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Velaris was covered in a layer of fresh snow, the air so cold that Gwyn's breath became visible in front of her. New snowflakes swirled around her as she made her way down to her warm and cozy room. Today was no different from the last months, Azriel would be waiting for her inside her room. Since Gwyn started training with the Valkyries, she and Azriel had developed a unique kind of friendship (if not more). They would seek each other out after their exhausting day and just enjoy each other’s company. Sometimes they would talk until late in the night, or they would play stupid little games together. Though there were days where neither of them had the energy to speak, where the only thing they needed was each other’s steady, and comforting presence.
As she made her way down the corridor, she was greeted by one of Azriel’s shadows. She opened the door and saw Azriel sitting in front of her fireplace with his back turned towards her. The fire emitted a vibrant golden light that made Azriel look ethereal.
“Cauldron boil me, how can someone look this perfect every single second ALL THE TIME!”,Gwyn thought to herself.
“What a surprise to see you here, Shadowsinger.”
Azriel turned around, offering a tiny smile: “Good Evening, Priestess.”
“It’s so cold outside! I feared I might turn into an ice block!” After getting rid of all the extra jackets and scarfs she made her way over to Azriel and sat down cross-legged on his right side.
Azriel nodded, his eyes locked onto the bright fire. “Gwyn, I’m afraid to admit that I need your help with something.” His voice was steady, yet Gwyn could swear she heard his voice waver at the end of the sentence.
“Oh? Of course I’ll help you. What is it?” It must be something very important if Azriel is willing to ask for help.
“I am sure you are aware that solstice is tomorrow… and every 175 years a very special comet passes over the night court.”
Gwyn’s eyes widen with surprise, barely able to contain the thrill of excitement. For this would be her very first solstice outside of the library, spending the now more than ever special solstice with all her loved ones.
“There is a tradition that goes along with it,” Azriel finally looks up at Gwyn, mesmerized in her everlasting beauty. A small smirk plastered on his face. “The males are to draw an old bargain tattoo on their hands, to honor the mother and the nature.”
Gwyn, as smart as always, immediately hears his silent question: Gwyn, will you draw it on my hands?
”So…you want me to draw it? But you just said that the males have to do it themselves, did you not?” She raised an eyebrow, unsure on how to understand this gesture.
The question seemed to have hit home. Azriel looked away, again watching the bright fire crackle. “That’s true. But…Well— My hands…” His voice isn’t the steady and confident one he had just moments ago, his whole demeanor changed: This wasn’t the confident, proud, and content Azriel but rather a boy who’s ashamed. For he had hoped that Gwyn wouldn’t think so thoroughly about the tradition he explained. But then again, this was Gwyn, how could he expect anything less than brilliant from her?
“I understand, Az—You don’t have to explain yourself. Actually, I’d love to draw it for you! When I was a child I loved to draw.” Gwyn tried to smile reassuringly, in hopes to provide a little comfort.
His voice was quiet. “When it’s cold my hands are hurting and aching all the time. They feel tight, almost like I wear a tight glove. I wouldn’t ask if there was another way, I hope you know that…” Azriel justified quickly. “You’re not bothering me, Az! Quite the opposite, actually I am happy to help. This is what friends are for!” Azriel looked at her for a moment, gratitude shining in his eyes. Words couldn’t describe the relief that passed through him because Gwyn wasn’t asking so many questions.
Gwyn quickly walked across the room to get an enchanted ink pen, originally used to write titles on the leather binds of books. She sat herself down cross-legged in front of Azriel who has also turned around to face her. The fire was crackling in the background, making the room glow in a golden hue.
“Here is a picture of the tattoo,” Azriel said quietly. It’s formed like a hexagon with lots of intricate details adorning the shapes inside. It spans almost the entire hand and palm. Gwyn took a good look and started to plan out the dimensions in her head. After a silent minute, she took Azriel’s hand without warning and started sketching.
Azriel’s breath hitched for a split second. It had been so long since Gwyn had touched his hand - or him in any way. She was so special to him that he always fears making a wrong move and scaring her away. He was, after all, the infamous Spymaster with a certain reputation preceding him. He could and would not bear to lose Gwyn.
“Is this how it is supposed to look?” Gwyn snapped him out of his thoughts. Strange, he hadn’t even noticed his thoughts taking over. Steering his focus on his hand, he saw a perfect sketch.
“…It’s perfect” Azriel said in a quiet voice, and looked at Gwyn. Something akin to worry flickered in her eyes for a heartbeat. “really, it is good!” Azriel tried to reassure her.
Gwyn threw a glance at him before she started to draw the intricate ornaments into her a sketch. There was something about Azriel that made her uneasy. At first, when she came into her home, everything had been as usual but somewhere along the lines, Azriel had started to revert back to his old self. The guarded one that kept his burdens to himself. She couldn’t, for the love of the mother, figure out what had caused this reaction. Did something happen to him today? Or worse, did she do something that upset him? Made him lose trust in her?
Gwyn pulled herself out of her spiraling thoughts and decided to face the issue head-on, “Are you alright?”. Azriel’s eyes snapped to hers, if only for a second, “Yes, fine;…why do you ask?” Azriel responded in that voice that is usually reserved for meetings and interrogations. He averted his eyes and commented the progress Gwyn made. “It looks good. Beautiful.”
Suddenly, Gwyn stopped. “Something is wrong with you, Az. Did I do something wrong? Did something happen today? You’re not..you. Not the Az that I’ve come to know in these past months.” That seemed to snap Azriel out of his stillness caused by Gwyns outbreak. He looked caught. Guilty for something might or might not have done.
Azriel searched for words to explain whatever the fuck was going on inside him. He himself couldn’t even figure out what really happened. All he knew was that it somehow bothered him that he needed help — help for something so little that should not have even been a problem in the first place.
“It’s just…I feel…stupid for having to ask you to help me. For something so mundane” he admitted in a quiet voice devoid of any fight. “I am the Spymaster and yet I still have to ask someone to draw in my fucked up hands” It seemed like once he started, he could not keep his troubling thoughts to himself. “I feel like I am bothering you with this, with my hands. I’m sorry you have to look at them.” Azriel looked at the ground ashamed.
Gwyn was taken aback by his revelations. She had hoped to get at least a small sliver of truth of what is bothering out of him. She had not expected him to be so real and honest. Nonetheless, she was more than grateful for the trust Azriel had in her, to voice his complaints. “Don’t be sorry. I have no problems with helping you. And like I’ve told you before, many times, your hands do not bother nor disgust me. It will never make me see you as anything less than what you are.”
Azriel finally looked up at Gwyn and really saw the truth in her eyes. So many emotions were swirling through his body, making him feel happy and terrified all at once. He didn’t know how what to say. Gwyn had, once again, rendered him speechless. “And it is completely normal to ask for help. I’m happy that you trust me enough to ask. Doesn’t make you be weak, asking for help, that is.” All throughout this exchange, Gwyn had continued the drawing and was nearing the end.
Still, Azriel did not know how to voice any of his thoughts related to Gwyns heartfelt words. His emotions were starting to wreak havoc on one another and spill out of him at any moment. In addition to his humiliating outbreak, a single tear escaped his eye and glistened on his cheek. He turned his head in an attempt to hide it but to his horror, Gwyn had spotted it. Of course she had, she was a Valkyrie, after all.
Gwyn reached up to his face to swipe the tear away with her thumb, scared of what Azriel will do. She has never seen him so vulnerable. She feared that he will run at any moment now. This was uncharted territory for both of them.
Azriel just sat there, still, ragged breaths filling the silence. Everything seemed to fall apart this evening. Did he not embarrass himself enough? Now he has to fucking cry aswell? In front of Gwyn, out of all possible people? “I’m-…I’m sorry- Gwyn…sorry for ruining your evening!” He choked out in a single second. This right now was worse than any war he experienced. Disappearing into the ground sounded like a great idea.
“Az…it’s okay” With no other course of action in her mind, Gwyn leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Azriel’s now shaking frame. He had not run like Gwyn feared he would. So she hoped that he would just trust Gwyn let go.
And he did.