Work Text:
2017 Friday July 21st
Stede looks around at this airport, Sydney Airport, as he briskly walks through it, wheeling his small teal Samsonite carry-on case past tourists, business travellers and families all off to so many different destinations at six thirty in the morning, and he thinks of Ed. He’s been here with him many times, being whisked away from university in Melbourne to Sydney for term breaks and long hot summers by the sea with Ed and his adopted Mama, Gia.
‘Oh god I hope she’s OK.’ He thinks as he struggles not to break into tears in public. She’s more special to him than his own Mother and has been that filament connecting him with Ed in the eight years they were apart, when they were not speaking, in different countries, trying to create separate lives. He thinks of all the phone calls that Ed made to him from this place, when they were talking, when they were best friends, when they shared everything, during all those cosy conversations. It’s always been so much easier to talk about serious things together on the phone, an intimacy with the space to let them breathe, it's always felt safe.
Now Stede is hying his way to Ed, to see him in person for the first time in ten years. And Ed is waiting to see Stede again. Gosh. Remember to breathe Stede. They’ve been talking again, on the phone, for more than a year now. It’ll be fine. They’ll be going to the hospital together this morning, hoping to see Gia before she goes into heart surgery. He heads down to the platform, only fifteen minutes on the train and a ten minute walk to Ed’s apartment, easy.
The windows are dark mirrors as the train travels underground. Why’s he here? Why did he do this massive impulsive thing of flying all the way from London, buying a plane ticket the minute he hung up from Ed’s frantic call? Before even discussing it with Mary, his wife of twelve years? There was a pang of guilt about leaving her with their two young girls but she assured him they’d be fine. He’d looked into Mary’s eyes expecting fear or hurt but instead there was only kindness and understanding, that Ed and Gia are his family too.
He’d given up Ed for Mary but could never let go of Gia, and the truth is, his heart could never really let go of Ed either. So they’d been talking again. Having lovely, warm phone conversations for the past year and a half. Not as often as they used to and it’s all been pretty surface, nothing too deep or dangerous. Friendly catch-ups, but it’s been so grounding just to be able to know where Ed’s at in his life.
The train is getting closer to Central Station and Stede finds he’s starting to feel somewhat nervous. He takes some deep, slow breaths. Why’s that? How would it feel to see Ed again? Could they really be the friends they once were? Best friends. Would there be some awkwardness? Anger even? Oh God, is he an idiot to come all the way here? Why did he offer to share Ed’s bed? Because he knows it would make Ed happy? Because he knows it would make himself happy? Because he knows they would end up there anyway, so why be coy? He’s done with tiptoeing through life. Why not be upfront and honest with his best friend? He really is still his best friend. He just happens to be a really handsome, world famous, TV star. Maybe Ed's not the Ed he once knew. It’s not so surprising that he’s a bit nervous. But as the train arrives at Central Station, he steadies himself and takes another deep breath. Just don’t mess this up Stede.
The air is cool, as he leaves the station, it’s cloudy, it’s been raining overnight. The blue sky will show itself as the day goes on, no doubt. As he nears the park he’s suddenly made dizzy by the heady perfume of lemon gums wafting down from overhead after the rain. Wow. It smells like happy, younger times; walking to the Uni library, Christmas picnics, climbing up trees after Ed. And there is Ed’s apartment building, just as it looked on the maps app. Blocky and grey. He presses Ed’s buzzer and hears Ed’s distorted voice. Up he goes, up, up to Ed. The door opens and there he is. Stede barely has time to take him in, brown eyes, a flash of mauve linen top with rolled up sleeves and dark grey joggers, outstretched tattooed brown arms, and he is enveloped, they’re hugging. Not for too long. Stede’s face is in the crook of Ed’s neck, almost dizzy again, overwhelmed by the smell of Ed, lavender and tobacco and coffee, and without thinking he plants a swift kiss on the soft skin there. Then Stede’s rolling his suitcase into the flat and Ed is closing the door.
There is a brief pause as they take each other in while holding each other by the elbows. Ed’s charisma still knocks him out. Aging seems to have suited him. He’s gone from pretty goth boy to a breathtaking, elegant man with some strands of silver glinting through his long dark wavy hair and short, neat beard that are surprisingly becoming. His familiar deep brown eyes are smiling at him but have been crying, Stede’s eyes are probably giving him away too.
‘How are you Ed?’
‘Better now you’re here’, Ed replies. ‘Mama can’t wait to see you, her op is at eleven so we’ll have some time with her first. Are you hungry? I can get the pancakes on in a jiff, or do you need a nap? Freshen up?’
Stede's reaching into his chocolate coloured leather crossbody bag and produces a bubble wrapped jar of marmalade saying ‘I could do with a shower actually, is that alright?’
‘’Oooh Thanks! Course, Stede, you can use the ensuite, or I thought you might like to have the main bathroom all to yourself, if you like.’
‘The ensuite’ll do for now.’
‘I’ll take you through.’
Ed grabs Stede’s suitcase handle and wheels it through to the bedroom. Their bedroom for the next two weeks.
Stede knows which side of the bed is his.
‘These drawers are yours, there are fresh tshirts, shorts and socks for you. In the wardrobe here you can wear any of these shirts and, this yellow robe is for you. It’s your birthday present, you might as well have it now’
‘Oh! Ed, it’s like the robe I had in College! I wore that thing out. It literally had holes in it when I had to let it go.’
‘I remember how sad you were, so when I saw this I had to buy it.’
Stede is immediately trying it on and preening in front of the bedroom mirror.
‘Beautiful. Well I’ll leave you to shower, and I’ll get breakfast ready.’
After his long stress filled trip, Stede really needs this and relaxes into the lavender scented steam. He’s trying not to think about the way Ed says “Beautiful”.
He’d love nothing more than to collapse onto the comfy looking bed but instead pulls on some chocolate linen pants (the creases should drop out in the humid Sydney air with wear) and a cream, muslin short sleeved shirt and heads out to the kitchen.
Ed is at the stove wearing his old black pinstripe denim apron, surrounded by all the pancake making things, the bowl of batter that had been sitting in the fridge has a big spoon in it, there’s butter and a knife, the hot griddle pan and a plate that already has some pancakes laying on kitchen paper. He’s holding the flipper in one hand and the frypan on the stove in the other. Stede slides in behind him and slips his arms around his waist, inside the bib of the apron, his cheek resting on Ed’s soft long waves of hair and his hands on Ed’s tummy.
‘Hello, won’t be long’ says Ed fondly.
It was supposed to be a brief hug, but somehow, Stede doesn’t let go. He stays wrapped around Ed who keeps making pancakes swaying gently as they cook, humming a little to the music Stede gradually notices is playing. It’s Ed’s mellow morning playlist, created for hangover mornings. The pancakes are done and Ed asks, ‘Wanna cuppa tea?’
Stede moves his head so that his forehead and nose are burying into Ed’s spine between his shoulder blades and he nods ‘Yes please’.
Ed knows he prefers tea at home for breakfast and how he takes it. The kettle replaces the cast iron frypan on the hob and Ed picks up the pancake plate. It’s time for Stede to reluctantly let go and turn to the table. Ed has laid it out beautifully, floral china plates and cups, knives, spoons and forks with fresh flowers in a drinking glass at its centre. He’s showing Stede that he’s taught him well and Stede’s almost overcome with it. It’s not how Ed would’ve set a table when they first met. There are also boards waiting for the plate of hot pancakes and the small pan of hot runny marmalade that Ed may’ve added Cointreau to, if the smell is anything to go by. There’s a bowl of lemons and jars of jam, sugar and honey, butter and cream. Ed’s never done anything by halves.
‘This is wonderful Ed!'
Ed’s smile could melt the butter. ‘Thanks, I hope the girls like it’.
‘They will, of course they will’.
The laptop is waiting too, turned on, ready for their face chat with the girls at home in London, Ed’s set it up high on a tower of books on the other side of the table, so Stede’s family can see the pretty table setting while they chat with them eating their pancakes.
So Stede logs on while Ed turns the music off and organises the tea. There they are, all three of them, his wife Mary a small woman with dark wavy short hair, Alma Jane who is tall for an eleven year old and has long chestnut hair in a ponytail and Louise with blonde curls and blue eyes who is almost five but still the baby. They’ve been waiting since Stede messaged from the airport that he’d arrived. Everyone is shouting ‘Hello!’ as if they are yelling across a vast expanse. Which they sort of are, really.
‘Hi Louise, hi Alma, hi Mary!’
‘Hi Dad’.
‘Hello Daddy! Are you having breakfast at night time?’
‘I’m on the other side of the world in Australia, it’s morning here Lou-Lou’.
Alma asks ‘What time is it?’
‘7.45 in the morning’.
‘It’s 8.45 at night here! It’s past Louise’s bed time!’
‘Can we have a ‘tory?’
‘Not tonight Lou- Lou, I’m a bit tired from being on the plane for a long time and I’ve got a big day ahead of me in Sydney’.
Mary joins in ‘Those pancakes look pretty good, is Ed there?’
Stede realises that Ed is hovering just out of shot, giving them space. ‘Yes, Mary, he did all of this! Come and say hello to everyone Ed’.
‘Hello everyone’.
The girls know Ed from the Christmas video calls, and stories from their parents, but immediately quieten down, looking a bit shy.
Mary says warmly, ‘Hello Ed, how are you?’
‘Better than I was but still nervous about Mama’s operation today’.
‘She’ll be fine, I know your tough old Mama. When I was pregnant with Louise, we were talking nearly every week you know’.
Ed's surprised ‘I didn’t know that’.
‘Yep, Wednesday nights, while Stede was out working evenings and I was home with Alma who was about the age Louise is now…’
Louise chirps ‘I like the flowers!’
So Ed explains ‘These are violets, this is lavender and Rosemary and these are Wonga Wongas, I picked them from the pots on my balcony’.
Alma asks, trying not to sound too excited ‘Do you have a balcony garden?’
‘Yeah, I do, do you wanna see it?’
There are delighted Yes’s.
So Ed carefully picks up the laptop without disturbing the book tower and takes it out onto the balcony, with Stede following. Ed shows them all, including Stede, his large sturdy balcony pointing out the different plants, some are herbs and the rest are small flowering plants. The Wonga Wonga is a climber on a frame and looks like a big jasmine. Then he shows them the view over the small park, and explains that it is an off-leash park, so it can be fun to watch the dogs playing. There are some there now and the girls squeal delightedly. Having a balcony that overlooks Harmony Park is his favourite thing about the flat. Later he tells Stede that the balcony with the view is no longer his favourite thing about the flat. His favourite thing, is that it now contains Stede.
It’s soon time for the girls to go to bed, so that Ed and Stede can enjoy their tea and pancakes in peace. Ed re-warms up the marmalade syrup and Stede disappears into the bedroom to get something from his travel bag. He returns with a small black velvet box in his pocket and they enjoy their pancakes with more cups of tea and pleasant small talk.
After loading the dishwasher and putting things away, Stede puts his hand on Ed’s arm to stop him from leaving the kitchen.
“I thought if we were pretending to be married you might need this” Stede opens the box and Ed is frozen.
“It was my Grandpa’s. You don’t have to wear it if you don’t…”
“Put it on”, Ed holds out his left hand and Stede slips the ring onto his fourth finger. It’s a gold ring with a flat oval of black onyx and a small emerald set into one side. It fits perfectly.
When he looks up at Stede his brown eyes are wide and then he’s giving him the warmest happiest smile Stede has seen on him in years. It takes his breath away, it takes all his strength not to move towards him and kiss his lips still glistening with butter and marmalade.
‘Thank you’ Ed says quietly looking down at the ring.
‘Thank you Ed, as her “son in law” I’ll be treated as a family member in the hospital’.
‘As you should be’.
They head off on the fifteen minute walk to St Vincent’s hospital, keeping pace easily. Stede’s used to slowing himself down when walking with the girls. Stede notices some same-sex couples holding hands and remembers that they are near Oxford Street. Is it (still) a gay area? Or is this just how Sydney is. He doesn’t know Sydney well enough. Maybe it’s just that things have changed since being away, has Melbourne changed too? He might ask Ed about it all later. He has an itch to reach out and take Ed’s hand. Not here though, not now, not while they’re in public, there's a chance they might be papped.
At the Hospital Ed heads straight up to Mama’s private room and enters first, Stede hears a gentle “Ciao Mama”, “Edouardo” and follows him in to see her smile bloom with delight. She holds her arms out and he runs over into them, not hugging too tightly and kissing her cheek then holding her hand as they talk excitedly, Ed takes a chair on the other side of the bed and soon they are all shedding happy tears. The nurse comes in to take away breakfast things and Gia says “This is my other beautiful Son, Stede, come all the way from London to see me!” and Stede starts crying again.
They sit on either side of Mama, each holding a hand as Stede tells her all about what the girls are up to in England and his journey to Australia.
Gia’s neighbour and friend Rosa pops in with flowers and Stede feels awful he hadn’t thought to bring flowers. Gia says Stedie didn’t need to bring flowers because he is as beautiful as flowers to her. Still he’s going to talk to his girls about making a Get Well card for their Nona when he talks to them later. Soon the staff come to take Mama to surgery and there are kisses and reassurances that her sons would be there when she wakes. Rosa hugs and kisses them goodbye after Mama is wheeled out and the minute they are alone Stede collapses into big, deep, heavy, uncontrollable sobs. His whole body shaking as Ed takes him into his strong arms. All the tension of the past 36 hours or so finally releasing. Or was that ten years? They cry together as a dark damp patch is forming on Ed’s mauve linen shirt. Then they are just hugging and swaying a little, with Stede doing little hiccup breaths.
A nurse pops in to suggest they go home as Gia will be out til at least 7pm
Reaching for his black leather messenger bag, Ed says ‘Let’s get you home, love, you need some sleep’.
‘I don’t want to sleep, I’d like to stay awake ‘til it’s bed time, they say it’s the best way to sync in with your new time zone’.
‘Do they? OK, we’ll go and relax, watch some Daytime TV then. Pointless is on in the afternoons’.
On the way back to Ed’s flat they stop for takeaway coffee and pastries at Ed’s regular café. First it’s the barista and then it’s the wait staff, openly checking Stede out, it’s the old “who’s That with HIM?” Ah yes, Stede’s almost forgotten the “looks” and that feeling of being with Ed, the Hot/Famous Guy. Blackbeard. That guy. It’s so much nicer when they are alone and he’s just Ed. His Ed. Hm.
So they have a gentle, comfortable afternoon just being Stede and Ed, catching up, watching TV and laughing at stuff from each other's phones. And without noticing, Stede succumbs to sleep on the couch for an hour or so. He wakes to find Ed’s impossibly large eyes smiling at him, Ed’s hand resting gently in the middle of his chest. The hospital has called to say that Gia is not awake, but in recovery and doing well. She’ll be staying in the hospital for about five days.
Ed’s been whipping up a quick meal of fresh, garlicy, lemony seafood pasta which gets Stede pretty excited, good fresh seafood is something he hasn’t had a lot of in London. As he dishes it up Ed describes how he made a quick trip on his motorbike to the Fish Market in Pyrmont to buy the prawns and shellfish from his favourite stall yesterday, specially for Stede. Stede breathes in the smell and suddenly feels like a starving man. Ed grins at him and Stede tries to grin back with heavenly, fragrant spaghetti slurping up into his mouth. After a memorable dinner they tidy up and head back to the hospital to find Mama still asleep. They put the chairs together and sit reading while holding hands. It’s so much fun pretending to be husbands, calling each other every endearment they can think up in front of the staff. It’s becoming a competition. Not too silly, they have to stay convincing! Mama wakens, but remains pretty sleepy. They stay for a couple of hours and then leave with promises to see her tomorrow and every day in the hospital.
Back at the flat Stede calls the girls and tells them that Nona is recovering well. They chat for half an hour until Stede is almost dropping off mid-sentence. It’s time for bed.
Look, there is a bit of awkwardness there. Stede’s aware that Ed has been being very careful not to overstep any lines. Ed, who prefers to sleep naked changes into the shorts and Tshirt he usually wears when sleeping with Stede but it’s clearly a very crappy old drab Tshirt he’s been given by some media firm. Is he trying to look as unsexy as possible? Probably, but unsurprisingly he’s failing. Stede’s wearing a soft forest green linen short sleeved pyjama top and matching shorts which is what he favours sleeping in these days.
He has set up his rather large toiletries bag in the main bathroom, while Ed uses the ensuite. He can move back there when Mama comes out of the hospital. This bathroom has a nice big spa bath which he’s looking forward to using tomorrow, he’s too tired for a bath tonight. He can imagine the spa being good for Ed’s knee. It’s big enough for two really. Has Ed had other guys using this bathroom? Boyfriends? Or fun flings? They probably only had a toothbrush rather than a whole bag that took up a good portion of his inflight suitcase. Did they share a steamy bubblebath or…. No.
Nope.
He’s not going down that path.
He’s finished his nightly routine and it’s time to go down the hall to bed.
Bed.
Ed’s big king sized bed.
Where Ed is waiting.
It’s been a long time since Stede’s had someone waiting in bed for him. Mary loves to paint at night and she’s rarely in bed before 2am. Sometimes on weekends she’s up so late she just sleeps in her studio which she set up in the attic of their rental, no one else was using it and the other tenants were fine with her painting there. It was useful when raising the girls that she was awake at night and he was more awake in the morning, but it now occurs to him that he misses having someone to fall asleep with.
And there is Ed, facing him, but all scooched up on the far side of the bed. A lowly lit lamp on Stede’s side gives a warm light, glowing in Ed’s eyes. Ed’s keeping his distance again, like that first week in Edinburgh, after the kiss, their first kiss really, we can’t be having with that.
Stede slides into the inky sheets and they lay smiling at each other across the gulf for a bit, then Stede puts his arms out and half whispers ‘Come over here’ and they both roll towards each other grinning and then Ed dives into Stede’s arms. All awkwardness is gone as they relax into each other, letting out sighing breaths. Any remaining tension drifts out like the tide. Hmmm, yes, this is it, sleepily shored up in Ed's arms. He reaches out and turns off the lamp then back in to Ed who’s somehow worked out a way of getting closer, his head nuzzled under Stede’s clavicle, his forehead resting under Stede’s jaw. Their naked calves are intertwined.
Ed rumbles low ‘Don’t let me go’ and Stede whispers back ‘I don’t mean to, I don’t mean to’.
Gradually, they float off sleep.