Chapter Text
“I would never intentionally hurt anyone, especially not you.”
Percy’s words echo in Vax’s memory even as he tries to focus on something, anything, else. It’s only been a day since their tender conversation, only a few hours since Draconia, but Vax can’t pull himself away from replaying that moment. He thinks about how Percy had looked him straight in the eye and said “I don’t want to die the man that I am.” He thinks about his honesty, his desire to be mistrusted and how patient and understanding of Vax he was being. It twists something deep in Vax’s gut that Percy could be so understanding and Vax-
Vax can never hold back. Not when it comes to Vex; not when it’s the person he loves most in this world.
His eyes open and he takes in the dim interior of the Raven Queen’s new temple. Sticks of incense burn in bowls around him, the sweet smell already familiar enough to invoke mental images of the cathedral in Vasselheim. A smell that now, thanks to his decorative cloak clasp, reminds him of Percy. It always comes back to Percy.
“You know, if you were Sarenrae,” Vax says, “I’d be asking for your guidance on this. I know she’s all about second chances and… redemption.”
Even as Vax says it, he winces. His words make Percy sound like an enemy they’d fight. Redemption? That’s hardly what Percy needs.
“It’s been about a month now, Feywild included, and I don’t know how to go on from here. I don’t know how to be his friend anymore.”
Vax stops and sucks in a breath. He tries to ground himself, running his fingers over the roughly hewn stone that covers the floor.
“One of our own is dead. He lies in the ruins of his fallen city and all I can think about is… I haven’t forgiven him. Vex’ahlia has. Vex’ahlia could. But I’m… afraid of what will happen if I do.”
It hits him in much the same way that Tiberius’ death hit him; suddenly, jarringly. He hasn’t been unable to forgive Percy because he’s mad at him. He’s been unable because…
“I don’t know how to guard my heart.”
The whispered confession seems too loud in the quiet of the crypt. It feels too loud, deep in Vax’s chest. For a moment, but not for the first time, Vax wishes he could regain his friendship with Percy without feeling as though he’s betraying his sister. He wishes they could put this behind them completely and that he could trust him again.
“Do you trust me?” Percy had asked.
Vax may not have said yes, but he walked into the crypt. He may not have said yes, but he followed Percy towards the most obvious death metaphor he’d ever seen regardless. He’d do it again. There’s no question.
Someone he cared about was lost today. An entire person vanished from his life. What would he have done if it was Percy they’d had to bury today? How could he live with himself, allowing Percy to go to his death thinking Vax hasn’t forgiven him?
A cold draft blows in from a gap under the crypt door and the hairs on Vax’s neck rise. The incense sticks flicker and go out.
In the darkness Vax whispers: “Light.”