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Finally home.
Finally free.
“Jo, where are Cal and Emmie?”
“They’ve gone to the supermarket. We need rations; they’ll be a few hours,” she said while hammering a piece of metal for a future project.
Emmie was the one who usually handled food and half of the chores at the Waystation.
“Why? What happened?”
“Oh, it’s nothing. I’ll just do some homework meanwhile.”
“Leo.”
“Yeah?”
“The letters you brought home last week are on your table. Read them. They’re for you,” she said, unable to meet my eyes.
“Yeah, I—I’ll read them.”
Fuck. I hate it when my voice cracks.
It had been two weeks since Jason… died.
Gods, I still can’t believe it.
How could he just die?
He was the son of the king of the gods.
He couldn’t just die.
He couldn’t.
But he was.
He was gone, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.
I thought about when Piper and I went to his dorm to clear it out right after his death. We didn’t want a random cleaner to do it, and Jason had hiding spots that only we would know.
Under the floorboards.
The most common hiding place.
I thought there would be weapons—daggers or something.
But it was a stack of letters.
Piper rummaged through them all.
“All of them are addressed to you,” she said.
“Huh? Why would he write letters to me?”
“Especially because he didn’t know you were alive until Apollo told him. And he didn’t have enough time to write twenty letters.”
“Wait—he wrote twenty letters to me?”
“That’s an estimate. Probably more.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“Your death hit him pretty hard. He cried for weeks.”
“Wait—he cried for weeks because of me?” I said, sitting on the ground.
“When Apollo told him you were alive,” she said, joining me on the ground, “the lights went out and he started jumping like a fool. He hugged Apollo so tightly Apollo said, ‘Jason broke my ribs, can we go to the hospital first?’”
She chuckled.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if he wrote even more letters.”
“Okay.” I could feel tears forming in my eyes.
“Are you going to read them right now?”
“No. We have to clear out the room first,” I said, getting off the ground. The pity party was over. I had cried enough already.
“Later,” I told myself.
“I’ll read them at the Waystation.”
“Okay.”
I helped her off the ground, and the letters weren’t brought up again.
We decided that we would first keep his stuff in the Waystation and then later transfer it to Camp Half-Blood.
Piper decided that I would drop her off in Oklahoma in a few days. She wanted to get to know Cal and spend time with her best friend.
Which was me, apparently.
I didn’t believe that, though.
“Cal’s… a bit much.”
“Huh? What do you mean? She’s my girlfriend.”
“I know. I just… she doesn’t understand you.”
“Bullshit. She understands me completely.”
“Leo, I don’t know how to explain it, but she shouts at you when you talk about machines. She tells you to stop joking when nothing’s serious and you’re just trying to lighten the mood. She makes fun of you at your expense. And these are things I noticed in only three days.”
“Piper, what if I said this about Shel?”
“If you told me Shel was toxic, I would listen to you and consider the possibility. Unlike you—I wouldn’t get defensive!”
“Oh fuck off, Piper. You would. And you never listen to me. And the things that ‘Cal is supposedly doing’ are things all of us do too!”
“AND I AM SORRY FOR THEM, BUT YOU HAVE TO THINK TOO!”
“I AM THINKING CLEARLY! IN FACT, I THINK TOO MUCH!”
“YEAH—ABOUT YOUR MOM AND JASON! BUT YOU DON’T THINK ABOUT ANYONE THAT’S ALIVE!”
She crossed a line.
“L-Leo, I—I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way.”
“Don’t lie. You did.”
“L-Leo, I’m s-sorry.”
“Can you leave my room, Piper?”
She just stood there, trying to stutter out apologies.
“Leave my room, Piper. I don’t want to say it again.”
Shit. The floodgates opened.
“Leo, you’re crying.”
“LEAVE, PIPER.”
She sniffled and left.
I cried for a long time after that.
The next morning, I didn’t want to see Piper.
She probably hated me.
It was the first time I had actually yelled at any of my friends.
Well—demigod friends.
“Where’s Piper?” I asked Emmie.
“She said something about going on a walk. She’s been gone for about twenty minutes.”
“Oh. Okay, thanks.”
“Leo, can you help set up breakfast?”
“Of course.”
Cal came to me while I was putting the plates out.
“Leo, why were you shouting at Piper last night?”
Did she have to ask that question?
“Oh, it was nothing. We just had a disagreement on… um… psyche.”
She gave me a look that said: Leo Valdez, you’re a petty liar.
“Fine. But Piper just gives a bad vibe. Like there’s something wrong with her.”
“What?”
“Yeah, she just… I don’t know. Just a bad feeling.”
“Oh. Um. Okay.”
Both Piper and Cal ‘disliked’ each other, and now I was in a stalemate.
Fuck.
When I was dropping Piper off in Tahlequah—or whatever it’s called—we didn’t talk the entire way.
But when we were saying goodbye, and Piper’s dad was trying to convince me to stay for a day, she said, just as I was about to leave:
“Leo.”
“Mhm?”
“When you go home, can you please read the letters? Don’t leave them in the dark.”
She hugged me.
“I know Cal doesn’t like me and I don’t like her, but please don’t cut me off because of that. I don’t know how I would survive without my best friend,” she whispered in my ear.
“Piper, I will never cut you off.”
I was finally home, and on my desk were all the letters.
Staring at me like a loaded gun.
And for a kid with ADHD, that’s the worst thing ever.
But I couldn’t get myself to read them.
I don’t know why.
I just couldn’t.
But I promised Piper.
Fuck it.
I opened the first letter—the one closest to the day I “died.”
It was probably the first one.
My hands were shaking, and it was not because of the three coffees I had.
Maybe it was.
The letter was almost yellow. It had probably been opened and read multiple times by Jason. I already knew I was going to cry by the end of this.
As soon as I opened the letter, I was met with Jason’s perfect handwriting.
"Dear Leo,
I am writing this letter just because the grief counsellor who came from Camp Jupiter told me to. She was saying something about how this would help me grow through my grief. But it isn’t grief anymore—you’re alive, and I know it.
I am so happy you are alive. I don’t think I have ever been this happy in my entire life. Nico said the smile was so wide someone could make it into a scythe.
I just have to find you again. Then I’ll see you again. But I’ll still write the letter because the counsellor will kill me if I don’t.
I remember when people used to die in the legion because of the war games and practice sessions. I remember one specifically. I was about ten. I had a best friend in Camp Jupiter. His name was Chase Blake. I know it sounds like he was a jock, but he was actually kind.
We were on the attack for the first time, but everything went wrong. I don’t remember exactly, but it ended with him dying. I think it was because of the elephants. He died in the healer’s arms.
After that, a rule was made that only twelve and above could be in the attack for the war games. I cried for days. It was the first time someone close to me died—especially my best friend.
But with your death, it’s different.
I was better after a few days after Chase’s death. It hurt, but this hurts worse. Your death kills me. I want to cry until I sleep, and I do. Every day. Every night. I have a dream that you’re alive, but I don’t see or meet you again.
Your last words to me were:
‘I told you I had a plan. When are you going to trust me? And by the way—I love you guys.’
It’s not like they aren’t amazing last words. They are.”
A tear ruined the words “I love you guys.”
“But I don’t want them to be your last words to me. They can’t be.
Leo, as much as I miss you, I hate you too. Why did you have to be such an idiot and stupid and smart and just… you?
Fuck you, Leo. I hate you, and I hate that I miss you. Why did you have to be reckless and selfless? It’s unbearable that you died and that everyone still misses you—and you should know that we miss you.
The Seven miss you.
Piper misses you.
I miss you.
You don’t have the right to leave us like that. To leave me like that.
But I should also tell you what has happened in you being gone for just two weeks.
I broke up with Piper yesterday. I don’t regret it. It isn’t like I don’t love her—I do—but not in the way she wants or needs me to. So for the betterment of both of us, I broke up with her.
I don’t know why I don’t like her in the way I should. I just don’t.
Everything fell off without you. I still can’t believe that this still affects me.
I hope you know how much I care about you, because I do. I think I was obvious after I wanted you to stay when Thalia was telling me about my past. But Leo, you’re stupid, and if I don’t tell you face to face that I care about you, you won’t know.
Shit.
Apparently, I don’t even know myself.
I cared about you since we met on that bus. Since you disappeared to Calypso’s island. I knew I cared about you a lot, but I didn’t realise it was in this way.
Leo, I like you. I just never realised it. And now it’s too late.”
There were tear drops on the letter—but they weren’t mine. They were old. They were Jason’s.
“It’s too late to tell you about how I feel.
By Jason Grace”
It felt like there was an elephant on my chest that wouldn’t go away.
I put the letter aside and hugged my pillow and cried.
I couldn’t think anymore. Whenever I have an overload of emotions, my brain usually moves at lightning speed—but now it felt like it couldn’t move at all. It couldn’t think.
I usually build when I feel like this, but I couldn’t. My hands wouldn’t stop shaking.
I think I stayed in that fetal position, crying, for what felt like forever.
But then.
“Leo, dinner’s ready,” Jo said, coming inside my room.
“Leo—are you okay? What happened?” She rushed to my bedside.
She saw that I was crying and just hugged me.
“Shh. It’s okay. It will be okay.”
She said while moving her hand up and down my back.
Her shirt was all wet because of my tears.
But she didn't mind.
It was.....nice.
After I separated from the hug, after I stopped crying, she said, “Come on, let’s have dinner.”
I didn’t want to go outside and face anyone, but I had to.
“Okay.”
My eyes were probably still red.
“You can stay here, and I can bring your dinner here if that’s what you want.”
“No, no, it’s okay. I’ll come.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
I went outside.
I knew I was going to spend the rest of the night reading the letters after dinner.