Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Shauna woke up to cold sheets.

Her hand slid across the bed, fingers searching for warmth, for the familiar body that should’ve been there. 
Nothing. 
Just an empty space in the bed and the faint smell of Jackie’s shampoo lingering on the pillow.

She frowned, blinking up at the ceiling. Of course.
A tiny flare of irritation sparked in her chest. Jackie had a habit of doing this, being everywhere all at once, then gone without warning. 

Shauna lay there for a moment longer, staring at the space beside her like it had personally betrayed her. After what they did last night, waking up alone felt… wrong. Maybe it was her fault for expecting something that just would never happen.

She was about to turn over and hide under the blankets again when she heard strange noises coming from downstairs.
A second later, there was a loud clatter, followed by someone swearing.

Shauna sat up immediately. She got out of bed and followed the sound, moving quietly down the stairs. When she reached the kitchen doorway, she stopped.
Jackie stood in the middle of it. She was barefoot, wearing one of Shauna’s old T-shirts, and staring angrily at a spatula in her hand.

“Fuck no, don’t burn,” Jackie muttered, poking at whatever was in the pan.

Shauna cleared her throat. “Having fun destroying my kitchen?”

Jackie let out a yelp and jumped, almost dropping the spatula. She turned fast, eyes wide, then pointed it at her like it was a weapon. “Jesus Christ, Shauna! You scared me.”

Shauna laughed softly, leaning against the doorframe. “Sorry. You looked very… focused.”

“What are you even doing awake?” Jackie asked, still glaring at her, though the edge was already fading. “You were supposed to be sleeping.”

“I couldn’t,” She said honestly. Her gaze flicked over the mess again. “What are you doing?”

Jackie hesitated, then gestured vaguely at the counter. “I was trying to make you breakfast.” She pointed at the pan. “Pancakes, your favorites.” She paused, sighing. “Turns out I’m really bad at this.”

Shauna felt something warm twist in her chest. “You did all this for me?”

Jackie shrugged, suddenly sheepish. “I thought it would be nice. And I woke up early and you were still asleep, so I thought… whatever.”

Shauna crossed the kitchen in a few steps. “It’s really sweet,” Then, smiling, she took the spatula from Jackie’s hand. “But c’mon. I’ll make them and you can supervise.”

 “Really?”

“Yeah, before you burn the house down.”

Jackie snorted and leaned back against the counter, watching her with attention as Shauna took over, fixing the batter and flipping the ruined pancake out of the pan with practiced ease.

“You make it look easy,” 

“That’s because I’ve made these a thousand times. You’re supposed to wait until the bubbles form.”

“Got it.” She hovered closer, shoulder brushing Shauna’s arm, peeking into the pan. “So you’re telling me I didn’t completely ruin them?”

“You ruined only one, which is actually impressive.”

They worked in silence for a bit after that. Jackie stood close, passing things to her before she even asked for them. Shauna noticed everything like the brush of their fingers or the way Jackie kept glancing at her like she wanted to say something.
And Shauna’s mind wouldn’t shut up.

You’re mine.

The words kept replaying themselves in her head and she had no idea how to bring it up or even if she should. There wasn’t a casual way to ask something like that. 

Like, Hey, Jax, what did you mean by that? Did you really mean it? Or was it just a friend thing? Were you joking?

The thought of Jackie brushing it off made her chest hurt, she didn’t think she could handle that kind of embarrassment. 
People said things during sex. She knew that, she’d done it too. Sometimes words just slipped out, and they didn’t always mean anything. She tried to hold on to that idea, even if she hated it.

“So…why the surprise?”

Jackie’s hand came up, fingers brushing through the ends of Shauna’s hair in a way that felt intimate. “I, uh… I wanted to do something nice.”

Shauna flipped a pancake, buying herself a second. “Why?”

“You know why…”

“Do I?” 

Jackie sighed, cheeks pinking. “I was a little bit of an asshole yesterday.”

Shauna’s heart skipped. Wait, were they going to talk about it? She found herself unable to find something to say, unused to Jackie actually wanting to talk about their issues.

“I mean—” 

“You don’t have to say anything,” Jackie interrupted quickly, sliding her hands to Shauna’s arm, thumbs tracing small, soothing circles as she turned the stove off. “I know I overdid it a little bit. Even if…” she smirked, eyes flicking up, “…the result wasn’t bad.”

Shauna felt heat rush to her face. “It wasn’t bad.”

Jackie’s smirk widened. “No, yeah. I could tell.”

Shauna punched her lightly in the arm. “You’re such an idiot.”

Jackie laughed loudly, the sound loosening something in Shauna’s chest. “I was jealous,” she admitted, quieter now. “I know it was stupid.”

Shauna frowned. “I don’t get why you were.”

Jackie looked at her for a long second, expression softening into something unguarded. “It’s just… I can’t help it. You’re so… you. And I can’t handle the idea that someone might take you away from me.”

“I…,” she started, then stopped. She didn’t know where to go from there. “I’m not going anywhere, you know that, right?” 

Jackie’s shoulders relaxed a bit. “I do,” she muttered. “But she kept flirting with you, knowing you were with me, and… I don’t know. I guess It just made me angry.”

“So you were jealous of Melissa?” Shauna asked, forcing an easy tone, like the answer wouldn’t shift everything she thought she knew about the last ten years.

Jackie rolled her eyes. “She always had a crush on you.”

“No, she didn’t.”

“Yes, she did. Even in high school.”

“I never noticed.”

Jackie’s laugh was soft, almost fond. “Of course you didn’t.” She shook her head. “You always thought no one wanted you. But people noticed you, Shauna. They still do.”

“You’re exaggerating.”

“I’m really not,” Jackie said, a little more serious now. “It used to drive me insane.”

Shauna paused. “Insane… like, protective insane?”

Jackie snorted, looking a little bit embarrassed.” If that’s what you want to call it.” She leaned back against the counter, arms crossed. “Do you know how many times I did everything I could to get Melissa switched to another team so she wouldn’t talk to you? And don’t even get me started on the other people who tried to get close.”

“Wait… what?”

Jackie grimaced. “Okay, saying it out loud makes me sound crazy.”

“You were scaring people away?” She laughed, completely baffled.

“No? I mean… yes? God.” Jackie rubbed her face. “I didn’t even realize what I was doing at the time, I just knew I hated it. Hated the idea of someone else getting close to you.”

Shauna tilted her head, trying to search for the right explanation. “You were… afraid I’d stop hanging out with you.”

Jackie blinked. “I mean… yeah. That too.”

That too slid right past Shauna. She nodded slowly, finally feeling like she understood what the other girl was saying. “You know I wouldn’t do that, right?”

“I know now.”

Shauna turned toward her, smiling without really thinking about it. Her hand lifted on instinct, fingers brushing a loose strand of Jackie’s hair and tucking it back behind her ear. “You’re everything to me,” she said easily. “The most important person in my life.”

Jackie inhaled sharply. She caught Shauna’s hand before she could pull it away, pressing it to her cheek and kissing her knuckles. “You’re everything to me too,” she murmured. “There’s no one else like you.”

Shauna laughed softly, doing her best to ignore how her heart suddenly sped up over a few sweet words.
“You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, no one’s ever going to replace you.”

Jackie’s mouth curved into a fond smile. “I love that about us,” she said. “Even with… all the changes, you’ll always be my best friend too.”

Huh. Weird phrasing. Shauna noticed it for half a second, then brushed it off. Not important.

She bumped Jackie’s shoulder gently. “You really don’t have to worry.”

“I know,” 

“You’re kind of ridiculous, you know that?”

“Yeah. But you love me.”

“Yeah,” Shauna didn’t hesitate. “Of course I do. I love you a lot.”

Jackie exhaled like she’d been holding her breath. “God,” she muttered, wrapping her arms around Shauna’s waist and resting her head against her chest. “I love it when you say that. I love you so much.”

Shauna stared at the wall over Jackie’s shoulder, wondering how she was still standing. The way Jackie said things, the way she touched her…sometimes it almost felt like—

No. Impossible.

She was just projecting her own feelings. If Jackie felt anything more than friendship, she would have said something. She was sure of it. 

“So,” Jackie asked after a moment, her voice muffled. She looked up at her with wide, hopeful eyes. “Am I forgiven?”

Shauna rolled her eyes fondly. “I wasn’t actually mad.”

Jackie’s mouth curled into a knowing smirk. “You thought it was hot, didn’t you?”

Yes. “Absolutely not.”

“Yes, you did,” Jackie said smugly. “And the sex was mind-blowing.”

“I literally hate you”

The drive to the venue was quiet with the radio humming low between them.
Shauna kept her hands on the wheel, hyper-aware of every movement Jackie made beside her. 
She was dressed in her dark blue suit, feeling actually comfortable for once and Jackie, on the other hand, was wearing the matching blue dress they bought, the one that looked like it had been made just for her. It hugged her just right, the color bringing out everything Shauna tried very hard not to stare at.

She failed. Constantly.

Every time Jackie shifted in her seat or turned her head to say something, Shauna felt that familiar pull in her chest. God, she was so beautiful. 

Shauna’s mind drifted back to earlier that morning, Jackie bouncing around the house with her new Polaroid camera, insisting, well, more like demanding that they take pictures.

“Just one more,” She had said, over and over, even as the pile of photos grew. “I want to have a lot of memories” 

In one of them, Jackie had pressed her hand against Shauna’s chest, right over her heart and Shauna had slid an arm around her waist. They were both smiling, just looking at each other.

Shauna had stared at that picture longer than she wanted to admit. She loved it so much that she’d stolen it from Jackie and slipped it into her wallet. She wanted to carry it with her always. 

It had felt like a snapshot of two people in love. Which was ridiculous, obviously.
It wasn’t like that with Jackie. No matter how much she wished it were.

She shook the thought away just as they pulled into the venue’s parking lot. They stepped out of the car, and before Shauna could even process what was happening, Jackie reached for her hand.

Shauna stared down at their joined hands in surprise, the other girl noticed and tilted her head, smiling at her in that easy, unbothered way.

“What?” 

Shauna blinked. “Nothing.”

Jackie’s smile widened slightly, like she knew something Shauna didn’t, and she didn’t let go. Hand in hand, they walked toward the entrance together, Jackie leading just a bit, like she always did. Shauna followed, telling herself once again that this didn’t mean anything.

“Wow, this place is amazing,” 

It really was. Soft lights strung across the ceiling, flowers everywhere and framed photos of Randy and Tammy at different ages lining the walls. People moved around them laughing and greeting each other, glasses already in hand.

“How did Randy afford this?” 

Jackie snorted. “Please. Definitely the parents.”

They were still taking it all in when someone shouted their names. Shauna looked up to see their friends in one of the corners. 

Tai was the first to speak when they got closer, eyes sweeping over them. “Damn,” she said. “You two look fabulous.”

“We always do,” Jackie replied easily.

Shauna snorted. Without really thinking about it, she twirled the blonde once. Jackie stumbled into her, giggling, and ended up with her arms around Shauna’s waist.

Van pointed at her. “Okay, now I’m jealous. She’s pulling off the suit better than me.”

“Sorry, dude,” Shauna said, grinning. “You just can’t compete.”

“Fuck off,” Tai shot back. “Van looks better.”

Jackie cut in gently, giving her waist a small squeeze. “Nope. My girl’s the prettiest one.” 

My girl.
Right there, in front of everyone.

She smiled because it felt like the right thing to do, but she was still a little shocked. Did Jackie know how those words sounded when she said them?

“You two are disgusting,” Nat said, pretending to gag.

Lottie bumped her shoulder. “I think they’re cute.”

“Thanks, Lot,” Jackie said brightly. “That’s why you were always my favorite.”

“After Shauna,”

“Exactly.”

Shauna barely heard the rest of it. Her mind was stuck on those two words, replaying them over and over.

It didn’t mean anything. Jackie was just like that, extremely affectionate. She always had been, Shauna had known her long enough to know that.

Still.

More people came over, old classmates she hadn’t seen in years. Allie appeared with a guy Shauna didn’t recognize, looping her arm through his.
She looked between the two of them, eyes lighting up in a way that made Shauna uneasy.

“Well,” Allie said, smirking, “that’s not shocking at all. Congratulations.”

She blinked. Congratulations for what?

Her mind scrambled for an explanation that didn’t make her look stupid. Congratulations for… graduation? Being here together? Their outfits? 

Shauna was still trying to think when she noticed a familiar head of curled hair near the bar.

“Is that… Misty Quigley?” she asked, squinting.

Tai followed her gaze and groaned softly. “Oh my god. She got invited?”

Nat leaned around their shoulders to look. “Don’t be mean. She’s not that bad” 

They watched as Misty ordered a drink and she turned, spotting them almost immediately. Her face lit up.

“Oh no,” Van muttered. “She’s coming.”

Misty practically bounced over. “Hi! Oh my god, hi guys!” she said, clapping her hands together. “This is so crazy, I can’t believe we’re all here together. You all look amazing. Weddings just really bring people together, right?”

She went around greeting everyone, talking a mile a minute. Shauna nodded along, not caring enough to follow through the conversation, until Misty spoke directly to her.

“Oh my god, Shauna,” she said warmly, eyes flicking between her and Jackie. “I’m so glad to see you two together. It was about time.”

Shauna blinked. “Uh… thanks?”
What?Why does everyone keep saying weird things like that?

Before she could ask, Misty had already turned to Jackie. She reached out and lightly caressed Jackie’s arm, her voice dropping into something oddly sincere. “I’m really happy you figured it out, Jackie. I honestly thought you never would.”

And then, just like that, she was gone. Jackie stood there, mouth slightly open.

Van was the first to break. She wheezed, doubling over. “Oh my god, not Misty Quigley figuring out you were a lesbian before you did.”

Jackie snapped out of it just long enough to punch her in the arm. “It was a process, alright?”

“A really long fucking process,” Nat added, smirking.

Shauna, meanwhile, felt all the blood drain from her face.

Lesbian?
Jackie was a lesbian? Jackie Taylor? Her Jackie?

That didn’t make sense. It couldn’t. Why hadn’t Jackie told her? Why did everyone seem to know except her? Misty, Van, Nat. Who else? The entire graduating class of Wiskayok High? Everyone except her. 

Did Jackie not trust her? Did she think Shauna wouldn’t understand? If Jackie was a lesbian, did that mean that…? 

Oh my god, how many girls did Jackie fuck and she didn’t know? This was a fucking nightmare. 

“You two, shut it,” Jackie said, waving her hands at Van and Nat, though she was smiling despite herself. “Jesus.”

They laughed, still teasing, and Lottie gently nudged the girls outside, where the ceremony was going to be held. “Come on, we’re going to miss everything.”

Jackie let herself be pulled away, throwing Shauna a quick wink over her shoulder. That left her standing there with Tai.

Tai tilted her head, studying her. “You okay, Ship? You look… pale.”

“Yeah, uh. I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, yeah.” She swallowed, then forced a small laugh as they started walking towards the garden. “That’s crazy, right?”

Tai glanced at her. “What is?”

“They called Jackie a lesbian,” Shauna said, trying to sound casual. “That’s insane.”

Tai stopped walking. She stared at Shauna for a long second and then she burst out laughing. “Oh my god,” She said, clutching Shauna’s shoulder. “Your face. I didn’t know you were this good at acting.”

Shauna laughed too, a little too high. What? Is Tai okay? 

Tai kept talking as they headed outside, giving her a light pat on the shoulder. “Seriously, you almost had me with that face you made. Damn, you were good.”

Shauna nodded along, laughing awkwardly, because that seemed like the right thing to do. Because, somehow, everyone knew, and they all thought she knew too.

“When I tell Van you made that joke, she’s gonna lose it,”

They reached the ceremony area, the noise of the reception fading as rows of white chairs came into view. Sunlight filtered through the trees, everything washed in that warm, late-afternoon glow that made even Randy look… presentable.

Randy stood at the front by the aisle, already fidgeting with his suit, while Jeff hovered next to him as best man, clapping him on the shoulder and saying something animated that made Randy nod like his life depended on it.

Shauna and Tai found their seats near the aisle, where the rest of their group was already sitting. Tai slipped into her seat and immediately joined the conversation between Van and Nat while Shauna took the seat next to Jackie.
The girl had been talking to Lottie and seemed really into whatever they were talking about. Then she noticed Shauna sitting beside her and right away, she took her hand, and laced their fingers together.

Okay, she thought. Okay. Jackie’s a lesbian. Everyone knows. And somehow, she missed it.

She looked at Jackie, laughing with their friends, looking exactly the same as she always had.

How did she not see this?

Jackie turned toward her then, her smile softening. “Hey,” she said quietly. “Are you okay?”

Shauna blinked, pulled out of her thoughts. She nodded a little. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” 

Jackie didn’t seem fully convinced, but she didn’t push. Instead, she squeezed her hand, then lifted it and pressed a gentle kiss to her knuckles before lacing their fingers together again.

Jesus. Okay. Breathe. It’s just Jackie. This is just… Jackie.

She barely had time to process that when Jeff looked up.

He spotted Jackie first and waved at her, a little awkward but friendly. Jackie smiled and waved back easily. Jeff’s gaze slid to Shauna, and dropped straight to their joined hands.

He paused, his eyebrows lifting just a little. 
Then he looked back at Shauna’s face and gave her a small nod with a smile that felt… understanding? Supportive? Shauna couldn’t really tell. A second later, he looked away like nothing had happened.

Shauna frowned.
Did he just… fucking nod at her? What the hell? It wasn’t like she and Jeff had ever been subtle about not liking each other. She’d made that painfully clear for years. So why the sudden friendliness?

“That was weird,” 

Jackie turned to her. “What was?”

“Jeff.”

“What’s up with him?”

“I don’t know,” She said. “He looked happy when he saw me. What the hell?”

Jackie glanced over at Jeff, then back at Shauna, her mouth curling into a small smile. “Well… Jeff was never really that bad.”

“Wait, what?” Shauna frowned. “I’m sorry, are we forgetting the number of hours I had to listen to you complaining about him?”

“Okay, yeah. But it was different. It was kind of my fault.”

“What?” 

“I mean,” Jackie said lightly, squeezing her hand, “he was just… you know.”

“I know?” 

“He was just a man,” Jackie said, like that explained everything. “And that was obviously never going to work.”

Shauna stared at her. Okay. That was… a sentence. Maybe now was the time to ask about what she just found out. 
“Because of the lesbian thing?” 

“Exactly.”

“You know,” Shauna continued, forcing a small laugh, “now that I think about it… you never actually told me.”

Jackie’s eyes widened before she started laughing, pressing her hand over her mouth. “Oh my god, you’re totally right.”

Shauna waited, for what? She didn’t know. Maybe an apology, or an explanation. Something that would explain why she’d spent the last few years thinking Jackie was straight, when it turned out she’d been extremely wrong.

“But it’s okay,” Jackie added. “You always knew.”

What the fuck? No, she fucking didn’t. Is Jackie insane? In what world would she know about this?

“I never thought I needed to tell you, out of everyone you would know. I mean,” Jackie went on, still smiling, “considering I was always kissing you and doing… other things, it was pretty obvious.”

Shauna’s brain stalled for half a second.
“Right,” she said again, a little slower.

Jackie leaned her head against Shauna’s shoulder like that settled it, and the conversation was done.
Shauna stared ahead as more people sat down, her mind replaying everything.

Obvious.

Yeah. Now that she really thought about it… maybe it was. But realizing that, only brought another worse thought with it.

Shauna had always told herself she was okay with Jackie not liking her back because Jackie was straight. That had been the excuse, the reason that made it hurt less. Jackie didn’t like her because she liked men. It wasn’t personal, it wasn’t about Shauna.

But now she knew that wasn’t true.
Jackie liked women. And she still didn’t like her.
That meant Jackie didn’t want her simply because she was Shauna. And that was even worse.

It didn’t matter what they did or the things they said. If Jackie had ever been interested in dating her, she would’ve said something. Especially since she knew Shauna liked women too. Jackie wasn’t stupid. She wouldn’t have kept quiet if she felt the same. 

Shauna felt the dread settle in her chest. She was stuck in this fucking friend zone, and she was never getting out of it.

The ceremony turned out to be unexpectedly beautiful. Shauna noticed the way some people around her wiped their eyes, and to her own surprise, she was moved by it. Especially when Randy started crying the second he saw Tammy walking toward him. Shauna almost laughed at first, that was the same idiot who once tried to get into her pants but still. Maybe people really did change.

During the speeches, she noticed Jackie beside her, discreetly wiping at her eyes. Shauna smiled and slipped an arm around her waist, pulling her a little closer. Jackie leaned into her immediately and pressed a soft kiss to Shauna’s shoulder, looking at her adoringly. 

Once everything wrapped up, they all started walking back toward the hall, where the food and drinks were waiting.

“That was… actually really beautiful,” Jackie said as they walked. “I didn’t think I’d ever cry at Randy Walsh’s wedding.”

“He completely lost it when Tammy walked in.” Lottie said. “It was really cute.”

Shauna shook her head, half-smiling. “I still can’t believe that’s the same guy who got outsmarted by an escalator.”

Van laughed. “Growth. Character development.”

“Okay, but Tammy looked stunning. Like, unfairly stunning.”

Nat smirked. “So… who do we think is next from our class to get married?”

“Oh, obviously us,” Van said immediately, throwing an arm around Tai.

Lottie hummed thoughtfully. “Mmm, I don’t know. You might have some competition.” She nodded her chin toward Jackie.

Jackie let out a laugh, blushing as she lightly hit Lottie in the arm. “Shut up.”

Shauna furrowed her eyebrows, glancing between them. Why was Jackie blushing? Was there someone? 

They grabbed their drinks as soon as they got inside. Shauna took a sip, letting the noise and music settle around her.

Nat downed half her drink in one go and sighed happily. “I don’t know about you all, but I plan on getting hammered.”

Van snorted. “I don’t think there are enough drinks in here for that.”

Lottie lifted her glass. “Well… I saw a bar a few streets from here.”

Nat’s face lit up instantly. “Ohhh, I like the way you think, Lot.”

“We can continue the party there”

“It’s almost like you’re talking dirty to me”Lottie just smiled at Nat’s answer as the others laughed.

Shauna shrugged. “I’m down, honestly.”

“You’re driving, Shipman. Don’t forget,” Nat said, pointing at her.

“Ugh,” Shauna groaned. “Drive for me?” She turned to Jackie and made big, pleading eyes.

“We’ll see.”

“That’s not a no.”

Jackie smiled, leaning in a little. “That’s definitely not a yes either.”

Shauna tilted her head. “What can I do to change your mind?”

“I can think of a few options,” Jackie stared into her eyes, and grabbed Shauna’s drink as she took a sip.

Tai immediately gagged. “You know what? I take the congratulations back.” She pointed at them. “This is the worst thing I’ve ever seen.”

“I never want to hear the two of you flirting again,” Van added.

Jackie giggled, and Shauna frowned in confusion. “We’re not?”

“Don’t play stupid, Shipman,” Tai said flatly.

Jackie rolled her eyes. “They’re just jealous.” She grabbed Shauna by the arm and tugged her along. “Come on, I want to congratulate Tammy and Randy.”

The newly married couple spotted them almost immediately. Randy’s face lit up and he waved enthusiastically, already stepping toward them.

“Girls! You made it,” he said, grinning. “Hi, hi.”

Jackie smiled warmly. “Congratulations. The ceremony was beautiful. Seriously.”

Shauna nodded, trying her best to not look awkward. “Yeah, really touching.”

“Thank you so much for coming,” Randy said, clearly emotional all over again. “It really means a lot to us.”

Tammy beamed at them. “And can I just say wow. You two look fantastic.”

Jackie laughed. “Thank you.”

They exchanged a bit more small talk, about the wedding and how crazy it was to see everyone together again. Tammy’s eyes dropped and her smile widened.

“Oh,” she said softly. Then louder, she gasped and grabbed Jackie’s arm. “Oh my God.”

Jackie blinked. “What?”

Tammy squeezed her arm excitedly. “Congratulations to you two as well.”

Jackie giggled, cheeks turning pink. “Thank you.”

“Wow,” Tammy said, shaking her head with a huge smile. “I can’t believe it. I mean… finally.”

“I know, right?” Jackie said easily. “It took some time but here we are.”

Shauna’s mind went blank. She looked at Jackie, at Tammy and then slowly over at Randy, who looked just as confused as she felt.
Huh. She didn’t know what to make of the fact that she seemed to be in the exact same position as Randy Walsh.

Randy frowned. “Wait… what’s going on?”

Tammy lightly slapped his arm. “Randy.” She pointed pointedly at Jackie and Shauna’s hands, still very much intertwined.

Randy followed his wife’s finger. “Ohhhh,” he said, eyes widening.

Tammy sighed fondly and looked back at the girls. “Sorry. He’s a little slow sometimes.”

Jackie laughed. Shauna laughed too, even though her mind was screaming, I also didn’t get it, am I slow too? What the fuck is going on?

Randy scratched the back of his head. “You know what? That actually makes so much sense now that I think about it.” Shauna blinked.

“Jeff mentioned it once,” Randy went on. “But I thought he was insane.” He nodded between them. “But yeah. Looking at you? Totally makes sense.”

Before Shauna could say anything, literally anything at all, someone called out Randy and Tammy’s names from across the room.

Tammy groaned. “Duty calls.” They said their goodbyes and just like that, they were gone.

Shauna stood there, still holding Jackie’s hand, staring after them. 
“What were they…?” she started, meaning to ask what were they talking about. 

But Jackie cut in smoothly, already stepping closer. “Hold on,” she said, tilting her head. “I just realized your collar looks a little weird.”

Before Shauna could respond, Jackie was already fixing it. Her fingers brushed lightly over the collar, smoothing the fabric, adjusting it with careful focus. Shauna stood completely still, suddenly hyper-aware of how close Jackie was, of her perfume, of the warmth of her hands.

“There,” Jackie said quietly when she was done. She lingered for half a second, eyes flicking up to Shauna’s face, and then kissed her cheek, quick but familiar. Shauna felt heat rush to her face. She cleared her throat, trying to act normal but Jackie noticed immediately. She smirked. “You look really beautiful, you know.”

Shauna scoffed weakly. “You’ve told me like a million times already.”

“What’s a million and one more?” 

Shauna laughed under her breath. “Wow. Poetic.”

“Only for you.”

They stayed like that for a moment, just looking at each other. Shauna found herself getting lost in Jackie’s eyes before she even realized it was happening.
“You look beautiful too,”

“Yeah?”

“Perfect,” Shauna went on, a little bolder now. “Stunning, breathtaking.”

Jackie giggled, shaking her head. “Okay, now you’re just saying stuff.”

“It’s true,” Shauna insisted. “I really like your dress.”

Jackie’s smile turned playful. She reached up and started twirling the hair at the back of Shauna’s neck. “Oh yeah?”

“I love it.”

“Well then,” Jackie said, leaning closer, her lips brushing Shauna’s ear, “maybe later I’ll let you take it off.”

Shauna gasped, completely caught off guard. Jackie snorted at the reaction, clearly pleased, and winked. She pressed a quick little kiss to Shauna’s lips this time, barely there, but enough to make her feel insane. 

“Wait here,” Jackie said, already pulling back. “I’ll get us both drinks.”

Shauna stayed where she was, watching as Jackie walked away. She didn’t even pretend to look around, her eyes just followed her, the way her hair moved, the way she slipped so easily through the crowd. Shauna let out a longing sigh.

“Aww,” a voice said warmly from behind her. “You two are so cute.”

Shauna jumped slightly and turned around. A blonde woman stood there, smiling at her. She looked like she was in her forties, maybe older, dressed nicely, with a wine in her hand. 

“Uh… what?” 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” the woman said quickly. “I’m Tanya. Tammy’s aunt.”

“Oh. Hi,” Shauna said automatically. “Shauna, nice to meet you. We… went to high school together.”

“That’s lovely,” Tanya said, nodding. “So, how long have you two been together?”

Shauna felt her brain die. “I… what?”

Tanya didn’t seem to notice. She just kept going, smiling dreamily. “It’s really sweet, you know. Seeing a couple so clearly in love. I love watching people in love, that’s why I adore weddings.”

Shauna stared at her. What is happening? What was this lady even talking about? Did she think that Jackie and her were… dating? That was fucking insane. 

“Oh, Jackie and me? No, no, we’re not—”

Tanya’s eyes widened suddenly like she realized something. “Oh! Right. Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s okay?” 

“There’s no need to hide, darling,” Tanya interrupted gently. “I can’t speak for everyone, but Tammy and our family have always been very open-minded.”

Wait. What? Oh my god, this woman truly thought…

“I completely understand the fear though,” Tanya went on with a sad sigh. “Sometimes people my age can be really hurtful. Such a pity, there is nothing more beautiful than love, it doesn’t matter how it comes.” 

Shauna frowned to herself. None of that applied like at all. She hadn’t been hiding anything because there was nothing to hide. People were allowed to be close without it turning into a whole thing.
Right?

“Oh no, ma’am, that’s…we’re truly not—” Shauna tried again.

But Tanya wasn’t listening. “It’s good, though, that your generation isn’t like that,” she said, patting Shauna’s shoulder. “There have been real changes in society.”

Shauna nodded dumbly. What the fuck is going on? Why did she think Jackie and her were…? Were they giving off some kind of vibe? 

“Okay,” She managed not really knowing what to say.

Tanya’s smile suddenly brightened. “Oh! Your love is coming back. I’ll leave you two alone.”

“I… ,” 

Tanya leaned in a little, lowering her voice conspiratorially. “But hey,” she added with a wink, “you are definitely not-“ she winked again, “dating.”

Shauna stared back at her, horrified. That was when Jackie came back.

She handed Shauna her drink. “Here you go.” Jackie took one look at Shauna’s face, wide-eyed, somewhere between confused and mildly traumatized, and frowned. “What’s wrong?” She lifted a hand and gently cupped her cheek.

Shauna’s gaze flicked past Jackie, where Tanya was walking away, turning just in time to give her an enthusiastic thumbs-up.
Shauna swallowed and looked back at Jackie. “Oh. Nothing,” she said faintly. “I think Tammy’s aunt is… psychotic.”

Jackie snorted. “Did she say something?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Shauna said quickly, taking a sip of her drink like she needed it to survive the night. “Let’s go back to the girls.”

They eventually made their way to the large table set up for dinner, which was decorated with flowers and candles. Shauna slid into her seat and looked around. She spotted Mari and Akilah a few seats down and did a double take.

Huh. They came too. 

“Hey,” Jeff said casually, pulling out the chair directly across from them.

Fuck her life. 

“Hi, Jeff,” Jackie said easily.

Next to him sat another guy, broad-shouldered, familiar in a vague way. Shauna squinted. It was probably some dude from the baseball team, she never really cared about learning their names. 

The guy beside Jeff raised his glass. “To Randy Walsh. If you told me ten years ago he’d be the first one to get marry, I would’ve laughed in your face.”

“That makes two of us,” Jeff then looked between Jackie and Shauna, eyebrows lifting just slightly. “So, you two look… good.”

Shauna shifted in her chair. “Thanks.”

Jackie smiled, unbothered. “It’s a wedding.”

They barely started eating when Jeff leaned forward, resting his arms on the table. “So,” he said, looking at Jackie. “How have you been?”

“Good. Really good, actually. I’ve been busy and you know, lots of changes, but… good ones.” Jackie turned to Shauna for a moment to flash her a grin. “Honestly? The happiest I’ve ever been.” 

“Yeah? That’s nice to hear.” 

Jackie smiled, genuinely. “How about you?”

Jeff chuckled. “I’m working in my dad’s store. Nothing too glamorous, but I like it and it pays the bills.” He paused, then smiled a little wider. “And I have a girlfriend.”

“Shut up” Jackie’s face lit up immediately. “Really? Jeff, that’s great!”

“Yeah,” he said, a little bashful. “If everything goes right, maybe one day it’ll be me walking down the aisle.”

“That’s so exciting,” Jackie said without hesitation. “I’m really happy for you.”

Shauna felt something twist in her stomach at their interaction. It wasn’t bad… just strange. She was so used to watching Jackie and Jeff together and feeling that awful jealousy feeling that now she didn’t know what to feel. It was weird but definitely better than before. 

Then Jeff turned to her. “Shauna, and you? What have you been up to?”

“Oh,” She said, a little caught off guard. “I’m at Brown. I’m majoring in english.”

Jeff’s eyebrows shot up. “Wow. That’s impressive.”

“You know” Shauna shrugged. “It’s… a lot of reading.”

He smiled at both of them then, softer. “It’s really good to see you two like this.”

Jackie’s smile faded into something more sincere. “That actually means a lot, coming from you.”

Some time later, the plates were cleared and dessert started coming out. The music grew louder, and a few people had already gotten up to dance.

Shauna had turned toward Van, mid-conversation. “No, I’m serious, the ending completely ruined the movie—”

Van laughed. “That’s exactly what I said!”

Jackie was talking to her, close enough that Shauna could feel her breath, but the words were lost in the noise.

“What?” She said, leaning closer.

Jackie repeated herself, but she still couldn’t hear. Annoyed, Shauna reached out, grabbed the back of Jackie’s chair and pulled it closer to her. “Okay,” she said, raising her voice just a little, “what did you say?”

Jackie stopped talking entirely. Her gaze dropped to Shauna’s hand gripping the chair, then slowly traveled back up to her face. A slow smile spread across her lips.

“…Okay, that was hot.”

Shauna’s face burned instantly.
“Haha,” she said quickly. “Funny.”

Jackie leaned in, clearly pleased. “I was just asking if you want to split dessert. I don’t want all of it.”

“Well…” Shauna started. Jackie pouted a little. She really had no choice. “Fine.”

Jackie grinned and slid the dessert plate between them. Shauna took a bite, chewing slowly. When she lifted the spoon again, Jackie made a small sound beside her.

Shauna glanced over at her. “What?” 

Jackie nudged the plate with her finger. “Feed me?”

“What are you, twelve?”

Jackie didn’t answer. She just opened her mouth. Shauna let out a disbelieving laugh. “Unbelievable,” she muttered, scooping up another bite. She held the spoon halfway between them. “Do you want the fucking airplane or—?”

“Shaunaaa,” Jackie complained, dragging out her name. “You’re ruining the romantic moment.”

“The what?”

Jackie sighed dramatically, closing her mouth and leaning back in her chair. “It’s okay, baby,” she said, patting Shauna’s arm. “We’ll work on your romantic ways. We have time.”

Baby? Again? What the fuck. 

She shoved the spoon toward Jackie’s mouth. “Just eat.”

Jackie smiled triumphantly and leaned in, letting Shauna feed her. Their fingers brushed when Jackie steadied the spoon, and Shauna felt that familiar jolt, sharp and embarrassing.

“See?” Jackie said once she’d swallowed. “That wasn’t so hard.”

Shauna shook her head, but she was smiling despite herself. “Dumbass.”

“And you love it.”

Shauna didn’t answer. She just took another bite, then passed the spoon back again. They shared the dessert like that for a while.
Jackie’s knee pressed against Shauna’s, their shoulders touching. Every now and then, Jackie leaned in just a little more, her arm brushing Shauna’s back, her fingers briefly resting at her waist. Shauna tried not to think about how natural it felt.

Eventually, Jackie glanced toward the dance floor, where Nat and Van were already moving, laughing loudly and drinks in hand.

“I’m gonna go dance with them,” Jackie said, standing. “You’ll come with me in a bit?”

“Sure, let me grab some drinks first.” 

“Okay,” Jackie replied, then leaned down and kissed Shauna gently in the side of her head before she walked off toward their friends. 

Shauna felt heat bloom in her face immediately. She needed a drink. Lots of them actually. 

She took a step forward when a familiar voice spoke up beside her.

“Wait,” Jeff said. “I need a drink too. I’ll go with you.”

Shauna rolled her eyes. “Fine let’s go.”

They reached the bar and slid onto two empty stools. The bartender was busy at the other end, so they waited side by side. 

Shauna rested her forearms on the counter as she started fidgeting with her fingers. 
Jeff cleared his throat. “This is… weird,”

“No shit.”

He smiled at that, rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t think we ever talked for more than, like, two minutes at a time.”

“We didn’t really need to,” Shauna shrugged. “We had nothing to say to each other.”

Jeff laughed quietly. “You really hated me.”

Shauna tilted her head, considering it. “I wouldn’t say hate. Maybe I just… didn’t like you.” She paused. “Shit. Is that wrong to say?”

“Nah,” he said easily. “It’s okay. I didn’t like you either.”

Shauna felt oddly offended for half a second. “Okay, fuck you then.”

Jeff chuckled. “In my defense, you were always stealing my girlfriend.”

“Is it stealing if she was the one who looked for me?”

He opened his mouth, then closed it again. “Damn, you’re right.”

They both laughed, and the sound surprised Shauna. It felt… normal. She leaned back on her stool, eyeing him in curiosity.

Maybe Jackie was right, she thought reluctantly. Maybe Jeff isn’t that bad.
At least when he wasn’t being a pushy asshole.

Jeff looked at her again, more thoughtful now. “You know, I always wondered why you didn’t like me.”

“Yeah?”

“But now I get it,” 

“You do?” Shauna asked, a little worried. She knew why she didn’t like Jeff, the problem was that if he knew then that meant that she was being too obvious.

Jeff nodded like it made sense to him. “I mean, I always had a feeling. But today?” He smiled knowingly. “Today kind of confirmed it.”

Shauna stared at him. Her mind searching for meaning. A feeling about what? Her discomfort spiked. It was better if Jeff just thought that she hated him because of stupid high school drama. Or just because she was an asshole. Both worked perfectly. 

The bartender finally came over, setting two drinks down in front of them. Jeff grabbed them, passed one to Shauna, then lightly patted her arm.

“It’s good to see the two of you figuring it out,” he said genuinely. “Seriously. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jackie this happy in my life.”

Figuring what out?

She looked down at her drink, watching the ice swirl as she moved it. She didn’t know what to say to that, mostly because she wasn’t entirely sure what he even meant.
Maybe he was talking about Jackie’s career. Or maybe about life in general. Jackie did seem lighter somehow, especially over the past month.

“Yeah,” She nodded slowly. “She’s… doing really well.”

“Yeah, I can tell.” He bumped her shoulder with his. “Mostly because of you.”

“Me?” Shauna frowned. “What do I have to do with it?”

Jeff let out a short laugh. “Sure. Like you have no idea.” Then he went on, shifting to face her more fully. “And you…you seem good, too.”

“I seem good?”

“Yeah, like you’re not constantly on edge. Or pissed at me.” His mouth curved into a grin. “Which is a big improvement.”

“Don’t push it.”

“Fair enough.”

They stood there for another moment, watching the dance floor. Jackie laughed loudly at something Nat said, throwing her head back. Shauna felt that familiar pull in her chest and immediately pushed it down.

“I mean, it’s just… nice, you know?” Jeff kept talking, leaning one elbow against the counter. “Seeing people end up where they’re supposed to. Especially after high school. Most of us were idiots back then.”

Shauna nodded automatically, though her attention was already slipping.

“I’m really happy you guys found each other,” Jeff added. “Really. It feels… right.”

Shauna’s grip tightened slightly around her glass as she replayed his words again in her head. 

Happy for you. Figuring it out. Found each other. It almost sounds like he thinks…
No. That’s insane. Jeff couldn’t possibly think that she was dating Jackie, right? 
And yeah, Tammy’s aunt had said something weird, but that woman didn’t know them.

But Jeff?
Jeff had dated Jackie. Jeff had known them for years. So why was he talking like this?
It was ridiculous. Absurd. Completely detached from reality.
And that was exactly why she needed to ask. 

He was still talking when she cut in. “Jeff,”

He paused. “Yeah?”

“What do you mean with all this?”

“What?”

“What do you mean,” Shauna repeated, sharper now.

“With… what?”

“This,” she said, gesturing vaguely between them.

He frowned slightly. “This?”

“Jeff, don’t fucking piss me off,” Shauna snapped. “Why are you telling me how happy you are that Jackie and I found each other?”

“Because you did?” he said, like it was obvious. “Honestly, I’d tell you both to go on a double date with me and my girl or something, but that shit would probably be weird.”

Shauna’s head started ringing. “Huh?”

“But maybe Olivia wouldn’t mind,” Jeff continued thoughtfully. “I mean, Jackie’s my ex, but you’re her girlfriend now, so—”

“Wait, what?” Shauna’s heart was pounding. “What did you just say?”

“Which part?” Jeff looked at her like she was the confusing one. “That you’re dating Jackie?”

Shauna stood there in complete silence, staring at Jeff like he’d just told her something crazy.

“We’re not dating.”

Jeff blinked, then he laughed softly. “You’re funny.”

Shauna didn’t smile. “Jeff, I’m serious. She’s my best friend. That’s it.”

His laughter died immediately. “Wait…what?” he said, a little too loud. A couple of people nearby turned to look. Jeff noticed and lowered his voice fast, eyes wide. “What?” he repeated, hissing now. “Shauna, what the fuck? You two are not dating?”

“No,” she said plainly. “Why would we be?”

Jeff just stared at her. “Why would y—” He stopped himself, then opened his arms in a helpless gesture. “Shauna. What the hell.”

“What?” she snapped. “Why are you acting like this?”

“Because,” Jeff said slowly, like he was explaining something to a child, “nothing about what you just said makes sense.”

“You’re being dramatic.”

“I am not, I am confused.”

“You are confused? I’m fucking confused”

Jeff rubbed his face. “Okay. Okay. So if you two are not dating—“

“We’re not.”

“—then what the fuck was all that?”

Shauna frowned. “What do you mean, all that?”

Jeff laughed again, this time incredulous. “Oh my God. Okay. Let’s count, shall we?”
He held up one finger. “She kissed you.”

“ON THE CHEEK.”

“And the lips.”

Shauna opened her mouth and closed it. “Okay but—”

Jeff raised a second finger. “You fed her dessert.”

“So?”

“So? Shauna, I don’t do that shit with Randy.” He visibly shuddered. “And thank God for that.”

Shauna threw her hands up. “It’s just friend stuff.”

“Friend stuff?” Jeff echoed, a moment later, he looked back at her a little worried. “Does Jackie know?”

“Know what?”

“That you two aren’t dating.”

Shauna laughed, sharp and defensive. “Jeff, what the fuck? She would never date me. Of course she knows.”

Jeff didn’t bother answering, he just looked at her. Really looked at her.
Shauna shifted, suddenly uncomfortable. She didn’t know how to feel about the fact that Jeff Sadecki, of all people, was staring at her like she was the dumbest person in the room.
They stood in silence for a moment. Jeff looked like his entire understanding of reality had just been yanked out from under him.

“So,” he said slowly, “if you’re not dating…”
Shauna nodded at that. “…do you want to?”

She froze. “I—” what kind of question was that? “She’s my best friend,” she said instead.

Jeff tilted his head. “That’s not an answer.”

“It’s complicated,” Shauna muttered.

“It’s really not. I’m pretty sure everyone here thinks you two are dating.”

“No they don’t.”

“Yes, they do,” he said immediately. “Like…literally everyone.”

Shauna opened her mouth to argue, then stopped.

Wait.
Oh my God.

Her eyes went a little wide. Is this why people were saying congratulations?
She replayed everything all at once, everyone congratulating them, the weird comments thrown their way, and how no one even flinched when they saw them holding hands.

Shauna downed her drink in one go.
“Fuck,”

Jeff squinted past her shoulder, then nodded toward the dance floor. “Uh. I think your not-girlfriend is calling for you.”

Shauna stiffened. “She’s not—”
She turned anyway.

Jackie was a few feet away, standing with Nat and Van. She had one arm lifted, hand waving lazily in the air and that easy smile on her face basically saying come here. Like she could just do that and Shauna would drop whatever she was doing and go to her.

Of course she would.

Shauna swallowed. “Okay. Well. I’m gonna go.” She took one step away.

“Shauna,” Jeff called out to her. 

She stopped, turned back, already irritated. “What now?”

“Maybe you should talk to her, you know… about all this.” Jeff gave her a look. “Who knows,” he added, softer. “Maybe you’d be surprised.”

Shauna didn’t answer. She didn’t trust herself to.

She turned and walked toward Jackie, her heart starting to pound harder with every step as she tried to shake her feelings away. 
Jackie noticed her approach and smiled wider, eyes lighting up. She reached out, fingers hooking around Shauna’s wrist, tugging her closer.

“There you are,” She said brightly. “I thought you ditched me.”

Shauna grimaced “Well here I am” 

Jackie slid an arm around Shauna’s neck and pulled her in, so she could rest her head against Shauna’s chest, fingers absentmindedly twisting through the curls at the nape of her neck.

Shauna went stiff. Not enough that Jackie noticed but enough that Shauna felt it all the way down her spine. Her eyes darted around the room without meaning to.

Of course someone might think they were dating, her brain screamed. Look at this.

Jackie’s arm was still draped around her as they swayed gently to the music. She leaned in, lips brushing close to Shauna’s ear, smiling like they were sharing a secret. Shauna barely heard the music anymore.

“You okay?”

“Uh, I… yeah,”

“You sure?” Jackie’s hand pressed gently against Shauna’s cheek, fingers brushing softly over her skin. “I saw you talking with Jeff, he didn’t say anything weird, right?”

Oh no. He’s actually… nice. Wanna know what he told me? Apparently everyone at this stupid wedding thinks we’re dating. Isn’t that funny?

“No, don’t worry. Everything’s fine,” she managed to say, forcing a little smile.

“Okey, baby.” Jackie dropped it, pressing a quick kiss to Shauna’s cheek before resting her head on her shoulder.

Shauna exhaled roughly through her nose and she looked around seeing Allie and Misty talking while looking at them. Misty sent her a thumbs up with a wink when she noticed Shauna looking at her. 

Shauna exhaled roughly through her nose and glanced around, catching Allie and Misty in mid-conversation, both of them sneaking glances at her and Jackie. Misty even shot her a thumbs-up with a wink when she noticed her staring.

Shauna stared off into space, completely spiraling
Jesus Christ. Do they all think it? 

It became too much. Her chest tightened, her vision blurred, and the room felt like it was closing in on her. She needed air, desperately. Without thinking, she pulled away from Jackie.

 “I… need to go outside,” She hurried out of the room before anyone could stop her.

Thankfully, there was no one outside. The muffled beat of the music from inside reached her, but here, she could finally breathe. She stole a beer from the bar on her way out, taking a long sip as she leaned against the wall, letting the cool liquid slide down her throat.

She needed to calm down. It’s just a misunderstanding. Maybe she was overthinking everything. But even as she told herself that, her mind betrayed her. What if Jackie knew exactly what she was doing? What if all of this closeness, teasing and touches, were on purpose? Was she trying to hurt her? Did she know how Shauna felt and just… played with her?

She took another sip, staring at the bottle, trying to convince herself she was imagining it. 

“Hey,” Jackie appeared beside her. 

“Hey,” Shauna muttered, still not looking at her, taking another sip from her beer.

“So… what’s going on with you?” 

“Nothing’s going on,”

“Mmm, look… I don’t want to be annoying, but you just bolted.” Jackie reached out, gently grabbing Shauna’s arm and turning her around. Shauna let herself be pulled, her eyes locking with Jackie’s and she could see the worry there. 

“I just… needed to think about some things, that’s all,” Shauna admitted, her voice quieter now.

“What’s got you worried?” Jackie caressed her hand, thumb brushing lightly over her skin.

“I—” 

“You can tell me,” Jackie said softly, reading her expression. “Or not. It’s up to you.”

“Maybe… in a bit?” Shauna whispered. If she was going to open up, she’d need to gather some courage first.

“Okey.” Jackie smiled gently. “Let me cheer you up.” She looped her arm through Shauna’s and started pulling her toward the center of the garden.

“Oh yeah? How are you gonna do that?” Shauna asked, leaving her beer on the ground.

“Let’s dance,” 

“Dance?” Shauna blinked, caught off guard.

“Yeah,” Jackie said, grinning. “It’s fun. And besides… it’s just you and me.”

“Well…” 

“It might distract you from whatever that pretty brain of yours is thinking,” Jackie teased, pointing adoringly at her head. She slipped Shauna’s hands around her waist and wrapped her own arms around her neck. “Besides, you owe me a dance.”

“Since when?” Shauna asked, feeling the warmth of the other girl against her.

“Mmm… remember, this was like prom? Well… since then,” 

“You didn’t want to dance with me back then,” 

“Lies,” Jackie whispered, brushing her fingers gently across Shauna’s cheek. “That’s all I wanted to do.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Jackie said, eyes twinkling and leaning in slightly. “I can finally do it now.”

They swayed slowly under the open sky, Jackie’s arms firm around her and Shauna’s hands trembling slightly as they rested on Jackie’s waist. The music from inside drifting faintly toward them.

“You know…” Jackie murmured, tilting her head slightly to look at her, “I still can’t believe we’re actually here. Like… I get to be with you.”

Shauna tried to control her breathing. Did she mean it? Is she serious? Why does this feel so heavy all of a sudden?

“I… I don’t know what I did to get so lucky,” Jackie continued, her voice soft, almost a whisper, her fingers tracing circles on the small of Shauna’s back. “I mean… just look at you. You’re incredible. I’m so… so happy.”

Shauna swallowed hard, eyes darting around, catching glimpses of dancing couples through the faint light. This is insane. Why is she saying all this? 

“And to be right here,” Jackie said, leaning her forehead against Shauna’s, “beside you… it just feels unreal. Like, I don’t even deserve this.”

Her mind was on fire, spinning faster and faster, racing down every possible explanation as to why Jackie was acting like this. 

This has to be some kind of game. 

There was no other explanation. She had to know the effect she would have in Shauna. 

Jackie, who always had everything under control, who liked knowing exactly how people reacted, who thrived on steering situations to her advantage, of course she knew exactly what she was doing.

She’s controlling me. She’s seeing how far she can push me, seeing how I respond. It was exactly what she did when we were teenagers. She knows exactly what she’s doing. She’s probably laughing at how much she can make me spiral with so little.

Jackie didn’t seem to notice Shauna’s sudden rigidity. She smiled, brushing a loose strand of hair behind Shauna’s ear. “You make me so happy. I can’t believe it.”

Shauna wanted to interrupt, to tell her to stop, to ground herself before her brain completely unraveled, but every time she tried to speak, Jackie just leaned in closer, her gaze fixed on Shauna’s face. 

She was torturing her on purpose. She had to be. Shauna’s mind flared with anger. Jackie was the one in control here and Shauna…  she was just the pawn.

“And the wedding tonight…” Jackie continued, softer now, almost shy. “I got so emotional. I couldn’t stop thinking about… how that could be us someday, you know?” She hesitated, a little nervous laugh slipping out. “I know it’s soon, but… you have no idea how much you mean to me.”

“I…” Shauna started, her voice sharp, trying to cut in, “Jackie, I—”

But Jackie didn’t pause. She leaned in closer, brushing her lips softly against Shauna’s temple before pulling back to look at her again, eyes wide and earnest. “I mean it, Shauna. Every word, being here with you tonight… I can’t even explain it. I just… I can’t imagine being anywhere else.”

That was it. That was the final straw. Shauna’s chest constricted, her anger and panic boiling together until they were impossible to contain.

“Stop it! I… I can’t do this!” She snapped, stepping back. She shook her head violently, trying to stop herself from crying.

“Shauna… what—” Jackie started, reaching for her.

“No! Don’t touch me!” She barked, her chest heaving. “I can’t… I can’t handle this right now!”

“Baby… please… what’s happening? Talk to me…”

“Don’t fucking call me that,” Shauna hissed. “What is wrong with you? Is this some kind of game? Do you get some kind of sick satisfaction from messing with my head? Is that what this is?”

“I… what?” Jackie whispered, her voice trembling.

“I tried okey? I tried to go along with it,” Shauna’s voice cracked and broke into a sob. “I tried to be good, to be nice, to just… let it go and be the best friend you wanted me to be, but I can’t! I can’t!”

“Shauna… what the fuck are you talking about? Let’s just calm down—”

“No! You don’t get it!” Shauna yelled, tears blinding her. “You’re making me feel insane! All these names, touches, kisses, what the fuck are you doing, Jackie? Why do you like to hurt me?!”

“Hurt you? I… what—” Jackie flinched, pain and confusion flashing across her face.

“I’m done! I’m done with this! I’m done with you!” Shauna’s tears ran freely, streaking her face. “I can’t… do this anymore! I can’t—”

“Baby… no wait!” Jackie’s hand shot out, gripping Shauna’s arm, eyes desperate, voice urgent. “Look at me! Please… I don’t understand. Tell me what’s wrong, we can fix it. I thought we were okay! We were okay hours ago! What happened? What…what’s going on?!”

Shauna shook her head violently. “What happened?! You know what happened, you know what you’ve done. You’re destroying me!”

Jackie’s hands shook as she reached for her, desperation bleeding into her voice. “Was it something I said? Something I did? Was it the wedding thing? I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to… we don’t have to… I don’t even care, Shauna, I just… I just want to be with you. That’s all I want.”

Shauna flinched, tears blinding her. “Please… just… I need to go,”

“I’m sorry… I don’t… I don’t know what I did. I’m sorry. I… I’m so sorry,” Jackie’s voice was shaking, trying to reach for her, but Shauna pulled away.

“Please… just stop…” And with that, she left.

Shauna barely remembered getting to her car. One second she was outside, the next she was behind the wheel, gripping it hard and trying not to slam her forehead against it.

She drove without direction at first. Where were you even supposed to go after fighting with your best friend and basically ruining everything?

Then she remembered what Lottie had said earlier, there was a bar a few streets away from the venue. At least, now she knew where to go to get drunk.

Three minutes later, she found it. Shauna parked crooked, didn’t bother fixing it, and walked in. She slid onto a stool at the bar, planted her elbows on the counter, and dropped her head into her hands.

Breathe. Just breathe.

In through the nose. Out through the mouth. Again. Again.

Her chest still felt too tight, like something was wrapped around her ribs and refusing to let go, crushing her from the inside out.

It was over.

Whatever she and Jackie had it was gone now. She’d finally said the thing she’d always known would end it.
Part of her felt sick with guilt. Jackie’s face flashed in her mind, shocked, confused, hurt. She knew she’d been harsh, maybe cruel, but she couldn’t stop it. She was just so tired. She’d always known there would come a moment when she wouldn’t be able to take it anymore, when pretending would hurt more than blowing everything up.

And hearing Jackie say all those things, it was just too much.

Shauna stayed like that, head down and fingers buried in her hair, until a voice interrupted her.

“Well, hello there. What can I get you?” She looked up slowly. The bartender was leaning on the counter, crooked smile in place, curly hair falling into his eyes, beard neatly trimmed. Unfortunately, his gaze lingered too long.

“What’s the strongest thing you’ve got?” she asked flatly.

He chuckled. “Mmm. Tequila?”

“Gimme two of those.”

He raised an eyebrow but reached for the bottles. “Rough night?”

“You could say that.”

He slid the shots toward her, eyes looking her up and down. “Well, it sucks seeing pretty girls like yourself feeling bad. Anything I can do to cheer you up?”

Of course.
Of course this was happening now.

Shauna grabbed the first shot and downed it in one go, face twisting at the burn. “I’m fine.”

“Name’s Adam,” he said anyway, sticking out his hand.

She stared at it for a second, blankly, hoping to end the interaction but he didn’t move it.

“…Shauna.” She gave him her hand, briefly.

“Wow,” he said, letting the contact linger. “You’ve got really soft skin.”

She pulled her hand away immediately, irritation flaring. Her gaze drifted past him, unfocused. Adam kept talking, but honestly? She barely heard any of it.
All she could see were Jackie’s eyes filling with tears as she begged her to stay. Eventually, she slid off the stool and pointed vaguely to a table. “Okay, so… I’m gonna go sit there. Great talk, I think.”

Adam laughed, unfazed. “Hey, my shift ends in ten.” He grabbed a napkin, scribbled something quickly, and slid it toward her. “In case you wanna get to know each other better. You can call me, we can continue the night.”

He winked and walked away to finish his job. Shauna grimaced, staring at the napkin like it might bite her. She didn’t even bother picking it up.

She was about to turn away when a hand suddenly grabbed her shoulder roughly. 

“What the fuck—” Shauna shouted as she was yanked off balance, stumbling back and nearly hitting the floor.

She spun around, ready to fight, only to freeze.

Natalie was right there, eyes burning with anger. Tai held an arm out in front of her, trying to hold her back, while Van stood beside them, looking at Shauna with what was clearly disappointment.

“Guys? What the fuck?” She turned to Nat, disbelief turning into anger. “Did you just fucking push me? What is wrong with you?”

“Wrong with me?” Nat shot back, laughing bitterly. “Oh, that’s rich coming from you.”

“What are you even talking about?”

Nat shoved Tai’s arm aside and got right up in Shauna’s face, jabbing a finger hard into her chest. “I told you not to ruin it. I told you not to be a fucking idiot and yet here we are.”

Shauna blinked, totally lost. “Ruin what?”

“I’m gonna kick your ass,” Nat growled.

Shauna’s confusion burned into anger. She was already having the worst night of her life, she didn’t need this. If Nat wanted a fight, then fine, she would get one. 

“I wanna see you try,” 

She didn’t even have time to brace herself.
Nat’s hand slapped across her face, hard enough to jerk Shauna’s head to the side.

“Shit, Nat!” Van muttered, lunging forward and grabbing her, forcing her back.

“No… let me go!” Nat thrashed. “I’m gonna fucking kill her! You saw what she did! You saw the shit she pulled, she made her cry!”

Shauna brought a hand to her cheek, stunned. “Can someone tell me what the fuck is going on?!”

Tai crossed her arms. “You tell us.”

“No, you tell me,” Shauna snapped. “You three storm in here and now this bitch is attacking me.”

“Oh, I’ll show you—”

“Nat, stop it!” 

“We came here to find you,” Van said instead, voice steadier but no less biting. “After Jackie came to us.”

“What?”

“Yes,” Tai said flatly. “Because apparently you thought it was a great idea to break up with her in the middle of a wedding and then disappear. So she came looking for us, crying, asking us to help her find you.”

Break up? What? Can you break up a friendship? 

“Honestly, Shauna,” Tai continued, shaking her head. “What the fuck is wrong with you? If you didn’t want her, why lead her on? She is your best friend, you could’ve handled it better.”

“Well clearly she’s a fucking bitch,” Nat snapped, finally breaking free of Van’s grip, “considering she dumps Jackie and then comes here to flirt with some dude.”

“Flirting? I wasn’t flirting with anyone.”

“Oh no?” Nat snapped, pointing at the napkin on the counter. “Then what the fuck is this? Took you, what… twenty minutes to move on?” Her voice trembled with anger. “Do you have any idea how that felt for Jackie? God, Shauna, you’re a terrible person.”

A sick feeling washed over Shauna. “Wait, Jackie is here?”

“Yeah,” Nat said coldly. “But don’t even think about it.”

“She just left,” Van added quietly. “Crying, after she saw the little stunt you pulled. Lottie had to go after her.”

“Crying?” Shauna whispered, guilt flooding her chest. “Wait… what’s going on?”

“Yes, Shauna, crying. That’s what happens when you see your girlfriend flirting with someone else less than an hour after breaking up with her.”

“Girlfriend?” Shauna echoed, the word tasting wrong. “Broke up?”

Nat stared at her like she was stupid. “Is she dumb?” she asked Tai and Van, then clapped sarcastically in Shauna’s face. “Yes, Shipman. Girlfriend. What the fuck.”

“But I don’t have a girlfriend,” 

“Yeah, well, considering you just broke—”

“No.” Shauna cut her off, confused. “Why do you keep saying I broke up with Jackie? How exactly do you break up with someone you’re not even dating?”

All three of them went still.
“…What?” Van said, blinking.

“We fought,” Shauna added, unsure now. “That’s it, best friends fight.”

Nat’s mouth opened, then closed. “Is she—”

“Best friend?” Tai asked carefully. “She was your girlfriend” 

Shauna looked between the three of them, genuinely baffled. “What the fuck are you saying? Jackie was never my girlfriend.”

The silence that followed felt loud.
Nat blinked once. Then again. “What do you mean she was never your girlfriend?”

“I mean exactly that,” Shauna said, rubbing her temples. “We are… were not dating.”

Van let out a short, incredulous laugh. “Okay. Ha. Very funny.”

“I’m not joking.”

“Wow. You’re really committing to the bit.” Nat tilted her head, eyes narrowing. “You know, Shipman? There’s this thing called taking responsibility for your actions. Maybe you should try it sometime.”

“Okey fuck you” Shauna snapped. “I’m not committing to anything! I’m telling the truth.”

Tai studied her for a long moment, eyes scanning her face. “Oh my god… She’s serious,” 

Shauna looked at her, exasperated. “Yes. Of course I am. Wait—” She froze. “You all thought we were dating? Like for real?” 

Nat barked out a laugh. “Thought? Shauna, we didn’t think. You are dating her.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“I’m pretty sure I would fucking know if I had a girlfriend, Nat,” Shauna shot back, her frustration boiling over. “I don’t recall missing that particular memo.”

Van stared at her, mouth slightly open. “Oh my god.”

“So you seriously didn’t know?” Nat dragged a hand through her hair. “This is….”

“I didn’t know there was something I was supposed to know” Shauna threw her hands up. “Are you all insane?”

“No,” Nat hissed. “Are you? What the fuck did you think you and Jackie were?”

“Best friends,” Shauna said quickly. Then she stopped at the looks on their faces. “…super mega best friends? I don’t fucking know.”

“You act like a couple,” Van said flatly.

“No, we don’t.”

“Yes, you do,” Van insisted. “You kiss all the time. She calls you baby.”

Shauna grimaced. “She calls everyone baby.”

“She does not,” all three of them said at once.

Shauna sighed, frustrated. “She’s just affectionate. She always has been.”

Tai sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.
“She holds your hand, like all the time.”

“That’s just… Jackie being Jackie!”

Tai looked at her carefully. “Shauna, you do know literally everyone thinks you two are dating, right?”

“I mean I guess I did… Jeff said something weird earlier, but—”

“Jesus Christ,” Nat cut in. “Even Sadecki figured it out? That’s embarrassing.”

“Fuck you, Nat.”

“What did you think you were doing, then?” Nat shot back.

“I don’t know!” Shauna yelled. “That’s why we fought. I couldn’t take it anymore, okay? She keeps being really sweet with me, touching me, saying things, and it confuses me. It feels like she’s playing with my head.”

“Oh my god.”

“What?”

“Oh my god,” Tai repeated, louder now “You weren’t playing dumb. You are dumb.”

“You two are the most stupid bitches I’ve ever met” Van said “Why is it so hard to just communicate?” 

“Okay, I got it!” Shauna snapped. “I’m dumb.”

“No,” Tai said, shaking her head. “You don’t get it.”

She frowned. “What do you mean?”

Tai met her eyes. “Shauna, you need to talk to Jackie. Right now.”

“What, no. I can’t.”

“You have to.”

“Why?”

“Because Jackie thinks you’re her girlfriend.”

What
What 
What
WHAT THE FUCK

Shauna stared at them, not one single thought on her mind.
“So you’re telling me,” she said slowly, pointing at each of them, “that this whole time we were—”

Nat crossed her arms, eyes sharp. “Congrats, Shipman. You’re the first person ever to get a girlfriend without realizing it.”

Shauna’s felt like she was going crazy.
“No,” she said weakly. “No, that’s not… she would’ve said something.”

Van raised an eyebrow. “She did. Repeatedly.”

Nat scoffed. “She was crying because she thought you dumped her and then immediately went to flirt with some bartender.”

Her eyes widened. “…Oh my god.”

The I love yous. The kisses. The touches. The jealousy. You’re mine.

They watched it hit her all at once.
Her face went blank and after a second,  completely horrified.

“Oh my god,” she whispered again. “Oh my god…We’re dating.”

Van nodded. “Yep.”

Shauna slapped a hand over her mouth and started pacing around. “We’re dating,” she said louder now.

“Finally” 

Shauna froze. Then she snapped her head up. “Where is she?”

“Probably outside, Lottie went after her.”

Shauna was already moving. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.”

She didn’t wait for another word as she ran for the door. 

Cold air hit her face, as she spun around wildly, scanning the sidewalk, the street, everywhere. 

Across the street, Jackie was leaning against the wall, Lottie’s arms wrapped around her in a tight hug. Jackie’s face was buried in Lottie’s shoulder. 

Shauna’s chest clenched. “Jackie!” she shouted, already running. “Jackie… wait!”

Both of them turned. The second Jackie saw her, her face hardened. She stepped back from Lottie, “No. Leave me alone.”

“Jackie, no please—”

“I don’t want to see you,” Jackie snapped, her voice breaking anyway. “Get the fuck out of my face.”

Shauna slowed, hands going up like she was approaching a wild animal. “Please, just let me explain.”

Lottie looked between them, uneasy. “Maybe… maybe you should hear her out, Jack.”

Jackie shot Lottie a look that screamed betrayal. She wiped at her eyes and crossed her arms. “I think I’ve seen enough.”

“No fuck, you’re getting it wrong,” Shauna blurted, pointing at herself in frustration. “I got it wrong. I got it so wrong, Jackie. This is on me.”

Lottie hesitated, then sighed. “Okay. I’m gonna… go.” She gave Shauna a warning look and squeezed Jackie’s shoulder once before walking away.

Silence dropped between them. Jackie stared at the ground, jaw tight, refusing to look up.

“Jax, look at me. Please.” She took a step closer.

Jackie immediately put a hand out, flat against Shauna’s chest, stopping her.
“How dare you come here?” she said, her voice shaking. “After what you did. I walk in there and I find you—”

“No, no, it’s not what it looked like, I swear—”

“I can’t believe you just said that,” Jackie snapped, finally looking up at her. Her eyes were red, furious. She shoved Shauna, but the girl barely moved. “That fucking phrase. You fucking cheater.” She raised her hand.

Shauna reacted fast, she caught Jackie’s wrist mid-air and pulled her closer instead.

“Let me go,” Jackie said, struggling against her grip. 

“Hey…hey,” Shauna said fast, panic rising. “I need you to calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down!”

“Were you really about to slap me?”

“Yes.”

“I already got slapped once tonight, that’s more than enough.”

“What?”

“Nat,” Shauna said. “She slapped me.”

Jackie paused for half a second, then said flatly, “Good.”

Shauna huffed out a breath despite herself. “Yeah. Fair.”

They stood there in silence for a moment, just looking at each other, nothing else mattered in that moment. 
“Can you listen to me now?” Shauna asked quietly. “Please.”

“Why should I? So you can keep breaking my heart?”

“Jax… I’m an idiot.”

“Yeah, no shit.” Jackie’s face crumpled then, anger breaking into something worse. “I meant what I said,” she muttered. “You broke my heart.”

She yanked her hand free and turned away again, arms wrapping around herself. 
“I thought we were doing fine, Shauna,” she said, choking on a sob. “I really did. And then you break up with me, and I come here and find you flirting with some guy.” Her voice cracked. “When did you stop loving me?”

Shauna felt panic flood her chest. “It’s not like that…please,” she said, grabbing Jackie’s hand and refusing to let go even when the girl tried to pull away. “I wasn’t flirting. He was, I was trying to leave. I swear, I wasn’t even paying attention. I could only think about you.”

Jackie scoffed, but she didn’t pull away. She was listening, so Shauna forced herself to say the worst part.

“And I didn’t break up with you.”

Jackie let out a loud, humorless breath. “Oh, I’m sorry. The whole I’m done with this, I’m done with you, leave me alone thing, was that supposed to be romantic?”

Shauna swallowed hard. “I didn’t know,” 

“You didn’t know what?”

“I didn’t know we were dating.”

For a moment, Jackie just stared at her.
Then she yanked her hand away like it burned. “What?” she whispered. “Shauna, that’s God, that’s too low. Even for you. Why would you—”

“No, no,” Shauna rushed, shaking her head. “I swear to you. I didn’t know. I thought we were just—” She hesitated. “Best friends.”

Jackie searched her face, really looking now. “You’re serious.”

“Yes.”

Jackie stared at her, disbelief snapping into full anger.
“What do you mean you didn’t know?” she demanded. “How the hell could you not know?”

Shauna flinched. “I— I didn’t—”

“No,” Jackie cut in, voice rising. “No, don’t do that. Explain it to me. Because I’m trying really hard to understand how you kiss me, sleep with me, hold my hand in public, and still somehow think this is nothing.”

“I thought—”

Jackie let out a broken laugh. “What the fuck do you think we were doing all this time? Do you think I go around doing all of that with my friends?”

“I don’t know, alright?” Shauna shouted back, finally breaking. “I never thought this could be real. Especially not with you.”

Jackie recoiled like she’d been hit. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means I didn’t think you could feel that way about me,” Shauna dragged a hand through her hair. “I didn’t even know you were a lesbian until a few hours ago. I thought you were straight. I thought you were just… playing with me because you never actually said it.”

Jackie stared at her in disbelief. “Did you really need me to spell it out?” she said, voice cracking. “For fuck’s sake, Shauna, we kiss all the time. We go on dates. We have sex. In what world does that make me straight?”

“Can you blame me?” Shauna yelled. “Every time we did anything when we were younger, you’d say it didn’t count because we were girls. Or that it was a mistake, you made me feel like I was a mistake. How the fuck was I supposed to know that this time was any different?”

“We were sixteen!” Jackie snapped. “I was scared and stupid. Do you really think I’m still that person?”

“No,” Shauna said, voice cracking now. “But you never told me otherwise.”

“I thought you knew,” 

“Well, clearly I didn’t, I thought you would never feel that way about me.”

Jackie stared at her like she was out of her mind.
“Shauna, I have loved you my entire life,” she said slowly, “There is not one single moment I can remember where I didn’t love you. I don’t even know how to exist without loving you.”

Shauna stood there, frozen, heart pounding so hard it made her dizzy.

“I tried to stop,” Jackie went on, sadness slipping through her words. “Believe me, I tried so fucking hard not to feel like this. I tried to date other people, to convince myself I was just confused, that you were just my best friend. But it was always you. It has always been you.”

It felt like the air had been knocked out of her lungs. The words barely made sense. 

Jackie. Loving her. Always. 

The girl she had spent her whole life quietly, painfully in love with was standing right in front of her, saying it out loud.

“Jackie, I—” she started, but nothing came out.

Jackie’s hands curled into fists at her sides. “For the first time in my life, I thought I finally got to have you the way I always wanted. And now I find out… I never did.”

Shauna’s throat burned. “Please let me—”

“And then tonight,” Jackie snapped, stepping closer, eyes blazing, “you said all these horrible things and you looked at me like I was manipulating you, or playing some kind of sick game. Do you have any idea how fucking cruel that was? I only ever loved you.” 

“I wasn’t trying to hurt you,” Shauna shot back, tears spilling now. “I was scared. I thought you were messing with me because I couldn’t understand why you’d want me like that.”

Jackie laughed bitterly. “Of course. So instead, you turned me into some kind of monster in your head. You always assume the worst.”  

“That’s not what I—”

“You decided it made more sense that I was lying than that I loved you.”

Shauna wiped at her face. “I’ve spent my whole life thinking I loved you alone. Thinking it would never, ever be returned. So yeah, forgive me for not being so sure.” 

Jackie’s anger wavered, cracking open into pain. “You could’ve asked me.”

“And you could’ve told me! You could’ve sat me down and said, ‘Shauna, I’m your girlfriend.’”

Jackie stared at her, breathing hard. “How the fuck was I supposed to know you didn’t know we were dating?” 

“No,” She said, voice rising. “How the fuck was I supposed to know we were? You never actually asked me.”

“I did ask you.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“I did,” Jackie insisted. “When I asked you to come to the wedding together. As a couple, I was making it official.”

Shauna went still, the memory hitting her all at once. 

Well... I was thinking we could go together.

I mean, it would make sense, right? For us to go together... together and for everyone to know.

I didn't know if we were on the same page.

Oh

“Oh,” she said slowly. “I thought you just meant… going together to the wedding. Just that.”

Jackie stared at her, clearly not believing what she’d just heard. “Shauna, we had been basically dating for months. I was asking if we were on the same page, if you wanted me the way I wanted you. I didn’t think I had to spell it out.”

“Well maybe that’s exactly what you needed to do! How was I supposed to know?”

“What are we, twelve?” Jackie fired back. “We’re adults, Shauna. We don’t need some official ‘will you be my girlfriend’ speech.”

“Yes, we do! How else am I supposed to know when our anniversary is?”

Jackie blinked. “Oh my god. That makes no sense.”

“It makes perfect sense!” Shauna retorted. “You can’t just assume I know things you never say out loud.”

Jackie dragged a hand through her hair, exasperated. “I thought our actions were clear.”

“They weren’t, not to me.”

Silence stretched between them again, thick but it was different now. Until Jackie started crying again. 

“Wait no, Jax, I’m sorry.”

Jackie wiped her face roughly. “God, I’m such a fucking idiot, aren’t I?”

“No,” Shauna said immediately. “I am.”

But Jackie wasn’t listening anymore. The words just kept spilling out. “I probably made you uncomfortable. I crossed so many lines, I projected everything onto you… fuck, I’m sorry.” She laughed weakly. “Do you hate me? Is that what today was? Was I just too much?”

“Jackie,” Shauna said urgently. “Stop. Shut up. You’re not even listening to what I’m trying to say.”

Jackie kept going anyway. “I swear I wasn’t trying to trick you or anything, I just—”

Shauna couldn’t take it anymore.
She stepped forward, cupped Jackie’s face in both hands, and kissed her desperately, like it was the only way to make her understand. Jackie froze for half a second, then she melted into it.

Her hands slid from Jackie’s cheeks into her hair, fingers curling there, holding her close like the thought of letting go was unbearable.

Jackie gasped softly into the kiss, she clutched at Shauna’s jacket, nails digging in, not leaving any space between them. 

When they finally broke apart, both of them were breathing too fast. Their foreheads stayed pressed together, noses brushing as they stared at each other.

Shauna slid one hand back into Jackie’s hair and tugged gently, pulling her head back just enough to look at her. She breathed her in.
“Can you shut up,” She murmured, voice rough, “and just let me talk?”

Jackie nodded fast, eyes wide. “Uh-huh.”

“I didn’t know we were dating,” Shauna said, words tumbling out now. “And yes, I’m a fucking idiot because how could I not see it? It was so obvious.” She huffed out a shaky laugh. “And you’re right. I always assume the worst, I make everything harder than it needs to be. I’m so, so sorry.”

Jackie’s grip tightened on Shauna’s jacket. “But Jax,” Shauna went on, voice breaking just slightly, “this… you… this is everything I’ve ever wanted. You are everything I’ve ever wanted. I’ve only ever wanted you.”

Jackie swallowed hard. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Shauna said, smiling through it as she brushed her nose against hers. “I need you to understand that I didn’t realize not because I didn’t care but because wanting you has always scared the hell out of me.”

Jackie’s eyes softened. Shauna stayed close, her thumb moving back and forth along Jackie’s jaw. “I spent so long telling myself this could never be mine, that it would never be returned. It felt safer to believe it was impossible than to let myself hope you could actually want me.”

Jackie shook her head, a breathless laugh slipping out. “You idiot,” she whispered, but her hands were trembling where they rested on Shauna’s chest.

“But now that I know you want me too?” Shauna smiled, feeling Jackie’s breath hitch. “God, baby. I’m never letting you get away from me.”

“I think I can live with that,” Jackie said with a shaky laugh, wrapping her arm around Shauna’s neck.

“I love you, fuck, I love you so much you don’t even understand. I think you might be it for me, you make me crazy.”

Jackie smiled through her tears. “I don’t think,” she said, nudging her forehead against Shauna’s, “I know you’re it for me, Shipman. Even if you are fucking dumb sometimes.”

They both laughed softly at that. Jackie lifted her hands again, cupping Shauna’s face, her thumbs brushing gently under her eyes like she needed to make sure she was real. “Say you love me,” she whispered. “Say it again. Please.”

“I love you,” Shauna said without hesitation. “I love you so much it makes me stupid.”

“Good, I love you so much too.”

They stayed like that for a moment just admiring each other.

“Oh, Shipman, just so there’s no confusion this time.” Jackie said suddenly, her voice turning playful. “Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

Shauna laughed, pecking her lips softly. “I would love to be your girlfriend.”

“Do you think we’re a little bit psychotic considering what we just did?”

”Probably” 

They kissed again, both of them giggling, until Shauna pulled back just enough to smile at her. “Come on. We should go home.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, you owe me a dance. We didn’t get to do it right.”

“I would love to dance with you.”

“And who knows,” Shauna teased, “maybe I’ll even sing to you. There’s this song ‘You Mean the World to Me’ don’t know if you’ve heard of it.”

“Shut up,” Jackie gasped, laughing as she lightly slapped Shauna’s shoulder then did it again, growing more excited. “Shut up. I love you so much.”

Shauna laughed, trying to keep up as Jackie grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the car.

“Come on, Shipman, you’ve got a song to dedicate to me.”

                      ____•____

Jackie couldn’t stop staring at her left hand, completely mesmerized by the new addition in it. Shauna lay behind her, arm wrapped around her waist, pressing lazy kisses into the side of her head.

“I can’t believe we’re getting married,” She said softly, still in awe.

“I love you, baby.” Shauna sighed happily, tightening her hold. “I was so nervous. God, I thought I was gonna pass out. But I couldn’t wait anymore.”

Jackie suddenly sat up, clutching her chest dramatically. “Wait. Are you telling me—” She gasped in mock shock, “—that you didn’t propose to me in a friend way?”

Shauna groaned. She knew exactly where this was going. “Jax…”

“So let me get this straight,” Jackie said, hands covering her mouth. “You’re telling me we’ve been dating this whole time? Wow. Shocking.”

“Jackie,” Shauna groaned, fighting a smile, “it’s been three years. Please let it go.”

“So we’re not super mega best friends?”

“No, we are not.”

Jackie let out an exaggerated, scandalized gasp. “Oh my god. So we’re getting married… like… in the gay way?”

“I hate you,”

Jackie burst out laughing and leaned down to kiss her softly. “I love you too, babe.” She glanced back at the ring, smiling so hard it lit up her whole face. “I love this ring so much.” Shauna rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t hide the grin stretching across her face.

“Can I make a joke about this in our vows?” Jackie asked innocently.

“Absolutely not.”

(She definitely did)