Chapter Text
Historia’s alarm rings, jolting her awake. She groans, dragging her pillow from under her chin over her ears.
“Why does school have to be so damn early..” She mumbles, finally sitting up and stretching with a yawn. She slowly steps off her bed, its a rainy autumn Monday, its gloomy too. She opens her curtains and sighs at the sight of the weather. “Great, fucking great.” She murmurs, going over to her vanity. She stares into her mirror. She looked a mess, her thin hair scruffy and a little matted due to her neglecting it over the holidays. I mean, its not like anyone was going to make plans with her over the break so why would she put any effort into her appearance? What was the point? Her eyebags were stark on her pale skin, giving the illusion her eyes were sinking into her skull. The only thing that could possibly bring her any sense of comfort were her collarbones sticking out like her bones were too big for her skin. Her ‘diet’ (thats what she called it) was the only thing she hadn't screwed up on recently. It didn't really count for anything though, there will always be a girl skinnier than her and she probably doesn't even have to try. Doesn't even have to fight a war with her own mind every time she pulls up her shirt, or steps on the scales.
The rain pattered heavily on the hood of her light pink coat, she would put her umbrella up but she just wanted to blend in, wanted to become invisible. Her shoulder bag swung with each step, she never liked its look, but all her ‘friends’ had one so she bought one. Her walk to school was long, she never got the bus anymore, it was too loud. Plus, she liked getting her steps in so she didn't really mind. She was a little late heading out due to the makeup she had practically painted onto her face not looking good, which made her cry, which then made her mascara smudge. This day was going to be long.
Eventually she stepped through the school gates and hurried inside, she was practically panting even though all she'd done was walk, that's how it was for her these days. She sat out in PE, dropped out of cheerleading, everything she used to enjoy was ruined by her disorder. But she covered it up well, telling the other girls she'd only dropped out of the team to work more hours. Obviously that was a lie, she barely goes in for regular hours. Her mum was rich anyway, not that they had the best relationship. Her mum would give her however much money she wanted as long as Historia left her alone. The halls were quiet, everyone was either outside tutor or the hall for breakfast. Her shoes clacked against the wooden floors, her heartbeat still racing and breathing still a little shallow. She leaned against the wall, shutting her eyes. She hated this school, everyone in it, everything about it. She just wanted to go home and go to sleep. She opens her phone, snaps from people she used to talk to, still keeping up with their streaks. She quickly snapped them all back and closed her phone again.
Historia started heading to tutor as the bell rang, signalling the start of the day. She sinks down into her chair and puts on a smile and an obnoxiously loud laugh as the girls who probably talked crap about her giggle about their crushes and the ‘weird kid’ who they'd shoved into a wall this morning. Historia wasn't necessarily a ‘bully’ she was probably the nicest popular girl in her year but was definitely labeled as annoying nonetheless. Soon her friends began talking among themselves, she used to try to join in but she soon figured it'd be best to just mind her business. She begins zoning out, staring at a speck of chipped paint on the walls. She's shaken out of it when Reiner, the jock who was pining for Historia not so secretly nudged her shoulder. She turned her head and stared at him, her expression bored.
“What do you want, Reiner?” She says simply, sighing. Reiner chuckles at her uninterested expression, convinced she was utterly in love with him.
“Woke up on the wrong side of the bed, hm?” He grins smugly, Bertholdt pats his shoulder from behind, trying to hype him up a little. Historia stares at the both of them before turning away fully. Reiner freezes for a second “Damn shes cold” He thinks to himself before he mutters something to Bertholdt, both of them walking off. Historia watched them from the corner of her eye before zoning out again. Though really she was practically just drowning in her thoughts. Reiner was pretty popular, everyone says he's hot, and the majority of the girls would kill to get a chance with him. So why didn't she like him?
The bell rings, she has maths. Of course, because the day couldn't get any better! She didn't even have it with any of her friends, though she hadn't decided if that was a positive or not. She grabbed her bag and phone off the table before heading to her class. She's one of the first ones there as usual, she takes her seat and gets her pencil case out. The teacher begins droning on about numbers and letters and grids and fractions but all she could think about was food, she hadn't even eaten something for breakfast.
“Historia. You haven't done any work. Its been over half an hour!” Historia flinches at the yell. She looks down at the blank worksheet, hell she hadn't even written the date.
“Sorry miss..” She replies quietly, not daring to look up.
“Detention on Tuesday for you.” Miss Weber says sternly. Historia swallows hard, picking at the skin around her nails as if it would stop the aching feeling in her throat.
Eventually shes walking home, the rain had begun again and she'd already been splashed by 3 cars, her hair was soaking wet. She took a deep breath and put her airpods in, Mac DeMarco started playing, one of her favourite singers. Sometimes music would lift her mood, by this point the concept of being happier was unbeknownst to her but she tried anyway. The bottom of her jeans were covered in water, turning them a dark blue. She carries on walking until she reaches her house, checking her steps app, only 7000 steps. She bites her lip in frustration before unlocking the door and kicking off her shoes. She slams the door shut, stomping up her stairs into her room. She stripped off her clothes, looking in the mirror, to most she would look pretty damn skinny but to her she looks the complete opposite. She throws on an old oversized tee-shirt, not bothering with shorts and crawls into her bed. She knew tomorrow would be even worse.