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Hasegawa let a small sigh slip out of his mouth, standing in the elevator, he began to scroll on his phone in the meantime, not wanting to let his nerves get the best of him.
The phone lit up as Hasegawa felt a small smile form on his face, his lockscreen had been a picture of him and Kazutoshi on New years. He remembers Kazutoshi rambling on about it—about how “embarrassing” the photo had been. Ken found it endearing.
Cute even…
The elevator began to beep, its doors opening, perking his head up, Hasegawa made his way to him and Kazutoshi's dorm room, his keys jingling loudly.
He knocked on the wooden door softly, his voice quiet and gentle as he spoke out.
“Kazutoshi? I’m coming in- don’t be startled.”
Letting out his small warning, Hasegawa unlocked the dorm, opening the door, he was met with a familiar blue glow, Kazutoshi's LED lights shone outside the door. Stepping in quietly, closed the door behind him, making his way to Kazutoshi's bed.
Hasegawa stopped dead in his tracks, witnessing the sight beneath him. A sleeping and snoring Kazutoshi…did he really take that long?
Hasegawa let out a sincere smile, leaning down, he slowly cupped Kazutoshi's soft face, pressing a faint kiss into the side of his cheek.
Kazutoshi began to stir at the action, letting out a few faint grumbles.
Hasegawa jumped slightly at the movement, letting go of the boy's face so as to not awake him any further.
He looks so…peaceful. Hasegawa thought to himself, a faint blush pooling onto his cheeks. His focus remained on Kazutoshi as he watched him sleep, observing his every breath and movement.
…Is that creepy?
Hasegawa doesn’t want to think about it any further, getting up from his position, he begins to make his way to the bed, suddenly—
“Mhm..Ken..?”
Hasegawa felt a grip on his cardigan, turning his head to none other than a half asleep Kazutoshi.
“Ah-Toshi? I-I didn’t wake you up- did i?” Hasegawa began to stammer as he felt the warmth in his cheeks begin to rise again, his heart picking up an unhealthy pace.
He began to kneel down again, facing the lying down boy, he felt a slight twinge in his heart as Kazutoshi let go of his clothing, preferring to rest his hand on his lap.
“Mno..s’dont think so…when did you get here.?” Kazutoshi let out a small mewl, rubbing his previously closed eyes. His hand made its way to Hasegawa's head as it entangled with the boy's hair. Kazutoshi slowly started to scratch and pet the boy's hair lazily, clearly tired from his sudden nap.
Hasegawa felt a chuckle escape his lips as the boy began petting him, Hasegawa himself as he slowly melted into the soothing feeling.
“I just got here actually, didn’t know you were asleep though.”
“S’whatever…cmere Ken..”
Hasegawa furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, though he obliged, standing up while he waited for Kazutoshi to continue his sentence.
The thought finally clicked to him as Kazutoshi rolled to the other side of the bed. A red blush spread across his face, staring Kazutoshi dead in the eye.
“R-right! Let me uhm…let me just change real quickly.!
₊˚⊹ᰔ
The pale bathroom light shut off as Hasegawa stepped outside the room, now in something comfier. He sported a soft brown T-shirt and a pair of black shorts (Kazutoshi's shorts…)
Hasegawa made his way over to the bed once again, his stomach began to ache, suddenly, his eyes diverting towards Kazutoshi, who now seemed a bit more awake.
The sheets began to shift quietly, Hasegawa crawling into the bed with Kazutoshi. He turned around to face the boy, a slight worry appearing on his face.
“You can scoot a bit closer Yk—I don’t bite dude.”
“R-right! Sorry…” Hasegawa murmured quietly, he began to move himself closer to Kazutoshi, gaining a slight surge of confidence, he gently hugged the boy, wrapping his arms around his waist.
His hands hovered above Kazutoshi's shirt, he looked up at the blue haired boy and tilted his head politely, silently asking the boy if what he was about to do was ok.
Kazutoshi's eyes met Hasegawa's as he let out a slow nod, nuzzling deeply into the boy's neck.
He smelled like Vanilla…with a small hint of lavender-hm.. Kazutoshi found comfort in a lot of things Hasegawa did, whether it be his personality, his looks, or the small things. Like how he smelled, how he talked…he felt comfort in Hasegawa period.
A pair of hands slid up Kazutoshi's shirt, resting softly on his waist. Kazutoshi ran cold most of the time, a stark contrast to Hasegawa's, warm hands.
Kazutoshi was a bony person, practically allergic to working out—like ever. Hasegawa didn’t mind too much though, in fact, he kinda preferred it. He wouldn’t ever admit that to Kazutoshi though, not without a fight atleast…
There’s a lot of things Hasegawa wouldn’t rather admit to Kazutoshi, he feels guilty about it—really.
Sometimes he wishes it wasn’t so damn shy, maybe he’d be able to express his feelings better. There’s so much he wishes to say to Kazutoshi- to express just how much Hasegawa cares and yearns for him. Kazutoshi deserves to know, Hasegawa is just too much of a coward to inform him.
Hasegawa brushed a few strands of hair out of Kazutoshi's face, planting a small—firm kiss on top of the boy's forehead.
He wasn’t very good at physical love either. Publicly at least. Hasegawa believes he himself is a difficult person—he can’t express his feelings without bottling it all up just to lash out in the end, he can barely show his love to Kazutoshi, whether it be physical or emotional-
So what is he good for?
Why does Kazutoshi prevail after all this time?
His vision began to blur up as Hasegawa felt tears form in his eyes, he kept his breaths small, not wanting to alert the boy that he was currently cuddling.
He can’t worry Kazutoshi anymore-he has to suck it up.
You have to be good for something, you have to be good for something, you have to be good for-
“Ken? Hey-Ken it’s ok, just focus on me.”
Hasegawa felt jagged breaths come out of him as his heart rate began to speed up, a gentle hand reached out to his face.
“I-Kazutoshi…”
“Shh..it’s ok, I’m here Ken, you’re ok.”
“Kazutoshi…” Hasegawa let out a choked sob, pressing his head against Kazutoshi's neck, repeating his name in anguish.
He felt his lip tremble terribly, the room began to spin as all hell felt as if it was breaking loose. This is too much- he wants Kazutoshi. He needs Kazutoshi.
Kazutoshi frowned considerably, he ran his fingers through Hasegawa's soft hair, soothing the boy while he whispered to him.
“I'm here Ken.”
“You’re not alone-I’ll be right here with you.” Kazutoshi pressed a warm kiss against Hasegawa's forehead, gently caressing the boy's face. The two stayed close together, Kazutoshi murmuring out small reassurances from time to time.
Soon—Hasegawas breath began to slow down, returning to a normal—or more say decent pace.
“I-I’m sorry Kazu-“
“Ken.” His voice dips low, firmly pressing his pointer finger onto Hasegawa's lips, shutting the boy up temporarily.
Startled, Hasegawa lets out a small squeak, initiating a small nod, letting Kazutoshi continue.
“You don’t- you shouldn’t have to apologize for things like these. It isn’t your fault in the slightest.”
Kazutoshi felt small tears prick up against his eyes, quickly wiping them so as to not worry Hasegawa. His remaining hand interlocked with Hasegawa's, brushing a thumb against the boy's fist, consoling him further.
Hasegawa leaned his head towards Kazutoshis, the two pressing up against each other in the already closed proximity.
“I just—I want you to know how much I-I care about you and-and I feel like I just—“
Hasegawa's throat began to close up as he felt the overwhelming feeling of despair slowly creep up against him. He cut his words short, opting for a small breathing exercise he learned. He shouldn’t push himself. This is Kazutoshi—Kazutoshi is safe.
“Take all the time you need Ken.”
Take all the time I need. Take all the time I need…
“I…I guess it just feels like—I don’t show enough love towards you.” Silence filled the room, Hasegawa continued.
“And-I love you so much Kazutoshi, I-i can’t even put it into words or actions. And that upsets me the most. I want to be able to show you my love— I want everyone to know on-how much I care about you. B-but I just-“
Hasegawa felt himself be cut short, a gentle but firm kiss being placed upon his lips. Hasegawa's eyes fluttered sharply, soon melting into the sudden kiss like butter. He felt his grip tighten on Kazutoshi's waist, feeling a small smile form on his face.
The two giggled softly, continuing the heart felt kiss. Hasegawa planted small feather-like kisses beneath Kazutoshi's lip, trailing down to the edge of his collar bone, placing a final adoring kiss before he separated himself from the boy's skin.
“See?” Kazutoshi mumbled quietly.
“Hm?”
“You have nothing to worry about Ken. Really, everything you do for me—everything you do point blank period proves to me how much you love me. Shit—your perfect Ken, inside and out.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Hasegawa felt his heart flutter, as if it were doing a million jumping jacks at once—god Kazutoshi has no idea what he does to him…
A tender smile molded on Hasegawa's face, letting out a sigh of relief, he finally felt himself begin to loosen up a bit, the previous exhaustion finally catching up to him.
His eyes grew heavy, soon shutting despite his best efforts. The sounds of Kazutoshi's slow breathing unintentionally lulled him off to sleep, the same sincere words repeating inside his head.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
He didn’t have to worry—he had Kazutoshi. Kazutoshi always understood, no matter what, he’ll always stay near by, loving and cherishing him as much as he did.
And Hasegawa wouldn’t have it any other way.