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Dani has been the test administrator for a few different celebrity lie detector test videos at this point, and she wasn’t expecting much from hockey’s Canadian Golden Boy, but wow.
The man is media trained to perfection. Or actually just that boring. The jury’s still out.
So far, her favorite portion has been the interviewer quizzing him on his pop culture knowledge. Of which he has none. It seems the most surefire way to break him out of his PR perfection is to throw a topic at him that he’s not usually prepared for or knowledgeable on.
When asked about his favorite internet meme, he’d actually looked panicked. After a series of failed “do you know who this celebrity is” questions, the interviewer had handed him a photo of Rose Landry and he had immediately grabbed the photo and hugged it to his chest like a lifeline. (“Rose! Someone I know! Oh thank god!”) It took him a second to remember he was on camera, and then he’d laid the photo back down on the table and cleared his throat, trying to be cool.
The interviewer, another woman named Emily, asked if Shane thought he had a lot of rizz, to which he had given a blank stare and cautiously responded, “Is that… a soda?” before wincing very visibly to himself.
At least Dani got to get up close and personal when she strapped him into the equipment.
At this point, they’re at the Relationships section of the shoot, and Dani isn’t expecting much. They’d already touched on Rose a little, and their friendship seems really sweet, but it doesn’t really make for good content.
Across the table, Emily slides over a photograph of Ilya Rozanov. Shane starts to perk up, but then freezes like he shouldn’t be doing it. Hm. Dani supposes their friendship is fresh enough that the man still has mixed feelings on his rival turned bestie.
“Do you know who this is?” Emily asks with the same monotone voice she’s been using the whole time.
Shane slides the picture closer to himself with a deep inhale, “Ilya… Rozanov. Cofounder of the Irina Foundation with me,” he gazes at the picture for a moment before looking up and directly into the camera with a downright smug smirk on his face, “And the second best player in the league.” He pauses like he expects someone to argue with him, but when no one does, he just adds “After me. Of course.”
“Dani?”
At Emily's prompting, Dani checks the machine and answers, “He’s telling the truth.”
Shane gives a happy little smile like he’s just gotten the right answer on an exam, and Dani has to admit that he’s very cute, even with the stiff demeanor.
Dani sees the side of Emily’s mouth lift toward a smile, meaning she’s about to go in with another fun (for them, probably not so much for him) question that will make Shane squirm.
“Would you consider him a zaddy?” She asks, perfectly monotonous and calm.
Shane looks like he’s been asked a question in a language other than the two he understands, “A what? A za– what?” His eyes shift back and forth rapidly like he’s trying to process the question and getting absolutely nowhere.
“A Zaddy,” Emily repeats, “Z-A-D-D-Y,” she continues, like spelling it out will help him comprehend the word.
Shane’s mouth is actually hanging open a bit, “That’s just– I don’t–” he splutters a bit more and then narrows his eyes like it’s a trick question. “I don’t know what that means.”
“It means a man who is handsome, fashionable, even sexy. Has a lot of swag.”
Shane turns bright red at an alarming speed, and Dani wishes she had Emily’s poker face because she’s trying her best not to giggle outright.
He either chokes on air or clears his throat, but then finally goes with, “I don’t think I’m… qualified to answer this question.” For someone who is so stoic overall, there are a lot of different things happening on his face.
“Qualified?” Emily persists, “What sort of qualifications do you think are required to answer this question?”
“The– I don’t know!” he practically whines, and they’ll need to put him out of his misery soon and move on, but Dani is back to having a great time, “Fashion… people?” He visibly winces again.
Emily flattens her lips, so maybe her poker face isn’t that great after all, but then controls herself enough to ask “You don’t think you’re fashion people?”
He gives her a deadpan look and then glances down at himself before seeming to realize he’s dressed perfectly fine for this shoot (nice collared deep blue shirt, really brings out those eyes). “No,” is his only response.
Emily glances over to Dani again and she takes her cue, “He’s telling the truth.”
“Alright, let’s move on,” Shane slumps in relief and slides the photo of Ilya back across the table to Emily.
Emily, however, is taking no prisoners.
“Are you single?”
Shane’s posture immediately snaps back to being tighter than a bowstring as he nearly yells, “Yes!” before Emily has even made it through the word single.
Interesting.
Dani takes a look at her machine and tries not to smile, “He’s lying.”
Emily’s eyebrows reach her hairline before she gathers herself and turns her piercing gaze to a frozen Shane Hollander. His mouth has fallen open and he’s looking at Dani like she’s betrayed him somehow. His gaze shifts between the two women, both off camera, so it probably looks even more ridiculous in the footage.
“I plead the fifth.”
Dani snorts, but Emily takes it in stride, “You’re Canadian. And this isn’t a court of law.”
Unfortunately, Shane has started to look genuinely panicked. He makes a few aborted movements toward the equipment wrapped around his fingers like he wants to remove it but doesn’t know if it’s allowed. They wanted him to squirm, not be uncomfortable, so Emily quickly offers to move on. Shane exhales loudly and nods his head a bit while flashing those doe eyes at the camera.
Dani can’t help but pout a little. She would never want to make him upset, but he was finally being interesting! She takes a deep breath herself and focuses back on the next question Emily is volleying at him.
…
With the shoot complete, Shane is allowed to wander off while some final elements are double checked so they can fully wrap up. Dani gets the task of seeking him out a bit later to inform him that everything is good and he’s free to go, but when she tracks him down, she hears that he’s on the phone with someone. She decides to wait around the corner for him to finish up before she lets him know, rather than interrupt his conversation.
“It’s not fucking funny,” he’s grumbling. He scuffs his shoe against the floor and goes to lay his forehead on the wall before jerking back from it at the last moment and giving it a look of suspicion and disgust. Dani doesn’t necessarily think a random wall in their filming warehouse would be clean, but she’s not sure it deserves such ire either.
Shane sighs. “It’s not even going to make it into the final video, obviously. I don’t sign these kinds of contracts without making sure there’s a clause about final say on editing.”
Damn. Dani hopes the Ilya Rozanov questions make it in.
For a moment she’s worried she somehow said this out loud, because Shane freezes and a look of horror crosses his face. But it seems that it’s his actual conversation partner that has put that look there.
“You don’t read your–” he stops midsentence and takes a deep, calming breath. “Ilya. I need you to tell me you’re just fucking with me. Right?” The last word is closer to a desperate plea.
She can’t help but smile at the realization. He must be talking to Ilya Rozanov about how the shoot went. It’s sweet that they’re close enough friends that Shane would call him up to recap before he’s even left the studio.
“... I’m telling my mom immediately, and you will never know peace again,” Shane pronounces very solemnly, “but your contracts will be locked down from now on, so you’re welcome.” A pause before Shane scoffs, “Yeah, we’ll see if you’re still her favorite when she finds out you’ve been signing contracts without even reading them, Ilya, what the fuck?”
Wait. These two are close enough that Shane’s own mother calls Ilya her favorite? That’s absolutely adorable. Dani realizes that this version of Shane is more animated and smiley than he ever got on camera, and it’s doing wonders for his already very high level of attractiveness. Maybe they should try to bring them in for a joint lie detector video at some point.
She hates to interrupt, but she’d rather let him go on with his day, so she starts to turn the corner when she hears what can only be described as a dreamy sigh.
“I love you,” Shane says tenderly into the phone. It’s said with the kind of devotion of which Dani could only dream. She freezes.
Oh. Are they–? Oh.
She spins on her heel without another thought and strides down the hallway she’s just come from. She’s going to walk a circle around the corridors, squeal internally about how precious and not hers this information is, let Shane know he can head out, and then take this knowledge with her to the grave.
She’ll take lumbering footsteps this time so he definitely knows she’s coming.