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Katrina Rosie Tozier. Kitty for short sometimes.
She was the golden child, Richie was sure. Richie couldn’t lie that he hated her. He loved his little sister to death; he just had a deep resentmentful jealousy burning deep inside him. (Great, another thing for people to hate him for.)
She was sweet, gentle, innocent. She was someone their mother could relate to. Someone she didn’t get uncomfortable around, embarrassed and ashamed at, someone she didn’t hate and get scared of.
She didn’t disappoint their mother. She didn’t need glasses, she never broke things, she never made their mother worry about money, she didn’t make their mother cry. She wasn’t bullied, wasn’t mentally off, didn’t speak like a goddamn freak.
She was good. She was a good kid. Richie loved that, he loved her. But he wanted to cry; why couldn’t I be like that? He thought to himself every night. Why couldn’t I be a good kid kept out of trouble? Free from feeling and having the loss of control?
Richard Oliver Tozier. Richie for short. Was the worst kid he knows his mother has ever seen.
He is sick, in more ways than one. His mother hates him. His mother can’t stand him. His mother doesn’t deserve him. She is so sweet and kind to him, when he behaves right. But he can’t be that way forever.
He wants to be gone. He should either give his mom a daughter or rid her life of himself. He couldn’t be a girl, and she already had her. She already had her baby girl. So maybe he shouldn’t live anymore.
Less of a waste of space, of air. Of money. Less of a burden.
Nobody likes Richie Tozier. Not deep down; not as they say they do. His friends hate him, Bowers’ stupid gang hates him, this fucking town hates him.
Freedom is the best option.
Stop being the faggot who just worries everyone; who his mom has to protect and keep track of. Who his mom has so much she has to do for.
Maybe now she won’t cry anymore.
Maybe someone could save him, or he’ll be too scared. Or he’ll run away and someone will do it for him.
Whatever happens is for the best and bound to happen anyway.