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“Oh, I was just a little concerned about you, that’s all… Just like that time when you weren’t making any progress with your research, so you went and cooped yourself up all alone…”
“That was none of your business! And don’t you ever drag me out to one of freaky hovels again!”
… And there she was again, in one of Columbina's “freaky hovels” again, but this time she couldn't do anything to complain about it. Sandrone was lying on Columbina's legs, who had made sure that her head rested on her lap. Arlecchino had brought her to Silvermoon Hall so that Columbina could say goodbye to her one last time before her body was taken away.
“Sandrone, when I left the Fatui, I didn't have time to say goodbye to you properly,” Columbina said loudly enough as if she were talking to her. “So this time I'd like to do it properly.
Columbina was slowly stroking Sandrone's hair. Then she gently ran her hand over her face, slowly tracing her features with her fingers, trying to remember every detail. Finally, she placed her fingers on Sandrone's lips, from which no more ugly words would ever come.
…
“Oh Sandrone, I finally found you.”
“What do you want? Can't you stop annoying me for a few hours?”
“It's snowing heavily and it's cold… I was worried you'd get caught in a snowstorm.”
Sandrone was curled up in the corner of a pillar of a huge monument in the Zapolyarny Palace. Her investigation had not made any progress, and she had gone out to clear her mind, completely forgetting her heavy coat. As soon as Columbina arrived, she did her best to hide how cold she was.
“I don't need you to look after me.”
“But you look like you're shivering from the cold. Take my coat.”
“I don't need your pity, Columbina.”
...
That memory faded after a few seconds. That time, Columbina had seen Sandrone leave her laboratory without looking back, while there was a snowstorm in Snezhanya. She secretly followed her to make sure nothing happened to her and even brought her own coat to give it to Sandrone. After all, she couldn't feel cold, but Sandrone could. She found that quite ironic.
Columbina was now focused on Sandrone's eyes. She looked at them as if somewhere in her heart she hoped that she would suddenly open them again, even if only to give her one of her murderous glances. She had never told Sandrone that her eyes reminded her of looking at the ocean at night. Columbina had rarely taken off her mask and used her eyes when she was with the Fatui. But once curiosity got the better of her, and she decided to take a peek, just to see what color Sandrone's eyes were. The dark blue of her eyes made her feel like those nights when she sat on the sand at the beach in Nod-Krai and looked out at the ocean. That vast ocean that would never offer her answers.
“The first time I decided to fully open my eyes to see the colors of this world, I saw your lifeless body, lying there like a puppet that had served its purpose,” Columbina said. “Sandrone, if only I had arrived a little sooner…”
Columbina's voice began to break and she stopped talking at that moment. A single tear rolled down her cheek, but it felt so cold because she had forgotten what it felt like to cry. For a long time, Columbina had felt a kind of emptiness. Thanks to her friends, she felt more free to express her emotions, but that also meant feeling those that were not very pleasant. This time, Columbina wanted to allow herself not to act like a moon goddess saying goodbye to someone who had been a key figure in the battle, but rather like someone who missed the person who had brought her back to the world, her friend, her Sandrone...
“I remember when I often went out to eat at Snezhnaya. Filling my stomach was easy, but paying for it wasn't so simple, Columbina said.
...
“From now on, put her bill on my tab. It’s all the same when it comes to reimbursement anyway,” Sandrone said irritably to the employee.
“Sorry…” Columbina murmured to her colleague.
“Huh? I didnt do this to hear you apologize.”
“Hmm? You don’t blame me?”
“Huh? Why? Isn’t this just who you are. Seriously, though, I don’t get how someone like you even survives in this world…”
…
Columbina returned to the present and swallowed nervously before continuing.
“That time, I didn't receive any scolding or expectations about how to act next time, I just received silent acknowledgement from you, Sandrone,” said Columbina. “Compared to The Doctor who asked me to do better, you just accepted who I really am, without asking anything in return.”
At that time, Sandrone and Columbina weren't very close, but it was clear that they were both curious about each other and accepted each other. Despite how Sandrone was at times, her words were always covered by a shell of thorns, but they were sincere. Columbina knew that she would never say things like “You did well” or “Columbina, I appreciate you.” Instead, the words that came out of her mouth were as if they were meant only to hurt. But compared to her other colleagues, Columbina didn’t mind that. Without much effort, she could read between the lines and knew Sandrone's true intentions. Sandrone had learned over many years that kindness and appreciation led nowhere, and that was perhaps why she was the way she was, but Columbina had no argument against that.
“I never sing for anyone in particular, but I think the occasion calls for it,” said Columbina as she respectfully placed her hand on Sandrone's chest. “I'm sorry I can't sing you another song, but I promise that when I learn another one, I'll sing it for you,” added Columbina, and she began to sing the song she always sang.
...
“Columbina! You really have to stop singing in front of my door when I'm trying to sleep!” said Sandrone as she stood at her bedroom door.
“Oh? But I thought you liked it. The other day you told me that...”
“I... Stop it Columbina! That doesn't give you the right to interrupt me with your recitals. Go sing to someone else, maybe the Tsaritsa is in the mood to listen to you.”
“Hmm... Okay Sandrone, I'll let you sleep.”
“W-wait, are you really going to leave?”
“You said I was interrupting your sleep, I’ll go sing somewhere else…”
“Y-you don’t have to. I…”
“Huh?”
“You can come into my room and sing there.”
“But you said…”
“Gosh, Columbina. Just forget it.”
Columbina then went to Sandrone's room and began to sing. Sandrone had gone back to bed while listening to Columbina's soft, angelic singing. The truth was that Sandrone wanted to listen to Columbina sing, but she was so tired that she couldn't keep up.
…
A few minutes later, Columbina had finished singing. It was the same song she heard at her birth, which was not at all about what Sandrone meant to her, but she had no other choice. Columbina knew that Sandrone liked to hear Columbina sing, and she often did so in secret, as if Sandrone herself were hiding this peculiar taste from even herself. She never said anything to Sandrone about it, but when she knew she was there, she tried a little harder. Sometimes she tried to learn songs from Fontaine, but she had already forgotten them. It had been a long time since then.
“Of all the time I spent with the Fatui, my favorite moments were with you, Arlecchino, and Rosaylne,” Columbina said. “The tea parties we had were my favorite, because I felt what friendship really felt like. You often stared at me a lot, Sandrone, which makes me wonder if…”
Columbina stopped because she knew what she was going to say. It was something that seemed very improbable to her, but she never asked Sandrone either. A few glances meant nothing, and she knew that well. But the way Sandrone looked at her sometimes left her with a lot to think about. She couldn't physically see Sandrone's eyes, but she could feel the feelings in her gaze. She felt “curiosity,” “appreciation,” “companionship,” and... “love.” Columbina knew that Sandrone's gaze did not lie, and now she regretted not having asked her about it earlier, even though she might have received harsh words in return....
…
Things were not going well between Columbina and The Doctor. Sandrone knew it was only a matter of time before Columbina could no longer tolerate him, but she did not think she would reach her limit so quickly. Adding to that, the Tsaritsa had already “completed” what she wanted from Columbina.
The day Columbina left Snezhnaya without a trace, Sandrone had gathered the courage to tell Columbina “that.” Sandrone didn't know how to describe it properly, but she knew she had to “expel” that feeling from her before it interfered with her work. At first, she thought it was stupid, because she thought that Columbina, being the way she was, would not give her a clear answer. But then she finally knew she had to do it, before it was too late.
She swallowed her pride and went to look for Columbina where she usually sat singing at night while looking up at the sky: at the top of one of the monuments of the Zapolyarny palace. She searched the surrounding area, without success. Arlecchino was passing by, until she noticed Sandrone and approached her.
“She's gone, Sandrone.”
“Huh? So soon?”
“Things escalated pretty quickly, but the Tsaritsa let her go.”
Sandrone clenched her fists but said nothing. She was really gone.
…
Arlecchino would soon come back to take Sandrone's body away, so Columbina had to make the most of the little time she had left to say goodbye.
“I don't have much time, Sandrone. I was wondering if I really mean anything more to you,” said Columbina as she held Sandrone's face with both hands. “I know I can't jump to conclusions now, but I am sure about how I feel about you, Sandrone.”
“That time we played at the Frostin Whale in Moon-Prayer Night, I could feel that feeling again,” Columbina continued. “I didn't want that night to end, and especially not that moment with you. You disguise yourself just to come see me, even though you say it was just bad luck that we ran into each other.
...
“I've missed you, Sandrone. The whole time I was gone, I was thinking...”
Said your stupid line, Columbina
“...”
“...I hope I get a chance to say some ugly words to you.”
What?
“...Is that supposed to be a joke?”
...
“When I hugged you goodbye, I could feel that you wanted to hug me back, Sandrone,” said Columbina. “I sensed your intentions, and yet I didn't return to hug you again. I thought I would have all the time in the world later.”
Columbina knew she was on the verge of tears again. She knew Sandrone wouldn't have liked her crying and would have scolded her for no reason, but Columbina couldn't hide it any longer. She took a deep breath, looked up at the ceiling of Silvermoon Hall, and let the tears flow freely.
“Sandrone, thank you for everything you did for me all this time. I know people often called you greedy, but I don’t think you ever were. If I had known something like this would happen, I would have done so many things to prevent it.”
Columbina lowered her gaze to Sandrone's face, inevitably causing some tears to fall onto her face.
“You weren't just a colleague or friend to me, Sandrone. You were the one who made me feel that there was nothing wrong with being who I was...”
Columbina took Sandrone's face in both hands, lifted it slightly, and brought her face close to her.
“Goodbye, Sandrone.”
Columbina left a soft kiss on Sandrone's lips, knowing it would not be reciprocated. But she preferred that to never having done it at all...
…
“Columbina, it's time,” said Arlecchino.
Columbina just nodded as she pulled away from Sandrone.
“I'm ready.”