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1.
Grace had entered Tommy's life against all odds. She was a rich girl and a copper. He rejected her because of her betrayal, but sometimes he wondered if part of the reason was that she was not supposed to be his. He tortured himself with the thought that her husband was a better fit in every way, that he was the one to uncover a softness in her Tommy had only glimpsed. He had spent two long years torturing himself, thinking of her obsessively: up in a chair singing for him, dancing in his arms, in the bed of her tiny apartment.
So going back to only imagining Grace seemed like the worst possible punishment for his sins.
2.
She was the one to look for him first. He faced death the same day and survived. There was no doubt in Tommy's mind after that - if he didn't act, if he didn't take this chance, his mind would torture him for the rest of his life. Grace having a baby away from him, raising his child somewhere else, pretending that man was the father. It would drive him mad. So he went home and figured out a way to keep her.
Maybe it was greedy of him but it's impossible to face death and not feel hunger for life afterwards.
3.
For two years, Tommy found himself living a life he felt he both earned and didn't deserve. There were images of that period that would stay in his heart forever: going to America with Grace and having her as his guide, seeing his son for the first time, their domestic life. He had made it.
Grace would often ask him about the business, but he was too afraid to share it with her. He knew she was capable as he also knew that she was, now more than ever, his weakness. He had to find ways to keep her busy and she gathered her information and confronted him from time to time. He had the resources, he had her, couldn't he leave this life? For their boy. Grace was no fool and she knew they both had their sins to atone for but couldn't they at least keep it from his child? Tommy nodded, the desire to do so intense inside of him. If only there wasn't so much to do yet. Just a little longer, he repeated, and they would be truly set.
Maybe it was greedy of him but it was impossible to ignore all the opportunities that came his way now that he was almost untouchable.
4.
Tommy knew he was silent but the inside of his head felt full of screams, his skull about to burst. They were taking Grace away, her dress tainted with blood he knew was hers. His moved fast, but his body seemed heavy. Someone touched him lightly on the shoulder but he couldn't quite tell people apart, they were just shadows dancing in front of him. His body fell down on a chair and he stared at nothing. He couldn't manage pinning down his thoughts quite well. Something had gone wrong, a curse, a gunshot and blood. Grace was taken awat. At that thought he briefly got up, trying his hardest to focus. Polly was in his field of vision and her face said it all. He left without a word.
5.
He walked for hours and hours until he was back at the place where his grave was once dug. It was well into the evening when he got there. With his hands, he tried to dig it again, wishing that the earth would swallow him, cursing himself for not insisting on living, for being so damn greedy. His body produced sounds he barely recognized, a deep growl coming from his chest, turning into muffed screams and then tears. His suit was stained with her blood and the earth.
After a while he found his way home. His son was waiting for him and he was the only one able to protect him. It didn't matter what he had to do or who would get hurt in the process: he was going to make his last promise to Grace - the one his family never trusted or accepted, the one who died because of him - come true.