Chapter Text
December 19th, 2020 - Present
Snow coats the ground like a blanket, wrapping around tree branches and sprinkling in hair. Remus Lupin walks down the pavement, going nowhere. He breathes out and watches as the air becomes visible. He hunches his shoulders in an attempt to feel warmer. It doesn’t work. He passes two girls giggling and talking with each other. One tugs her red beanie down further on her head and flicks her blonde hair over her shoulder. Both their cheeks are glowing red as they bury their noses further into their scarves. A couple walks by, bundled close together. They are each holding a cup of some kind of hot drink in their hand, while their other hands are intertwined. One leans over to kiss the other on the cheek, and they both smile so widely it makes Remus feel sick.
This was going to be a long fucking winter.
February 6th, 2017 - Three years ago
They had all been drinking, celebrating another win for their school's football team that James and Sirius were a part of. These parties happened quite a bit; what never happened was Remus getting as drunk as he was that night. He was stumbling around and being chatty, another thing that never happened. He spent the past month swamped with schoolwork and, you know, trying to figure out the slight identity crisis he had anytime Sirius so much as brushed his shoulder, so he was letting go tonight.
Sirius was just about as intoxicated as he was, though that was something that happened anytime there was alcohol available.
“Moony!” Sirius said, throwing an arm around his shoulder and pulling him close. His breath was laced with vodka and something sweet, and Remus could feel it on his neck. His eyes flickered to his lips before looking away and shoving Sirius lightly, trying to get some distance. All of a sudden the room got warm.
“Yes?” Remus said, rolling his eyes fondly, biting back a smile.
“Come to the roof of the astronomy tower with me? Please?” Sirius asked, giving his best pleading look.
“I don’t know, Pads. It’s going to be really cold…” He hesitated.
And I don’t know if I can be alone with you right now without doing something stupid that could ruin our friendship, he didn't say.
“Come on, Moons, don’t be boring,” Sirius said, starting to tug Remus towards the door.
Remus breathed out a short sigh, a reluctant yes, and let Sirius lead him. They walked through the halls and up the stairs quietly. Sirius opened the door, and Remus felt a cold blast of air hit him. He tugged the sleeves of his jumper over his hands and curled his arms around himself.
“Fuck, you’re right, it’s bloody cold,” Sirius, who was wearing short sleeves under his leather jacket, said.
“Told ‘ya.”
Sirius walked a little further before sitting down and leaning against the wall. Remus did the same, sitting the appropriate distance away.
Sirius frowned at him. “Come closer, I need the body heat to stay warm.”
Remus slowly scooted in his direction. As soon as he was close enough, Sirius grabbed his arm and pulled him in so they were sitting shoulder to shoulder. Remus’s heart rate sped up, and his breath started to come out ragged. They fell into silence as Remus tried to collect himself. Sirius looked unaffected as always, staring up at the stars.
Sirius ran a hand through his hair before speaking, “Moony,” he whispered, looking over at Remus, “have you been avoiding me?”
Remus immediately felt his face flush with the embarrassment of being called out. “No,” he stammered a bit.
Sirius leaned in closer, until they were practically breathing each other's air. “Moons, come on, you know you can’t lie to me.”
“I’ve just been really swamped with school,” Remus rushed to explain. He hoped Sirius wouldn’t bring up the fact that he ran out of the room anytime they were alone.
“Remus…” He leaned in even closer; their foreheads were touching, their noses practically brushing.
Remus was entranced; he couldn’t pull away even if the world was imploding around him. “Alright, maybe a little, but it’s nothing personal, I was just dealing with some things, and I was really avoiding, like, everyone, so really-”
His rambling was cut off as Sirius kissed him, grabbing the back of Remus’s neck and pulling him in. Remus’s arms uncurled from his body as he carefully put them around Sirius. He kissed back with just as much enthusiasm, inhibition and alcohol running through his blood.
He started to run out of air and pulled back, breathing hard. Sirius’s hands had made their way to his face, holding his jaw.
“You’re drunk…” Remus whispered, trying to tell himself and Sirius that maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, maybe Sirius had more to drink than he let on.
“So are you,” Sirius replied, and Remus looked away. He was starting to pull his hand back, but Sirius grabbed it and kept it where it was. “Moony, I would be doing this stone cold sober,” Sirius said, looking directly into Remus’s eyes with the most serious look he could muster.
Remus bit his lip in contemplation before he made up his mind and pulled Sirius back into a kiss.
December 20th, 2020 - Present
“Hi, Ma,” Remus said with a faint smile on his face.
“Remus! It’s so good to see your beautiful face, love,” Hope Lupin replied, beaming at her child through the screen.
“You too…I really miss you,” he sighed.
His ma frowned, “I know, love, and I'm sorry we just can’t scrape up the money to come visit this year.”
“I told you I could always pay for -“ he started, but was soon cut off.
“And I told you that you need to be saving every penny for yourself right now.”
“Ma,” he huffed like a petulant child, “I really can afford it, I promise.”
“Remus,” she said sternly but not without kindness in her voice, “how much food do you have in your fridge right now?”
He bit his lip and looked down. Truthfully, he currently had an expired jar of pickles, the tiniest bit of milk, half a jar of strawberry jam, and ketchup in his fridge. His cabinets weren’t much better, consisting only of cheap, easy-to-make food that he was steadily running out of. He just doesn’t have the money to buy proper food. He’ll go shopping as soon as he gets paid…probably.
“That’s what I thought,” she added in response to his shameful look. “Remus,” her voice softened now, "I'll start saving now, and we’ll buy you a ticket down here next year, and we can make a whole event out of it, I promise.”
“Alright,” he said, clearing his throat as he tried to ignore the tears welling up in his eyes. He knew it was silly, and it made him feel like a child, but he missed his ma so much. He missed her warm hugs and the way she made him feel safe. He missed her home-cooked meals and when she would pinch him on the cheek. He missed her.
“Don’t look so sad, we’ll see you in the summer, yes?”
“Yeah,” his heart warmed at the thought.
“Alright, love, your father and I ought to be going now. We’re going to the Griffiths' Christmas party tonight.” At the mention of him, his father popped into the frame.
"Hi, Remus!” He said brightly, waving at his son and getting closer.
“Hi, Da,” Remus said, laughing slightly as his da spoke directly into the camera.
His father backed up and kissed his ma on the forehead before speaking again, “We should go now, hun, wouldn't want to be late!”
“Alright,” she said, looking up at her husband with nothing but love in her eyes. Remus’s parents had always been a model for what he wanted his future relationship to look like. They are so deeply in love with each other that it's sometimes unbearable. They met in college and immediately fell head over heels for one another. Then, they had Remus, and they showed him as much love as they showed each other. He honestly thinks that his parents can’t exist without each other; they are intertwined like two halves of one soul.
His ma turned back towards him, “Bye, Remus! We’ll call you again soon, alright? On Christmas, so it can be like you're there with us!”
“Sounds like a plan,” he smiled. “Bye, Ma. Bye, Da.” Remus clicked the end call button as he heard both his parents say bye again.
He sniffled as he pressed his palms into his eyes. He rubbed at his hip as the cold and pain pierced it.
January 9th, 2016 - Four years ago
Remus can admit he had been moping around a bit, but couldn’t his friends just mind their own business and let him?
When he didn’t eat breakfast this morning, choosing instead to just move it around with his fork, James had practically had a heart attack. He kept looking in Remus’s direction, like he was about to drop dead right in front of him. Remus tried to avoid his gaze, staring intently down at his plate. While they were walking to class, Peter looked like it was taking everything in him not to ask Remus if he could carry his bags for him. Remus was trying to keep the limp out of his walk, but he couldn’t completely shake it; his foot dragged across the floor, and he gritted his teeth. The second someone opened their mouth and looked like they were about to ask if he was okay, he shot them a glare. During English class, Sirius sat next to him and kept fidgeting with his hands and shooting nervous looks towards him. He nibbled on his lip anxiously and was very clearly not paying attention to anything the teacher was saying. Remus had a tight grip on the pencil he was holding and was digging crescent moons into his other hand. Even Lily was walking on eggshells around him while they were revising.
Everyone was gathered in the common room that evening. Remus had excused himself around forty minutes ago and was now lying in bed with the lights off and an arm thrown over his eyes. His joints were aching, and the cold didn't help.
He heard the door creak and peeked out from under his arm to see Sirius standing in the doorway.
“What’re you doing?” Remus mumbled.
“Got tired,” he shrugged. “Plus, I missed you.”
“It’s been like half an hour,” Remus huffed a laugh.
“Too long,” Sirius joked back, walking over to Remus and sitting on the edge of his bed. “Moony…” His smile faded, morphing into a frown.
“Oh my god,” Remus groaned, quickly turning away from him. He didn’t need Sirius to take pity on him and abandon their other friends for his shitty company.
“We just want to know what's wrong!”
“What's wrong is that you guys won't leave. me. alone. You keep looking at me like I'm two seconds away from bursting into tears! I'm not a child, you don't have to treat me like one.” He faced Sirius.
“We’re not treating you like a child, we're treating you like a friend, and friends care about each other.”
“Whatever,” Remus huffed, turning away again.
“Remus, you’ve been moping around the whole fucking day! You’re sighing, you won’t talk, you’re not eating, and you’re going to tell me that you're fine? You're clearly not, and you should just tell me what's wrong so I can help!” Sirius’s voice got louder and louder, bordering on yelling.
“I’m sorry I'm such an inconvenience,” Remus whirled at him.
“You know that's not what I meant, Remus. Don’t be an asshole.” Remus rolled his eyes, and Sirius took a deep breath before speaking again. “Please, Moony, just tell me what's wrong,” he said softly, placing a hand on Remus’s leg. “You don’t have to tell the others, and you don’t even have to talk about it if you don’t want to. Just give me something, please.”
Remus covered his face with his hands and took a few breaths. He figured it was no use trying to hide it anymore; Sirius was just going to ask until Remus told him.
“My ma’s sick, I just found out over break, and my stupid fucking hip hurts, and it's just been a long week, alright?” He said, the fight leaving his voice.
“Oh, Moony.” Sirius pulled him into a hug quickly. Remus was stiff in his arms. “What kind of sick? Is she going to be alright?”
“I don’t know,” he said, it was muffled by Sirius’s shoulder. “She has cancer.” He sniffed, feeling tears start to well up; he desperately tried to blink them away.
“It’s gonna be alright, Remus. I’m here, we’re all here.”
“I’m scared, Sirius,” he admitted, tears now streaming down his face.
“I know, I know. I got you. I got you, Moons.” Sirius squeezed him tight and ran a hand through his hair.
Remus let himself relax and return Sirius’s hug, heaving sobs and leaving tear stains on his clothes. At that moment, he didn’t know if his mother was going to be okay; he didn’t even really know if he would be okay, but Sirius was there, and that made things just a little bit easier.
December 25th, 2020 - Present
Remus shut his computer when his parents had to go after they had been talking for hours that morning. He lay back on his couch and debated going to sleep until tomorrow, or perhaps forever if he was lucky. As he slowly started to drift off, his phone rang. He picked it up and, seeing who it was, let out a sigh and debated not answering.
Who is he kidding? Of course, he was going to answer.
A crackle sounded, and then, “Remus?”
“Sirius,” Remus said gruffly.
“How are you?”
“What the fuck is your problem, Sirius?”
“Nothing! I just wanted to know how you were doing…” He sounded slightly nervous over the phone.
Remus scoffed, “Look, Sirius, I'm not interested in your bullshit right now. Merry Christmas, don't fucking call me again.”
“Remus, wait-” he started, but was cut off as Remus hung up the phone.
Remus slammed his phone down and groaned into his hands. His heart was racing, beating out of his chest. He hated that such a short interaction with Sirius could make his nervous system feel like there was a gun being held to his head.
His phone rang again.
“Jesus, fuck,” Remus said to himself, accepting his fate and answering the call. He knew Sirius wouldn’t stop calling him until he picked up anyway. Determined little shit.
“Moons?” Sirius sounded over the phone, the nickname tearing down all his defenses for a second before they were quickly rebuilt. Remus stayed silent for a moment, waiting for Sirius to speak again. “Okay, look,” Sirius started to talk rapidly, trying to explain himself before Remus hung up, “I know you’re mad at me, but I wanted to ask what you’re doing right now?”
“Why would you want to know that?” He replied hesitantly.
“Well…I had a hunch you wouldn't be able to celebrate with your parents this year, so I thought I’d ask if you would like to come over to the Potters?”
“I don’t need your pity invite, Sirius, I’m fine.”
Remus could practically hear Sirius rolling his eyes over the phone. “I know you're fine, but Effie and Fleamont really want to see you. So does James; he really misses you, you know? Plus Lily’s here, and Peter says he's going to stop by later. So, please, just come over.”
Remus could never say no to Sirius, not really.
“...Alright. I'll be there soon.”
Remus breathed out a heavy sigh and leaned back on the couch. He took a few minutes to calm his heart rate down, but got up before he could talk himself out of going. He really did miss his friends; it's been weeks since he saw them last, weeks he spent either in bed or at work. He has no excuse other than being determined to avoid his problems. Talking to James or Peter just meant Sirius would hear about it. The only person he could really talk to was Lily, but he knew she would be able to sense that there was something wrong, and he didn’t want to talk about it; he never did.
Remus threw on a jacket, opened his front door, and felt the cold seep into his bones. His knee protested as he took a few steps, but he clenched his jaw and continued. He walked through the streets and felt an anxious feeling in his stomach start to grow. Last time he and Sirius saw each other, it hadn’t ended well. They fought, they always did. They couldn’t help it; once they started, they didn’t stop until they were tearing each other apart and digging their nails deep into old wounds. Remus walked out on him a couple of weeks ago and hasn’t contacted him since, and he didn’t plan to, but Sirius always had a way of burrowing himself under Remus’s skin so far that there was no way he could be removed. He missed him; his heart ached at the thought of going so long without seeing him, but it also hurt anytime he thought of seeing him. It was a conundrum that had puzzled him for the longest time, and could not be solved.
It wasn’t long before he was stepping onto the tube and grabbing a railing, forced to sit with his thoughts even longer. He found that he quite often tried to distract himself from, well, himself. He was rather unbearable, after all. He had completed all his homework a couple of days ago and had turned to mindlessly watching shitty television shows or sleeping to keep himself from the aching loneliness that crept behind him like a shadow. Every time he shut his eyes, when the pain of his hip got just a little too much to bear, he wished deep, deep down inside that he wouldn’t wake up this time.
The sound of the speakers calling out his stop snapped him out of his weird, dark spiral of thoughts. He stepped onto the platform and weaved his way through crowds of people. There were families huddled around each other. A mother bent down and picked up her young daughter, who had just been tugging at her grey coat seconds ago. The mother whispered something to her daughter and smoothed down the back of her hair. The young girl laughed. A man who had been on the same tube as Remus ran up to them and enveloped them both in a hug. Remus had to look away as he felt some strange emotion lurch in his stomach. He focused his attention on his feet as he continued walking.
The ground below was coated in snow, and the house in front of him loomed overhead. Remus knocked hesitantly on the big red door.
“I’ll get it!” He heard someone shout from inside before the door swung open, and he was greeted with glasses and a smile so wide it looked like it hurt. “Moony!” James said before he pulled Remus into a tight hug. James squeezed him so tight he thought his ribs might break.
“Hi, Prongs,” Remus said, struggling slightly to breathe.
James backed up but still held Remus by the shoulders. “I missed you so much, man. Never go that long without talking to me again, alright? Even if you don’t want to have a conversation, at least check in so I know you’re not dead,” he said sternly with a bit of a sad look in his eyes.
Remus looked away guiltily; he hated making James sad. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry, James.”
“Hey,” James said, ducking down, trying to catch Remus’s eye, “don’t be. It’s alright. Now come inside and say hi to everyone!” He smiled again and steered Remus into the house.
James had always been good at being strict with people when it counted, but never in a way that made you feel like you were being scolded. He just made it clear that you shouldn’t do that again, and then immediately did something so you knew he wasn’t mad. He was weirdly adjusted like that.
Remus was greeted with the smell of home-cooked food in the air and a sense of warmth. They walked into the kitchen, where Effie was cooking with the help of Fleamont.
“Remus is here!” James announced to his parents.
They both immediately stopped what they were doing and turned towards the two boys.
“Remus!” Effie said, giving him a motherly hug. He would be lying if he said it didn’t make him a tad misty-eyed. “It’s so good to see you, love,” she said as she pulled away, smiling gently.
“Hello, Remus,” Fleamont chimed in, “we missed you over here.”
“Yeah,” Remus shifted, “I missed you guys too.” A smile crept over his face.
He always found himself smiling at the Potters, even if he was determined to be stuck in his bad mood. James’s parents had always been very welcoming people, like when they took Sirius in with no question after he ran away from his awful parents at sixteen. Remus remembers going to their house for the first time and being enclosed in a hug before he could even introduce himself. It took a while, but eventually he started to think of the Potter’s house as some kind of second home.
“Alright! Come see everyone else!” James grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him to the living room, Remus waving bye as he did.
In the living room, Sirius, Lily, and Peter were all sitting by the fire, just talking. They all had drinks in their hands and smiles on their faces. Sirius turned to face Remus as soon as he was fully in the room, as if he could sense his presence.
“Moony is here!” James announced, yet again.
“Remus!” Lily immediately stood up and tackled Remus with a hug.
“Hi, Lils,” he said fondly.
She kept her arms wrapped around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder. Remus made eye contact with Sirius over the top of Lily’s head.
“Hi, Remus,” Sirius said softly.
“Hey,” He replied, looking away, not being able to meet Sirius’s eyes.
Lily finally let go as Peter walked up and gave Remus a hug of his own, albeit more brief.
His and Peter's friendship had always been quieter, but just as important. Whenever he wanted to tell someone about something without it having to be a big deal, he went to Peter. Whenever he wanted to sit in silence and eat chocolate, he went to Peter. James and Sirius had always been constantly moving; he could just be still with Peter.
“Good to see you, Moony,” Peter said.
“You too, Wormtail,” Remus smiled.
“Alright, enough ambushing Moony! Let’s sit down,” James said.
They all made their way to the couch by the fire and settled in their spots. They chatted until the food was done. Remus didn’t speak much, too distracted by Sirius’s eyes on him the whole time. Every time he looked at Sirius, he found that he was already looking at him. His grey eyes pierced into his heart. Sirius never spoke to him directly, and Remus was starting to get worked up. Sirius could stare at him all night and call him even when Remus told him not to, but he couldn’t say more than a hello in person?
Soon, Remus was festering in his own anger, and he could tell it was starting to show on his face. Before he could convince himself he had to go home because this was going to be too much for him Effie came in and told them that dinner was ready. They all stood up and made their way into the kitchen to make their plates of food, and then sat at the dining room table.
Remus started to nibble at his food as soon as everyone sat down. Lily was sitting to the right of him, James on the other side of her. Sirius was across from him, his gaze firmly planted on Remus, though he didn't give him the satisfaction of looking back. They all spent most of their dinner in silence, too focused on the food in front of them. When they were all done, they thanked Effie and Fleamont and put their dishes in the kitchen. Effie, Fleamont, and James all tried to do the washing up, but Remus quickly shooed them away, saying that he would take care of them.
“You really don’t have to, Remus. We’re happy to do it,” Fleamont said.
“I know, but you guys have already done so much. Please just let me help,” Remus said with his most convincing smile.
“I’ll help too,” Sirius said as he walked into the kitchen. Remus couldn’t help but give him a slight glare.
James–who Remus assumed didn’t want to do the dishes in the first place–nudged his mum on the shoulder and gave her a look.
Effie glanced between the two and finally nodded. “Alright, thank you, Remus.” She smiled before they all made their way to the living room.
Remus immediately got to work, doing his best to ignore Sirius.
For some reason, Sirius took this to mean he should start talking.
“Remus, I’m really sorry about the last time we spoke.”
“You don’t have to be. I’m not mad, I barely even remember what you said, honestly,” Remus said, attempting to keep his voice even.
He was lying; he remembered his exact words.
December 1st, 2020 - A couple of weeks ago
The wind rattled the shutters. Remus threw out an arm, reaching for the man lying next to him, but he was met with nothing but sheets and pillows. He sat up quickly, waking up. This wouldn’t be the first time one of them was gone before the other woke up, but he was in Sirius’s flat, so it wasn’t like the other man really had anywhere to go.
“Sirius?” He called out. He was met with no response.
He swung out of bed, his feet hitting the cold wood floors. He grabbed his shirt and trousers from last night and threw them on before leaving the room. He walked softly down the hallway and saw that the living room light was turned on. There, he peeked around the corner to find Sirius sitting at the table with his phone in his hands, but he wasn't looking at it. His eyes were directed at the wall; they had a faraway look in them.
Remus walked up behind Sirius and put his hands on his shoulders. “What’s up, Pads? Are you alright?”
Sirius was snapped out of it, and he slammed his phone down. His face morphed into something angry. “Everything’s fucking wonderful, Remus. Thanks for asking,” he said sharply, shrugging Remus’s hands off him.
“Whoa,” Remus put his hands up in defense. “You just looked upset. I wanted to help.”
“I don’t need your help!” Sirius snarled at him.
“Is it Regulus again? I’m sorry, Sirius,” he said sincerely. He knew that Sirius and Regulus had a complicated relationship, to say the least. They had recently reconnected and found that their conversations mostly ended in arguments, but they were trying anyway. The trying was important; it was more than their parents had ever done.
Sirius stood up, the chair he was sitting on screeched against the floor, and Remus winced.
“You know what your problem is, Remus? You have this need to save people. I don’t know if it comes from no one ever saving you as a kid or you not being able to help your mum when she was sick, but-”
“What the fuck, Sirius?” Remus was startled.
“But you’re always trying to save me. Well, guess what? I don’t need to be fucking saved! I’m not this project you can work on.” He poked Remus in the chest. “All you want to do is play martyr so you can feel better about yourself and try to fix other people's problems instead of focusing on the mess that’s in your head!” He was flailing his arms in the air now, gesturing angrily.
“Oh, fuck you!” Remus was getting worked up now, Sirius’s anger rubbing off on him. He knew Sirius was only saying these things because he was angry and wanted to take it out on someone, but it didn’t stop the words from hurting.
“What? Am I wrong? You act like you’re some saint for not letting anyone help you, but you're not, you're just fucking annoying! Leave me the fuck alone, Remus! I don’t want to see your face right now.” Sirius turned his whole body around so he wasn’t even facing Remus.
“Fine, I’ll go! I don’t fancy spending my time with arseholes anyway,” Remus scoffed. He threw on his shoes, not even bothering to lace them up, and grabbed his jacket before leaving, slamming the door behind him.
It was cold. Freezing. He felt pain start to flare up in his joints, but he ignored it, choosing to feel numb instead. He wandered around for a while, replaying the conversation in his head, wondering if he should have done something else, said something else.
It was too late now, anyway. You can’t turn back time.
He walked the full way home, and the sun was setting by the time he finally sat on his couch.
December 25th, 2020 - Present
“Well, clearly you are,” the frustration started to creep into Sirius’s voice. “You didn’t speak to me or anyone else for weeks!”
“Not everything is about you, Sirius.”
“What is it about, then?” Sirius threw up his hands. “You won’t tell me anything! I’m sorry I brought up the accident and your mum…that wasn’t right, and I’m sorry I said you always wanted to play martyr to make you feel better about yourself.” Sirius winced slightly as he repeated his words, “I was fighting with Regulus, and you just kept trying to get me to talk about it. I didn’t mean anything I said. I’m so, so sorry, Moons. So fucking sorry. I’ll even talk about what happened if you want.” Sirius pleaded with him.
“Okay,” Remus said in the most monotone voice he could manage, though he couldn’t keep the slight shake out.
“Moony,” Remus bristled slightly at his tone, “come on. I’m trying to apologize here.” Sirius said, grabbing a plate from Remus’s hand and setting it down. He grabbed his face gently and lifted it so they were finally looking at each other. “You haven’t even looked me in the eyes all night.”
Remus scoffed at that and shook his face out of Sirius’s grasp. “Fuck you,” he said with no actual bite, his resolve crumbling.
“Moons,” Sirius frowned as he leaned in closer.
Finally, Remus grabbed his face and kissed him.
Remus broke away, “I’m sorry for trying to make you talk about it,” he said.
“Don’t be, I know I probably should. I’m sorry for being such a fucking asshole. Seriously, I shouldn’t have said any of that,” Sirius replied.
“It’s alright.” Remus pulled him back into the kiss, even though it probably wasn’t.
They cleaned the rest of the dishes in silence, shooting each other smiles every once in a while. They returned to the living room as if nothing had happened.
Lily gave Remus a strange look at the sight of him and Sirius smiling and bumping shoulders. She bit her lip in contemplation but said nothing as they both sat on the floor, up against the couch. Sirius threw his arm around Remus’s shoulder. He had always been a touchy person, so it wasn’t out of the ordinary. He would toss his feet on top of James’s legs or lie his head on Peter’s shoulder. Remus privately thought that it was because of the lack of physical touch he got as a child, so he never complained. He just settled further into Sirius’s arm and tucked this moment away. He was surrounded by people he loved with a fire burning by his feet and warming his heart. He tried to ignore the tiny, sharp pain in his chest.
“You two make up, then?” James said teasingly, poking Sirius with his foot.
Sirius stuck his tongue out at him. “Piss off, Prongsie boy,” he poked him back.
Peter left soon after, but Remus was somehow rangled into staying the night.
“Remus, it’s late, and it's snowing. I will not have you walking home at this hour in this weather. The guest room is completely available; it only makes sense that you sleep here,” Effie said sternly.
“But-” Remus tried.
“But nothing! You can borrow clothes from Sirius or James, and we have extra toothbrushes. You’re staying.”
It seemed that she wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
“Alright,” he said, slightly embarrassed. He brought a hand to the back of his neck and looked down.
“I’ll lend him clothes, mum!” Sirius said, jumping up and grabbing Remus’s arm to drag him upstairs.
Remus let him, following behind his pounding footsteps. He caught a glance of James and Lily curled up on the couch together. She had her legs in his lap, and he had an arm around her shoulder and one on her legs. He leaned in to kiss her on the cheek, and she swatted him away playfully. James then got caught up in a conversation with his parents while Lily’s gaze flicked over to Remus ascending the stairs. She frowned as she caught his eyes, and he quickly looked away. What was that about?
Sirius tugged him a little, and he stumbled. They went into Sirius’s bedroom and slammed the door shut behind them. Sirius turned around to face Remus, putting one hand on his waist and the other on his face.
“Hey,” Sirius said.
“Hey,” Remus grinned, tugging Sirius closer.
Sirius swung them around and moved Remus so his back hit the dresser. He laughed lightly as it did.
“I'm sorry, I just came up to borrow clothes,” Remus joked, tucking a piece of Sirius’s hair behind his ear.
“Mhm.” Sirius ducked down and planted a kiss on his neck. “Well, you have to take them off first,” he smirked.
“If I have to,” he said sarcastically, pulling his shirt over his head.
Around an hour later, Remus walked out of Sirius’s room with disheveled hair and new clothes. He was wearing joggers and a Queen t-shirt. As soon as the door clicked shut, however, Lily was standing right in front of him, hands crossed over her chest.
“Jesus!” Remus jumped, clutching his chest. “Fuck, oh my god, don’t sneak up on me like that.”
“You were in there for a long time, huh?” She asked with an inquisitive look on her face.
“Yeah, we were just catching up,” Remus said nervously. Lily’s stare was intimidating. He shifted his weight.
“Right.” She sighed, “Okay.” Her posture got more relaxed, and her face shifted to a soft expression. “How have you been, Remus?”
“Alright. Good. Fine.” He looked away from her piercing green eyes.
“Remy, love, come on. It’s me, you can tell me anything.” She grabbed his hand and squeezed it.
“You read me too well, Lily. We seriously need to stop spending so much time with each other,” He joked, his voice falling flat.” She glared at him, and he gave up. He spat out a half-truth. “I’m just really tired, Lils. So, so tired,” he said. And he was tired, just not the kind that could be fixed with sleep.
“Okay, let's get you some rest then, yeah?” She pulled him into a hug, wrapping an arm around the back of his head. He let his face fall into her shoulder and felt himself relax, taking his first easy breath in a while. There was silence for a bit, and then, "Oh, and Remus?"
"Yeah?" He asked, his voice muffled.
"Never ignore my texts again, or I will gut you, okay?"
"Okay," he laughed a real laugh into her shoulder.