitting at one of the tables at the back. Keisuke lifted his hand in a wave, and Nao politely bowed his head to the waitress who had come to greet him, gesturing over to the table and making his way over. 

After the standard ‘hello’s’ and ‘how are you’s’ were all finished, and drinks were ordered, the three happily chatted about what had happened in the last few weeks. Nao had already noticed Souta’s eyes on him, but couldn’t bring himself to meet his gaze. The small round table was only just big enough to fit them all, so a bump of knees was inevitable. 

“Oh, Souta… What was this big news you wanted to share, anyway?”

Big news? Nao racked his brain trying to remember when Souta had mentioned any news, big or otherwise. His mind couldn’t help but wander to places he didn’t want it to. Is he moving? Is he dropping out? 

Did he get a girlfriend…?

“Oh, yeah!” Souta beamed, putting his drink down with a heavy thunk as he spun to grab something out of his jacket pocket. There was a rustle of fabric, the sound of a coin dropping and a quiet ‘shit’ before Souta turned back around, presenting Nao and Keisuke with a small beige card.

“A business card?” Keisuke questioned as he took it and flipped it over.

“Okay, so it’s not my business card but it’s still cool! The soccer group I joined a while ago has started doing official classes and they asked me to teach the middle school group!”

“That's really cool, Souta!” Keisuke’s warm smile radiated genuine pride as he spoke. “Have you already started?”

“I’ve done my trial lesson and the kids seemed to have a good time,” Souta grinned. “It’s not full time, just during school holidays but… I’m just happy to be doing something soccer related.”

“That's great, I’m really happy for you,” Nao added, catching Souta’s eyes as he looked up. “You’ve always been passionate about soccer, I’m glad it’s paying off.”

“Thank you, me too.” Souta settled into his seat, a barely contained smile creasing his eyes. Nao could feel the enthusiasm radiating from him like rays of sunshine through a thin cloud covering. “It’s going to be tough, but I’m excited.”

Nao let out a hum in response, unable to look away as Souta shifted forward to pick up his drink, their knees brushing together slightly as he did. This time Souta didn’t move away, instead just sheepishly looked down into the glass of fresh juice and took a sip without a word.

“So is it a permanent position?” Keisuke's voice cut through the fuzz that was just filling Nao’s mind, and blurring all his surroundings except for Souta. 

“Huh? Oh, yeah— no… well, yes and no.” Souta was clearly also being affected by the fuzz — he precariously stumbled his way around whatever words came to mind until he could get them to come out in order. “Yes. As long as I do a good job I’ll be able to teach every summer and during some school breaks— and after university, who knows.”

“Sounds good to me.” Keisuke smiled. “Oh. I know we’re only here for 2 days, but Miyako asked— no, begged me to pick up some ayugashi for her as a souvenir. Do you think you two can entertain yourselves for an hour or so?”

“Such a good husband,” Souta teased with his hands clasped in front of him. “I’m sure we can find something to do, right Nao?”

“I could do with dropping my bag off, if the apartment is nearby,” Nao said, gesturing to the heavy backpack hooked over the back of his chair.

The walk over had been quiet with only a little chitchat to fill the silence as they strolled side by side. The apartment was small and sparsely furnished, but had everything they needed for a short stay. 

There was a knock on the bedroom door just as Nao swung his bag off his shoulder to place on his bed. As he turned, he saw Souta stood in the doorway with a rueful smile on his face. “Hey. The rooms are a little small, sorry.”

“It’s fine, it’s just for sleeping in anyway.” Nao turned back to his bag, pulling out the folded clothes to find a sweater, neatly packing everything else back away then pulling the zipper closed before turning back to Souta again. “What’s up?

“Oh, I was just…” He hesitated. “Erm…”

“Can I… get changed while you think about it? I’m kinda cold.” Nao gestured with the sweater in his hand, and Souta just stared with a blank, if slightly confused expression. “What, did you wanna watch?” he added with a smirk. 

“No, sorry! I didn’t know what you— I’m just— I’ll leave.” Before he could even laugh at Souta’s reaction the door slammed shut and Nao was once again alone. 

With a shiver he slipped his t-shirt off, and quickly put the sweater on. This house is really cold. When Nao returned to the living area, Souta was nowhere to be seen. He peered into the kitchen, even round to the front door — still nothing. He wrapped his arms around himself and shuffled over to the sofa, heavily thumping onto the plush cushions. Seriously cold!

“You okay?” Souta appeared from one of the other rooms off to the right, wearing just a t-shirt and jeans.

“This apartment is freezing. I don't know how you can walk around like that.” Nao shuddered, trying to get comfortable as he dug himself as far into the pillows as possible.

“It’s not that cold…” Souta’s voice became quieter as he retreated into his room once again, but quickly returned with a seafoam blue hoodie, which he threw in Nao’s direction. “Here, you can wear this.”

“I’m not…” As Nao picked up the hoodie he paused. His first instinct was to reject the offer, but the softness he felt between his fingers was enticing, and even though he was sure Souta had just pulled the garment out of his bag it still held a lingering warmth. “I guess… I could.”

As Nao tugged the sweatshirt over his head, he felt the sofa next to him sink under the weight of someone sitting down. Souta picked up the remote and flicked the TV on, scanning quickly through the channels as he tapped his foot on the rug — a few more clicks, and Souta finally settled on a flashy talk show. As the hosts rattled on about the latest in kitchen gadgets, Souta quietly cleared his throat. “Do you want to go anywhere while we wait for Keisuke? We’ve got about 40 minutes to spare.”

“Nah, let’s wait. We can all go somewhere together when he gets back.” 

Souta hummed in response, his foot still dancing in place as he held his thumb to his cheek, biting the inside of his mouth. He took a breath in through his nose before saying, “So how’s school?”

“Hm?” Nao turned his head to Souta, his gaze holding for a moment longer on the obnoxiously vibrant screen before they flitted to find Souta’s. His brows turned up faintly in the middle as Nao met his eyes, and his uneasy heel found stillness on the floor. “I… Oh, yeah, school.” Losing his focus, Nao turned his attention back to the TV. He shifted in his seat, slipping two fingers beneath the collar of the hoodie and pulling it out to give himself some more breathing room. “My exams went well, and my lecturer said I’m a ‘natural’, whatever that means… He mentioned suggesting me for a work placement next semester. What about you?”

“Yeah, same for me…” Souta’s voice was soft, distracted and earnest. “I— No I mean mine went well too! I passed, at least. No work placement yet, though.” He laughed to himself.

Nao could still feel Souta’s eyes burning a hole through the side of his head, but the hairs that stood up on the back of his neck told him to ignore it. He held his hands loosely in his lap, his finger tracing the curve of his pointer finger as he absentmindedly watched the screen. “Do you—”

“Where are—” They both spoke at the same time, and Souta let out a small laugh. “Sorry, you go first.”

Nao glanced over to Souta momentarily. “Do you think you’ll stay here after you graduate?”

“I don’t know, yet. I don’t really have a reason to leave, and it would be nice to be a soccer coach while I have the chance.”

Nao hummed in agreement with a small nod. The TV continued its parade, the hosts bringing in a brand new gadget that did something exciting and innovative, probably, Nao wasn’t really paying attention. He was far too focused on the furnace sat next to him that kept not-so-subtly stealing glances — even the hoodie he was wearing enveloped all of his senses in the guy. Maybe this was a bad idea.

“What about you?” Souta asked.

“I’m pretty much the same, if I find a job elsewhere I’ll probably move.”

“Not too far, though, right?” Souta said with a nervous laugh.

A small, but uncontrollable smirk spread across Nao’s lips. “Why, are you gonna come with me?” 

“I— Whatever! I was just asking!” Souta complained, but even before Nao turned to face him he could hear the smile in his voice. Their eyes met once again, and both were quiet for a moment. Souta’s eyes sank lower, grazing over Nao’s features earnestly one by one, and as much as Nao’s heartbeat was thumping in his ears so loudly it dulled his senses, he couldn’t look away.

“You…” He hesitated, taking in a breath with a slightly open mouth, which Souta watched. “You asked me why…”

Their eyes met once again, and with a slightly creased brow Souta asked, “Why…?”

“Why I… kissed you.”

Souta’s body visibly tensed, and his gaze quickly shifted to anything that wasn’t Nao, flicking around the scene in front of him until they found a comfortable home in the opposite corner of the room. “Oh… Yeah. Yep. I did.”

“I— you…” Nao took in a breath, trying and failing to choose his words wisely. “I don’t know how you look at me like that and think it doesn’t mean anything.”

Souta’s eyes were still glued to the ceiling, but the corners of his mouth turned down ever-so-slightly and his eyes became a little glassy. Nao could almost see his heart thumping through his shirt as his breaths became deeper and more deliberate. He swallowed hard before replying, “Like what? I’m not doing anything.”

“Maybe I’m wrong,” Nao said matter-of-factly, carefully watching Souta’s expression for a while before adding, “Am I?”

“I don’t… I don’t know.”

“You don’t know, huh?” he repeated incredulously. “You said you wanted to talk that time on the phone, so—”

“Well I tried and you never gave me a straight answer, so…?” Souta cut in. 

They were quiet again. “I don’t know,” Nao sighed, pulling his phone out to check the time. It’s already been 30 minutes.

“I guess that makes two of us, then.”

The frustration was growing more with every second that ticked by. He didn’t know what to do, or say, or expect from the coming moments but he knew that nothing would change unless he did. “It’s scary, isn’t it?” Nao finally managed. 

“Scary?” 

“This. Feelings.” This time it was Nao that turned his face away, slumping his head back against the sofa cushions and folding his arms over his chest. “Just all of this, I hate it— I mean I hate feeling this out of control.” 

“So… when you say feelings…” Nao noticed that Souta had turned his body towards Nao as he spoke, as if to say ‘I’m listening’ without words.

Nao hummed, tapping his finger on his upper arm. “Yep, feelings, but how can you just go along with that? What if it goes wrong? What if we end up hating each other?” he rambled. “I’m not very good at losing people.”

The look on Souta’s face told Nao he wasn’t taking this as seriously as he should be, and he said with soft eyes and a sweet smile, “But who could ever hate you?”

“Oh, shut up.” Souta’s smile was contagious. Before Nao could even finish rolling his eyes it had spread unrestrained across his lips. “You know what I mean.”

“I understand being scared— you can’t know what will happen in the future but that shouldn’t stop you from living.” Nao was surprised by how to-the-point he was being, but it made a welcome change to their usual back-and-forth. “We won’t know if we don’t try.”

“And is that what you want? To try?” 

“I think I do, yeah.” 

“You do know what that means, right?” 

“I do,” Souta repeated, with more conviction this time. “So does this mean you… like me?”

“Oh for God’s sake, Souta,” Nao let out a laugh. “Obviously.”

“Good, me too.” Souta’s goofy smile only made Nao laugh more.

They settled into a comfortable silence. The distance between them on the sofa was beginning to feel larger and larger as they stayed still, but Nao didn’t feel quite so scared anymore. He reached his hand out slightly, bridging the gap. Souta looked down at it for a moment before threading his fingers in between Nao’s and closing the gap with a gentle squeeze.

Nao noticed Souta pull his phone out of his pocket with his spare hand just as he felt a buzz in his own pocket. As he pulled out his phone to check the notification Souta spoke up.

“Keisuke texted me.”

“He texted me, too.” Nao glanced over at him with one slightly raised eyebrow. 

“I wonder why he texted both of us…” Souta pondered for a moment, then gave a slight shrug as he typed out a quick reply and put his phone face down on the side table. “Do you think he’s psychic?”

“Honestly, he could be. I feel like he’s known I’ve had a thing for you for months.” Nao attempted to be nonchalant about the statement, but he knew it would be a revelation for Souta, who he could already see with his mouth agape out of the corner of his eye.

“Just how long are we talking here!?" Souta’s surprise was apparent in his voice.

“That’s a question for at least the third date, don’t push it.” The warmth that crept into Nao’s open palm as they sat hand-in-hand felt both comforting and nerve-wrecking, there really was no going back now. 

“Oh, by the way… I ended up listening to some more of your music, The Beatles are really something.” He chatted casually, gently brushing the pad of his thumb over the back of Nao's hand like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“Oh really? I thought it wasn’t to your tastes?” Nao laughed.

“Well, it’s not really, but you like them enough to show me so I thought it would be nice to give them a listen. My favourite song was err… ‘Here, There and Everywhere’ I think it was called, it reminded me of the music my parents used to listen to.”

Nao’s ears pricked up: not only had he chosen to listen to his music of his own free will, Souta actually cared enough to remember a song name, and one that was most definitely a love song. “Did you… look at the lyrics?”

“Of course I did,” Souta half-mumbled. “Some of their songs are about eggmen and octopus gardens, even after I translated it to Japanese it doesn’t make any sense to me. That one was nice though.”

Nao smiled to himself, bathing in the comfortable moment — a moment cut short by a knock, then the loud rattle of keys as the front door to the house unlocked. Nao and Souta had already untangled their hands and scooted as far away from each other as the two-seater sofa would allow by the time Keisuke appeared through the door.

“Hey guys, sorry I took so long. The first two shops I went to were totally sold out.”

“Oh yeah, no problem, you didn’t take that long anyway— well it was a while but not too long, you know?” Souta rambled on, and Keisuke just nodded along with a knowing smile.

“Did you guys want to go and get some food? There's a couple of places I saw on my way back if you didn’t have anywhere in mind, Souta,” Keisuke asked.

“Yes, let’s go on an adventure!” Souta cheered, standing up to his feet with his fist raised high in the air, then looked towards Nao with his hand outstretched.

Yup, this’ll be an adventure for sure.