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Since landing on the Ground, he barely had time to rest, to fully grasp his situation. That was until now. They were finally given a break from the hurdles and training and raider attacks and giant trash beasts. He took that break slowly, taking the time to learn more about the people he’d come to know, learning more about just how the Ground worked.
He'd been invited on an outing with Zanka and Enjin. Nothing major, just a visit to a neighboring town, they’d be on their way back to the HQ in the morning, after sleeping in a hotel. Enjin was willing to drive through the night, but Zanka refused to ride with him if he was sleep deprived, mentioning that he didn't know if they’d make it back in one piece or not.
Rudo was enjoying himself on this outing, he got to eat food the HQ didn’t provide, and he also got the chance to tinker with a man who fixed up all sorts of garbage just like he did. He knew Zanka and Enjin were watching him as he chatted enthusiastically with the man, but he didn't care. The man pulled out a toy bird he'd fixed up, winding the mechanism with a key. He placed it down and the toy hopped towards Rudo, causing him to jump back. He stared at it, leaning down with his head against the counter to look at the gears turning within, he reached for it, gently picking it up.
The bird continued to hop in his hands, gaining closer to the edge of his palms. He closed his hand to stop it from falling, feeling the robotic jolt of its “jump” hitting his palm. Enjin cleared his throat, looking at his watch. He looked at the man, placing the bird down to face him, it hopped towards him once.
“Thank you,” Rudo said, sliding away from the booth. The man nodded at him with a smile, waving as he was dragged off by Zanka and Enjin. Rudo waved back, shoving Enjins arm off him once they were far enough away.
“You spent hours at that stall,” Zanka said, giving him a sideways glance as he walked. Rudo glared back at him, folding his arms.
“So?”
“We could've been doin’ anything better, but ya decided to talk bout’ trinkets?”
“Let him have his fun Zanka, or do I need to bring up when I first brought you here?” Enjin teased, ruffling Rudo's hair with his hand. Zanka flushed red with embarrassment, his grip on Lovely Assistaff growing harder. Whatever dirt or embarrassing situation Enjin had on Zanka was something he did not want getting out. He’d have to ask about that later, maybe he could ask. Rudo walked with the two of them back to their hotel, only stopping to buy them dinner, of which he ate graciously and quickly. For every piece of food he scarfed down, he got a glance from Zanka.
As they left the restaurant, his eyes were drawn to the sky, the only illumination being a faint glow from behind the clouds, and the sparse street lighting. He searched the clouds for the moon, or a hint of a “sphere” in the sky. The clouds did not part, only moving gently in a sheet across the sky. Something about the sky made him feel weird deep down, made him feel a pull at his heart.
“Watcha’ looking at?” Zanka elbowed him, eyes also cast towards the sky. It took him a surprising amount of effort to pry his eyes away from the thick blanket of clouds, he looked towards the street ahead of them, only a few people were walking about, most having retired into their homes for the day.
“Thought I saw something,” Rudo lied, not sure how to explain the draw he felt towards the sky. Was it a Spherite thing? He felt like he was missing something he couldn't place. Zanka looked down from the sky with ease, looking at him with a brow raised.
“Probably a raven, there's a lot of em’ around here,” Enjin chimed in, umbrella slung over his shoulder casually. Rudo glanced at him, shrugging. He felt a bit bad for lying, but any explanation he could come up with didn't make any sense, besides it wasn't safe to talk about the Sphere in a city like this.
They all retreated into their hotel room, one they had to all share, and started getting settled for the night. As Rudo stripped himself of his outer layers, only leaving a tank top and his pants, his mind kept wandering back to the sky. It was so strange, knowing what was past that thick layer of clouds, especially when so many others barely knew. Sure, everyone knew of the Sphere, but no one knew of the Sphere. No one but him.
He was the first to lay down, but he was the last to sleep. In fact, he couldn’t sleep at all, and he knew it wasn't because of Enjin snoring or Zanka's arm thrown over his face. Exhausted but unable to catch a wink of slumber, he slowly pushed Zanka’s arm off him and stood up. Maybe he was thirsty, or hungry. No, he didn't feel either of those things.
He passed by the window on his way to the bathroom, eyes gazing as he passed. His eyes passed over the cloudy, dull sky. He stopped in front of the window, listening to the wind gently blow outside. It'd hit him, he knew what it was that was bothering him, keeping him awake. The sky was so empty.
He stepped closer to the window, eyes cast towards the sky. He suddenly was transported back to when he was young, when he’d been sitting on their stairs with his dad, looking at the stars shining high above them.
“I think they’re pretty, don’t you, Rudo?” Regto had asked, looking down at him. Rudo didn't look at him, simply holding his scarf from where he sat on his knee, he nodded ever so slightly. Despite not looking, he knew Regto had smiled.
“Do you see that cluster right there?” Regto pointed towards the sky, circling with his finger a conglomerate of stars, Rudo stared at it, unable to see anything but shining specs of white in the sky. Regto placed a hand gently on his head.
“That’s a constellation, they make shapes in the stars if you look at them right,” Regto said. Rudo tilted his head after hearing that, searching for a shape, Regto mimicked him. Rudo smiled, looking at Regto finally.
“It looks like a fish!”
“Oh? I see a Lion,” Regto said lightly, smiling at him more. Rudo shook his head, pointing with a small hand towards the sky, he traced the outline of a fish in the stars, then watched as Regto traced the same outline with him. Regto chuckled.
“Huh, I guess it does look like a fish,” Regto agreed. The two of them felt a cold breeze blow quickly past them, causing Rudo to shiver. Regto moved, lifting Rudo up, he turned to carry him inside, prying his eyes away from the canvas in the sky, Rudo huffed, squirming slightly in his grasp.
“We can look at the stars in bed, it’s getting cold and I don’t want you getting sick,” Regto said, opening the door. Rudo grumbled, tucking his face closer to his shoulder, mumbling to him. He watched the vast sky close behind the front door.
It’d become a tradition to stare at the stars every week at least once, sometimes they wouldn't speak, sometimes they’d name animals or shapes they saw in the stars. It was nice. He enjoyed the feeling of cold breeze on his skin, the feeling of Regto next to him, alive and well. He most enjoyed the sky, it was like an art-piece you could never see all of. He liked tracing the shapes and lines connecting the stars, he enjoyed the way the art never looked the exact same any single day. Small clouds of dust far off in the sky changed the hue of certain things, the dust looked like a gash across the void, bleeding stars into the vast expanse above them.
Once, he was outside alone for a while, waiting for Regto to come home from an errand. Out of instinct, or boredom, he started watching the sky. It wasn't night, but he saw something he’d never again see on the ground. The sun was setting across from him, sinking below the huge wall separating the sides of the city, the sky was painted breathtaking colors of pink and orange, casting long shadows.
On the Ground, the sky was grey and murky. No moon, barely no sun and especially no stars. He’d never been sentimental for something so small as seeing the sun set, or seeing the stars, not until he realized they were gone. That's why he felt off, he had noticed the sky lacking its best feature, the only one he truly enjoyed about it. He felt an ache to go back to the vastness he didn't fully grasp as a kid, he wanted to return to the tradition of counting the stars with Regto. Regto. Most of all he wanted to be seated next to him again, naming animals they saw in the sky. He’d always agreed with him.
The cloudy, covered sky brought an ache he didn't enjoy. He wanted to go back, to go back to Regto. He couldn't, and not even the sky seemed to want to approach, any connection he had was severed the moment he hit the ground. It pained him.
“Rudo?” Zanka’s voice was sleepy. Rudo didn't look at him, eyes scanning the sky for any sort of gap within the clouds, any single star peeking through the impenetrable sheet. He heard the blankets shuffling and Zanka hum quietly, like he was debating sitting up.
“Have you ever seen a dead body, Zanka?” Rudo asked quietly, unable to stop himself. He didn't know why he’d said the words, what had drawn him to mention it. Everyone knew what happened on the Sphere, everyone knew his mission, but he’d never really spoken about it. He didn't know if he wanted to. Speaking about it actualized it. He didn't know if he could cope with it, not yet.
“Once, why’re ya’ asking somthin’ morbid like that?” Zanka asked, the sound of sheets moving signaling he had gotten out of bed. Rudo tore his eyes from the dull sky and looked at him. His eyes were red with sleep but he had a mild look of concern written on his face.
“I was thinking,” Rudo said, glancing at the sky again. He had a small hope that the clouds would magically part, revealing a splatter of stars. Maybe it’d be the fish constellation he and Regto had noticed, “The sky is so cloudy, you can’t see anything up there.”
“The garbage causes smog,” Zanka said, coming to stand next to him. He leaned on the windowsill, eyes cast towards the murk above them, he had no conviction in his eyes, to him the sky was nothing but murk, it brought nothing but toxic rain and garbage. Rudo felt a smidge of sadness that Zanka had never seen the sky like he had, he felt the sadness worsen at the thought of the Sphere floating above them, of Regto.
“Me and Regto used to look at the stars before he died.”
“Stars?” Zanka looked at him. The question gave Rudo pause, he looked at him, confusion obvious on his face. Rudo then looked away. Of course he wouldn’t know what a star was, the Ground had been covered in garbage for generations. Rudo rested his head on his arms, glancing back at the sky.
“They’re like tiny moons, there's a whole lot of them. Sometimes you can see shapes in them,” Rudo whispered, trying to keep his cool. The thought of being unable to see the sky, the Sphere, the stars. It made him sad. It made him want to cry. He stuffed his face into his arms, unable to bear the shine of the moon just barely breaking through the clouds.
“There's more than one moon?” Zanka said, more curiosity in his tone than confusion, he looked towards Rudo. Rudo shifted, squeezing his hands into fists to stop them from shaking, “How many of em’ were there?”
“Are there, they’re always in the sky,” Rudo whispered, voice quivering. Zanka hummed in thought. Rudo took a deep breath, the exhale shaky. He pulled his head from his arms, immediately catching sight of the dull, disgusting sky. Zanka looked towards him, the curiosity and awe gone now as he realized Rudo’s demeanor. Rudo let out a whiney exhale, looking away from him.
“I’m sorry,” Rudo mumbled, rubbing the tears from his eyes before they could fall. Zanka hesitated, awkwardly shuffling closer to him. He looked towards the sky again, then at Rudo, he planted a hand on his back, rubbing it comfortingly.
“What were some of them shapes you could see in em’?”
“One of them was a fish, or a lion. He always,” Rudo paused, eyes watering, “He always agreed with me on what it was. Maybe it was a lion.”
Zanka watched him, obviously confused on what the hell a “lion” could be, but he didn't question it. Rudo sucked in a breath, exhaling it in a horrible squeak as he rubbed his eyes. Zanka stilled his hand on his back. His touch pained Rudo more than it should have, it felt brotherly, it made him think of Regto again. He didn't want to think of Regto.
“Y’know, yer pretty strong, hate to admit it,” Zanka whispered. Rudo hesitated, looking up at him.
“I don't know what I woulda' done if I was you," Zanka smiled weakly, his words of comfort only made his heartache worse. Rudo blinked, eyes blurring as tears started to fall down his cheeks. He gasped and stuffed his face into his arms, hicks of breath escaping him as he tried to stop the tears.
Whenever he closed his eyes, the sparks of color behind his eyes made him think of the sky. The stars plastered all over the vast openness, the way it should look on the ground. Regto’s warmth next to him on the stairs filled his mind again, the warmth didn't feel mean, or sad, it just felt comforting. He could feel a hand on his back still, and at first he thought it was Regto, he jolted up, spinning around to hug Zanka. Even when he realized it was him, he didn't let go.
Zanka hugged him just as tightly back, pulling him away from the window. He sat him down on the bed, rubbing the tears from his cheeks, he shot a haphazard glances towards the window before he walked over and closed the curtains, plunging them into darkness. Rudo flopped onto his back, sniffling as his tears slowly dried, Zanka flopped next to him. Rudo rolled over, hugging Zanka. He felt Zanka tense ever so slightly, but he wrapped an arm around him. Rudo felt comfortable next to him, he felt safe.
As he drifted off to sleep, he saw the moon, big and bright. It was surrounded by millions of tiny stars, and beside him was Zanka, on his other side was Riyo. He couldn't see him, but he knew standing behind him was Enjin. He smiled as he fell asleep, glad everyone else could witness the stars like he had.