Work Text:
Everyone's first clue something was wrong came when Subaru predicted the loaf of bread.
"Do not purchase that loaf," Subaru said nonchalantly, motioning to the bread on the market stall.
The stall owner paused. "Why not?"
"Because in thirty seconds it will fall off the rack, splash through a puddle, and be squished underfoot by a man with the name of—uh—Karl."
Everyone stared.
Thirty seconds later, the rack broke.
The loaf slid.
Karl screamed.
And Reinhard, who had been taking his legally obligated day off, finally looked up.
"…Sorry, what?"
By noon, Subaru had:
Warned a noble of an assassination attempt that had not yet been orchestrated
Told a weather mage about the coming rain that would begin three minutes earlier than predicted
Calmly stated the time of arrival for a Sin Archbishop as if he were consulting a timetable
Which was, as Reinhard later put it, "disturbing."
Subaru began to perspire.
Interrogation Speedrun (Bad Ending)
Subaru was kindly escorted into a very serious room.
Also present were:
Reinhard van Astrea (calm, smiling, terrifying)
Emilia (worried)
Ram (annoyed already)
Otto (panicking)
Wilhelm (previously tired)
Reinhard clasped his hands.
"Subaru," he spoke in a friendly manner, "you have shown several instances of foreseeing future events."
Subaru nodded. "Right."
"Tell me how you knew about it."
Subaru chuckled awkwardly.
"…I can't?"
Reinhard raised an eyebrow.
"Then the Divine Protection of Truth is engaged."
Subaru let out a mental scream.
His Phone was going to be Nightmare Fuel
Subaru took out his phone.
Emilia gasped. "It's glowing!"
Ram narrowed her eyes. "Barusu, why is it smirking?"
"It's not smirking," Subaru replied irritably. "It's just buffering."
Reinhard moved forward slightly. "Is that an artifact?"
"Yes."
"Do you see into the future with its aid?"
"…Yes."
Divine Protection ranged truth.
Otto emitted sounds usually made by dead birds.
Reinhard nodded. "Then we have here a case of national security."
Subaru let out a sigh. "Exactly why I didn't want to explain."
Forbidden Words
Reinhard made a calm gesture. "Where did you get this artifact?"
"…The Witch Cult."
The room exploded.
Emilia sprung to her feet. "THE WHAT?"
Guards grabbed their weapons.
Wilhelm squeezed his eyes shut. "Of course."
Otto sighed. "I knew we were doomed."
Subaru panicked with his waving. "WAIT—not like that—"
Reinhard raised his hand.
Silence fell.
"The Divine Protection confirms," Reinhard stated slowly,
"that Subaru is telling the truth."
Everyone looked at Subaru as though he had just claimed he ate the moon.
Subaru Deliberately Makes Things Worse
"Translation," Subaru rushed out.
"A translation of WHAT," Ram barked.
"…Some stuff."
Reinhard tilted his head. "Could you be more specific?"
Subaru looked down. "No."
The Divine Protection blazed brightly.
"…I choose not to give an explanation," Subaru confessed.
Everyone internally screamed in unison.
Evidence Is Unpleasantly Present
Reinhard calmly seized the cell phone.
"I shall just read them," Reinhard stated calmly.
Subaru lunged forward. "NO! DON'T READ THE NOTES!"
But it was too late.
Reinhard continued.
Translator's Note: Reinhard's introduction is extremely extra.
Reinhard paused.
"…Got it."
Emilia slapped a palm over her face. "What made the Witch Cult form opinions on you?"
Ram frowned. "How do they know you personally?"
Wilhelm massaged his temples. "What 'next chapter' are they talking about?"
Subaru trembled with tension.
A Weapon Needs No Context To Be Deadly
Reinhard looked up.
“Subaru,” he calmly stated, “does this translation accurately predict future events?”
“Yes.”
Divine Protection confirmed.
“Was this authored by members of the Witch Cult?”
“Kind of.”
Confirmed.
“Do you understand everything?”
“Yes.”
Confirmed.
Emilia grabbed onto Subaru’s sleeve. “Subaru… why should we believe the Witch Cult?”
Subaru opened his mouth.
Closed it.
“…They’re consistent.”
Divine Protection confirmed.
Emilia grabbed onto Subaru’s sleeve. “Subaru… you don’t cooperate with them, right?”
Subaru looked at her. “No,” he quickly answered. “Absolutely not. I despise those people. Worst fandom ever.”
Divine Protection confirmed.
Everyone visibly breathed a sigh of relief. “…However,” Subaru continued, “I am currently subscribed to their feed.”
Everyone felt like puking their guts out.
The End, That Fixes Absolutely Nothing
By the end of the day:
Subaru’s phone had been designated EXTREMELY PROBLEMATIC
Reinhard was forbidden from using any more Divine Protections around Subaru
Emilia chose ignorance for mercy
Ram became erratic on purpose
Otto wrote his will
Subaru checked his phone.
"Oh, sweet," he said, "Based on information provided by the Witch Cult, tomorrow will be difficult."
Reinhard whipped his head toward him.
"For who?"
Subaru glanced down at his phone.
"Yes."
Reinhard solemnly nodded.
"Got it."
"Don’t you fret. This all makes sense when you consider the excised dialogue… that you don’t have access to."
And somewhere, far beyond comprehension, the Witch Cult Translation was updated—(What? There’s no Aganau if transcript?)