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Emily was having a nice enough time all things considered. Attending the wedding of the woman she had been in love with for years wasn't exactly something that she had been looking forward to, but it was going well so far. She'd attempted to mingle, but her heart wasn't in it. She stuck beside Morgan and Spencer, enjoying the company of her friends. She was grateful for the venue, grateful to Rossi for offering up his home. The agents were all still slightly on edge after the incident at the bank and being in a familiar place was comforting.
Emily smiled as she watched JJ dance, twirling around with a massive smile on her face. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen the blonde so happy, so free, so unbothered by the constant stress that hovered over them at all times.
JJ laughed at a joke Emily didn't hear, grinning at the little boy running between the happy adults. She was so focused on the domestic scene that she didn't notice Will taking his place beside her until the man put a hand on her shoulder.
Emily jumped slightly, relaxing when she met his soft eyes and easygoing features. She greeted him with a quick hug and murmur of her congratulations, it sounded real and to some extent it was. Emily knew Will made JJ happy, and that made her happy.
"How are you feeling?" She asked, searching his face for any sign of doubt or unhappiness.
"Oh, I'm good I'm good. Thrilled to finally be married to that woman," He chuckled, "I just wanted to say that there are no hard feelings," Will continued, the careful smile never leaving his face. Emily felt her heart twist slightly but managed to keep her expression even as the new groom continued to speak. "JJ told me you kissed her. I know you two have a sort of history and sometimes we do stupid shit when we're drunk. Just, maybe take a vacation. Get away for awhile."
Emily's blood turned to ice in her veins. The pounding of her heart became overwhelming and the world seemed to tilt onto its side. She felt herself talking, practiced diplomatic bullshit no doubt, but the sound of her voice didn't reach her ears. The look on Will's face remained unchanged, he gave a small nod and took his leave. She stood frozen in place, watching the man disappear into the crow of smiling dancing guests. People moved around her, laughing and smiling and drinking, their faces blurring together as tears blinded her. She turned, blinking quickly to keep them at bay. She couldn't do this in public, couldn't break down like this where everyone could see.
It wasn't fair to JJ.
Emily moved with careful practiced strides back towards the mansion, nodding and smiling at anyone who met her gaze. No one noticed her distress, or if they did they were polite enough not to comment. She knew they wouldn't, her facade was so well crafted that she could even fool her own team. She was good at this, good at hiding in plain sight, good at pretending to be someone she wasn't. So good that the kiss had come out of nowhere.
She hadn't thought that JJ knew, hadn't realized how obvious her devotion was. Penelope was the only one she had told, the only one she'd dared to trust with that secret. Rightfully so, she had been welcomed with open arms and treated with nothing but dignity. What she felt for JJ was deeper than a schoolyard crush, it was the kind of love that is only felt for one person. The kind of adoration that meant keeping oneself locked away to avoid causing them any harm. Emily hadn't expected anything to happen, especially not so close to the JJ's wedding.
When she'd found JJ crying on her doorstep she had taken her in, comforted her, offered wine. All of the typical things that friends do to help ease distress. Cold feet she'd figured, perhaps a bit odd as JJ and Will had been dating forever, but maybe the certainty of marriage had been too much.
Then it happened.
A few glasses in, JJ was drunk. Emily assumed she must have had some before coming over and had attempted to dissuade the drinking after one glass, but JJ was insistent. The more she drank, the more upset she seemed to get. The tears hadn't stopped as she ranted about being afraid of what this would mean and trapping herself forever with a man. She had been sure to praise Will, clearly holding at least some level of respect him, but her underlying point held firm. She didn't want to marry him, she didn't want to be with him, she didn't know how to leave the relationship.
Emily had tried her best to console her, tried her best to soothe the worries and assure her that it was all going to be alright. That she was just anxious with the date looming and that she had been with Will for years, that this wouldn't change a thing about their relationship. That they had a child together. That their love wouldn't diminish or change because an officiant had them recite vows. None of it was enough. Nothing she said seemed to ease JJ's mind, if anything it just made her more upset. She wrapped an arm around the sobbing woman, hugging her close. It seemed to be the only thing that calmed her down even slightly, Emily was regretting offering the alcohol in the first place.
JJ was kissing her before Emily could fully react.
Fingers tangled in her dark hair, pulling her closer and deepening the kiss. Her skin was hot against Emily's, face damp with sweat and tears. Her lips tasted salty from and bitter, her tongue warm and soft against Emily's teeth. She didn't resist, she knew that she should, but this was all that she had ever wanted. The overwhelming surge of lust was enough to make her mind blank to the consequences of this action. JJ shifted to her lap, pulling her closer as she settled her hips back into Emily's thighs. She pressed forward, kissing her again and one hand moved to fiddle with the buttons on Emily's shirt. That was enough to snap Emily out of the delusion, bring her back to the sharp reality of the situation.
She pulled away from JJ's advances, shaking her head quickly.
"No JJ, we can't. You're getting married, you have Will. Come on, lets get you to bed."
The next morning Emily woke to an empty house and the smell of regrets lingering heavy in the air.
That had been nearly a month ago. Their relationship had returned to a strained normal, not quite what it was before but close enough. Deep down both of them knew that "normal" had fundamentally changed. What Emily had never expected was for JJ to tell Will, much-less to lie about it. Lie about her, a lie that not only could damage her relationship with Will himself but her career, her friendships on the team, her life as she knew it.
Emily ducked into the first bathroom that she saw, shutting the door and locking it behind her with trembling hands. She leaned over the sink, tears falling silently as she gasped for air. Her chest was tight, she couldn't take a deep breath. She felt completely disconnected from her body as though she was floating outside of herself, watching the nightmare unfold. Emily stomach turned dangerously and she gagged, managing to position herself above the toilet with just enough time to vomit the small amount of food and drink she'd consumed while trying to keep herself together at the wedding.
She heaved again, bringing up only bile.
The vomiting had been a sort of reset, forcing her to take a breath. Her hands shook wildly and she grabbed onto the corner of the sink to stop them. She was done. She couldn't take it anymore, couldn't stand working with JJ every day and pretending like nothing had happened. The pain of the betrayal was not something she would be able to push aside so easily.
A soft knock on the door jolted her out of her thoughts and she quickly swiped a hand across her face, running through possibles lie she could use to get out of this interaction.
"Just a min—" She was cut off by a curt voice, she had been caught.
"Prentiss," It was Hotch, of course he would be the one to find her like this. She could not be any more humiliated. Emily cursed softly, managing to smooth over her features before she met her bosses stern eyes. She couldn't entirely stop the tears, but she could force a nearly passible mask of calm. There was no way she could convincingly lie to him, he was an incredible profiler and could see through even those he didn't know on a personal level. He raised an eyebrow at her, shutting the door behind him and crossing his arms over his chest. Emily heaved a sigh, dropping her chin to her chest.
"Easter wants me to run the London office." She managed, her voice croaky and raw with emotion. It was an admission she hadn't planned to make yet, certainly not in this fashion. She had hoped to take it to him on the next workday, formally put in a two weeks notice and tie up any loose ends. She wanted to leave him with the impression that she was strong and confident, this certainly undermined that image.
"I understand. I assume you've made your decision?" He offered her handkerchief but she waved it off, opting to dab her tears on a square of toilet paper instead. They both knew that her bringing it up in the first place was her voicing her decision.
"I…I just can't do it anymore Hotch. I need a fresh start. Away from…" She trailed off, wiping away another tear that had slipped down her cheek. Hotch nodded his understanding, not moving from his place in the doorway. Emily was glad that he had been the one to find her like this, he may not be adept at navigating emotional conversations but he would treat her with respect and not talk down to her.
"Of course. When do you leave?" Straight to business. That was what she needed in that moment.
"As soon as possible. I won't be returning to the BAU." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, but nodded his understanding.
"Okay. You will need to put in a formal resignation but we can deal with that tomorrow. Right now you need to pull yourself together and get back out there. If you're gone much longer people will notice." Emily shook her head slightly, there was no chance she could go back out there. She was planning to slip out to her car and text an apology about feeling sick. She figured JJ owed her that much.
"I'm going home, I can't be here." She muttered, turning to the mirror to clear the mascara off of her face. She should've chosen a waterproof one but she was in a rush, she used what she had.
"Prentiss, you need to. Go show your face, smile for her, be who she needs you to be for the night. The reception is almost over, say your goodbyes to the team. Don't just disappear on them again."
That "again" hung heavy in the air, reminding her of the looks on her teams faces when she returned from the dead. She wanted to argue, but Emily knew that he was right. Leaving now would mean cutting any potential ties with her only friends and as much as she resented JJ she couldn't abandon her like that. No matter how she felt about what JJ had done Emily knew that she would sacrifice everything to make JJ happy. The curse of being in love with someone who could never love her back.