Work Text:
Joker,
You will never see this. I'm not sure why I'm writing it, really. I suppose it may be to clear my mind before your untimely death. Closure, if you will.
Joker, I hate you. With every fiber of my being. You truly fill me with such an indescribable rage every time you so much as cross my mind.
Yet, alongside that, you are the only person to understand me. To my very core. It’s as if you're looking past my shell, the walls I have built up, directly into my shrivelled soul.
I cannot stand it, nor you.
I crave it.
Sometimes I consider abandoning my plan and eloping with you.
Other times yet, I consider abandoning it and just ridding the world of you now.
Fuck, Joker. You've ruined me beyond belief, do you realize that? Shido has noticed how my attention wanes, how I'm not quite there during interviews. Wondering if you're watching.
Christ, I'm a mess.
If I asked you to… would you run away with me? To Kyoto, maybe. We’ll change our names, perhaps get a dog- I’ve always liked them more than cats, though I’m sure you would disagree. I can cut my hair, stop wearing makeup. I have freckles, did you know that? Somehow, I feel that you did.
… Maybe your friends could come visit sometimes. Kitagawa would surely enjoy it, Ine and Gion especially. Niijima may enjoy the peace, Okumura the quiet of nature…
I can’t imagine they’d want to be near me, however. They hide it, but I can see their discomfort. Hiding it for you. It’s sickening, how much they care about you. How much you care about me. Even after my declarations of hatred, all I’ve done to push you away. I don’t deserve you, though I’d never say that to your face. Your ego is already big enough.
I think I will miss you, when you’re gone. But it must be done.
Yours,
Crow