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“Alright, alright! Let’s give it up for the best man! Oikawa Tooru!”
The brunette stood, masking his true feelings with an expert smile. No one would see the cracks. No one would know how he truly felt as he looked at the newly married couple and the way that Daichi’s eyes reflected a happiness that Oikawa had never seen his entire time of knowing him.
“Isn’t this couple just the cutest?” he said cheerily as the attention was turned on him, gesturing towards Daichi and his new husband, Sugawara. Oikawa felt his heart clench at the way the pale-haired man smiled warmly at him. To distract himself from the steadily growing pain in his chest, he took his glass of wine and held it up.
“Let’s toast to the grooms…”
As he began his speech, Oikawa started to remember the first time he had met Sugawara Koushi and the night before, when he had spilled his heart to his childhood best friend and confidant.
…
“I regret it,” Oikawa sobbed, eyes lined red as he buried his face into the soft fabric of Iwaizumi’s shirt. “I’ll remember that damn night I met him and I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life, Iwa-chan.”
Iwaizumi didn’t flinch to the old nickname, nor did he scold Oikawa for its use. He only moved to brush through soft, chocolate-colored locks as the truth came burbling out of him. It had been no surprise that Oikawa had majorly fucked this one up. Ever since he had met Sugawara, Oikawa had been different.
It wasn’t anything major, and if Iwaizumi hadn’t known the pretty boy his whole life he may not have even noticed, but it was there. In the way that his already-fake smiles were a little sadder, and how he would stare wistfully into the distance sometimes, brown eyes alight with some fire that he was unable to experience.
So it was no surprise that on the eve of Daichi and Sugawara’s wedding, Oikawa came to him, drunk and distraught.
Oikawa Tooru was the heir to his father’s fortunate fashion company. They grew exponentially since they had been children and were now marketing their products worldwide, selling in large retailers and high-end boutiques alike. Tooru had skyrocketed into the public’s eye when his father decided to let his handsome son model their wares at an entry-level fashion show. It was then that their company began getting recognition, and Oikawa along with it. The childish and playful boy that had gotten close to Iwaizumi’s heart as a child had become an expert at masking his true emotions, never letting anyone see the exhaustion and the fatigue of living someone else’s dreams. Oikawa kept his heart guarded, and he never let anyone know he desired anything other than what his father planned for him.
It wasn’t as if Oikawa Tariko was a cruel man. He simply wanted what was best for his family and his son, and with no other knowledge to Oikawa’s true feelings, continued to put his son in the limelight.
Besides Iwaizumi, Daichi Sawamura was the first and only person ever to get close enough to Oikawa to begin seeing the cracks in the shell.
Daichi worked as Oikawa’s manager and personal assistant, and at first, the prominent heir was full of disdain for the handsome man, but now, they were as close as brothers.
Iwaizumi knew that Oikawa had zero tolerance for fake people, or those who simply rode the coattails of others to climb the social ladder. He figured the former was because Oikawa himself struggled with being true to his own desires, to the point where sometimes he didn’t even know if his true heart was actually himself anymore. Daichi dispelled any allegations against his legitimacy when he finally snapped at Oikawa’s ever-petulant attitude. Instead of pampering him like everyone else trying to gain favor, he stamped out the idea that Oikawa could manipulate him for what he wanted.
Of course, Daichi should have been fired, but Oikawa begged his father to let him stay, having a soft-side for anyone who treated him like an actual person, and outside of Iwaizumi, Daichi was the only one who did.
They grew close in a short period of time, and they were practically side-by-side. Because of Oikawa’s influence, Daichi had been scouted by many agencies to go into modeling himself; he had a great build. Iwaizumi understood what Oikawa could not whenever Daichi politely declined every offer. Oikawa needed him; Oikawa needed them.
As the heir to a wealthy company, Oikawa was expected to marry an equally qualified woman, get married, and have children of his own. With his looks and status, it was no problem finding women who were interested in him; however, Oikawa had problems finding women he was interested in.
Of course, that could be attributed to the fact that Oikawa Tooru was as straight as a bendy straw, but no one aside from Iwaizumi and Daichi knew that fact about him. He did very well to keep his sexual preference hidden from the media, dating eligible bachelorettes and having a smooth relationship before ending it abruptly; the public was none the wiser.
Iwaizumi had, at first, found the games Oikawa played with women mean and childish. He would kill to have a shot at any of the women Oikawa had flocked around him 24/7, but Oikawa treated them as things to play with until he got bored and moved on to the next one. He had ben stewing over how shallow his best friend had grown to become when an unguarded glance towards a new up and coming model made Iwaizumi realize the truth. The way Oikawa’s eyes blazed with hunger that Iwaizumi had seen only reserved for high school volleyball and the subtle but present way the brunet bit his lip when focusing on Kageyama Tobio finally set the pieces in place.
Of course, when confronted, Oikawa denied the accusations towards his sexuality, but Iwaizumi knew him better than that, and stayed firm in his resolutions until Oikawa sighed, taking off the mask he used when communicating with everyone else in the world and showing Iwaizumi his true colors.
Iwaizumi hadn’t cared, of course. He wasn’t gay, but Oikawa was his best friend and he was going to support him in everything he did. If that meant he would need to keep playing cat and mouse with beautiful women, Iwaizumi could dial back his irritation. After some gentle pushing, Iwaizumi had convinced Oikawa to share his secret with Daichi as well, in the hopes of building a safety net in which Oikawa could trust and fall back on when all else failed.
When told about Oikawa’s secret, Daichi grinned wildly, excited to be let into their little circle, and confided in them that he also had a slight preference for males.
“Bisexual, really,” he explained, “but I tend to find men more attractive.”
Not only did Oikawa’s chest feel lighter with the burden of his closeted sexuality shared between three, but the two were also able to help Oikawa hook up with male partners in secret. Always careful to choose men who didn’t pay attention to the fashion world and would be oblivious as to who Oikawa was. Not that he used his real name with his sexual encounters, but his face was recognizable by those who paid attention to the fashion industry.
Everything had been going smoothly in Oikawa’s life, and he was starting to accept the fact that he could wed and bed a woman who fulfilled the requirements and have secret affairs on the side. It wasn’t necessarily the way Iwaizumi would go about things, but Oikawa was resolute in not revealing his sexuality. It could mean the end for his father’s company and he didn’t even want to think about how it would affect his father’s opinion of him.
It was at a social mixer when Oikawa’s world came crashing down around him.
Iwaizumi hadn’t been there, but Oikawa was finally pouring out all the details.
“There was nothing special about the event,” he sobbed, “it was j-just some regular party for the introduction of th-the new fall line.”
“Mmhmm,” Iwaizumi hummed, not knowing how that bit of information pertained to the story, but he knew Oikawa just needed to get all the details out.
“There were other models and some other companies represented there, and of course the groupies.”
When Oikawa said “groupies”, Iwaizumi knew from countless other conversations that Oikawa was talking about indie clothing brands and models, scrambling to get a modicum of fame and wealth awarded to the VIPs to these events. If they could just rub elbows with some prominent figure, they could begin their ascent up the social ladder. Oikawa brushed these people off like peasants. Reporters, for the most part, fell into this group as well.
“Could you give us some exclusive details about your father’s new line?”
“No comment~” he replied expertly, and his date for the night (Reika? Maybe Rei?) cooed at him as they walked towards the entrance. He ignored others calling out his name and resisted the urge to flinch at the flash of cameras, already used to this sort of thing. He kept his demeanor calm and collected and his smile on his face as he made his way towards the entrance.
“Oikawa Tooru!”
There was something different about that voice, and when Oikawa turned to address the person calling out to him, his heart stopped.
In front of him was the most beautiful man that Oikawa had ever seen, which was saying something considering he worked on a daily basis with other models.
Pale hair that seemed almost like a natural blond in color fell softly around his lovely face, and amber eyes looked at him expectantly and with an ambition that was different from other reporters. He wasn’t trying to stand out; he wasn’t wearing any brand named clothes like other reporters did, hoping to garner favor from the models and fashion designers. There was something extraordinarily….ordinary about him.
“Oikawa?”
“Y-yes!” he faltered, forgetting for a moment that he was Oikawa Tooru, and that this angel had been speaking to him as he stared like a fool.
“Would you be willing to share your ideas on your father’s new fall line?” he asked sweetly before putting the voice recorder into Oikawa’s face. He felt his heart melt. Not only did he look nice, his voice was just a beautiful as he was, and the question he asked wasn’t the parroted, scripted ones other reporters asked. This man wanted to know what he thought.
“I’d be willing to let you in on some…classified information,” Oikawa responded playfully, not able to hide the lilt of flirtation in his voice. The other reporters clamored around them to maybe get a snippet of Oikawa’s words for a quote. “But not here, how about you come inside with me?”
He didn’t miss the way the reporter’s eyes narrowed as he smirked. So he wasn’t as innocent as Oikawa thought, and the realization sent shivers down the model’s spine and ignited his skin the way no woman could.
“Sounds good.”
Oikawa waved over the bouncer at the door, letting him know that this reporter would be coming in with him, and the large-framed man unhooked the velvet rope from its stanchion to let the reporter slide through. Oikawa’s date on his arm made a little whine and he had to admit that he almost forgot she was there.
As they crossed the threshold, he suggested that she might want to go speak with his manager, hinting at maybe making arrangements for another event coordination. Her blue eyes sparkled and she left Oikawa alone with this reporter. Daichi had always come to these events with him –granted, they would arrive separately- and they had a system for when Oikawa wasn’t interested in his date anymore, Daichi would entertain them until the end of the event.
He sent his manager a wink as his date walked over to him, and he rolled his eyes from across the room before putting on his own smile and starting a conversation sweetly with the woman.
“Wow, Oikawa Tooru is going to two events with the same woman.”
The comment ruffled Oikawa’s feathers but he held his tongue, knowing that the words he said to reporters needed to be calm and calculated.
“What can I say? She’s exceptionally lovely,” he responded, only briefly looking at the gorgeous man in front of him. He was feeling uncharacteristically nervous and wondered if he could pick up on that.
“Well, you strike me as a man who’s never been satisfied,” he responded, his voice dropping lowly for a bit. It was then that Oikawa realized that this reporter wasn’t holding his reporter. Nor was he jotting down any notes. It was confusing, to say the least. This reporter, over all the others, was personally let into a private event by Oikawa Tooru and was not documenting any of it.
“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean, you forget yourself,” he said a bit warningly.
A soft chuckle escaped the reporter’s lips.
“You’re like me, I’m never satisfied.”
And suddenly, Oikawa felt his mouth go dry. He didn’t know if they were still talking about something that wasn’t toeing the lines of dangerous.
“Is that right?” he said with a bit of a nervous laugh and God those eyes. Sugawara was eyeing him up in a way that made Oikawa feel terrified and exhilarated. He knew that there was genius behind them and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to get closer or run far, far away.
“I’ve never been satisfied.”
He knew. Oikawa knew that with a few exchanged words and furtive glances that Sugawara Koushi knew about him.
He turned his body to fully face this stranger.
“What’s your name?” he asked, eyes lowered into a slight glare as he tried to read what exactly the other man was thinking.
“Sugawara Koushi.”
“Hm, what company are you with?” The name ‘Sugawara Koushi’ didn’t ring any bells. Oikawa tried to keep tabs on reporters in conjunction with big news outlets, so that he knew who not to piss off, but he was drawing a blank here. And for good reason.
Sugawara averted his gaze, and he faltered just a bit in the suave persona he was trying to put out.
“Not important,” he answered, “there’s lots of things I came here to do.”
His statement ended with a tone that suggested to Oikawa ‘just you wait for it’, and Oikawa was hooked.
…
“I remember thinking ‘wow, s-so this is what it’s like’” Oikawa sniffled as he recounted the details of his first interaction with Sugawara, “to feel so inexplicably drawn to another person. I felt free and I remember wondering like, ‘hey, wh-what’s the catch?’”
“Good job on your ACT word there, Tooru,” Iwaizumi mumbled and Oikawa giggled weakly at him, squeezing his torso tighter. He was glad he had changed out of his wedding attire for the practice, because Oikawa was getting tears and snot all over the front of his shirt. If Oikawa wasn’t having a meltdown right now, Iwaizumi would’ve given him a verbal lashing.
“Shuddup, Iwa-chan, you big meanie.”
There was no fire behind his words so Iwaizumi shrugged and continued to brush through Oikawa’s hair with his fingers. It was as soft as always, with no tangles, and he brushed Oikawa’s scalp every once in a while with the pads of his fingers, knowing how to soothe his best friend. “Continue,” he urged gently, knowing that Oikawa would never feel better without spilling his guts out.
“It was refreshing. He was refreshing. We talked two, maybe three, minutes, but that was all it took. God, Iwa-chan, he was just so……perfect. I’ve never wanted someone more in my entire life.”
“I am personally offended,” Iwaizumi joked, placing his other hand on his chest in an attempt to lighten the mood maybe a little. He would never joke around like that with anyone else. Maybe Hanamaki or Matsukawa from where he worked, but even that was stretching it. He always tried to be a stoic business authority.
Oikawa looked up at him with his red eyes and flushed face and stuck his tongue out at Iwaizumi.
“You know that you’re the only one for me,” Oikawa said weakly, snuggling into Iwaizumi’s broad chest. Iwaizumi gagged and flicked Oikawa’s temple.
“Gross.”
“You love me~”
It was banter that they had gone through since they were younger. It didn’t really mean anything, but it always worked to reassure them of their close bond.
“Anyways. Sugawara was perfect. So what happened? Was it because he was just some guy?”
Oikawa sobered up at Iwaizumi’s comment and sighed. It was a sound that Iwaizumi thought carried the regret of a million lifetimes.
“Yes. I could tell he was interested but there was no way I could even think about him romantically, I mean, how could I?” he responded bitterly, and his well-defined frame began to shake slightly. “Not only was he another guy, but he wasn’t even anyone important. He was an indie reporter; he had no backing.”
Iwaizumi remembered when he was introduced to Sugawara and thought similarly. Famous people hung out with other famous people, and while Sugawara Koushi was wonderful, he was not famous. Iwaizumi himself wasn’t famous, but he had been friends with Oikawa since they were in diapers, so he was an exception. Sugawara had shown up from nowhere and introduced himself as Daichi’s boyfriend.
It was a few months ago that that had happened, and Iwaizumi felt a little disheartened that he had been left out of the loop for so long. He had business with a partner company in Sweden and had been kind of unreachable. He didn’t realize he had left Oikawa alone to deal with his feelings for Sugawara, but he thought nothing of Daichi’s relationship with the moonlight-haired reporter. He thought they were cute, of course. It was obvious to anyone with eyes that Daichi was head over heels in love with Sugawara, and Sugawara seemed to care for Daichi well enough. He was sweet, but strong and determined, and was able to do what he and Oikawa weren’t: order Daichi around.
But now he was hearing the whole story about how Sugawara became interwoven in their group.
The conversation had left Oikawa’s head spinning. All he wanted to do was take Sugawara away from this place. Away from the paparazzi and the airs and the titles and to love him for the rest of his life.
He looked over at Daichi and realized the trouble he had gotten himself into.
His manager was staring at them –no, not at them. He was staring at Sugawara, and Oikawa knew his friend well enough to know that he was undeniably helpless. Oikawa couldn’t blame him. Sugawara had left him weak in the knees as well, but seeing the way Daichi practically undressed this ash-haired reporter with his eyes made Oikawa realize three things.
“Where are you taking me?”
“I’m about to change your life.”
A soft laugh escaped Sugawara.
“Then by all means, lead the way.”
Number one: Oikawa Tooru was born as the only son to a wealthy fashion designer. The only thing he could do for his father and his company was to marry to another well-to-do woman and have his own children, so that the industry could live through them. Even if he were to come out to the public as gay and married a man and adopted, their company would lose momentum. Even though the modern world was becoming accepting of the gay struggle, he couldn’t risk the exclusion from opportunities because of systematic homophobia.
“Daichi Sawamura, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” his manager introduced flawlessly. He was charming and Sugawara smiled when they locked eyes.
“Sawamura?”
“He’s my manager,” Oikawa supplied, “and my best friend. We’re practically brothers.”
Number two: Sugawara Koushi was after him because of his name. To say you brushed elbows with Oikawa Tooru held standing in today’s upper society, and he would be naïve to ignore that. Not that he felt Sugawara had malicious intentions, but that was just how the world worked. But that didn’t mean Oikawa wanted him any less. Maybe that’s why he introduced him to Daichi.
‘Nice going, Tooru,’ Oikawa thought, ‘you will never be satisfied.’
“Thank you for your hard work,” Daichi said. He was charming, and he was referring to Sugawara’s work of reporting. It was a tactic Daichi would use when smoothing things over with reporters so that they would be less inclined to say something negative.
“If it takes coming out to these high-rise events to meet you, it’ll be worth it.”
And with the obvious flirting, Oikawa’s blood ran cold. His throat constricted in a way that made tears threaten to spill over his face and he coughed awkwardly.
“Right! Then I’ll leave you to it!” he said, needing to get away from the situation before he revealed himself.
Number three: He knew Daichi like the back of his hand. He could be firm and strong when he needed to, but he was full of love and compassion for others. You could never find someone as kind and trusting as Daichi. If Oikawa had told him how he felt about Sugawara, Daichi would step down, relinquishing his feeling for this reporter who had changed everything in the blink of an eye. Oikawa could have Sugawara, if he wanted. Daichi would say he was fine with it, but Oikawa would know he’d be lying.
“And now,” Oikawa breathed, his voice dropping just a little as the exhaustion from recent events wore him down, “everytime I’m with someone else, and when I close my eyes, he’s there. All I see is Suga-chan. And I fantasize what it might have been like if I hadn’t given him up to Daichi.”
Iwaizumi felt his heart breaking for his best friend, and couldn’t help a few tears from falling down his own face as well. Oikawa Tooru had few things in this world that he cared for, and everything he did, he was doing on behalf of others: his father, his fans, the company. Never once did Oikawa do things to make himself happy. As selfish as he came off in media and to the public, Iwaizumi knew that Oikawa didn’t care about the fashion world or any of the women he was seen with. So as Oikawa recounted how quickly he gave up the one thing in this life that could make him happy, Iwaizumi wanted to scream.
He wanted to break things and punch Daichi for being so stupid –for not being able to see how obviously in love with Sugawara that Oikawa was. He wanted to march up to the couple who was getting married tomorrow and stop the wedding. He wanted Oikawa Tooru to be happy.
But he knew that Sugawara and Daichi were happy together, and he knew that Oikawa knew that. Doing anything to end Sugawara’s happiness would break Oikawa, and that made Iwaizumi furious; he was powerless to do anything to change Oikawa’s suffering, and the two cried together, lamenting over what could have been.
“But now Daichi’s going to be his husband, and that means I can keep Suga-chan in my life.”
…
“Here’s to your union, and may you always be satisfied!”
Oikawa finished up his speech as best man and Iwaizumi couldn’t help but notice a tense look shared between him and Sugawara. Daichi was struggling not to tear up and Sugawara cooed at him. The cheers and applause from Oikawa’s speech rang throughout the wedding venue and quickly, Oikawa excused himself as the two grooms got misty-eyed.
Iwaizumi followed him out, worrying deeply about Oikawa’s state of mind. Giving a best man speech at the wedding of one of his best friends to the man he was in love with must’ve been draining, and sure enough, Iwaizumi saw Oikawa leaning heavily against a wall in one of the hallways, looking pale and on the verge of tears.
“Hey,” Iwaizumi said softly, glancing around to make sure they weren’t being followed. “In here.”
He led Oikawa into the nearest empty room and closed the door behind them. As the heavy wood clicked shut, Oikawa collapsed against the wall with a sob, letting out the tears that had been threatening to form throughout the whole ceremony. The cries he let out were heart-wrenching; Iwaizumi had only heard him cry this hard when he broke his knee in high school, and that was physical pain.
He enveloped the brunet in his arms, not worrying that his shirt was going to be soaked through, just like the night before.
“I kn-know Daichi is going to be happy as his husband,” Oikawa said cynically.
‘But Suga-chan will never be satisfied,’ he added in his mind, but he couldn’t say that. He couldn’t jinx their new marriage, so instead he said:
“I’ll never be satisfied.”
And it was the truth.