Chapter Text
“Shauna.”
“Hm.”
“Shipman.” Jackie nudged her again, harder this time, clearly not planning to be ignored.
They were stretched out on Jackie’s bed, side by side like they had done a thousand times before. Shauna sat against the headboard, book open in her lap, pencil tapping absently against the margin. Her glasses had slid halfway down her nose, and she pushed them back as she tried to reread the same sentence for the fourth time. Jackie, meanwhile, lay face down beside her, arms wrapped around a pillow, feet kicking lazily in the air.
Shauna had come to visit after a full month apart of phone calls and late-night conversations. The last visit had been Jackie’s in Providence, so it was only fair that this time it was her the one that went to Rutgers. Not that Shauna needed convincing. She’d missed Jackie more than she wanted to admit.
Still, she couldn’t forget why she’d brought her books. She had an exam in a week, and luck had never been something she could rely on.
“What, Jax?” Shauna sighed, not even looking up.
“You’re not paying attention to me,” Jackie said, her voice dipping into a pout that the other girl knew far too well.
Shauna rolled her eyes, finally glancing over. Jackie’s cheek was pressed against the pillow, her mouth turned down like she was personally offended by Shauna’s audacity.
Jackie had changed a lot in the last four years. High school almost felt like another timeline. Maybe they changed because they grew up or maybe it started with their fight in Seattle during Nationals, when Jackie read her diary and found out about Brown and the distance Shauna wanted. About how tired she was of living in her shadow and the resentment she had tried and failed to bury. That fight might have been one of the reasons they lost but no one ever said it out loud. Neither Jackie nor Tai liked to talk about it, meanwhile, Shauna didn’t give a shit to be honest.
They didn’t talk for two months after that. Their friend group split without anyone meaning for it to happen, and they both ignored each other. At least, they tried to, until their graduation day.
After the ceremony ended, Shauna saw Jackie standing alone, probably waiting for her parents and she walked towards her before she could change her mind. All she said was ‘Good luck Jax’ and then she left before the girl could see her crying. And that was it. Jackie didn’t say anything to her.
Until months later, when Shauna was getting ready to leave for Brown, Jackie showed up at her door, saying that she wanted to talk. After some tears, shouting and maybe some hitting, in the end, they agreed to try again. They had missed each other deeply, even though they both tried to pretend they hadn’t. Shauna didn’t know how she ever thought she could live without Jackie. Those months apart were the worst thing she had ever gone through.
So they decided to see if the distance could help this new version of their friendship. And strangely enough, it worked. It took time, but now they were better than ever. So anyways, yes, Jackie changed a lot. She wasn’t controlling anymore (she tried), and she didn’t tell Shauna what to do, who to be, or where to go anymore and that alone felt like a miracle.
But one thing never changed.
Jackie still wanted Shauna’s attention more than anything in the world. It was as if she would physically stop existing if Shauna didn’t look at her. Shauna tried to be annoyed by it, a few years ago, she would have been. But now? She didn’t really mind.
Because the other thing that changed? Shauna Shipman was deeply, painfully in love with Jackie Taylor.
And she fucking hated every second of it.
“Oh no,” She said flatly. “The world is going to end.”
Jackie huffed a laugh and rolled onto her side, turning to face her. The movement brought her closer, their arms brushing. She didn’t pull back. Instead, she reached out and hooked a finger into the hem of Shauna’s sleeve, tugging at it gently.
“Shaunaaaa,”
The girl swallowed. Jackie’s touch was casual, like it always was, but it still sent a jolt through her. She shifted, eyes dropping back to the page, trying to focus. “You’re impossible, now you’re just distracting me on purpose.”
Jackie smiled at that and scooted even closer until her shoulder rested against her arm. Shauna froze for half a second before forcing herself to relax. This was normal. Jackie always did this, leaned in, touched her, took up space like it belonged to her. And Shauna let her. Jackie’s fingers slid from Shauna’s sleeve to her wrist, tracing slow, absent circles over her skin. Shauna’s grip tightened around her pencil.
“Maybe,”
Shauna let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. “I’m trying to study, you know, I still have to pass my exams.”
Jackie lifted her hand and rested it under Shauna’s chin, tilting her face up just slightly. “You’re going to pass everything,” she said easily. “You’re the smartest person I’ve ever met.”
Among all the other things that had changed with time, there was this, Jackie using every chance she got to compliment her. It was sweet, really. Cute, even. If only it didn’t leave Shauna a flustered mess every single time. She had to work really hard not to completely fall apart right there, because that wasn’t how a best friend was supposed to react. And she would rather die than let Jackie know how she really felt.
Jackie was straight. She would marry some hot guy who worked in finance, have a few kids, live a perfect life and Shauna would be there for all of it. She’d be her maid of honor, standing beside her, smiling, telling her how happy she was. It didn’t matter that sometimes they hugged for too long. Or kissed. Or touched—
Anyway. It didn’t matter. They were best friends. That was all.
“Well, still,” Shauna said, avoiding her gaze. She could feel the girl watching her anyway.
“Then tell me what you’re reading,”
“You’re not going to care.”
“Come on,” Jackie smiled. “Of course I would. Try me.”
“Okay, so—” She launched into it, talking with her hands now. “It’s mostly about poetry. Not just reading it, but breaking it apart. We have to look at every word, every emotion. Why the writer chose that line instead of another one, why something is left unsaid. It’s like trying to understand what someone meant without them ever telling you directly.”
Jackie smiled softly at her. “What else?”
Shauna’s eyes lit up immediately as she got more excited. “And when you write analysis, you can’t just say what happens. You have to explain how it makes you feel, and then prove why it works. Every image, every metaphor is doing something—” She stopped suddenly and squinted at Jackie. “Aaaand you’re not listening.”
“Yes, I am,”
“No, you’re not. I know you too well, Jax.” She looked down, smiling despite herself.
“I’m sorry, it’s just—” Jackie started, then reached up and touched the edge of Shauna’s glasses, smiling shyly. “You look really cute with them. You are distracting me.”
Shauna’s face heated instantly. “You’re an idiot.”
“I’m serious,” Jackie laughed as her face turned a little red too.
“Well,” Shauna said, trying to recover, “you’d look really cute with glasses too. If you’d actually wear them.”
Jackie groaned dramatically. “They ruin the vibe.” She gestured at her face. “This face is not meant for glasses.”
Shauna laughed out loud, the sound filling the room. Jackie grinned wider at hearing it and Shauna threaded their fingers together.
“You would still look beautiful,”
Jackie squeezed her hand. “Fine. I’ll wear them forever, then. Whatever.”
Jackie eventually shifted closer, scooting until she was sitting beside Shauna, her back resting against the headboard too with their shoulders pressed together. Shauna stared at her book for another second before finally giving up. She closed it with a quiet sigh and set it aside. She wasn’t going to read anymore. Jackie’s mouth curved into a slow, satisfied smile.
“I won,” she said, pleased.
Shauna rolled her eyes. “The things I do for you.”
Jackie placed a hand over her chest in mock emotion. “You left a book for me?” she said dramatically. “Wow. You must really like me.”
Shauna huffed a quiet laugh, then softened. “Yeah,” she whispered, turning her head toward her. “I do.”
Jackie blinked, caught off guard just for a moment. A loose strand of Jackie’s hair had fallen into her face, brushing her cheek. Without thinking, Shauna reached up and gently tucked it behind her ear, her fingers lingering just a second too long. Jackie’s breath hitched, just barely, but Shauna didn’t let herself notice. She pulled her hand back and smiled. “So what do you want to do? I was think—”
She didn’t get to finish as Jackie leaned in and pressed her lips to Shauna’s. It was soft, their mouths fit together easily, like they always did. Shauna froze for half a second before melting into it, her eyes fluttering closed as she kissed her back, her hand lifting automatically to rest against Jackie’s side. Jackie smiled into the kiss, her thumb brushing over Shauna’s knuckles where their hands were still intertwined. When Jackie pulled away, she hovered close, breath unsteady.
“Oh,”
“Sorry.” Jackie smiled shakily.
“That’s okay,” Shauna said softly, her voice steady even though her heart wasn’t.
Best friends kissed, it was normal. At least for them.
Shauna told herself that as Jackie rested her forehead against hers, as their hands stayed tangled together, her heart stubbornly refusing to slow down. It didn’t count. Jackie had said that years ago, and even if Jackie didn’t say that anymore, Shauna held onto it like a rule she wasn’t allowed to break. Because if she did, the only thing that would break would be her heart. Jackie would never feel the same way, and Shauna couldn’t lose her. Not again.
It didn’t matter that it kept happening. That every time felt different, heavier. That letting go hurt more than it should have. Sometimes, when she let herself drift too far, she even imagined what it would be like if they were actually together.
But it still didn’t count.
She knew they couldn’t keep doing this. Every kiss made it harder to pull away, harder to pretend it didn’t destroy her afterward and she was afraid that one day it would hurt too much to ignore. So the next time it happened, she would stop it.
She promised herself that she would.
They put on a movie after that, some random one neither of them really cared about. A few minutes passed and Shauna noticed Jackie’s hands. She was fidgeting with her fingers, twisting them together, then pulling them apart again. Over and over. Jackie never did that, not unless something was wrong.
“Hey,” Shauna said gently. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah,” Jackie laughed quickly and loud. “Why wouldn’t it be?” Shauna turned toward her. Now she knew for sure something was off.
“You’re acting weird.”
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are, what’s going on?”
Jackie let out a long breath and grabbed the remote, pausing the movie, the room suddenly too quiet. She turned toward Shauna and just stared at her for a moment, like she was trying to decide something.
“Jax,” Shauna said, worried now. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong,” Jackie said, then hesitated. “It’s just…” She looked down, barely audible now. “God, Van and Nat made it sound so easy.”
Van? Nat? Shauna frowned. Easy how? Her mind raced, trying to catch up. She was about to ask when Jackie spoke again, still refusing to look at her.
“I don’t really know how to say this,” She admitted. “I’ve never done this before.”
Shauna’s brows furrowed. Seeing the girl this insecure made her chest tighten. She reached out and gently lifted Jackie’s chin with her finger, forcing her to meet her eyes. “You can tell me anything, come on.”
Jackie swallowed. “Okay. Yeah.” She took another breath. “So… you know Randy invited us to his wedding next month.”
Shauna laughed softly. “Yeah. God, I still can’t believe Randy is getting married. And to Tammy, of all people.”
Jackie laughed too, a little shaky. “Yeah. I still think it’s insane.”
“So what about it?”
Jackie hesitated again. “Well… I was thinking we could go together.”
“What?” She didn’t understand. How else would they go? Shauna was already planning on driving them there.
“Yeah,” Jackie rushed on. “I mean after everything, it would make sense, right? For us to go together… together and for everyone to know.”
Shauna just stared at her.
“Oh god,” Jackie said quickly. “I completely misread this, didn’t I? I’m so, so—”
“I mean, of course we should go together,” Shauna said, smiling a little, still confused. “That makes sense.”
Was this really what had Jackie so nervous? She didn’t get it. Who else would she go with? Neither of them were dating anyone, unless Jackie was worried Shauna would find a plus one for the wedding and leave her alone? She would never, besides there was no one she could think of. They were best friends, of course they’d go together.
“Yeah?”
“I mean, duh, obviously.”
Jackie lifted her head, eyes snapping to hers. “Obviously?”
“Yeah,” Shauna said, a small laugh slipping out. “Who else would I go to that wedding with if not you?”
For a second, Jackie didn’t say anything. Then her face lit up, open and bright, like a weight had just been lifted off her shoulders. “Oh,” she breathed, smiling so wide it almost hurt to look at. “Thank god. I didn’t know if we were on the same page.”
“Of course we are,”
“I can’t believe Van was right,” Jackie said, beaming.
Shauna barely registered the comment. She was too distracted by the way Jackie looked at her, like she was something wonderful. For a moment, she forgot how to think. “Yeah,” She said weakly. “Totally.”
Jackie didn’t wait another second. She leaned forward and kissed her, giggling into her mouth. Shauna gasped in surprise, but her body reacted before her mind did. Her eyes fluttered shut as her arms slid around Jackie’s waist, pulling her closer. She didn’t know what she’d done to deserve that reaction, didn’t understand why Jackie looked so happy. She only knew she didn’t want to let go.
Shauna’s grip tightened and Jackie’s lips parted beneath hers. She tilted her head and deepened the kiss, a breathless sound slipping from Shauna before she could stop it. What started as a soft kiss, quickly turned into something else. Shauna’s hands found their way beneath the hem of Jackie’s shirt, fingertips brushing warm skin. Jackie inhaled sharply against her mouth, and she slid her fingers into Shauna’s hair, tugging just enough to make her dizzy with desire.
“Jax…”
“Is this okey?” Jackie moved her lips towards Shauna’s jaw, leaving little kisses all over it. “I can stop if you want to”
Shauna couldn’t think of anything worse than that.
“Don’t you dare” She whined, almost embarrassed by how much she wanted her.
Then Jackie moved, kissing her with urgency. Shauna barely had time to breathe before Jackie leaned into her, guiding them backward until she hit the pillows, settling her weight astride Shauna’s hips.
Jackie stared at her for a moment, breathing hard and pupils dilated. Shauna’s hands traced up her sides, over the thin cotton, thumbs catching on bare skin. Then Jackie surged forward, moving instinctively toward her neck, placing kisses along the length of it.
Yeah, when Shauna had said she was going to stop whatever was happening between them, she’d meant next time. She was never going to do this… again.
Shauna woke first, flinching as soft morning light spilled in through the window. She turned her face slightly, blinking it away, and then everything from the night before came rushing back. Thank God, Jackie’s roommate was gone. Shauna could only imagine the emotional damage that girl would’ve suffered walking in on this.
She looked down.
Jackie was curled against her, head resting on Shauna’s chest, one arm draped comfortably around her waist. Shauna didn’t move, she just watched her. The look of peace in her face, her lashes, the gentle slope of her nose, her lips slightly parted. Perfect, she was perfect. Shauna was still looking when Jackie stirred.
“Were you watching me sleep?” The girl murmured, eyes barely open.
“No,”
Jackie smiled. “Liar.” She leaned in and pressed a quick, easy kiss to Shauna’s lips.
Huh. That was new, what the hell?
“I was thinking we could go to that coffee shop you like,” Jackie said, already sitting up. “The one with the blueberry muffins.”
“Uh… yeah,” Shauna said, still a little dazed, fingers brushing her own lips.
They got out of bed quickly, pulling on some clothes, Jackie disappeared into the bathroom, and Shauna turned toward the mirror, fixing her hair, trying to get herself to look presentable. Then the lock clicked. The door opened fully, and Jackie’s roommate stepped inside. She took one look at her and didn’t look surprised in the slightest.
“Oh hello, Shauna.”
“Tessa. Hi,” Shauna said, lifting a hand in a small, awkward wave.
Tessa was an interesting character. Red-dyed hair, dark eyeliner, a leather jacket perpetually slung over her shoulders. She reminded Shauna a little of Nat, if Nat were from Philadelphia. At first, Shauna had listened to hours of Jackie complaining about how they didn’t get along. Apparently, Tessa didn’t think very highly of Jackie and Shauna hated to admit it, but she couldn’t really blame her. One look at Jackie, without knowing her, and you might assume she was the typical sorority girl, pretty, shallow, maybe even a little cruel. But once you actually knew her, it was obvious she was nothing like that.
It took a few weeks, but slowly, they started to get along.
Shauna still remembered the look of shock on Tessa’s face when she realized Shauna was Jackie’s best friend. After that, Tessa sometimes stared at them like she was trying to piece something together, but she never had the nerve to actually ask her.
Anyway, Shauna liked Tessa. She had good taste in music, was easy to talk to, and she complimented her flannels, so she was okay in Shauna’s book.
“I’m guessing you’re waiting for Jackie,” the girl said, grabbing a backpack and throwing some things in it.
“Yeah. She’s in the bathroom.”
“Okay, cool.”
Tessa’s eyes wandered around the room, casual at first, until they landed on the bed. The very obvious mess of it. Shauna felt heat rush to her face and immediately looked away, her gaze snagging on the mirror instead. Photos were taped all around it. Some of the Yellowjackets, a few with her friends from college, even one with Tessa, arm slung around Jackie’s shoulders, both of them flipping off the camera. But most of them were of Shauna.
“Nice,” Tessa said suddenly, clapping Shauna on the back with a laugh as she headed toward the closet. “Don’t mind me, I’m just grabbing some stuff and then I’m out.”
“Oh…that’s fine,” She said quickly. “We’re leaving too.”
“When do you leave for Brown?” Tessa asked, rummaging for a coat.
“Tomorrow. I’ve got classes on Monday.”
“Great. So I get to hear Jackie cry about it until she sees you again.”
“Shut up,” Jackie’s voice cut in as she appeared, wrapping her arms around Shauna’s waist from behind. She rested her chin on Shauna’s shoulder, glaring at her roommate. Shauna froze at the contact. Jackie had never been this physical in front of other people. Her heart skipped, unsure what to do with her hands.
“Hi, Tess,” Jackie said sweetly. The girl rolled her eyes, she hated being called that. “Also, fuck you. I do not cry about it.”
“You do,” Tessa continued, clutching her chest dramatically. “‘Oh, Shauna, darling, when are you coming back? I miss you every day.’”
Jackie disentangled herself just long enough to grab a pillow and throw it at her. Tessa laughed loudly, ducking out of the way. They had a strange friendship. She was the kind of person Jackie never would’ve been friends with back in high school.
Jackie reached for Shauna’s hand again, weaving their fingers together without hesitation. Tessa raised an eyebrow, then smiled, softer this time. “Well, we’re heading out. See you tonight?”
“Probably not. Tomorrow,” Tessa replied, slinging her coat on.
Jackie tugged Shauna toward the door when Tessa called after them. “Oh…and Jackie?” Jackie turned back. Tessa looked at both of them and smirked. “Congratulations.”
Jackie beamed. “Thanks.”
Congratulations? Shauna frowned slightly as they stepped into the hall. For what? An exam, maybe. Jackie had mentioned one. She would’ve asked about it but Jackie was already talking, listing everything they needed to do after coffee. And apparently shopping for the wedding was one of them.
“This one is terrible. Nope.”
Jackie tossed the dress back onto the rack, almost like she was disgusted. Shauna didn’t even bother reading the store’s name anymore, she’d stopped caring after the third shop. Jackie hated everything and Shauna was fairly certain this was how she was going to die: under fluorescent lighting, surrounded by horrible dresses.
She sighed, dragging a hand over her face, already picturing a thousand better alternatives than this. Sleep, ice cream, walking around the city, literally anything else.
“That one’s not that bad,” she said, half-heartedly, pointing.
Jackie looked at it, then at her. “It’s orange, Shipman. Who the fuck wears orange in a dress?”
“Someone bold?”
“We need to go to Macy’s,” Jackie decided immediately. “There we’ll actually find something.”
“Another one?” Shauna groaned. Jackie didn’t say anything, she just stared. Shauna felt herself fold in about a second. “Fine. Let’s go.”
“Yay, thanks, babe!” Jackie said brightly, popping up on her tiptoes and pressing a quick kiss to Shauna’s cheek.
Babe.
Babe babe babe babe babe.
What the fuck.
Shauna stood there for half a second longer than necessary, cheek warm where Jackie had kissed her, brain lagging behind her body. Jackie, meanwhile, was already moving, fingers lacing casually with Shauna’s wrist as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
“Besides, we need to find something for you too.”
“For me?” Shauna blinked. “I can just wear something I already have.”
Jackie stopped walking and turned fully toward her, hands landing on Shauna’s shoulders. “Absolutely not. We are buying you something.”
“Why?”
“Because, I want your outfit to match mine.”
“What is this, prom?” Shauna snorted.
Jackie paused, visibly considering it. “You know what?” she said slowly. “Yes. Exactly like prom.”
“We did have prom.”
“Barely.”
“And you went with Jeff.”
Jackie shuddered dramatically. Shauna laughed, loud enough to earn a look from someone passing by. “Ugh, don’t remind me of those ugly days.”
“I mean, he was your—”
“Shaunaa,” Jackie cut in, grabbing her hands. “Stop.”
Her grip was warm and grounding. Jackie’s thumbs brushed over Shauna’s knuckles without thinking, like she’d done it a thousand times before. “Look,” she said, softer now. “I just want us to look pretty and I want to show you off. I want to dance with you the whole night like I always wanted.”
Shauna felt something twist painfully in her chest. “Yeah?”
“Yes,” Jackie said, earnest. “So can you please stop complaining? I want to do this today because the next time we see each other is in like three weeks. And then it’s the wedding.”
“Three weeks?” Shauna raised an eyebrow. “Eager to see me?”
Jackie stepped closer, close enough that Shauna could smell her perfume, roses with a little bit of vanilla. She lifted a finger and gently tipped Shauna’s chin up until their eyes met.
Shauna’s heart went completely feral.
“I’m always eager to see you, Shipman,” Jackie said quietly. “You’re insane if you think I’m not getting on the first train the second I’m free of exams to see my girl.”
My girl.
Shauna was pretty sure her brain short-circuited right there. There was no way Jackie didn’t know what she was doing. No way she was just casually dropping lines like that without intent. Every flirty comment, every touch, it felt intentional, like Jackie was poking at something just to see what would happen. How was Shauna supposed to pretend she wasn’t already hopelessly in love with her when Jackie said things like that?
It made her feel like she was sixteen again, back to the version of herself who learned to take whatever Jackie offered without question. Every word, every look, every touch landed whether she wanted it to or not, because for Jackie it had always been a game of power. And Shauna was falling for it again.
Fuck her. She made everything so hard.
“Yeah, right,” She muttered, pulling away abruptly and turning toward a rack of dresses before Jackie could see her face. She shook the intrusive thoughts away. Jackie blinked, confused.
Shauna pointed quickly, desperate for distraction. “That one’s cute.”
Jackie stepped up beside her, shoulder brushing Shauna’s as she inspected it. “Hmm,” she said thoughtfully. “You’re right. That could work.”
Eventually, Jackie settled on three dresses: a green, a dark blue, and a pink one. An employee swooped in to carefully slide them onto hangers, promising a fitting room for later. Jackie watched them go, satisfied, then turned with renewed focus, excited in a way that made Shauna immediately wary.
“Okay,” Jackie said, clapping her hands softly. “Now it’s your turn.” They started down another rack, Jackie pulling dresses free one by one and holding them up against Shauna to see if they worked. She rejected every single one.
“No.”
“Too tight.”
“I hate that color.”
“That neckline is… too much.”
Each dress had a problem. Jackie laughed it off at first, teasing, but after the fifth rejection, Shauna could feel the pressure creeping in. The truth was simpler and harder to explain: she didn’t even know if she wanted to wear a dress at all and the longer Jackie insisted, the more angsty she felt. Jackie sighed tiredly, then grabbed a red dress from the rack. Before Shauna could protest, Jackie held it up against her body, aligning the straps at her shoulders.
“Wow,” she said immediately. “Oh, this would look so good on you.”
“Jax, I don’t know—”
“Oh, c’mon, Shipman,” Jackie interrupted, grinning. “Just listen to me. This would look fantastic.”
Shauna hesitated, then gave in with a reluctant sigh. “Okay. Fine.” That was when Jackie noticed the look on her face. The tension in her jaw. The way her shoulders had gone rigid.
“Oh, shit.”
“What?”
“Fuck,” Jackie said, letting her arms fall, the dress slipping slightly. “I’m doing it again, aren’t I?” She winced. “I’m sorry.”
“What…?” Shauna stuttered again.
“I’m telling you what to wear. Being controlling and shit.”
“I mean…you’re not—” Shauna stopped, then sighed. “Okay, fine. Maybe a little.”
Jackie exhaled slowly, rubbing a hand over her face. “I wasn’t trying to. I just—” She trailed off, unable to find the words.
“Hey,” Shauna said gently, reaching out and grabbing her hand. “I know, it wasn’t on purpose. It’s okay.”
Jackie searched her face. “You sure? I don’t want you to be mad.”
“I’m not,” Shauna said softly. “Not by a long shot.”
She lifted Jackie’s hand and pressed a brief, gentle kiss to her knuckles, something she knew Jackie secretly loved.
“Okay,” Jackie sighed in relief as she put the red dress back on the hanger. “You are definitely not wearing that one.”
“Thank God,” They laughed quietly, the tension easing.
“Alright,” Jackie said, thoughtful now. “If not dresses… let me think.” Shauna’s gaze drifted on its own, landing on a section of tailored pants and blazers across the store. Jackie followed her line of sight and smiled. “Oh, a suit. Genius, that works.”
“A suit?” Shauna blinked. “I can’t wear a suit.”
“Why not? Of course you can.”
“I mean, I just—”
“Shipman,” Jackie interrupted her gently. “Would you feel more comfortable in something like that?”
She paused. “…Maybe.”
“Well, then it’s settled. Go, choose something.”
Shauna moved toward the section, fingers brushing over fabrics, eyes scanning blazers until they caught on a deep blue one, almost the same shade as one of the dresses Jackie had picked. The blonde noticed immediately, plucking it from the rack and holding it up against her.
She hummed in appreciation. “Yeah. You’re definitely trying this one.”
“You think?”
“You would look extremely hot in this.”
Shauna grabbed it without hesitation.
They made their way to the fitting rooms, Jackie quickly disappearing inside one while Shauna hung back, waiting for her turn. Jackie slipped into the first dress, the pink one, and a moment later, her voice floated out.
“Shauna?”
“Yeah?”
“Can you zip me up?”
Shauna swallowed and stepped inside. She kept her eyes fixed somewhere near Jackie’s shoulder, anywhere but the mirror, where she could feel the girl’s stare. Her fingers found the zipper at the small of Jackie’s back, and she worked it up slowly, concentrating was suddenly harder than it should have been. Jackie’s skin was warm under her knuckles, the fabric fit perfectly in a way that made Shauna’s brain short-circuit.
“Well?” Jackie asked, spinning just a little. “What do you think?”
Shauna opened her mouth. Nothing came out.
Jackie looked… unreal. The fabric caught the light, soft against her skin, and the color suited her in a way that made Shauna’s chest tighten. There was an ease to the way Jackie stood, chin lifted just enough, confidence sliding into her posture without effort. For a second, Shauna forgot where she was.
“Well?”
Shauna realized she’d been staring. “Yeah,” she said, voice rougher than she meant it to be. “That… yeah. You look really pretty.”
Jackie smiled, clearly pleased but then she tilted her head, considering herself in the mirror. “I don’t know,” she said. “I’m not totally convinced. Let me try the others. Help me?” She pouted, just a little.
Shauna nodded and reached for the zipper again. Pulling it down was harder this time, it seemed like the zipper was stuck until it finally gave.
“I wouldn’t buy this one, the zipper might be a little broken.”
“You’re right,” Jackie agreed, turning around and holding the dress in place with both hands so it wouldn’t fall. Shauna had to physically force herself to meet her eyes. “Wouldn’t want you having trouble when you take it off.” Shauna’s mind went completely blank.
“What?”
“What?” Jackie replied innocently, already reaching for the curtain and sliding it closed behind her.
Shauna leaned back against the wall, heart pounding. She was going to die.
Shauna was absolutely going to die.
The green dress followed, but it didn’t quite land the same way. Jackie shifted in front of the mirror and tugged at the fabric, frowning slightly.
“Nope,” she decided. “Not it.” They both agreed easily, and that was when the fitting room beside Jackie’s finally opened up.
“Your turn,” Jackie said, nudging her.
Shauna hesitated before slipping inside, closing the curtain behind her. She changed slowly, aware of every movement. When she pulled the pants on, she paused for a second, surprised by how right they felt. The fabric settled over her hips and thighs, like it had been made for her. The silk blouse followed, falling into place without effort and then the blazer. She slipped it on almost absentmindedly, but the second she settled it over her shoulders, she knew it. She knew it was perfect. She straightened without meaning to, too caught on the version of herself in the mirror. Jackie had been right.
She looked hot.
Shauna stared at her reflection, heart pounding softly. The suit suited her better than she could have imagined. She barely had time to process it before she heard Jackie’s voice from the other side.
“Shauna? Help? Again?” She smiled despite herself and stepped back out.
Jackie stood with her back to her, looking down as she adjusted the dress, fingers fumbling with the zipper. Shauna reached out automatically, her hands finding the familiar spot, pulling the zipper up until the fabric settled smoothly into place. When Jackie turned around, she gasped. They both froze.
Jackie looked radiant, the dress hugging her just right, her hair falling softly around her shoulders. There was something almost unreal about her in that moment, like she’d stepped out of a fairytale instead of a fitting room. Ethereal, Shauna thought distantly, like she didn’t quite belong to the ordinary world. Jackie, meanwhile, couldn’t tear her eyes away from her.
Shauna swallowed, suddenly nervous, her fingers twisting together. “And?” she asked softly. “What do you think?”
Jackie approached her slowly, stopping inches away. “You look… wow.” She reached out, smoothing the fabric at Shauna’s shoulder, then her arm, her hand sliding down like she was memorizing her.
“Wow?”
“You look stunning,” Jackie said, laughing breathlessly. “Wow.” She grabbed Shauna’s hands and spun her gently, the two of them laughing under their breath as they stumbled back into place.
“You, uh…” Shauna let her eyes wander, taking her in fully. “Gorgeous.”
“Yeah?” Jackie asked, cheeks pink.
“The most beautiful girl ever.”
Jackie giggled, blushing harder now, and tugged Shauna toward the mirror. They stood together, their reflections side by side. Shauna slipped an arm around Jackie’s waist, pulling her close, and Jackie intertwined their fingers, leaning back into her without hesitation. They looked like prom. They looked good together. It was perfect.
For a moment, Shauna let herself imagine it was real, that this could be hers, that she could have this.
“This,” Jackie said, meeting her eyes through the mirror, “is exactly what I meant.”
Shauna’s throat felt tight. “Meant by what?”
“By wanting to look pretty and show you off,” Jackie said, like it was obvious. And then she turned. She stepped closer, close enough that Shauna could feel her before she touched her, and lifted a hand to rest lightly at the back of Shauna’s neck. The contact was casual and the brunette had to actively remind herself not to freeze.
“So,” Jackie murmured, her thumb brushing her skin “What do you think?”
Shauna swallowed. “We look good.”
Jackie laughed softly. “Just good?” She tilted her head, a slow smile spreading across her face. “We look sexy.” Her fingers slipped into Shauna’s hair, twirling a loose strand around her finger as she held her gaze. “You look really handsome, baby.”
Baby.
Again.
Shauna’s heart fluttered traitorously. For a second, the word knocked the air out of her lungs, pulled something soft and reckless loose inside her. And then, just as quickly, something else followed. A little spark of irritation or maybe it was confusion. She didn’t know what kind of game Jackie was playing, didn’t know where the lines were supposed to be. But if Jackie wanted to play like this?
Fine.
Shauna wasn’t sixteen anymore. She could push back.
Her hand slid down, fingers grazing the strap of Jackie’s dress, tracing the line deliberately. “Well then,” Shauna said evenly, meeting her eyes, “you look lovely, darling.” Jackie’s breath hitched. Her eyes brightened instantly, something soft and open flashing across her face.
Wait what? Did she actually enjoy that?
“Darling?” Jackie echoed, quieter now, like she was testing the word on her tongue. “I like that one.”
“Oh, I—” Shauna started, suddenly aware of how close they were, how Jackie hadn’t moved her hand away. Jackie leaned in, just enough that Shauna could feel her breath, her intention—
“You guys need anything else?”
That voice cut through the moment. They jumped apart, eyes wide. Jackie spun toward the front of the fitting rooms, cheeks flushed, answering quickly, “No! That’s okay… we’re taking these ones!”
Silence fell between them. And then they both burst out laughing, their laughter echoing off the fitting room walls.
It felt wrong that she had to leave so soon.
Shauna stood beside Jackie on the platform of the train station, her bag slung over her shoulder, the weight of it nothing compared to the heaviness settling in her chest.
The past twenty-four hours didn’t feel real anymore. Saturday had passed easily, walking around the city with no plan, Jackie holding her hand the entire time. They’d gotten coffee, shared food, laughed about stupid things. Later, back in Jackie’s room, they ordered takeout and watched movies, barely paying attention, kissing through most of them. Shauna could still feel it, Jackie’s leg hooked over hers, Jackie’s mouth finding hers whenever they stopped talking. It already felt like something she wasn’t supposed to have.
The loudspeaker crackled overhead.
“Attention passengers: the train to Providence will be departing in five minutes.”
Shauna swallowed and turned toward the other girl. “That’s me,” she said softly, like Jackie hadn’t heard it too.
Jackie’s face shifted immediately. She stepped closer, hands finding Shauna’s coat, fingers curling into the fabric like she might anchor her there by force alone. She leaned her forehead against Shauna’s, breathing her in. “So, what if you missed it?” She murmured. “On accident, of course.”
“That sounds lovely” Shauna smiled, caressing her back. “But you would beg me to leave by tomorrow.”
“No, I’d beg you to stay.”
That did something to her. She moved her hands, resting them at Jackie’s lower back, thumbs brushing over the familiar places. Jackie hugged her tighter, arms wrapping fully around her now, unapologetic in her clinginess. She tucked her face into Shauna’s neck, nose pressing against her skin. Jackie wasn’t usually like this in public, this open, this needy, but Shauna didn’t say anything. She just let herself enjoy it.
“You’re going to call…”
“…you, when I get there, yes Jax, I know” Shauna finished for her.
“Good.”
Jackie pulled back just enough to look at her, eyes searching, soft in a way that made Shauna ache. “I’m really glad we got here, you know? This… this is everything I’ve ever wanted. I just didn’t think we could have it.”
Something in Shauna’s chest cracked open. She blinked hard, throat tightening, suddenly overwhelmed by how far they’d come. After everything, their fight, the distance, the way they’d almost lost each other entirely, it felt unreal that they were standing here like this. That they were okay. Better than okay. She’d spent so long afraid of saying the wrong thing, of pushing too hard, of ruining what they had. And now Jackie was saying this. Shauna swallowed, forcing herself not to tear up. It made sense.
“I know,” Shauna said softly, managing a small smile. “Me too. I didn’t think we’d get back here either. But… I’m really glad we did.” She couldn’t think of a world where she didn’t have Jackie, her best friend, her soulmate. She couldn’t ruin this.
Jackie’s smile widened, relieved. She leaned in and hugged her again. The announcement rang out over the platform, once again. The girl exhaled slowly, still holding her. “Call me later to let me know how your exam goes.”
“I will,”
“And when you’re bored.”
“Okay.”
“And when you miss me.”
Shauna pulled back just enough to meet her eyes. “I’ll be doing that the whole time.”
Jackie reached up, cupping Shauna’s face, thumbs brushing her cheekbones, and kissed her softly. Shauna melted into it without thinking, fingers tightening in Jackie’s coat, the noise around them fading until there was nothing but this. Jackie kissed her like she always did now, like she had all the time in the world. When they finally pulled apart, Jackie rested her forehead against hers, smiling faintly.
“See you in three weeks, baby.”
Shauna tried not to react to the pet name, to the way it settled too easily into her chest.
“See you soon, Jax.”
Jackie hesitated, just for a second.
“I love you.”
Shauna didn’t think. She smiled, and answered the same way she always answered things that felt obvious to her.
“I love you too.”
Jackie’s face softened completely at that. Shauna picked up her bag and headed for the train. They waved at each other through the glass until the doors closed. Shauna found her seat, and quickly made herself comfortable. She slid her bag under her feet and reached for her headphones. Suddenly, they slipped from her fingers, and she froze in her place.
I love you
Jackie told her she loved her.
She said it first.
Out of nowhere.
Shauna stared at nothing, pulse suddenly loud in her ears.
What the fuck?