Work Text:
It was all Aslan’s fault.
Susan blamed him most of all. Sometimes she blamed Tomnus, but never Lucy. Lucy had been taken advantage of. Tomnus had been the perfect thing to guilt Lucy into helping. Aslan had pulled the four of them into Narnia to be his perfect weapons against the White Witch and they had succeeded. They were happy for a while, then they found that lamppost again. Susan hated the lamppost too. The professor gave them false hope of returning, the same false hope he had been living with. Life went on, and they returned to England. But they didn't forget.
If it hadn't been for Caspian, Susan might have been able to heal.
“I think it's time to accept that we live here.”
After all, it wasn't like Asian had shoved them through the wardrobe. Later Susan would realize there were no coincidences in Narnia. They made it back and she began to hope. Then that damned lion had the nerve to make them leave. Her and Peter were too old. Too old to stay in their own kingdom. The place they had saved not once, but twice. That night Susan laid in bed and cursed Aslan. It would not be the last time.
Then Lucy and Edmund got to have an adventure with Eustace. Eustace of all people. That little brat could go to Narnia but not her. Her, the Queen. “Once a king or queen of Narnia, always a king or queen of Narnia.” Aslan was a liar. Who was he to dictate who got into Narnia. It was her country, her people.
Aslan wanted her to grow up? Fine.
They added that Jill girl to the list of people who had been in Narnia. Susan couldn't find it in her to care. The others tried to get her to join them. Talk about Narnia, relive the old times. “What wonderful memories you have! Fancy your still thinking about all those funny games we used to play when we were children.” They had been children. Then that lion turned them into his weapons. She heard them talk about her. They were worried about her. It didn't matter, after all, Aslan had commanded her to grow up, Susan was just doing what he said. Wasn't that what they were supposed to do?
As if that wasn't enough, Aslan demanded her family. It was a crash the officials said. They recovered the bodies, and gave her the rings they had been carrying. The rings that would take them to Aslan. She had pushed him too far, and this was her penance. He could have at least spared them, and taken her life instead, in place of the people who were devoted to him. They had done nothing wrong.
It was all Aslan's fault. Susan blamed him. But most of all, she blamed herself