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“Hey! Hey! I've been wondering for a while? Rin and you…did you two know each other before?” Bachira asked casually.
The group had just finished the World Five match and were studying English while waiting for the other teams to finish.
Bachira's question made all four people look up at him.
“Oh, I wonder that too!” Aryu twirled the ends of his hair in his hand, nosy.
“Um….” Tokimitsu slightly shifted his eyes, but everyone knew that this shy boy was also a bit interested.
Isagi blinked in confusion, tilting his head to look with a surprised look.
“How did you know Rin and I knew each other?”
“You can tell just by looking! Rinrin is only gentle when talking to Isagi! His attitude towards others and Isagi can be said to be 180° different, as if he were a different person.”
“I'm not like that!” Rin immediately denied.
“It's decent! If you don't believe me, ask Aryu and Tokimitsu.”
The other two nodded in complete agreement with Bachira.
Actually, there's nothing to hide, but he still has to ask the other person in the relationship opinions. Isagi looked at Rin and asked, 'Is it okay?'
“Tch! Nosy bunch! Whatever!” Rin tossed his head, looking unconcerned.
“Don't let that get out, okay!” Isagi sighed at Rin's awkward appearance, then turned to instruct the other three.
“Promise! Don't worry, Isagi!” Bachira jumped up and hugged Isagi.
Rin was annoyed and pulled this wasp off of Isagi with extreme disgust.
“He and I have known each other since we were little. We were childhood friends. I have always considered Rin as my little brother.” Isagi smiled gently, his hand running through his soft moss green hair and stroking it gently.
Rin was also very obedient, obediently bowing down for Isagi to do that. Normally, whoever dared to touch No.1's head would only have a dead end!
“Woah!!! I didn't expect that!” Bachira was excited. He could see the intimate appearance of the two people in front of him and knew that Rin trusted Isagi very much.
“But if I were to put it more seriously…” Isagi paused for a moment, then calmly said, “Rin is my ex-lover’s younger brother.”
The atmosphere suddenly fell silent. Six eyes were stunned, not expecting this answer.
"Huh!!!??"
“Little brother…?” Golden eyes filled with doubt.
“But Rin only has one older brother….Itoshi Sae!!!!!”
"Fuck!!!"
“Are you that serious!!?” Bachira shook Isagi, making him want to fly away.
“Don't bother Yoi-nii!!” Rin shouted, pulling Isagi into his arms, glaring at his nosy teammates.
“Yoi-nii… how cute!!! I never thought I would hear Rinrin call someone like that!” Bachira was delighted as if he had just grasped the weakness of this cold person.
Seeing Rin about to explode at the overly enthusiastic person in front of him, Isagi could only sigh.
“Bachira, don't tease him anymore. If Rin wants to hit you, I won't stop him.” Isagi patted Rin's back, calming him down.
“Eh~ How could you do this to me!” Bachira looked sad, pretending to wipe away his crocodile tears.
“Haha…”
“But you two seem to… go to different schools, right?” Tokimitsu asked, stuttering.
“Yeah, since the beginning of high school, my family moved to Saitama. But on the weekends, we still met to practice soccer and chat.”
“So adorable and admiring!!" Bachira exclaimed.
“Why did you and Sae break up?” Aryu asked curiously.
“This is a private matter… yeah.” The young man suddenly stiffened, his blue eyes suddenly drooped, darkening when reminded of this memory.
“Shut up!!!” Rin said with a dark face, his voice cold as if anyone dared to speak again, Rin would not hesitate to kill them.
He glanced at the blue-black haired youth who was trying to force a smile but the sadness was still evident. The three of them… all carried scars from that year's incident.
“Sorry.” Aryu whispered, realizing he had accidentally touched the unhealed scar.
“Nothing… It’s just an old story I don’t want to talk about.” Isagi smiled awkwardly. But everyone knew the sadness that was covering that young boy.
***
It seems that because he remembered that in the morning, Isagi dreamed about that night's scene again at night.
The night sky was full of bright stars, the snow was falling white. It should have been a happy, joyful reunion night for the three of them. But it was completely opposite to their expectations because from this moment on, all the feelings and relationships between the three of them officially broke down.
Rin was still practicing soccer after the school team's practice. He was thinking and waiting for the other person to come like usual. However, Sae's sudden appearance made Rin very happy, he was excited like a child, wanting to run to ask his brother.
But the next actions and words of his once close brother stabbed Rin's heart.
“Go away, Rin. I don't need you anymore.”
Rin now fell to his knees in pain, not knowing what words to say in response to Sae after the short and miserable match just now. His heart was pounding so hard it hurt, leaving only emptiness.
Isagi, who had been running like crazy after Sae, witnessed Sae, the one he loved, cruelly cutting off the fragile emotional bond between the three of them.
“Shut up!!!” A shout filled with anger tore through the cold air, echoing throughout the stadium.
Isagi was a gentle person, he rarely used violence to solve problems. This time, he ran straight forward and punched that handsome man in the face.
“Sae…why…why would you say such things?” His voice trembled.
“I can accept you hurting me…but Rin too?”
“Yoi-nii…” Rin whispered, his voice trembling, his eyes red.
“Four years… you left for four years. And the first thing you come back to do is hurt us? The people who waited, looked forward to you? You're an emotional cripple!!!” He clenched his fists, pouring out all the emotions that had been stored in his heart.
Sae looked at both of them with icy eyes, but there were ripples in the depths of his eyes.
“I'm just telling the truth. Both of you are worthless now.”
“Yoichi. You're not even worthy of my pass right now, you're even weaker than Rin.”
Isagi was stunned, gasping for breath in grief. His heart clenched, each beat felt like it was being torn apart. He never expected Sae to be so cruel. Was their years of love worthless in his eyes? His sacrifices and efforts were being trampled on like rags.
“Very good. Very good. Football, right? The guy who went to Spain for four years and returned is a genius, so ordinary people like us are no longer worthy in your eyes… Do you know what? Even if I truly love football from the bottom of my heart, I will not hurt the person I love.”
“Hurt? Just saying these words and you can't stand it? The four years I spent there were much more horrible.”
“So what? You’re so ridiculous! You’re clearly the one who doesn’t want to confide in that sadness…you’re the one who wants to hide it…so why are you talking like we never cared about you? You’re mocking us without saying a word, are you happy?”
“Let's break up. I'm not worthy to stand by your side anymore, Itoshi Sae.” The blue eyes no longer sparkled with light, only darkness remained.
Isagi trembled as he finished speaking, tightening his grip on the scarf around his neck. Holding back the tears that threatened to fall, he would not show the one who had cruelly hurt him his weakness.
Sae suddenly stiffened, his emerald eyes looking at the figure who was bowing his head. He didn't intend for things to go this far. Did he hurt him too much? Sae only wanted to push, to arouse Rin's ego so that his brother could develop stronger. As for Isagi, he was the light in his heart, the person he wanted to be with, wanted to fight with... But at this moment, he himself had broken everything.
“Alright. This kind of feeling isn't necessary anyway.”
The emotionless voice rang out, like a death sentence for all three. Having said that, Sae dragged his suitcase and left the two of them in this cold soccer field.
As soon as Sae's back disappeared, Isagi's legs seemed to lose all strength. He knelt down on the cold ground. The tears he had been trying to hold back now fell all over his pretty face. Each sob tore at his throat.
Why did things turn out like this?
Tonight was supposed to be a moment of reunion after four years apart… but instead there was only a cold void.
Isagi curled up, his shoulders shaking, breathing weakly as if trying to hide himself from the world.
“Yoi-nii…” Rin stepped forward, his voice trembling as well. Their five fingers intertwined tightly, as if his warmth could pull this teenager out of the depths of despair.
“Rin…don’t mind what Sae said. Don’t hurt and blame yourself, okay? I’ll always be here, always by your side. So don’t break down.” Isagi tried to smile weakly, whispering softly.
"I promised."
Rin replied softly and helped Isagi sit on the bench in the yard. The two leaned against each other, licking each other's wounds, their hands still tightly holding each other. Occasionally, Isagi's soft sniffles still echoed in the quiet space.
“Yoi-nii, don't pay attention to what nii-chan says. He...must have some suffering.”
“I know… I know we were both at fault just now. I was so angry, I couldn’t control my emotions but… I can’t stand by and watch Sae hurt you, Rin. If I don’t run in and you change later, I will regret it forever. I’ve already lost Sae… I can’t lose you too…”
Rin didn't say anything, he just listened silently because he knew Isagi needed someone to confide in right now. But Rin knew Isagi had chosen him, this young man had always been the one connecting the three of them. Now Isagi had ended that relationship with his own hands, how much pain would he feel?
But… It's a good thing Isagi was here. Otherwise, he would have collapsed just like Yoi-nii said. Thank you for standing up for me, for being there when I needed you.
A moment later, Isagi smiled faintly and pulled out a carefully wrapped gift package.
“That's right… This was the gift I was going to give Sae, but it's probably useless now.” Isagi gently rubbed the wrapping paper.
“Rin…do you have that piece of paper there?” Isagi asked.
“Let me see.”
Rin rummaged through it and handed Isagi a small piece of paper. He watched the teenager write a few short lines, fold it, and clip it to the gift package.
“Can you give it to Sae… tell him that he could keep it or throw it away up to him. It took effort to make it anyway.”
“Okay, I will…” Rin nodded slightly, awkwardly accepting the gift.
“I can't be with you today… I need time to think. Let's meet the day after tomorrow, okay?” Isagi said with a gentle smile.
“Take your time, it's okay. If anything happens, just text me.” Rin gently touched his red eyes, Isagi conveniently tilted his cheek to rest comfortably in that warm palm.
“I'm home!” Isagi took off his shoes and entered the house.
“Yocchan, why are you back today? It's not-” His mother was about to ask something, but when she saw her son's face, she suddenly fell silent.
“What's wrong?” Her voice was worried.
“It’s just… Sae and I broke up.” Isagi said lightly, as if he was just telling an everyday story. He said goodbye to his parents and went upstairs, leaving behind two stunned faces.
“Will Yocchan be okay?”
“He's very strong,” his father reassured, but his voice was uncertain.
When Isagi woke up, his face was pale, his hair was messy, his eyes were swollen like a tabby cat that had cried all night.
“Yoi-nii, are you okay? Did you dream about it again?” Rin walked in, sat down next to the bed, and gently wiped Isagi's face with a towel.
“Isagi…” Behind Rin, the remaining three people in the room also approached, their eyes filled with worry.
“I'm fine. I just had a dream about the past. Sorry for worrying you all.” He took a deep breath and gave a reassuring smile.
***
When Ego announced that they would have to fight U20 to decide the survival of Blue lock, Isagi was very calm but as soon as that name was mentioned, Itoshi Sae, would join and lead the U20 team.
Rin was quite surprised, he glanced at Isagi to catch the other person's reaction. But on that face, there was only a thin layer of sadness, underneath was a bit of simmering jealousy covering the deep blue eyes. Rin really wanted to know what was going on in Isagi's heart right now.
That night, after choosing a team, Rin took the initiative to find Isagi to talk to. The two of them led each other into a private room to watch a video.
“Yoii-nii, what do you think about that? Nii-chan joining the U20 team against us?”
“It just feels a little annoying… The person who said he would never lower himself to play for this weak country, and yet now he joined the other side. Or maybe that guy wants to test our current abilities or…”
Suddenly speaking up to here, he fell silent, making Rin curious. He turned his face to look at Isagi.
“...he found a striker he wanted to play with.” Isagi’s voice trailed off, mixed with a barely concealed hint of jealousy. His hands clenched, trembling slightly at the thought.
Rin opened his eyes wide, he also thought of something, his mood plummeted.
Isagi didn't know what to say, he bowed his head and hugged his legs, as if he wanted to shrink himself from the world. Those words still haunted Isagi, he didn't know if they were Sae's sincere words or simply outbursts of anger. But whatever it was, it was enough to carve a deep pain into Isagi.
“We will win. We will prove to nii-chan that we can win even without him and that we have grown stronger than nii-chan expected.”
He lifted Isagi's face up, looked straight into his lifeless blue eyes, and said firmly.
“Rin…”
“Let's settle this in this match, Yoi-nii.” Rin's voice was firm, like a promise. He didn't want this boy to feel sad because of his bastard brother.
“That’s right…let’s give that selfish bastard a taste of defeat.” Isagi smiled brightly, his eyes shining with determination. Not only to prove himself to Sae, but also to pave his own path.
***
“The person Itoshi Sae chose is Shidou Ryuusei.” Ego announced.
Isagi wasn't too surprised, after thinking about it, the U20 striker's skill level was really bad, it wasn't that he was criticizing or anything, but Isagi saw that Rin was playing better, so how could those guys catch Sae's eye. As for inviting other professional players? With that kind of personality, he probably didn't have many friends to ask for help. Besides, it wouldn't be fair, so the only choice was Blue lock.
He and Rin would be eliminated from the selection from the start and from observation, out of everyone, only Shidou's demonic self would be the most compatible.
“What a selfish guy!!” Isagi exclaimed, but since the room was silent, everyone heard his comment.
“Isagi, do you have a grudge against Sae?” Chigiri was a bit surprised. How could the normally gentle friend suddenly dare to speak ill of others?
Only the three teammates from the third round understood why Isagi had that expression, but they didn't say anything because they had promised. Besides, that demon Rin was here, so try to open his mouth!
“Yes… But as soon as he picked Shidou, it means that Blue lock us is already one game ahead. Because he can’t play with the original lineup of the U20 team.” Isagi curled his lips, he smiled lightly.
“Well said, commoner.” Karasu laughed.
“But that said, Itoshi Sae has the skills to beat us if he doesn’t get pulled back by his teammates… so train hard, Blue lock.” Isagi smiled sweetly but the words that came out were extremely terrifying, like a king giving orders.
“Woah! Woah! His aura is different, isn't it?” Otoya exclaimed, eyes wide.
***
After the decisive goal went to Blue Lock, cheers erupted throughout the stadium, everyone hugged each other in happiness. Rin sat down on the grass, breathing heavily, he had played until he was exhausted. His blue eyes were looking at Isagi who was happily chatting with Aiku.
“Rin.” A familiar voice rang out, Sae approaching.
“I was wrong…”
“... The one who will awaken your instincts and change the football of this country. It might be that 'ego' Isa-”
Sae was about to speak when suddenly a hand covered his mouth, his eyes widened slightly in shock.
“If you can't say something good, then don't say it.” Isagi smiled sweetly, but the veins in his temples bulged with anger.
Seeing that the guy was quiet, Isagi walked towards Rin, ignoring the person who was interrupted.
“Rin, don't mind him. This guy is only good at making you sad. Also, congratulations on winning that battle earlier.” Isagi squatted down across from Rin, reaching out to gently stroke his sweaty hair.
“Yoi-nii…” Rin smiled lightly, once again Isagi came to protect him.
“Are you going to protect him like that forever, Yoichi? He needs to experience pain so that he can grow.” Sae's cold voice rang out from behind.
“Where did you get that idea from? Besides, I consider Rin as my little brother so I will always protect him.”
“Moreover…congratulations, you found the striker you wanted. I hope Shidou will make you happy.” Isagi said this with a fake joy.
“I…” Sae was a bit at a loss for how to respond.
“Let's go Rin.” Isagi turned away, he didn't want to face this person anymore.
As Isagi pulled Rin away, he suddenly heard a weak question from behind.
“Yoichi…can we talk privately?”
Isagi paused. For a moment, he saw loneliness, and even a bit of sadness, hidden deep in those emerald eyes, a gaze that seemed to pierce straight into his heart.
.
He clenched his fists, fingers tensely placed on his chest, a sharp pain spreading throughout his chest.
“Okay…pick the time and place and text me. My phone number is still the same.”
***
The two weeks of Blue lock's break went extremely well for Isagi. He spent one of days going to a meeting with Sae.
From afar, Isagi saw a familiar figure sitting there, his eyes looking out at the river sparkling in the afternoon light. The gentle wind blew, making Sae's hair flutter just like the times he looked at him from behind when he was little. This place was still the same, except that their relationship had changed. Back then, they often made appointments to meet at this riverbank, sitting and talking about everything from goals, dreams, to the secrets of all three. After Sae left, this place still became a familiar place for him and Rin, but unexpectedly, Sae still remembered and chose this very place to meet again.
A warm and throbbing feeling crept into his heart. Isagi told himself that he had forgotten… but when he saw his ex there, his heart still tightened. Perhaps, there were things that could not be easily let go with just the word “forget”.
“You’re here.” Sae looked at the boy who just stood there, not wanting to take another step, forcing him to speak up.
Isagi walked slowly over and sat down next to him. He didn't know how to start the conversation. Ever since that argument, it had been a long time since he had spoken properly to his ex-boyfriend. His fingers unconsciously intertwined, his eyes glued to the still river surface, the slight ripples reflecting the sky.
The feeling of shyness, impatience, and nostalgia seemed to twist into a knot in his chest. He wanted to speak… but was afraid that the first sentence would not be as calm as he wanted.
“Yoichi…” Sae spoke first, looking forward.
"Yes."
“...I'm sorry.”
Isagi stiffened, feeling like he must have misheard.
“Sorry for what…?” Isagi didn't understand.
“Because that night hurt you.”
Isagi's eyes turned red, tears were about to fall again.
“At that time, I didn't mean to say that, it was just my sudden anger. I couldn't keep my composure when facing you.” Sae explained.
“...I'm sorry too. That night, I also yelled at you, I know it was because you had your own suffering. But I couldn't stand by and watch you do that to Rin... Why could someone who always protected, pampered, and was gentle like you be so cruel... I always wondered after that night.” His voice trembled, weak when confiding about that memory.
"I…"
“I don't need you to say everything…but don't keep it all to yourself and take it out on us like that. Aren't we always waiting behind you to support you?”
Sae slightly lowered his eyes as if to avoid Isagi's direct gaze. He took a deep breath, his hanging hand seemed to clench, then release.
“I know… but at that time, I didn't want anyone to see my weak side, especially you and Rin.”
“You don't have to be strong all the time, Sae.” Isagi bit his lip.
He always felt like he was stuck in that night space forever, wanting to go forward and question, scream and seek answers from Sae. But as each day passed, each week then month, he could only stand there and watch the back of the red-haired boy leave, leave his life.
He simply wanted an explanation for everything.
His words made Sae raise his head slightly. In those blue eyes, he clearly saw himself, not a professional player, not a perfect brother, but just a boy who was confused in front of the person he loved, the person he had unintentionally hurt.
At that moment, Sae unconsciously raised his hand to gently stroke Isagi's hair like he used to do when he was little. Then he hugged him tightly, burying his face in his shoulder.
“I know… I can’t take back what I said but… you’re not weak, you’re strong, Yoichi. Seeing your goal made me realize a lot, even the battle with Rin. You’re both very good. Congratulations.”
The warmth radiating from Sae's arms made Isagi feel like he was nailed to the spot. His heart was pounding, not only because of those words of recognition, but also because this was the first time in so long that he felt pure tenderness from him.
Tears fell down, wetting Sae's shoulder, but this time they were no longer filled with anger or doubt, only relief, as if he had finally found his way out of that dark snowy night.
Isagi felt a little embarrassed for letting himself cry uncontrollably like this. His shoulders were shaking slightly, his chest heaving as if the tears just now had taken all his strength.
“You’re still as squishy as ever.” Sae chuckled, his voice warm and slow, his hand gently wiping away the remaining tears on his cheeks. The cold feeling on his fingers made Isagi confused, wanting to avoid it but not wanting to let go.
“No…it's just…” Isagi awkwardly wanted to explain but didn't know what to say.
“Can we go back to the way things were?” Sae asked, his eyes never leaving him. He laced his fingers with Isagi’s, squeezing.
“...I gave up on this feeling a long time ago. Now I still want us to be friends or teammates…” He didn't want to be the one left behind again, he still didn't have the courage to continue any feelings.
When I can confidently stand shoulder to shoulder with you, then I will dare to look back.
“Alright.” There was a slight pang in his heart when he heard Isagi refuse. But it was only right that he was the one who contributed to destroying that relationship, so what right do he have to be sad now! He told himself, but he still couldn’t hide the regret in the depths of his eyes.
Deep down, Sae knew that he wasn't the only one affected by that incident. Rin and Isagi had also carried sadness and anger on their shoulders for a long time. He owed them both an explanation.
“It’s time for me to go. Thank you for explaining. I hope we can be together in the future.” Isagi smiled brightly, his blue eyes shining brightly, although the corners of his eyes were still a bit red, he lightly bumped Sae’s shoulder as a word of encouragement, a promise for their future together.
“May you fly to the sky you deserve.” Sae said, his voice as light as the wind, but there was a silent promise hidden in it. That sentence made Isagi blush, his heart trembling slightly from the unexpected warmth.
I will go to that sky too… and stand by your side.
“That's right! Remember to apologize to Rin too, he needs an explanation too.” Isagi remembered, his eyes serious.
“I know.” Sae nodded. He knew that only when the tangled strings between the three were untied could they truly move forward.
That night, he talked to Rin. It wasn't as gentle as with Isagi, it was brief, but Rin was still very happy.
“So you and Yoi-nii made up?” His face remained cold, but the corners of his mouth couldn’t hide the smile.
"Yes…"
As he followed Sae back to his room, Rin suddenly noticed the scarf that Isagi had asked Rin to give to Sae that night, neatly placed in his brother's open bag.
“You still have that scarf?” Rin asked, a hint of surprise in his voice.
“Of course.” Sae picked it up, cradling it in his arms like a treasure.
He still remembered that night after the three of them argued, he thought Rin wouldn't want to talk to him. But no, just a moment later his younger brother knocked on the door and walked in with a gift in his hand.
“This is a gift Yoi-nii prepared for you in advance. He said it's up to you whether you want to keep it or throw it away.” Rin put the gift on the floor, without saying anything more, then turned and left.
Sae stared blankly at the delicate gift package lying silently on the floor. The face of the blue-eyed teenager flashed through his mind, his eyes looking both sad and… disappointed. He bent down and gently touched each fold of the wrapping paper, his hand trembling slightly. There was a small note on the outside, probably newly written.
Sae, I heard that winter in Spain is not as cold as in Japan but you should still take good care of yourself. I will wait for you. Hang in there!
Just a few lines made Sae speechless. His breathing slowed down, his eyes started to water, he finally couldn't hold back the emotions that had been accumulating for so long, tears fell down. Why? Why are you still so gentle with me... after all I've said?
Do I deserve this attention?
When he opened the gift, a dark blue scarf appeared, the same color as Isagi's eyes. There was also a small note that said 'I knitted it myself.'
Sae picked up the scarf with all tenderness and reverence, looking at the careful stitches, burying his face in the soft wool and thinking.
“Sorry.” The words came out in a shaky breath, blending into the quiet space.
Back to the present, seeing Sae still looking at the scarf with gentle eyes and an almost new state, Rin seemed to realize something, he spoke softly but did not push.
“You still have feelings for Yoi-nii, right? Why were you so cruel back then?” Rin wondered, feeling a little sad.
“...”
Not waiting for Sae's answer, Rin sighed and left.
“...Because I didn't want to get in his way. Because I was too stupid and weak at that time.”
The answer was uttered but no one heard it, only Sae's lonely back looked at the childhood photo of the three of them. His finger gently brushed over Isagi's face in the photo, he was smiling sweetly, his eyes filled with love for them.
Sae closed his eyes as if he wanted to hold on to that past, the laughter of all three echoed through the space, across the field. But that moment had passed and he was left with only a vast void in his heart.