Work Text:
Ilya Rozanov was in an internet fight. This was a fairly regular occurrence for him, he tried to get into at least a few every day. But this one was…unique. In an unfortunate turn of events, he had screenshotted his Twitter feed to prove how sexy and powerful he is, which ended up exposing his alternate account. One @shaneslover. An account he had kept for years, fanning the flames of ship wars, threatening Hayden Pike, and, as the name suggested, thirsting after Shane Hollander.
MLH tea ☕️@mlhgossip
@IlyaRozanov81 has a Shane Hollander fan account????
[two pictures, one of the original screenshot, and one of @shaneslover‘s profile]
5:22 PM • Mar 10, 2018
BB Hollander @iheartmtl24
Replying to @mlhgossip
LILY?!?!??????? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK THATS OOMF WEVE BEEN MUTUALS FOR YEARS WHAT WHAT
5:31 PM • Mar 10, 2018
BB Hollander @iheartmtl24
Replying to @mlhgossip
No I’m sorry I’m going to dm her I can’t
5:31 PM • Mar 10, 2018
BB Hollander to Lily
Girl???????????
What is happening??????
Is this real??????
😬
WHAT DOES THIS MEANNNNNNNN
✨Hollandov real✨ @shilya
Ok I’ve interacted with Lily a lot and this just can’t be true???? Like she’s certified dude. I don’t believe it for a SECOND that she’s THE Ilya Rozanov #lilyarozanovfake
5:31 PM • Mar 10, 2018
Ilya Rozanov Updates Daily @ir81updates
Ilya Rozanov appears to have a secret account dedicated to Shane Hollander #lilyarozanov
5:27 PM • Mar 10, 2018
Teddy 🧸@24kiss81
Replying to @ir81updates
Hello?????????
5:39 PM • Mar 10, 2018
🏆RAIDERS STANLEY CUP 🏆 @brayden92
Replying to @ir81updates
No this has to be fake. No fucking way.
5:43 PM • Mar 10, 2018
Rozanov number 1 @checkoff1988
Replying to @brayden92
Maybe it’s some sort of weird psychological mind game?? Or maybe like a dating thing?
5:58 PM • Mar 10, 2018
💞Shayden baby mama💞 @mtlmethoe
Replying to @ir81updates
Is Rozy gay? Like fr is he gay? Bc he brings up sucking Hollander’s dick like a million times. We know he was super supportive of Scott Hunter when he came out. Maybe it’s real? Maybe he has a legit crush on Hollander?
6:37 PM • Mar 10, 2018
💞Shayden baby mama💞 @mtlmethoe
Replying to @mtlmethoe
HIS OFFICIAL ACCOUNT LIKED THIS WHAT!!!!!!!!!!! PR GET HIM OH MY GOD
7:22 PM • Mar 10, 2018
I Love You A @ilyilya
I'm going through @shaneslover (Ilya????) s account and holy shit its insane. If this is real Ilya...
7:24 PM • Mar 10, 2018
I Love You A @ilyilya
????????
Quote retweet
Lily @shaneslover
shane hollander i suck soul out of cock tonite.
9:44 PM • Feb 19 2011
7:31 PM • Mar 10, 2018
I Love You A @ilyilya
This is literally the first post on the account.
Quote retweet
Lily @shaneslover
shane hollander freckles send tweet
3:35 AM • Feb 2 2011
7:42 PM • Mar 10, 2018
MTL 4 lyfe @MTLMetbros
Shane Hollander is on FIRE!! I’m sensing a rookie of the year award in his future…
10:22 PM • Feb 2 2011
Lily @shaneslover
Replying to @MTLMetbros
no.
10:46 PM • Feb 2 2011
Gabbi @pikesspike
Replying to @shaneslover
You literally have a Shane Hollander pfp?????
10:50 PM • Feb 2 2011
Lily @shaneslover
Replying to @pikesspike
so?
10:50 PM • Feb 2 2011
BB Hollander @iheartmtl24
Replying to @shaneslover
Lily. You thirst post about him like every day wtf is this???
10:47 PM • Feb 2 2011
Lily @shaneslover
Replying to @iheartmtl24
he is hot. is why i say it. does not mean he is best.
10:48 PM • Feb 2 2011
BB Hollander @iheartmtl24
Replying to @shaneslover
I can’t believe this was fucking ILYA ROZANOV WHAT THE FUCK
6:28 PM • Mar 10, 2018
Lily @shaneslover
scott hunter is bitch. rozanov will destroy him
7:16 AM • Feb 19 2011
Scotty is bae @hunting4scott
Replying to @shaneslover
You know literally nothing. That russian rookie is like 3 years old what r u even saying
8:09 AM • Feb 19 2011
Lily @shaneslover
Replying to @hunting4scott
boo hoo bitch. i kill you.
8:09 AM • Feb 19 2011
Scotty is bae @hunting4scott
Replying to @shaneslover
What the actual fuck???????
8:10 AM • Feb 19 2011
I Love You A @ilyilya
Replying to @hunting4scott
Maybe this is Ilya.
8:16 PM • Mar 10, 2018
Lily @shaneslover
love watching gay hockey stretchs. want fuck that fat ass. make play with buttplug in whole time. so hot
3:26 AM • Feb 20 2012
Shane’s girlfriend @mrsholl24
Replying to @shaneslover
Ilya. Ilya what.
8:51 PM • Mar 10 2018
Lily @shaneslover
he never sext me back ☹️
12:46 AM • Oct 25, 2013
Lily @shaneslover
Replying to @h0llanderh0lelvr
nvm he did. #winning
2:01 AM • Oct 25, 2013
Lily @shaneslover
fuckkkkkkkk i can not do this
4:23 PM • Feb 16 2014
Lily @shaneslover
hollander was soooo hot tonight omfgggg. the suit. the eyes. want to bend him over in a gross bathroom and fuck him over the sink
10:12 PM • June 24 2014
Lily @shaneslover
i think i am bad person
2:57 AM • June 25 2014
Calvin Klein @calvinklein
What does Shane Hollander do in his Calvin Kleins?
[pictures and a link to a YouTube video of the ad]
9:42 AM • July 10 2014
Lily @shaneslover
Replying to @calvinklein
LKJDSGTSHJFKGHLJFGSATSYFJKGGKGKKGFKFJFJSSTSTP
10:29 AM • July 10 2014
Lily @shaneslover
Replying to @shaneslover
Holyyyyy fucking shittttt #needthat
10:30 AM • July 10 2014
Hollanov 4 ever @hollanovtruther
Replying to @shaneslover
Relatable
11:12 PM • Mar 10 2018
Lily @shaneslover
i fucked up
8:32 PM • Oct 17 2016
Shane Hollander Updates @sholupdates
Shane Hollander spotted with @RoseLandryOfficial New couple alert????
9:16 PM • Nov 3, 2016
Lily @shaneslover
Replying to @sholupdates
i am going to kill her dead
9:23 PM • Nov 3, 2016
Lily @shaneslover
Replying to @shaneslover
with a gun
9:23 PM • Nov 3, 2016
Lily @shaneslover
ok fine he like rose landry now its whatever
9:24 PM • Nov 3, 2016
Lily @shaneslover
i can date hot actress too shane fuck you
9:25 PM • Nov 3, 2016
BB Hollander @iheartmtl24
Replying to @shaneslover
We don’t know anything yet it could be nothing
9:30 PM • Nov 3, 2016
Lily @shaneslover
Replying to @iheartmtl24
no i know. it is something
9:31 PM • Nov 3, 2016
BB Hollander @iheartmtl24
Replying to @shaneslover
How do you always know these things???? Are you psychic??????
7:29 PM • Nov 7 2016
TMZ @TMZofficial ✓
Hockey Star Ilya Rozanov caught with his pants down! Exclusive pictures of illicit liaison behind a club in Boston
7:06 AM • Nov 6 2016
Ilya’s wife (real) @mrsrozanov
Replying to @TMZ official
Holy shit did you guys see it??? Omfg how has he been hiding that fucking SNAKE
9:28 AM • Nov 6 2016
Hollanov 4 ever @hollanovtruther
Replying to @mrsrozanov
We’ve known about this forever dude
9:36 AM • Nov 6 2016
TMZ @TMZofficial ✓
Rozanov spotted with several cast members of the X Squad in LA! Could he be dating an actress too?
9:28 PM • Nov 7 2016
Brad to the bone @bradattack
Replying to @TMZofficial
Holy shit the rivalry intensifies…
9:28 PM • Nov 7 2016
Lily @shaneslover
need himn ☹️
[picture of Hollander from the Calvin Klein ad campaign]
1:55 AM • Nov 8 2016
✨Hollandov real✨
Replying to @shaneslover
Have you been digging through all of his ads?? Girl what are you doing??
1:57 AM • Nov 8 2016
Lily @shaneslover
Replying to
rosee tok mhik form je ☹️☹️☹️evil
2:00 AM • Nov 8 2016
✨Hollandov real✨@shilya
Replying to @shaneslover
Go to bed. And maybe the hospital.
2:01 AM • Nov 8 2016
Hollanov 4 ever @hollanovtruther
Replying to @shilya
Holy shit it just occurred to me that this is the same day he got wasted with those X Squad guys. Dude wtf was happening????? Is Hollanov real????? Bc this is CLASSIC break up crash out behavior
9:53 PM • Mar 10 2018
✨Hollandov Real✨ @shilya
Replying to @hollanovtruther
Tbh hes probably just one of us. Which is like… crazy to think about. Rozanov is an insane rpf self shipper. He’s just like me for real
3:49 AM • Mar 11 2018
💞Shayden baby mama💞 @mtlmethoe
@scotthunterhockey has done so much for queer hockey fans!! I hope this marks a turning point in the sport, hockey is for everyone
4:26 PM • July 19 2017
Lily @shaneslover
Replying to @mtlmethoe
helped me get laid. he might be old and terrible at hockey but at least he’s hot ig
5:01 PM PM • July 19 2017
💞Shayden baby mama💞 @mtlmethoe
Replying to @shaneslover
I ASK AGAIN!!
7:12 AM • Mar 11 2018
Brad to the bone @bradattack
Replying to @mtlmethoe
Roz isn’t gay! He’s probably just an ally or whatever who chatted up a girl about supporting Hunter!
7:34 AM • Mar 11 2018
💞Shayden baby mama💞 @mtlmethoe
Replying to @bradattack
He called Hunter hot dude.
7:35 AM • Mar 11 2018
Brad to the bone @bradattack
Replying to @mtlmethoe
So?? You can call a man hot without being gay.
8:16 AM • Mar 11 2018
Ilya’s phone has been ringing off the hook. He has been very purposefully ignoring it in favor of lurking on Twitter, but this time it was Shane.
“Hello?”
“Don’t fucking hello me asshole! What the fuck!” He sounded terrified, breathing shallowly. The grin on Ilya’s face melted away. “What the fuck man! I can’t… I can’t…”
“Hey. Shane, baby, breathe for me.” His hands itched to soothe his boyfriend through the phone, to rub his back and hold him tight. “Is going to be okay. I will fix it with PR, I promise.”
“No, that’s not—“ He was settling down a bit, but his voice was still strained. “Hayden texted. He, uh, figured it out. He’s been trying to call, but…”
“I can deal with him for you.”
“What? No. That’ll just make it worse! I can do it, it’s fine.”
“It is not fine. If Hayden Pike is problem, I can deal with it.” Ilya said firmly. Shane sighed in acquiescence. “Where are Yuna and David? They should be with you.”
“They’re on their way to the apartment.”
“Good, good. Call them back, they will want to hear from you.”
“Yeah, she’s been calling me nonstop.” A rustle could be heard through the tinny speakers, like Shane was pacing. That was good, it is always worse when he is so overwhelmed he can’t move. “I wanted to talk to you first.”
“Me too.” The smile crept back on to his face, softer this time, “How do you want me to handle this?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t even know you had this account. Which again, is fucking stupid!” Shane said, “I guess you could deny it? Your agent will want that.”
“But what do you want?”
“I really don’t know. I guess… it fits best in the plan if you don’t make a statement at all.” He was clearly pacing faster now, probably making that adorable scrunched up face he always does when he’s deep in thought. “Call your agent. Tell me what she wants to do. We’ll make plans from there.”
“Okay. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Group chat: Jane ❤️
Today 8:22 PM
Jane ❤️
My parents are here
Ilya
Good 👍
Ilya
Oh my god managers are worstttt
Ilya
Mine say no statement, will address it in press conference after game tomorrow.
Jane ❤️
My mom is saying something similar, to deflect when questions are asked of me
Jane ❤️
”It’s flattering blah blah blah”
Ilya
And is it?
Jane ❤️
??
Ilya
Flattering?
Ilya
You like my tweets? You read them and get hot?
Jane ❤️
Ilya. No.
Ilya
🥺
Jane ❤️
Call me tonight
Ilya
;)
Thankfully it was a home game against the Bolts, so it was going to be easy. Ilya arrived late, blaming traffic. No one believed him, of course, but they pretended to. The atmosphere in the locker room was thick with tension. Ilya clapped, getting everyone’s attention, “Okay. Everyone heard the rumors. They are not true. It is not my account. What is true is that we have game to play. It might be worst team in the league, but we have a duty, responsibility to grind them into dust. So LET’S KILL THE BOLTS!!”
The team cheered, relieved at the easy dismissal. They reduce the Bolts to a smear of shit on the ice, 5-0. Ilya had almost forgotten about the press conference afterwards. Luckily, he was allowed to just give a few quotes in a hallway after the game. Unluckily this meant every reporter in the building shoving a microphone in his face all at once.
“Twitter account? I have Twitter account. You know this.” He joked as the barrage of questions was turned on him, “Yes, yes. I did hear about Lily account. My manager told me it was in screenshot I posted. I do not know why it was there.” He shrugged, “I do not think I was using my computer at the time. Borrowed an intern’s so I could insult idiots online in style.” He grinned, stalking off.
Group chat: Jane ❤️
Today 12:42 AM
Jane ❤️
My mom is reading your tweets pls make her stop
Group chat: The Cool Hollanders
Today 2:03 AM
Ilya
Shane is embarrassed of my love :(
YH
You handled the press very well, Ilya! So proud of you!
Some of your tweets are pretty out there!
Ilya
Mrs. Hollander I think maybe you should go to bed.
YH
I thought you weren’t embarrassed of your love?
Ilya
I am not! Just want best mother in world to have good night sleep
YH
Alright, Goodnight Ilya
Ilya
Goodnight Mrs. Hollander
TMZ @TMZofficial ✓
Hockey player Ilya Rozanov denies having secret Twitter account, claims it was an intern’s.
[link to the article]
11:23 PM • Mar 11 2018
Brad to the bone @bradattack
Replying to @TMZofficial
I told you! It makes no sense for it to be his
11:25 PM • Mar 11 2018
BB Hollander @iheartmtl24
Replying to @bradattack
[screenshot of dm exchange]
11:26 PM • Mar 11 2018
BB Hollander @iheartmtl24
Replying to @iheartmtl24
Also Lily hasn’t been online since the news broke. She’s usually SUPER active, especially after games.
11:26 PM • Mar 11 2018
💞Shayden baby mama💞 @mtlmethoe
Replying to @TMZofficial
So we’re not believing this, right guys?
11:29 PM • Mar 11 2018
Hollanov 4 ever @hollanovtruther
Replying to @mtlmethoe
Not a chance in hell dude
11:29 PM • Mar 11 2018
Hollanov 4 ever @hollanovtruther
A detailed analysis of the Rozanov interview: a thread 🧵 1/38
12:55 PM • Mar 11 2018
VROOM VROOM BITCHES @oscargoesfast
YOOOOOO!!!! Rozanov was in the bar I work at last night after the game!!!!!
2:09 AM • Mar 12 2018
Ilya Rozanov best hockey player @815ever
Replying to @oscargoesfast
How was he? I can’t imagine this has been easy on him.
2:10 AM • Mar 12 2018
VROOM VROOM BITCHES @oscargoesfast
Replying to @815ever
Seemed kinda pissed? He didn’t dance with anyone and only had like two shots. The Raiders come here every so often and Rozanov is usually a pretty heavy drinker. He left before everyone else and was on his phone like the whole time
2:16 AM • Mar 12 2018
Ilya Rozanov best hockey player @815ever
Replying to @oscargoesfast
I bet his publicist wanted him to appear in public or something
2:17 AM • Mar 12 2018
ESPN @ESPNofficial ✓
Montreal Metros win against New York Admirals 6-4, watch the exclusive press conference here
[link]
11:20 PM • Mar 14 2018
Teddy 🧸@24kiss81
Replying to @espnofficial
God bless whoever asked about the Lily account 🙏🙏
11:25 PM • Mar 14 2018
Shane Hollander Updates @sholupdates
Shane Hollander on the Lily-Ilya allegations:
“Oh, that’s really weird. It sounds sort of fake? I thought I heard that is was an intern or something?”
11:22 PM • Mar 14 2018
Hollanov 4 ever @hollanovtruther
Replying to @sholupdates
Yes guys I WILL be making a thread about Shane’s very shifty behavior. Hollanov is REAL
11:27 PM • Mar 14 2018
BB Hollander @iheartmtl24
Replying to @sholupdates
He turned bright red omfg. He has read the tweets I know it.
11:31 PM • Mar 14 2018
It took a while, but as with all things, the public forgot. They moved on to bigger and better scandals, and the news cycle trundled on. The dedicated “hollanov”s analyzed every tweet, generating hundreds of theories and timelines. The majority decided to believe that it was simply a one sided crush, but kept on shipping anyways. The rpf ecosystem adjusted to their new normal, a place where fan accounts could be the very people you are posting about. Until one fateful day.
BB Hollander @iheartmtl24
Guys I know we’re all freaking out that Hollanov is real, but does anyone remember that Lily account that was actually Ilya? What if all those weird thirst tweets were real?? Like he was fr sucking Shane’s cock or smth
1:41 PM • Apr 3 2021
Better than u @ilyarozanov81 ✓
it was.
1:41 PM • Apr 3 2021