Chapter Text
Part 1
Chapter 1
The air was warm and damp as Isabelle stepped into the bar, out of the rainy autumn night and into the smudgy light. She shook off her coat and looked around her, searching for any signs.
The barman took one look at her and pointed through an adjoining door. The sign on the door said “LGBT event” and Izzy was slightly put out by the fact that he had marked her as LGBT+ so easily. She smoothed down her dress, looking down at what she thought of as her straightest outfit. Obviously not straight enough. She stepped through the door into a tiled corridor that connected the bar with the function rooms. There were rainbow signs that led the way.
Izzy entered the function room and all eyes turned to look as the large wooden door creaked open and then shut with a thud behind her. She turned a smile on the room but was not convinced she pulled off friendliness convincingly. Instead she stepped over to a small table where a short, mousy looking woman in round glasses looked up from her papers.
“Hi,” she said in a mildly harassed voice, “did you register for this evening?”
“Er, yes, Izzy.” Izzy answered nervously.
“Sorry?” She asked again. “What was that?”
Izzy clutched on to her wrist to hide the shaking of her hand and raised her voice above the meek tremolo she had used. “Izzy, you have my…”
“Ah, yes, here it is,.” She glanced at the email attached to the event request. “You’ve no need to worry, this is a safe space. Relax and get yourself a drink.”
Izzy walked away from the table and moved to the bar. She ordered a drink and pulled out her phone to pay, slipped it back into her bag and turned to look around the room. Everyone who had been staring was lost in conversation with someone, friends, new acquaintances, future conquests.
Izzy felt a wave of insecurity wash over her as she looked at all the people in the room. She had had a pig of a day and what she needed was a friendly face and some kind words. What she had was a room full of strangers that was rapidly taking on a daunting air. It was starting to feel more like a job interview than a dating opportunity. she hoped she didn’t say anything spectacularly stupid and make a fool of herself. Honestly, what were the chances of that, Izzy?
A bell rang and everyone looked at the short, mousy woman who had checked them in. On second appraisal Izzy thought she was rather attractive, in her short skirt and tight top, messy hair doing its own thing around her head and her blue eyes framed by her large glasses. Too much to hope that she was…
“If you would like to take a number from the jar.” She called to the women in the room, while indicating a container full of coloured plastic chips on the table next to her. “And go to the table number on your chip, then we can begin.”
They queued politely and filed past to grab a chip, some holding it up to friends and wishing each other good luck. Izzy held back to the end and grabbed a chip without looking.
The pretty, mousy woman took her hand and looked up to her with her blue, watery eyes. “Good luck.” she gave her hand a squeeze and smiled warmly.
If only she was in the group, Izzy thought and smiled back. “Thanks.”
Izzy rushed to her table and sat down, nodding a quick hello. A rather stern woman looked back at her. She had dyed blonde hair, almost white, that had been permed into a helmet of hair around her head. Her make up was heavily applied with drawn on eyebrows that made her seem permanently surprised. She wore a white dress with a large flower print which had the effect of making her seem small and petite despite her stocky frame.
“The rules are simple.” The mousy woman with the sea-blue eyes announced. “You have four minutes to get to know each other, two minutes each to ask questions. After that, those on the left will get up and move down one. Is that clear? Good. Let’s begin.”
She rang the bell again.
Izzy smiled at the woman across from her. “Hello, I’m Izzy.”
“What are you doing here?” The woman asked pointedly.
“Sorry?”
“This is for women.” She pointed to the sign that said Lesbian Dating Night. “You have no place here.”
“The organisers said it would be fine.”
“But you’re not Lesbian, are you?”
“I think you’ll find that I…”
“This is for L. It’s not for G, and preferably not for B.” She spat the letter in disgust. “And it certainly isn’t for T. Just because you put on a dress from the tall gall shop and slap on some lippy does not give you the right.”
“I just thought…”
“Thought you could invade women’s spaces. Thought you could entrap an innocent woman into…”
“That’s not what…”
The bell rang again. The woman got up and moved down, but all the while she did not take her laser-like stare off Izzy.
Another woman sat down. She was wearing a lumberjack shirt and jeans and her hair was short and swept to the side in a dramatic wave. She smiled a broad grin at Izzy.
The bell rang.
“So, have you had the…” she glanced down as if to see beneath the table with x-ray vision.
“Sorry?” Izzy looked surprised, still reeling from the attack of the TERF.
“You know.” She leant forward conspiratorially and whispered in a too-loud voice. “Have you had your penis…” She nodded towards Izzy’s groin and coupled this with some scissor snipping motions with her fingers.
Izzy looked from left to right to see that some, but not all, of the people sat around had cocked their heads to listen in.
“I usually save talk of my genitals to the third date.”
“So you’re not going to have them chopped off?” She pushed , like a dog with a bone.
“That’s not what they do.” Izzy cried in frustration. The anger that she felt heated her cheeks, and her chest flushed. “What they do is they take the penis and they cut it open lengthwise, like a banana split…” Izzy continued, exasperated.
She looked at the other woman who blanched at the graphic description of the surgery. Others looked on in shock. There was a part of her that relished the look on the other woman’s face. A perverted little corner of her mind that enjoyed shocking people. That bit of her that laughed every time she saw someone stutter or fumble when they clocked her. The Imp of the Perverse that lived in the deep recesses of her brain.
“Oh, why the hell am I’m doing this? Trans people are the hardest, most kick ass, heavy metal people you are ever going to meet.” She stood up and looked at the shell-shocked woman. “Who else is going to choose to have their skull split open and an angle grinder put to their face just to make them feel better about themselves?”
Izzy stalked to the bar and ordered a drink, all the while being watched by everyone in the room. The bell broke the spell as it was rung and everyone turned their attention back to the speed dating. The bell rang several times more before the interval was called. In the break the mousy woman came up to Izzy.
“I’m so sorry for what happened. If you want we can arrange for you to come back on another night.” she put a friendly hand on Izzy’s shoulder, “or we can refund you completely if you prefer. Here is my card.”
She slipped it to Izzy. Izzy looked at the card that said Amber and then her number.
“I hope to hear from you soon.” Amber said and headed back to organising the next stage of the dating.
Izzy downed her drink and then slid off her stool. She left the room and turned towards the toilets but saw ahead of her the woman with the helmet hair. She was guarding the women’s toilets and Izzy knew exactly who she was guarding it against. Not wanting to repeat the scene she had just caused she turned and walked out into the night.
She followed the roads towards The Headrow where she could catch a bus home, but in the cold air she felt the need to pee more strongly. She ducked into a bar and made her way through the crowd towards the toilets. It was crowded inside but she found a cubicle, shut herself inside, pulled down her knickers and sat down to relieve herself. She listened to the chat from the women at the sinks and shook her head. She didn’t usually come into straight bars, the energy was always a bit off and none of her nerd friends would be seen dead in somewhere like this.
With the deed done she left the cubicle and squeezed in next to the girls at the sink. She did everything she could not to make eye contact in the mirror or do anything to attract their attention. She closed her eyes for a moment and let the white noise of the dryer wash over her as she dried her hands.
Back in the noise of the bar, Izzy made a beeline for the door, but glanced over at the bar. She really wanted, needed, a drink and just one in this place couldn’t do any harm. She slipped in between two groups of people and leaned against the bar.
“Can I get a vodka tonic please?”
The barman poured the drink with efficient ease and Izzy waved her phone at the card machine.
“Thanks” she, picked up her drink and saluted the barman with it before turning around to scan the place. A face loomed out of the crowd in front of her.
“Can I get that for you?” A goofy looking guy in the ill-fitting suit asked her.
“I’ve already paid for it, thanks.” She smiled politely but without too much warmth.
“Can I get you another?” He looked at her hopefully.
“No.” She replied flatly. “I’m going for my bus after this one.”
He glanced nervously behind him and Izzy saw a group of his friends watching on.
“Are you sure?” He pressed, goaded on by his friends.“Just the one.”
“Thanks, but no. I’ll miss my bus if I don’t leave soon.”
He stretched an arm out blocking the way. “Forget about your bus.” He challenged. “You can come to the club with us. We can share a taxi home. To your place.” There was a desperate pleading in the last bit.”
Izzy ran through responses that would discourage him. “I don’t live anywhere near.”
“Doesn’t matter.” He grinned hopefully.
“Look.” Izzy insisted firmly. “I’m finishing this and going home to my partner.”
“You got a boyfriend?” He asked, crestfallen.
“Yeah, and they’re waiting for me at home. They’re expecting me back soon.” She swallowed her drink in one last gulp and moved to go.
He moved in front of her, further blocking her route to the door. “You don’t fancy a bit of fun? A wild night out with the lads.”
She looked up to see that the group had advanced on her while she had been distracted by him.
“Listen.” She persisted. “I just want to go home.”
“To your boyfriend?”
“Girlfriend, actually.” Izzy corrected and immediately regretted it. The lesbian block worked on men by themselves but not with groups in a testosterone cloud.
“Great.” He grinned a grin wider than his big fat face. “Call her up, invite her along.”
“I’m not going to do that.”
“Why not?” He sounded suddenly a little hostile.
Izzy leant in closer to him so her mouth was near his ear and said in a clear voice that he could hear over the pounding music. “I’ve got a cock.”
He looked at her as if he didn’t understand English.
“I’ve got a big fat cock dangling between my legs.” She told him. “Now leave me alone and let me go?”
He took a step back, a range of emotions playing across his face, confusion, panic, disgust, anger, hatred, embarrassment. Izzy took the opportunity, put her glass down on a nearby table and walked for the door. She made the mistake of glancing back and saw the group talking. The one she had been talking to was gesticulating at her and another was using the international sign for large schlong. She doubled her step and hurried from the bar, into the night.
What the fuck did I do that for you, she remonstrated with herself. That’s about the best way to get yourself killed. First the graphic bottom surgery descriptions and then freaking out suitboy. Izzy knew that one day her big mouth would get her into trouble she wouldn’t be able to get out of. She just hoped she had backup on the day that inevitably happened.
The Headrow has bus stops running all the way along its length and Izzy had a few minutes walk to her stop. Rushing along the crowded street she seemed to have forgotten how to walk in her heels. She was tottering left and right on them like an early drunk. She quit trying to walk on them and took them off, carrying them instead and walking barefoot along the damp pavement.
Tears started to prick at her eyes and she felt tears welling up. Her eyesight became swimmy and the tears washed her mascara into her eyes. Trying to blink the makeup out of her eyes, carrying her shoes and her bag, she stumbled barefoot up the road. She hated to think of what a mess she looked. Classic messy bench, this was a true girl experience, she thought, half joking.
She saw the bus pulling up at the stop and she jumped on, blooping her bus pass against the machine as she juggled her shoes bag and pass in too few hands. She rushed for the stairs and climbed to the upper level, choosing a point two-thirds of the way down, her usual spot. She slumped in the seat and began to sob quietly.
After a few minutes she started to search through her bag for a tissue but all she could find was the card with Amber’s number on it. She started to cry some more as the bus lurched to a halt to take on more passengers. Someone came up the stairs and Izzy put her head down, letting her hair fall in front of her face, not wanting anyone to see her like this.
After a few minutes where Izzy sat with her knees pressed up against the back of the chair in front, her bag and shoes clutched in her lap, and her shoulders occasionally lurching with hiccuping sobs, a hand came into her cone of vision holding a tissue.
“I think you could with this.” A bright, young female voice said.
Izzy tried to reply but her voice cracked. She lightly cleared her throat and went “Mhm mhm,” in a high register to reset her voice to her preferred pitch. “Thank you.”She began to wipe her eyes and clean away the streaked mascara, before blowing her nose.
“I use waterproof mascara.” The woman explained. “Saves all the streaks.”
“This is waterproof.” Izzy replied. “Nothing would have survived tonight.”
“What is it?” She asked attentively. “Boyfriend troubles?”
Izzy barked a bitter laugh before gaining control again. “You have no idea.”Izzy looked up for the first time since regaining her sight to see the young round face of someone in their early twenties. She was smiling brightly which pushed up her high cheekbones, and her eyes sparkled in the harsh lights of the bus.
She nodded. “I’m Olivia.” She held her hand over the back of the chair. Izzy took it and shook it. Her skin was warm and soft and her handshake was gentle.
Izzy smiled nervously. “Izzy.”
“One of those nights, was it?”
“At least three of those nights rolled into one.”
“Ugh!” She grunted with distaste, in a way that implied that she had also had such experiences.
“Still, it’s almost over.” Izzy wiped her eyes one last time and looked out of the window. She looked around in panic. “Where are we?” She demanded.
“Chapeltown.” Olivia told her, staring into Izzy’s face with confusion.
“Dammit!” Izzy cried out. “This isn’t my bus. I must have got on the wrong stop. I’ll have to get off and catch the next bus back to town.” She hit the back of the seat in front with frustration, hurting herself. She waved her hand in the air to shake away the pain.
“This is the last bus.” Olivia looked at her sadly. “After this run it goes back to the depot.”
Izzy slumped in her seat and began to sob again. “Why me?” She growled in a far too deep voice.
“Hey, I know what.” Olivia chirped, keeping her voice light. “You can come back to mine and call for a taxi.”
Izzy looked at her hopefully. “Is that okay? Oh, thank you. You have no idea of what a lifesaver you are.”
“Just as long as you don’t hold us hostage or kill us.” Olivia said jokingly. “No surprises.”
“I’ll try and keep the surprises to a minimum.” Izzy laughed softly.
Olivia pressed the bell and it dinged loudly. The bus hissed to a stop and the two women rushed down the stairs and jumped off the bus, thanking the grumpy looking driver as they rushed past him. The bus pulled away like a lumbering dinosaur.
They were stood in a suburban street. The houses were made of Yorkstone, giving them a unique yellow sandstone look that is unique to Yorkshire.
Izzy dropped her shoes on the pavement and looked up at Olivia. “Can you help?” Olivia smiled accommodatingly and Izzy put one hand on Olivia’s shoulder to balance herself as she slipped her shoes back on. She straightened up and towered over Olivia.
“You’re tall, aren’t you?” Olivia commented redundantly.
“Runs in the family.” Izzy said, brushing the question aside as quickly as possible .
They stood in the road looking at each other, smiling. Izzy looked Olivia up and down, she was petite and curvy and Izzy felt a mixture of attraction and envy. Izzy had always wanted to be small and delicate, not tall and ungainly, but she had also always been attracted to such girls as well. Olivia smiled back at her beatifically.
“Erm.” Izzy began politely. “Which way too your house?”
“Oh, sorry.” She seemed to snap out of some sort of reverie. She pointed. “This way.” They walked down the road together, an odd couple, side by side, Izzy more than six inches taller, in her heels, than Olivia. As they walked along Olivia coupled arms with her casually, as if they had done it a thousand times, and nodded down a street. “It’s this way.”
They zigzagged down streets until they reached one particular house that looked much like all the others. It was a large semi-detached that would have once been a very large family home, but was now rented accommodation. There were many such houses around Leeds that catered to students and young working people. Olivia extricated herself from Izzy and pulled out her key, unlocking the door, stepping in and beckoning Izzy to follow.
“Would you like a drink?” Olivia asked.
“Could I get a tea?”
“Yorkshire or herbal?”
“Do you have camomile.”
“Sure,” she said, beckoning to one of the rooms. “Living room’s through there, have a seat.”
Izzy wandered through into a room much like any other shared house. It was decorated with mismatched furniture, moth eaten sofas, a burnt and scratched coffee table. The only item that did not fit in it was a large, brand new flatscreen in the corner with a games console beneath. Everything in the room was old and battered and it had not been decorated in a long time. Izzy sat on the sofa and felt herself sink in to it until her knees were up to her chest.
Olivia came in with two steaming cups and Izzy tried to stand up, but found that she had sunk too deeply into the sofa.
“Don’t get up.” Olivia reassured her and passed her one of the cups. Izzy accepted it eagerly and held it clasped between her two hands to warm her after the walk. Olivia sat beside her and the sofa sank between them, pushing them both together.
“Ooh, you are cold.” Olivia commented and put down her tea to rub Izzy’s arm, slipping her other arm around her waist and sharing body heat.
“That’s nice.” Izzy leaned in, enjoying the warmth and human contact. The memories of the evening started to recede in her mind.
“So, what happened tonight?” Olivia enquired.
“Oh, it was a nightmare.” Izzy confided. “I went to this lesbian dating thing and everyone was so horrible. I ended up making a fool of myself and running out.”
“Sounds dreadful.”
“That’s not all. I went into a bar for a drink to ease my nerves and started getting hassled by this guy. He wouldn’t stop propositioning me. So I told him I was lesbian and that made things worse.”
“Let me guess.” Olivia suggested. “He was there with a load of mates.”
Izzy nodded.
“It’s like chum in the water when they’re in a group. Alone, it will deflate them, together they get worse.”
“See.” Izzy responded. “I could have done with you there.”
Olivia gave her a little comforting squeeze. Izzy looked at her bright face and couldn’t help but smile. She felt so comfortable with this stranger, like they were old friends.
“So, you’re a lesbian?” Olivia asked after a pause. Ot had all the subtly of a rhino squeezing in beside them on the sofa.
“Is that a problem?” Her dark eyebrows arched.
“No, not at all.” Olivia hurriedly answered, eager to dispel any confusion. “It’s just, I’ve never met one before.”
Izzy laughed lightly. “Oh yes you have.” She looked at Olivia who stared back in confusion. “It’s just that you didn’t know.”
“How do you mean?”
“About a quarter of the girls you were at school with would have been bi or lesbian. Same with university. They just didn’t say anything for fear of being bullied.”
“I mean, some of them might have had a phase…” Olivia began.
“Phase, schmase.” Izzy said clumsily and pointed around the room at imaginary girls, “lesbian, lesbian, bi, wants a threesome with her boyfriend.”
“You think?” Olivia looked off into the middle distance, intrigued.
“I guarantee it!” Izzy sipped her tea to indicate her thesis was complete. They drank in silence for a little while. Izzy swallowed her tea and lowered her cup. “And you?” She asked.
“Me?l Olivia asked, surprised. “Oh no, just boys for me.”
“Anyone in particular?”
“Not at the moment?” Olivia looked like she was far away, lost in memories.
“But there was?”
“No… yes.” She moved her head from side to side, weighing up the evidence in her mind. “I thought there was, he didn’t think the same.”
“Oh, you poor little thing.” Izzy consoled, and without thinking bent over and kissed her on the forehead.”
Olivia smiled in surprise. “Thank you.”
“Boys are the worst.” Izzy added in vengeful camaraderie.
“Yeah.” Olivia laughed quietly and then paused. “Well, maybe not the worst.”
“Oh, trust me, they are.” Izzy confirmed emphatically.
“How does a lesbian know so definitively?”
“I had a brother, Ian.” Izzy answered far too quickly. “You get to see behind the veil.”
“Had?” Olivia asked, concerned.
“Have.” Izzy corrected. “I sometimes just wish he was past tense.”
Olivia laughed. “You know what.” She looked at her watch. “It’s rather late. Why don’t you sleep here on the couch and I’ll give you a lift home in the morning.”
“You have a car?” Izzy asked.
“Yeah, it gets me to and from work, just, but should be good to get you home.”
“And you don’t mind me sleeping on your couch?”
“Just don’t kill me in the night.” Olivia laughed.
“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Izzy promised.
“I’ll get you a duvet.” Olivia left the room, returning a few minutes later with a duvet in a flowery print cover.
“Very pretty.” Izzy commented as Olivia lay the duvet over her.
Before pulling away Olivia looked at Izzy and smiled. “It was lovely meeting you.”
“I agree.”
Without thinking Olivia kissed Izzy on the lips, and then froze.
“Don’t know why I did that.” Olivia confessed, after an awkward pause. She got up and left the room, pausing at the door to quickly say. “I’m sorry about my housemates. Hopefully they won’t be too much trouble.” And with that she left. Izzy barely heard as she was miles away. She picked up her tea and sipped the cooling remains quietly.