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Damage Control

Summary:

lily @hockey1410
me and jane are no longer together…

char 🏒 @monreeeaaaalllll
Replying to @hockey1410
NO STOP???? SAY SIKE RIGHT NOW
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Pete @ManhattzPete
If this is true I literally don’t believe in love anymore.
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char 🏒 @monreeeaaaalllll
who’s gonna get me in the separation 💔
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gem @passpassSh00t
well lily’s funnier…
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jane @hockeyfan1221
😶

Or, lily and jane get married and people start connecting some dots.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

lily @hockey1410

me and jane are no longer together…

 

char 🏒 @monreeeaaaalllll

Replying to @hockey1410

NO STOP???? SAY SIKE RIGHT NOW

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Pete @ManhattzPete

If this is true I literally don’t believe in love anymore.

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char 🏒 @monreeeaaaalllll

who’s gonna get me in the separation 💔

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gem @passpassSh00t

well lily’s funnier…

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jane @hockeyfan1221

😶

 

jane @hockeyfan1221

Replying to @hockey1410

You did the meme wrong.

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lily @hockey1410

…we are married!!

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jane @hockeyfan1221

Yeah, exactly, you did the meme wrong!

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gem @passpassSh00t

divorce?

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lily @hockey1410

would be very funny to divorce over meme. that i did correctly.

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jane @hockeyfan1221

No it wouldn’t. And no you didn’t.

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gem @passpassSh00t

your vibes rn are making it really hard to congratulate you guys

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lily @hockey1410

you are welcome

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gem @passpassSh00t

what the hell, sure




gem @passpassSh00t

i am Noticing™️

 

char 🏒 @monreeeaaaalllll

Replying to @passpassSh00t

share with the class baybee 

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gem @passpassSh00t

i’ll dm you…

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abel ;_; @notsoserious0000

Okay so this is cruel!

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gem @passpassSh00t

dmssssss




char 🏒 @monreeeaaaalllll

if i speak-

 

gem @passpassSh00t

Replying to @monreeeaaaalllll

🙂

 

lily @hockey1410

Replying to @monreeeaaaalllll

nothing has stopped you before

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char 🏒 @monreeeaaaalllll

😅

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lily @hockey1410

what is this?

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char 🏒 @monreeeaaaalllll

don’t worry my guy 🫶

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lily @hockey1410

🤨




Cherry 🍒 @cheeryCherry

y is everyone suddenly so quiet?

 

Kevvvv @OttawaKevv

Replying to @cheeryCherry

Honey there’s a storm coming I fear

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Cherry 🍒 @cheeryCherry

no one is even talking about hockey like wtf

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lyd @lyddystix

they’re on break tho

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Cherry 🍒 @cheeryCherry

ok fair




lily @hockey1410

timeline is homophobic, i don’t think they like gay wedding. is okay for bag of bones hunter but not adorable lily and jane?

 

jane @hockeyfan1221

Replying to @hockey1410

Yeah, it’s weird.

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lily @hockey1410

i will protect you from strange hockey fans.

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jane @hockeyfan1221

Thanks?

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lily @hockey1410

i would do anything for you my toilet plunger.

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jane @hockeyfan1221

I prefer the pet names when they’re in Russian, my elliptical machine.

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polos @centaurs____

i question the inner workings of your relationship daily

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lily @hockey1410

you are unemployed.

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polos @centaurs____

damn. clocked tf 




char 🏒@monreeeaaaalllll

fuck it we ball @hockey1410 are you ilya rozanov 

 

gem @passpassSh00t

Replying to @monreeeaaaalllll

char what the fuckkkkkk

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char 🏒 @monreeeaaaalllll

i gotta know

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gem @passpassSh00t

that dm charlie kelly crash out investigation was not for public consumption 

 

lily @hockey1410

Replying to  @monreeeaaaalllll

is good you know what private message is

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char 🏒 @monreeeaaaalllll

oh my fucking god you are

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lily @hockey1410

ilya rozanov hacked me. he is very smart to guess password. scotthunterborn1920 if anyone wants to know.

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char 🏒 @monreeeaaaalllll

the pike and hunter slander was too on point i fucking knew it 

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jane @hockeyfan1221

Come on.

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char 🏒 @monreeeaaaalllll

SHANE FUCKING HOLLANDER this is crazy 

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gem @passpassSh00t

no fucking way you guys saw us thirsting over you. for years. and RESPONDED. i need a minute.

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lily @hockey1410

shane needs ego boost from pretty girls on the internet.

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jane @hockeyfan1221

Not true.

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gem @passpassSh00t

thanks for calling me pretty, famous hockey star ilya rozanov- man what the FUCK

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lily @hockey1410

i take it back the shutterstock flower as your profile picture does make me think maybe not pretty in real life.

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gem @passpassSh00t

i liked you better when you were just a random online cunt 😵




lola @canadianicePrinc3ss 

how long’s it gonna take before everyone else gets wind of this because this is insane #hollanovhockeytwtstans

 

🤥Jaya @bosssssanovas

Replying to @canadianicePrinc3ss

we’ve gotta find a catchier hashtag dawg

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lola @canadianicePrinc3ss 

granted, it’s not my best work 🥲

 

lily @hockey1410

Replying to @canadianicePrinc3ss

shane is deleting posts like it is his main job. hockey is now side hustle.

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jane @hockeyfan1221

Ignoring that, I think it’d be a good idea if you did too. Delete everything.

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lily @hockey1410

oh nooo ilya rozanov thinks his husband is hot and hayden pike is 15th best montreal player. call the press quickly there is a new major scoop

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gem @passpassSh00t

ilya you’re crazy for not deleting anything. like i wish this confidence would find me.

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lily @hockey1410

i have nothing to lose 

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K @centaurrrrzonice

adidas i have your man!!!

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lily @hockey1410

while we are gathered here today i would like to say how comfortable my Adidas t-shirts are. so breathable.

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polos @centaurs____

no you’re so unserious

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lily @hockey1410

so fashionable and i get so many looks when i wear the clothes.

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rozanov get behind me @ilyaaaaaaaaaaaaa

@ adidas i just dropped a grand on u bc of rozanov

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lily @hockey1410

click link in my bio so i get big commission. also be brave and really tag them please.

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K @centaurrrrzonice

actually so done with you hjgjhgjhg




hollllllzy @hollzystanleycup

who else remembers this 

lily @hockey1410

no, this is rozanov only. they had to ban hollander from keyboard because he could not stop writing about rozanov’s big dick

 

jane @hockeyfan1221

Replying to @hollzystanleycup

Well I definitely forgot. @hockey1410 please delete this.

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lily @hockey1410

you are trying to silence me.

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jane @hockeyfan1221

Ilya

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lily @hockey1410

or maybe you like it. is why you draw attention to it

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jane @hockeyfan1221

But I’m telling you to delete it.

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lily @hockey1410

like i said i speak only facts

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jane @hockeyfan1221

*Incorrect buzzer noise*

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lily @hockey1410

so now he has jokes…




Pete @ManhattzPete

My family: why is Ottawa Centaurs captain Ilya Rozanov at Pete’s funeral?

Me from the casket: that’s oomf 😭😭😭😭

 

lily @hockey1410

Replying to @ManhattzPete

your tweets are not good enough for me to show up to funeral. but thank you for the invite.

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🍁🍁🍁cee @VANXhockey

no that’s fucking coldddddd

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Pete @ManhattzPete

Okay no I actually have to die now. 

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lily @hockey1410

i can give you recommendation for good catering service.

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🍁🍁🍁cee @VANXhockey

getting through past trauma with humour like i get u hon

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Pete @ManhattzPete

Yeah but what about me though? 

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🍁🍁🍁cee @VANXhockey

lost cause honestly, there’s no coming back from this you have been Bodied 💣💯

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Pete @ManhattzPete

Thought so… But he’s still following me so things are looking up!

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lily @hockey1410

on thin ice (pun intended)

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Pete @ManhattzPete

Alright man.




lainy 🏒@FCKVOYAGEURS_

i have never felt more dumb in my life

lily @hockey1410

hollander is looking very pretty today in his photoshoot. barely noticed walmart watch when his freckles stand out so nicely.

 

lainy 🏒@FCKVOYAGEURS_

Replying to @FCKVOYAGEURS_

right in front of my damn salad. 2018……… 🚬

 

lily @hockey1410

Replying to @FCKVOYAGEURS_

he did not like this tweet.

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jane @hockeyfan1221

Backhanded compliment.

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lily @hockey1410

did you think it was as weak as your backhand?

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jane @hockeyfan1221

Fuck you.

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lainy 🏒@FCKVOYAGEURS_

everyone shut up my show is on 😃




Rozanov #1 @___rozyrozy

No but like I’m actually so glad Hollander and Rozanov were able to fight back homophobic assholes in the comments when they got outed because of the shield of their alt accounts.

 

Ilya Rozanov @ilyarozanovofficial

Replying to @___rozyrozy

I would say this on main. I just did not want harris to be stressed

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Ottawa Centaurs 🇨🇦🏳️‍🌈 @ottawacentaursHQ

Thank you, Ilya!

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vern‼️ @Hazyonice

on the other hand boy you’ve got some serious damage control coming your way now

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lily @hockey1410

this account is sunshine and rainbow harris do not worry

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Carrottop @Keep_It_Icy

Bro you talked about how big your dick is in third person like constantly 😮‍💨

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lily @hockey1410

you exaggerate but where is the scandal?




luca haas REAL @notlucahaas

Just remembered rozy called himself russian daddy. thinking thoughts. none of them legal.

 

lily @hockey1410

Replying to @notlucahaas

@hockeyfan1221 can you confirm

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jane @hockeyfan1221

Fucking hell.




//hor @BEARboy81

the main thing is shnehollandrhle gate just got more context i’m dying 

 

BB @shnehollandrhle

Replying to @BEARboy81

so this is absolutely frying me

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//hor @BEARboy81

sending the resuscitators stat 

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🍁🍁🍁cee @VANXhockey

i respect that you didn’t switch handles miss shnehollandrhle

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tit goblin @mlhallstarrrs

so glad i’m not you girl #sorry

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Beth @bedbathandbeth

Are you joking? What I would give for Ilya Rozanov to respect my twt handle

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tit goblin @mlhallstarrrs

ok bedbathandbeth ???

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Beth @bedbathandbeth

Did not think before I posted that’s on me

 

lily @hockey1410

Replying to @BEARboy81

it is maybe the best username after mine.

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marlow’s wife @upinthecloud5

yeah mr hockey is my whole personality, that’s a fuckin stellar handle…

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lily @hockey1410

i am undercover like the best spy. 

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gem @passpassSh00t

alias so good you didn’t get found out even one time

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lily @hockey1410

i do not like you.

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gem @passpassSh00t

geez these clapbacks hurt even more when you know the bitch delivering them 😞

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lily @hockey1410

did you see my centaurs calendar? june? i am THE bitch.

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jane @hockeyfan1221

It’s ‘THAT bitch’.

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gem @passpassSh00t

ite i’m out, it’s been so real ✌️

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BB @shnehollandrhle

rerouting my mail to hell bc that’s where i currently am




👑people’s prince @figureitoot_

i remember the days when @hockeyfan1221 was @ montrealfan1221 and had more than like 2 posts

 

jane @hockeyfan1221

Replying to @figureitoot_

Can’t imagine why I’d want to distance myself from all that.

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Rozanov #1 @___rozyrozy

Voyageurs are cancelled pass it on

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lily @hockey1410

our agent said shane is not relatable anymore 👎

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jane @hockeyfan1221

Ilya.

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lily @hockey1410

i am sleeping with anya tonight i suppose

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jane @hockeyfan1221

Well hang on

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lainy 🏒@FCKVOYAGEURS_

MY SHOW-




MLH News @MLHNewsToday

Scott Hunter was asked to comment on Ilya Rozanov’s recently exposed secret Twitter account after the Admirals’ win against Detroit.

[Attached video: Scott Hunter in a post-game interview looking confused as he’s asked if he was aware of Ilya Rozanov’s secret Twitter account. Hunter shakes his head and confirms he didn’t know anything about it and quickly pivots back to discussing his team’s play.]

 

powwww 😖 @hockskipnajump

Replying to @MLHNewsToday

lily’s breached containment

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lily @hockey1410

look at his wrinkly face he does not even know what twitter is.

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Scott Hunter 🏒🏳️‍🌈 @ScottHunterADMIRALS

I have a feeling I’m not gonna enjoy tonight’s reading.

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lily @hockey1410

sit back, put coke bottle reading glasses on and scroll. you may not have much time left on this earth, would be shame to miss my premium posts before leaving mortal coil

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Scott Hunter 🏒🏳️‍🌈 @ScottHunterADMIRALS

On second thought, I think I’d rather just block you actually.

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lily @hockey1410

you need directions old man? is on my profile in drop down menu. if you cannot see ‘block’ go to settings and make text bigger.

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papi @bemorehollander

@MLHNewsToday y’all getting all this?




Hayden Pike @haydpikeOfficial

Hey everyone, I appreciate the heads up, but please stop messaging me. I knew who “Lily” was!

 

Ilya Rozanov @ilyarozanovofficial

Replying to @haydpikeOfficial

Nice save. but i do not believe you.

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Hayden Pike @haydpikeOfficial

I could recognise your particular brand of asshole from a mile off.

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Ilya Rozanov @ilyarozanovofficial

I think 91st child is asking after you. you should stop wasting time on the internet before she starts calling spongebob father.

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Hayden Pike @haydpikeOfficial

It’s on sight, Rozanov.

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Ilya Rozanov @ilyarozanovofficial

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer ask jackie if she has a stretcher at home.

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Shane Hollander @shanehollanderhockeyplayer

Again, do not involve me in this.




Ottawa Centaurs 🇨🇦🏳️‍🌈 @ottawacentaursHQ

We’re aware.

 

centaurs save me @censneedcups

Replying to @ottawacentaursHQ

starting a gofundme for harris this is an unprecedented amount of bad press

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Ottawa Centaurs 🇨🇦🏳️‍🌈 @ottawacentaursHQ

We’re all good!

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centaurs save me @censneedcups

moments before breakdown ass tweet

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Ilya Rozanov @ilyarozanovofficial

all press is good press, no?

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Shane Hollander @shanehollanderhockeyplayer

I'm changing the WiFi password later, don't worry, Harris. :)

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Ilya Rozanov @ilyarozanovofficial

this will not stop me, hollander.

 

noelle 🇨🇦 @hckyhooky

Replying to @ottawacentaursHQ

the fact this needs no context 

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keeeeeef @_buffalowsandhighs

we’re all locked the fuck in 

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//hor @BEARboy81

i feel ALIVE

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lily @hockey1410

Adidas me and my husband feel so good in your apparel 

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keep it calm @bostonBRozy

thesaurus guuuuuuuuurl 😩🙌

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🍁🍁🍁cee @VANXhockey

random lol

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jane @hockeyfan1221

Absorbant.

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🍁🍁🍁cee @VANXhockey

BRO 

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Ottawa Centaurs 🇨🇦🏳️‍🌈@ottawacentaursHQ

It’s so wonderful having you on the team, Shane.

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BOOD @ZaneBoodram

@TroyBarrettHockey1 help your man

Notes:

reading the comments got me inspired to write lily and jane getting found out. thank you so so much for the response on the other works in this series, i really hope you enjoyed this one! idk if i went ooc but fuck it ✌️
i think this actually will be the last in this series, but i might start another smau at some point.

Series this work belongs to: