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Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
Back when Taylor was a young teenager, maybe fourteen or fifteen, he began to take interest in Christianity.
His entire family was Catholic and he had been raised in the church. He remembered, as a young child, going to mass in his Sunday best, praying at the foot of his bed before he went to sleep, and his mother singing Christian lullaby’s to him as he fell into slumber.
So his transcend into faith really wasn’t a surprise to anybody. It certainly made his parents proud, proud of their son for not falling into ‘teenage influences’ and becoming a godly young man.
If only they knew it wouldn’t last.
Now, years later, Taylor knew why he had been so adamant in his faith, why he insisted that Jesus had saved him, and that he could save you, too. He sought comfort that his surroundings did not bring, security that he never felt. He sought a kind of love, peacefulness and worship that would ground him, humble him, save him. And when he couldn’t find it on the ground, he tilted his head towards the sky. Hands clasped, eyes closed, he prayed. As often as he could. He sang the church hymns and read his Bible. He repented from his sins and gave his soul to the Lord, drinking the blood and eating the body of Christ.
He thanked the Lord for what he had given him, because he truly was grateful. He had everything someone could hope for, but yet he still felt as if something was missing. He continued to pray and continued to study, convinced that the emptiness in his chest and the sadness that lingered in his mind was nothing but a barren pool that was yet to be filled by the nourishment and fulfillment of Christ the Lord.
-.-
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
-.-
As he grew older, Taylor came to the realization that his faith was fading.
He had stopped going to church consistently, his Bible was collecting dust in the drawer of his nightstand. He began to question the word of God and wonder about the reliability of the Bible.
He kept this from his parents, from everybody. He didn’t wish to hear everyone complain about how he was falling into sin, straying away from God.
He still prayed, just not consistently. Every now and then when he found himself alone and curious, he spoke with his Father in Heaven, telling Him things that he didn’t trust anyone else with. Still, Taylor found that he was growing weary.
It was a sad realization. Some days he did not want to get out of bed, lacking the energy even to relieve himself or eat. The comfort he once found whilst praying or reading his Bible now seemed long gone, impossible to reach. He missed it, to an extent, but it was suffocating. While the act of praying, the belief of the mercifulness snd forgiveness of the Lord was slightly comforting, Taylor never did feel the true embrace of God that so many others spoke of. But if fulfillment was not on earth, nor in heaven, then where could it be?
-.-
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint.
When Taylor thought his faith was gone, that God had not heard his prayers and the church had lied to him, he came to a revelation.
A sudden one, unexpected. He could have never imagined it coming.
It seemed almost as if an angel had fallen from the sky, blessing him with warmth. He swore the clouds parted and the sky opened and what fell from it could only be a gift from God.
His name was Chuck. He was beautiful.
Radiance that blinded Taylor every time he looked at him, yet he could not lower his gaze. A smile that seemed to lure him in, so sinful and marvelous, Taylor swore it must be temptation.
He knew he was sinning. To lay with another man was wrong. Yet he never questioned the love he felt towards Chuck. The first time his eyes were blessed with that blinding smile Taylor knew, he was certain, that fate had chosen him. An angel had been sent down to him, for him.
And though Taylor no longer depended on the word of God to guide him throughout his day, no longer prayed at the foot of his bed and no longer attended church, whenever he looked at Chuck he thought back to the times where he had been deeply religious. Had God heard him? Answered his prayers? Was he truly merciful?
He must have been. He had to be.
Now the only man Taylor worshipped was Chuck. The only man that could get him on his knees, in both heaven and earth. He was the only man that could make him beg and pray, cry and laugh, whine and keen.
Still, Taylor thanked God, because Lord, he was grateful. Whether Chuck truly was a blessing sent down as a reward for him or a test of temptation that Taylor could not resist, Taylor still thanked the Lord with all his might. After all, without his years spent in the church, how would he know that Chuck’s laugh sounded just like the bells of the chapel? How would he admire the blonde, sun-bleached strands of Chuck’s hair and the freckles upon his face if the Lord had not said ‘Let there be light’? How could he admire the nakedness of Chuck’s nude body on quiet, soft nights if God had not tempted Eve to eat the forbidden fruit?
Nowadays, some would see Taylor’s life as far from perfect. Working in a baseball arena making hotdogs, living in an apartment with his boyfriend. Perhaps from the look of Taylor, some would say he looked miserable.
That could not be further from the truth. In his headphones, he still liked to play the songs he once sang to in church. Every now and then he would run his fingers over the beads of the rosary he used to pray with every day. Once in a blue moon he would open his Bible.
But he needn’t pray. He needn’t lift his head to the sky because Chuck was on the ground. He needn’t close his eyes because Chuck was right in front of him. He needn’t clasp his hands together because Chuck’s own hands would cover them.
Chuck was his Lord. Chuck was his savior. An angel. His God.
He would not grow weary. He would walk and would not faint.
So long as Chuck was walking beside him.