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Chapter Text

When he was thirteen Kaidan Alenko learnt that he was different. An accident before his birth had saturated his body with element zero dust and that had transformed him into something other than a human. More than, said the man in a dark suit, and his parents wanted to believe that so desperately, wanted to believe he could be something other than a crazy wreck hiding in his room out of fear of hurting someone.

When he attended lectures at Gagarin station, in the newly named Biotic Acclimation and Temperance training, he found out the mechanics of what had happened to him. What he was. What it meant.

He could learn to harness the power of the alien nodes in his body. With the aid of an implant surgically inserted into his skull he could move objects, even people, seemingly with the power of his mind. He could fight and kill.

Much more insidious, he could get into other people's head, joining their minds together, a side-effect unknown in any other biotic species, imitating the melding skills of the asari and raising new questions as to the origins of their abilities.

There were safeguards – he could never meet anyone's mind against their will, or without their notice, a fact which seemed to annoy their Alliance backers. There were disadvantages. They were told never to have sex with each other. This was later amended to no sex with anyone.

Because – as they had found out by accident – a biotic who slept with someone could not refrain from joining their minds, and if they did... they would stay joined. Forever. Or at least until the other party died.

They were still in the process of studying the bond. Innocent at the time, Kaidan didn't think about what that meant. Not until they turned older, and his fellow students seemed to... break the rules. They claimed they were accidents, but how could they have been? The rules were simple. He just didn't want to see what Conatix was willing to do in the name of science, to create the bonded pairs that seemed to be able to communicate through unlimited distances.

Not until Rahna, gentle, sweet Rahna whom Kaidan had loved since he had first seen her, was attacked by their turian teacher who wished to learn more about this strange human ability.

That was when they learned that death could severe the bond without adverse effects.

He killed Vyrnnus.

It was an accident. Still, he thought Rahna would be grateful to not be tied to the brute monster of a man they had all come to know and hate. But apparently being in someone's head gave you another view, and despite the fact the bond had been created against her will... she mourned for him.

And feared Kaidan.

He resolved to stay alone for the rest of his life. He didn't want anyone to have to see his mind, not after the years at BAaT, not after all that he'd done, not after everything he'd seen.

He avoided all the different organisations wanting to study him, to learn about him; he avoided all his class mates and teachers who'd know him as the first human to break a bond. He avoided any detection as a biotic, as they were feared by the general public for the skills they couldn't understand, believing they could kill you with their mind, or take over your body and read your mind.

But he wanted to make something out of his life, so in the end he joined the Alliance. They at least valued their biotics. He refused their offer of an operation to replace his implant with the newer L3 model because it was dangerous and it might diminish his powers.

If all he was was a biotic, a living weapon, then dammit, he would be the best possible weapon he could. The migraines were a small price compared to the symptoms he'd heard other L2's were suffering, some even ending up as the crazy wreck hiding in a room.

He was friendly with people, always polite, because he felt like he had to represent all the biotics, try to give them a good rep, but he never let anyone close, not for real. He was afraid of caring too much, of ending up demanding too much.

There had been the accidental bondings, which he only later realised had been prompted – the students had been exposed to different scenarios, trying to trigger the reaction in other ways besides sex. He never saw the studies as the records were sealed after BAaT closed down. All he had were the rumours that intense friendships or any strong reactions could cause spontaneous bonding.

After all, if an attack could cause it, it didn't just have to be sex in the sense they had been officially taught.

So he avoided any strong attachments to his fellow marines, to civilians, to his ship mates. He still had the camaraderie of the ship, and no one feared him, so it was better than his life before but still almost as lonely.

Yet, he was content, and was ready for that to be his life.