Work Text:
1. Find a Job with multiple spaces open.
After many interviews, we finally decided that going through them just to have one of us get rejected because of few open positions, was annoying. The most ideal situation is a lot of open spaces for you and your friends! The more desperate an employer is, the more likely you will be hired!
The fiery red flames of the mall engulfed their vision as Steve and Robin watched their simple and monotonous Job float away. They would miss scooping ice cream and saying the corny lines they were forced to say to “set the mood” despite it 100% weirding out their customers.
They would miss working together. Despite their constant complaints and quips at each other, they’ve begrudgingly become close friends.
So as they stood a far enough distance from the burning mall, they agreed on one thing.
“We’re going to get another job together, aren’t we?”
Nothing could go wrong, right?
2. If your boss won’t hire your best friend, convince them. If it doesn’t work, leave your new job!
Now I wouldn’t go so far as to say bribe your boss, but a few bucks and the promise of hot ladies isn’t something people will turn down. I sure wouldn’t. Steve won’t either.
When Keith stood firm that he wouldn’t hire Steve at Family Video, Robin had a splendid idea. Men wanted women, and women wanted Steve.
It was successful, and he let Steve have the Job. Yet after a few months of working at the place, they left.
It got boring, they had better things to do, and Robin had already got what she wanted from the Job—Movies, and Girls.
3. Don’t use your money making skills to do illegal things in secret basements.
Now, I wouldn’t say what we did was that bad. All I’ll say is, that when the kids want something, the kids will get it.
The Squawk was perfect. They got shirts, they got their own radio station, and they got a huge basement. Perfect for doing whatever they want.
However, the party wanted to turn it into an underground base for “spying on the government.”
Steve couldn’t say no to his 6 little nuggets, so he let them do whatever they wanted down there. Robin didn’t mind either, as long as she got all of the dirty information.
Unfortunately, hacking into government databases can get someone into serious legal trouble, so their lovely radio host gig was up.
Up in flames. Dustin wondered if the government just wanted to shut up the project quietly without anyone else getting any ideas.
4. Build up your resume!
Fortunately for Steve and I, our lovely departures from our previous jobs were less about getting fired, and more about our jobs exploding or catching on fire.
They had jumped through many retail and fast food jobs as their life continued on. Target, Walmart, McDonald’s. You name it, they had it.
Unfortunately, these two could not keep a job. They weren’t fired, but every local building they entered either closed down due to bankruptcy or malfunctioned so bad nobody could step foot into the store again.
The McDonald’s incident wasn’t their fault. One of their co-workers contaminated the batch the chicken nuggets—not them.
It became a joke that they were the job killer, and eventually some of the interviewers joked that too. Eventually it got a little more difficult to land a job in Hawkins, so in 2014, they moved to New York.
5. Don’t get a job in a dying company.
Robin thought it would be better than Family Video. A fresh and new environment, a bustling city. The perfect area for their job.
Robin and Steve moved into an apartment together in New York City, saying goodbye to the home they knew in Hawkins. On the way there, she had found multiple open listings for jobs in their area.
At the time, Robin and Steve were delighted as they finished the interviews on a good foot. They liked the job, and they thought it could be fresh after multiple tries at target.
Just when they thought their luck had gotten better, that they wouldn’t have to get another job, the phone calls came, and the news was louder than ever.
They watched as the bright blue blockbuster sign was removed from the front of the building. It was bound to happen. DVDs weren’t in style anymore and it was easier to go online and get movies. It had been all coming down before they got the job. It wasn’t their fault.
They were sad for a moment, but they got over it quickly. Almost immediately updating their resume and finding a new job.
In 2023, they got a job at Party City.
Now, don’t be discouraged by our bad luck! Fortunately for us, we can’t get fired if we have a podcast!
That’s right. There’s no way this could get old either. We’ll be here until you get tired of us, which might be very soon, but you never know.
Life lessons with Steve and Robin, signing off!