Work Text:
It wasn’t unlike Shane to be the last one on the ice after practice. But that was usually because he stayed behind to talk to coaches and to work on some specific skill that he’d struggled with that day. The captain of the Metros was far too diligent about rest and recovery to overexert his body during a normal practice.
So, this? The way he still sprinted around the rink and seemingly aimlessly hurled pucks somewhere in the general direction of the net while the rest of the team had already showered, gotten dressed and left… it just wasn’t like Shane. And it worried the fuck out of Hayden.
“Okay, what’s going on?” Hayden had no idea how long he had waited, in his street clothes, in the locker room, until Shane had finally, fucking finally stormed inside and tossed his stick into some corner with that same uncharacteristic aggression that he had displayed on the ice.
He hated how Shane winced. His teammate had definitely banked on the fact that he’d be alone in the facility. “Nothing,” he mumbled as he began to carelessly pull at his pads. “Fuck off.”
“Wow.” Hayden rolled his eyes. “Creative. You know, I have to say. This whole asshole demeanour doesn’t exactly suit you.”
Shane huffed and let himself fall onto the bench. For a moment, Hayden thought that he’d actually sat down to talk. But then he realised that his captain hadn’t even taken off his skates yet and was just making quick work of pulling at the laces.
He sighed. “I know you, remember?” He hoped that his voice came across with as much empathy as he had intended.
Shane just huffed once more. “You don’t know shit,” he hissed back and well, that hurt. Mostly because Hayden didn’t know the extent to which it was true. He knew that there was definitely something his friend hadn’t told him about… he just had no idea how big a deal it might be.
“Come on, man,” Hayden said, trying his best not to let his hurt show. “You can’t keep going like this. It’s obvious that something is wrong.”
“Oh,” Shane mumbled in an entirely unimpressed tone that Hayden hadn’t even known he was capable of. “Is it?”
Suddenly, Hayden wished he was four years old and could just throw a fucking tantrum until Shane finally paid attention to him. “Yeah man,” he said softly instead. “I don’t mean to scare you, but the team noticed. The coaches noticed. The front office noticed. Hell, it feels like half of the people employed by the Metros have asked me whether you’re okay.”
Shane ignored him. But Hayden wasn’t going to be deterred that easily.
“Seriously.” He shook his head. “The fans are speculating about it online. The press is up in arms about it.” He crossed his arms. “Something is going on and you’re not going to get rid of me until you tell me what it is?”
“Oh my God,” Shane groaned. “Mind your own fucking business.” He sounded so dismissive that Hayden immediately felt stupid and self-conscious.
Still, he forced himself to press on. “What?” he snapped. “Is it about a girl?”
“No.” Shane was already starting to pull on some jeans. He clearly wasn’t intending on showering. Which worried Hayden even more, considering how much of a neat freak his friend usually was, but which he was also almost grateful for. This conversation was already awkward enough.
He took a deep breath. He wished he didn’t have to do this… but at the same time he knew that he needed to. “So,” he began hesitatingly. “Is it about a man then?”
It had been a few months since he had first started to suspect that Shane could be seeing a guy. He was just always so damn secretive about whoever he went out to meet when they were in Boston, so adamant that it was just a friend. Which was obviously bullshit. He had been texting with this ‘Lily’ person for literal years and took far too long to get ready when he went out to see them.
He had also never ever expressed any interest in the women Hayden and Jackie had tried to set him up with. And he never ever told them about his dating life at all.
“I wish I knew why he doesn’t ever talk about that Lily girl,” Hayden had lamented to Jackie one night, when Shane had left after yet another family dinner with them. Just them and him. “I know she lives in Boston, but she probably visits at least sometimes, right? It would be so nice to have dinner with both of them.”
His wife had shrugged. “It would be,” she agreed. “But if Shane doesn’t want to talk about Lily, he probably has a reason.”
Hayden had sighed. “Do you think she’s married or something?”
Jackie had bitten her lip. “It’s possible, I guess,” she had conceded. “But I can’t see Shane being a homewrecker, can you?”
Hayden had shaken his head. “So, what do you think?”
“I think he’s either hopelessly in love with her and she doesn’t feel the same way…”
Hayden remembered how he had snorted at the notion. “Impossible,” he had said. “She texts him all the fucking time.”
Jackie had looked at her hands. “Or she is a he.”
The idea hadn’t left Hayden’s mind. Especially, because it would make so much fucking sense. But he had never asked Shane about. Not until that very moment.
He wasn’t surprised when the Metros’ captain immediately spun around, got in his face and aggressively asked: “What the fuck did you just say?”
Hayden wasn’t intimidated in the slightest. Of course he knew that Shane was strong as fuck, way stronger than he was. And even if he rarely let that side of himself show, he was still a Hockey player, he still knew how to fight. However, in that moment Shane reminded Hayden of those barking dogs that just tried to seem intimidating because they were scared out of their minds.
So, instead of barking back, he just raised his hands in surrender. “It wasn’t an accusation, dude,” he said calmly. “Just a question. If it’s not about a girl, then maybe it’s about a man, process of elimination.”
Shane huffed but he backed off. “Yeah right,” he mumbled. “And you would have asked the rest of the team the same question, I assume?”
Hayden shrugged. “Probably.” He made a face. “Well, at least the ones that I trust enough not to break my jaw.” Then, he looked right into Shane’s eyes. “I would have at least asked the ones that are as fucking secretive about what is bothering them as you are.”
Something flashed across Shane’s features for a moment. Something that almost looked like pain. Hayden hated the sight of it.
“It could be anything,” his teammate mumbled eventually. “Some kind of addiction. Debt. Hell, I could have found out about some secret kid.”
Hayden had to stop himself from snorting. Because yeah, right. Instead, he just shrugged again. “You’re right,” he said quietly, carefully. “It could. And for some guys I’d probably check for that first. But that’s not you.”
Shane winced. “You think it’s more likely that I have sex with a man than for me to get a one-night stand pregnant?”
Hayden raised a brow. He could have just told the truth. He could have said something like: Well yes, because one of those options requires someone to have been kind of careless and you’re way too diligent for that. But instead, he just asked: “Do you want me to answer that question?”
Shane’s shoulders slumped. “I really don’t.”
And yeah, there it was. “So this is about a man?”
Shane pulled his hoodie over his head before he replied with a muffled: “If you think so.”
“Oh my God!” This was really starting to frustrate Hayden. “Why are you being so difficult about this?” He threw his hands up and wished he could punch Shane instead. Maybe someone just needed to knock some sense into him. “In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t give a shit. It’s fine if you’re gay or bi or whatever. If you tell me that you feel like you’re a windmill and would like me to refer to you as such, I would.”
Shane emerged from his hoodie to look at him with a serious expression on his face. “That kind of language is transphobic,” he scolded calmly, without reacting to anything else that had been said.
Hayden winced. “Sorry,” he mumbled. That hadn’t been his intention. “But you get the point. I don’t care who you sleep with okay?”
Shane huffed and grabbed his coat. “I think you might.”
Oh? Hayden crossed his arms again. He was a little worried now, but he tried his best not to let it show. “Try me.”
He should have seen it coming. He should have known that Shane wouldn’t actually give him a name that easily. He should have anticipated that his best friend would just smile his fakest, sweetest smile and say: “Rozanov.”
Hayden laughed. He couldn’t help it. With as frustrated as he was at his friend for not fucking opening up to him, he had to give this one to him.
“Yeah okay,” he got out past his laughter. “I admit that if you bent over for Rozanov, I might actually have a problem with that.” He shook his head. “But that’s not homophobic! I just… I think I would literally prefer if you fucked my own father.”
He had expected Shane to fucking jump on the opportunity to get away from the actual topic at hand, that he would maybe make a tasteless joke about Hayden’s father, maybe dramatically recoil at the idea that he would ‘bend over for Rozanov’… However, when Hayden looked up, he found Shane just wordlessly making his way to the door.
“Wait no!” he shouted after him and he heard how his own voice was suddenly full of panic. Fuck, he had messed up. Shane had finally – kind of – opened up to him about the possibility that he might be, at the very least, not entirely uninterested in men, and he had somehow fucked it completely. He wasn’t sure what it had been, but he had probably come across as horribly homophobic and…
“I didn’t mean it like that!” he hurried to assure. “I should have worded it differently, I’m sorry! That was just a joke. I… I am sorry if I am messing this up.” He looked to his hands. “I thought you were just joking and trying to get a reaction when you said Rozanov.”
Because nothing else made sense, right? There was no way that Shane… Shane fucking Hollander… was actually…
Shane stopped by the door. His hand was already on the handle. “It’s fine,” he mumbled and fuck, his voice sounded close to breaking. Was he crying?! “I guess that was kind of on me. I… I should have…”
And then he sighed and turned around. “I’ve been sleeping with Rozanov since the summer before our rookie year.”
The words hit Hayden like a ton of bricks. What?!
But Shane just continued. His eyes were glistening. “There’s no reason to get all worked up about it though. Last time we hooked up, he called me by my first name, I freaked out and now I probably messed it up forever. Which is unfortunate because – like the biggest fucking idiot on planet earth – I probably fell in love with him. So… Yeah, that’s what’s been going on.”
And suddenly, Hayden just stood there. Staring at a door that had long fallen shut behind his friend who apparently wasn’t just seeing some man, but Ilya fucking Rozanov of all people. And who hadn’t just hooked up with him once but apparently pretty consistently since their fucking rookie season. And who hadn’t just managed to fall in love with the biggest asshole in the universe… but who had – from the sound of it – maybe somehow broken that asshole’s heart, and his own with it. Shit.
With a jolt, Hayden remembered Jackie’s theory that Lily might not be a woman. Lily… Ilya… What the actual fuck? What the fuck was Hayden supposed to do now? He shivered inadvertently. Was he actually going to have to help his friend talk to and hell, maybe even apologize to Rozanov? God, he was actually going to help make Rozanov happy, wasn’t he?
He grabbed his car keys in the pocket of his coat. “The things you do for your friends…” he mumbled and then, finally, hurried after Shane… while trying really hard not to picture his kids referring to the bane of his existence as ‘Uncle Ily’ or some shit.