Chapter Text
Cold.
So very cold.
This is what you felt as you sat and blew air into your hands to keep yourself as warm as you possibly could. It was the middle of October and while that was supposed be a cold and rainy month, this year however, Mother Nature decided to let Jack Frost visit early and allowed him to stay in the city beneath Mt. Ebott. It was the end of the day and it was turning darker as well as colder, so you decided to head home. While you were on this trek back, you reflected on your life thus far. For starters you were poor. Dirt freaking poor. You were reminded of this as you felt your stomach growl hungrily, demanding to be filled. You sigh as you pat it to try and silence its growls. Embarrassed as a few passerbys looked at you, hearing your empty stomach argue with you. You duck your head down and continue walking. As you walk you go over the map you had in your head to get you back to your home.
‘Left here.’
‘Right next.’
‘Straight down two blocks.’
‘Count to 3 and turn right.’
Sure enough, you turn into the alleyway that you have deemed your ‘home.’ More specifically you walk over to a cardboard box that was pressed up against a building. It was a dishwasher box and it was enough for you to, at least, be somewhat comfortable in. You crawled to the back of the box and curled up against the back of it. The building that the box was up against was home to a popular restaurant/bar called ‘Grillby’s.’ The building seemed to radiate with warmth and for a good reason. Grillby, the owner of said establishment, was a fire monster. Yup. A fire monster. Turns out that monsters lived underneath the mountain for thousands of years and 2 years ago they emerged from the underground all thanks to a child named Frisk, who was elected as monsterkind’s ambassador. What were you thinking about again? It was hard to think since you were so tired. You were cold, and you curled up into a ball as you huddled closer the warmth that radiated from the building on the other side of your box. You yawn before closing your eyes, and completely succumbing to the darkness of slumber.
Darkness.
Silent darkness.
Could this be a dreamless sleep? You won’t have to deal with nightmares tonight? Of course though, the universe was not on your side. You suddenly hear someone sobbing. You turn and tense seeing your mother crying over your father as he lay in a hospital bed with machines and IV’s hooked up to him. Against your will, your eyes look up at the heart monitor and see it flat line.
No.
Not this dream!
You know what to expect next and you dread it. You turn around again and find a door in front of you. ‘Please don’t open this door!’ You cry out mentally, but your body doesn’t seem to obey you. Your hand finds the door handle and turn it before pushing inside. You are met with a sight that still haunts you to this very day. You find your mother, with a noose tied around her neck and a chair tipped over underneath her. She is as still as death. You move closer and find a note pinned to her shirt addressed to you. It only had two words.
‘I’m Sorry.’
You cry. You cry so hard. It’s not fair! Why?! Why did she do this?! You’re all alone now! WHY?! You look down as you feel a stinging sensation on your wrists. You find yourself holding a knife and there are slash marks on your wrists with blood oozing out of the wounds. The knife was stained red with your blood and yet you can see your reflection in the steel of the blade. You see yourself grinning and a distorted voice whispers in your ear.
“tHiS Is aLl yOuR FauLT!”
You bolt awake, panting like you’ve just finished running a marathon. That dream—no that nightmare—always gave you chills. You felt your sins crawling on your back because you truly believed that it was your fault for all this to happen. It was your fault for being in the situation that you were now in. You never tried to actually get a job more than a few times. You never tried to get help from people. It was all pointless anyway. Why involve outsiders into problems that aren’t even their problems? Its rude and very inconsiderate. You were fine. You can bear the weight of your sins and problems alone.
You had a brief thought about going back to your previous line of work before you squashed that thought hard, with a sledgehammer. No way would you go back to doing that! You…you weren’t that desperate. You shivered again and looked down at yourself. You were dressed in a light brown jacket with a black t-shirt on underneath. Your lower half was equipped with dirty tattered jeans and holey tennis shoes with no socks on. Definitely not the type of clothing to be worn in the winter but this was the best you could do. To say you were dirty was an understatement. You were filthy and you probably smelled as bad as you looked.
It’s not like the homeless were allowed to go down to the beach and bathe in the waters to cleanse themselves of the dirt and grime that stuck to them as they scavenged through dumpsters and garbage cans for scraps of clothes and food. Yup. You were reduced to starving or eating garbage. Though sometimes you got lucky. You were able to get some money from people off the streets and go into Grillby’s and get a hamburger. Oh how you craved his hamburgers. So juicy and well done. Though you recall your first time walking in there. What a mess and embarrassment you must have looked like.
Flashback
You entered the bar excitedly; not only were you able to get out of the cold for a few moments, but you were actually fortunate enough to get enough money to buy some food. Albeit greasy, but food. You hadn’t eaten in a week and your mouth watered at the delicious smells that assaulted your nose as you walked in. There were a couple monsters in the restaurant, but not many since it was close to closing time. There was an orangey-yellow rabbit with spiral eyes or was it just drunk as it sat in a booth by the door. There was also a very scary looking plant…thing with razor sharp teeth. Yeah you don’t make eye contact with that thing. The last monster, aside from Grillby, was a grey horse with a blonde mane and dressed in a black jogging suit? You gulped as you felt their judgmental stares burn holes into you as you slowly made your way up to the bar. You had just sat down and was waiting for Grillby to come out from the back until you heard them.
“What’s a human doing here?”
“Ugh! She reeks!”
“She must be here to try and haggle poor Grillby for some free food.”
“Fucking humans. I hate them.”
You had tilted your head down as you heard their words, and they crushed you. How could they pass judgement on you like that? They had no idea what you went through! They probably went home to a nice warm house, were greeted by a kind group of friends and family, ate delicious meals, and went to bed on a nice soft bed each and every night. You felt tears of anger and jealousy fill your eyes and you moved to wipe them away, until you heard a soft voice speaking to you.
“Are you alright miss?” The voice asked, making you snap your head up in surprise. It turned out to be the owner himself, Grillby. He had no mouth and you wondered how he could speak. He wore what looked like glasses and dressed almost like an old bartender from the 1800s. How did his clothes not catch on fire? You tense realizing you’re still crying and you hastily wipe the tears away before standing.
“S-Sorry, but I-I’ve lost my appetite,” you lied and quickly left the establishment.
It was so unfair. You leaned against the side of the building as you collected your thoughts and wiped the rest of your tears away. You weren’t allowed to eat and relax in the warmth of the building like anyone else? All because you were human? You wince as you realize that humans did the same to other humans. Wow. That really was sad.
As you were starting to make your leave, you felt a warm hand on your shoulder. You gasped in surprise because that warmth seemed to spread over your whole body and gave you some energy. You look to see it was Grillby and he was the one holding your shoulder. Your thoughts were split between nervousness and awe. How was he able to touch you and not burn you? Was he mad that you insulted him and his food? You really hoped not.
“Why did you leave?” he asked softly. His voice was soft and warm like a small campfire.
“I-I…I wasn’t hungry,” you tried to lie only for him to look at you with a disbelieving look, making you feel twice as bad as you felt before.
“I…wasn’t welcomed,” you say quietly and look down.
“Everyone is welcome in my bar. Come,” he said and motioned for you to follow.
Grillby, instead of walking back into the front of the building, walked around back and let you inside. He made you a hamburger and some french fries to go with it. Oh how good the food smelled on the grill and in the fryers. You thanked him when he handed you the food and you happily ate it all. You thought that Grillby was looking at you in surprise based on how quickly you ate the food but you hardly paid attention to him. You were more eager to fill your empty stomach, and as quickly as possible too. Oh how good it all tasted, like it was made with magic. You were hooked on Grillby’s food and all other hamburger joints in town were now second rate compared to Grillby’s.
“Thank you,” you say sincerely and pull out the money you intended to use to pay for the meal.
“No, it’s on the house,” he said, refusing to accept your money. It was obvious that you were poor and possibly homeless.
“B-but--,” you tried to argue, only for him to wave it off.
End Flashback
That was the first act of kindness you’ve had in a very long time. Grillby told you that if you were ever uncomfortable coming in through the front (which you still were) to go to the back door and knock 4 times. You kept this information close to your heart. On occasion you would just go in the back and sit in the warm kitchen, not eating anything or accepting any of Grillby’s offers since he was already being so kind to you. He even offered to have you open a tab with him so you could come and eat whenever you liked. As tempting as this was, and it really was tempting, you denied the kind offer since you couldn’t do that to Grillby. He would never get his money back.
You walked towards your first spot where you could try and beg for some money from people. It was about 5 am and people would be on their way to work soon so might as well be ready for them. You sat down, set a plastic cup in front of you, so people knew where to put the money, and waited.