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The triplets are known online for their YouTube videos, with most fans simping over them and arguing over whether or not they can date them…
They’ve always been seen as close to each other, obviously they all care for each other, no matter what, but Chris wouldn’t be lying if he said he’s been feeling a tad bit left out recently.
For weeks- no, months on end, they’ve left him out of little hang outs, have been more arguable towards him or just more mean in general. At first Chris brushed it off, told himself his brothers still love him, but recently, he’s been doubting that thought.
Chris has grown up super close to all his family, his mom, dad, siblings, aunts, uncles, and everyone’s love language in their family is physical touch or words of affirmation so Chris has always felt some kind of platonic love through comforting words and embraces his whole life, but now, after months of Matt and Nick leaving him out… he’s deprived.
“Sir? Do you need help looking for something?”
Chris jumped a little, snapping out of his thoughts and turning towards the grocery store worker who was speaking to him. Right. He needs a gingerbread man.
“No! I’m alright, thank you!” Chris tried to sound as polite as he could with how tired he was.
Earlier, while they were filming their first Christmas video, Matt had broken his gingerbread man. It shouldn’t have upset him as much as it did.. But it still did.
As much as he wouldn’t like to admit it, he did in fact cry a bit on the way to the grocery store. He had wanted to get another gingerbread man to put next to Nick and Matt’s, so here he was now, in the Christmas section with a weirded out store employee beside him.
The dude looked to be at least 18, if not younger, so Chris didn’t feel offended when the kid looked him up and down with the slightest bit of judgement in his expression. “Alright.. Let me know if you do need anything then..” The worker said politely as he walked away.
Chris turned his attention back to the numerous boxes of gingerbread men sitting on the shelf. All of them looked the same, but not identical to the ones they had gotten earlier.
He ended up leaving the store with a gingerbread man kit way more different then the one they got earlier, but oh well.
Tonight was gonna be a long night.
—-----------------------------------
Sturniolo household, 3:40 am
Chris was sitting at the kitchen table in the seat he’s usually always sat in, numerous frosting colors in front of him.
Lil skies was on full blast in his headphones while he intensely focused on getting his gingerbread man to look just like his first one did.
The youngest was running on no hours of sleep and 2 cans of Pepsi so he was exhausted. Honestly, he felt as if he could pass out at any given moment, but still, he pushed himself to finish this tonight.
By the end of the second Lil Skies song he listened to, his cookie was finished. It looked hideous, which Chris wasn’t surprised by, but it did make him feel a bit sad.
For some odd reason he had decided to not put any type of plate or paper under the cookie, so he picked it up, carefully to avoid ruining it more than it already was, and carried it over to the plate where Nick and Matt’s were.
Chris took a step back to take in the image of all three cookies together. The memory of Matt breaking his cookie and then Nick laughing about it when he very clearly was upset came back to him.
He raised his hand to rub at his tired eyes, letting out a sigh in exhaustion. Maybe tomorrow will be different?
—----------------------------------------
Short recap. It wasn’t.
…Well, kind of?
The day had started out with Matt and Nick once again, ignoring him for a bit, and then Matt eventually asked him if he wanted to go on a walk with them, which Chris accepted! (very enthusiastically but Chris didn’t care) All he wanted was to spend time with his brothers.
He ended up staying a good distance behind while Matt played Pokemon and Nick talked about this rude girl he encountered the other day.. Yay..
Chris followed behind them, his footsteps slow and his head down. After how they’ve been treating him the past few months, he should’ve known that this is how this was gonna end.
All he wanted to know at this point is what he did to lose both of his brother's love and support, something he’s always had his whole life no matter what.
“Chris?”
Chris was broken out of his thoughts by Matt, both him and Nick now looking at him with concerned looks on their faces. “Huh? Sorry, I zoned out..” his voice was soft but internally, he was freaking out. Did he do something wrong?
Nick put a hand on his shoulder to supposedly ground him as Matt spoke up. “I was just asking if we could stop by the park,” the middle triplet gestured towards the sad looking park just across the road, “There’s a raid going on and I want the Pokemon!”
Chris wanted to tell them that he was tired, that all he wanted to do was go home, curl up under his covers and rot in his bed for the rest of the night, but Matt had this big smile on his face and Nick’s hand was on his shoulder and- “Sure!”
Matt celebrated silently, already sprinting across the road with Nick attempting to keep up with him.
Chris’ smile dropped once again, turning into the slightest frown as reality hit him once again. Right. This shit never lasts.
He let out a sigh and began to follow his brothers, only to drift away from them to go to the swings.
—----------------------------------------
Nick watched as Matt went into the lobby for the raid.
The middle out of the three of them wore a big smile on his face, obviously very happy about this little outing.
Recently, the three of them have been hesitant to leave the house because of some stalker scare they had a few nights ago.
Him and Matt ended up staying in his room that night, bundled up in Nick’s many blankets and just talking, thinking about what they could do to avoid having these things happen to them.
Just him and Matt…
Wait.
Nick’s eyes drifted around the park, searching for their younger brother.. Where did he go?
Nudging Matt’s arm to get his attention, he let him know that he was gonna go look for Chris and ventured off to look around the park for the youngest.
“Chris?” The eldest called out, a hint of anxiety now lacing his voice. He could’ve sworn that Chris was right next to them just a moment ago.. “Chris!-” His eyes landed on a familiar man on one of the swings on the swingset. Oh thank fuck.
Nick immediately picked up his pace to get over to Chris quicker. As he got closer, he realized the younger had no jacket on. Did he actually leave the house with no jacket on? How did he not notice that? “Hey!” Chris’ head shot up to look at him. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere kid! I thought you were still with us.” Nick exclaimed. Chris quite literally almost gave him a heart attack.
Chris’ already seemingly sad expression deepened. “Sorry.. I just wanted a moment to myself..” And Chris was clearly lying, Nick knows that, he knows Chris’ body language like the back of his hand. That’s his job as the eldest, to pick up on his siblings' emotions and make sure the problem is addressed immediately, and Nick knows Chris well enough to know that the younger hates even the slightest thought of being alone.
Nick let out a sigh, rubbing a hand down his face. “It’s.. It’s fine Chris.. You’re a grown man, you can make your own decisions.”
The youngest shook his head, shifting forward to get off the swing. “No, you’re right, I should’ve told you. That’s my bad.” Chris said in an attempt to assure his older brother that he was right and that he himself was the problem.
Nick’s eyebrows furrowed. “What?” Now this was confusing. Why the hell was Chris blaming himself? Chris never blames himself for others' mistakes… “Chris..”
Chris started to walk away. “I’m sure Matt is looking for us by now.. We should get back to him.”
The eldest’s expression turned to one of worry. Chris’ attitude was off..
Usually the youngest would be happy, excited to be near him or Matt, but now, as of lately, it’s felt as if he’s distancing himself more, and it’s starting to make Nick anxious. “Wait!” He called out.
Chris paused in his tracks, slowly turning around to face his older brother. “What?”
Nick took a moment to take in Chris. REALLY take him in.. The youngest was only dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, which wasn’t acceptable for this type of weather given its 34 degrees outside. It was clear it was taking an effect on him as well because the more Chris just stood there, the more Nick realized he was shivering. “Come here..”
And the youngest obeyed, walking back over to Nick, who was now taking off both his jackets and his hoodie that he had on.
“Nick! It’s freezing out here! Put them back on-” He went silent as Nick’s favorite hoodie got tugged over his head, making his already messy curls go frizzy.
Nick guided his arms through the arm holes since he was currently frozen in place, staring at the eldest in shock. “I-..” Utterly speechless, Chris allowed Nick to also put his jacket on him.
Nick laced their cold hands together and dragged him back towards the swings. He spoke up, putting on his ‘big brother tone’. “C’mon, I’ll push you on the swings for a bit. We got some time to kill anyway.”
Shockingly, Chris sat there, allowing Nick to push him on the swing even though it was way too small for him.
“See? Isn’t this nice?” A smile graced Nick’s face.
Chris was silent, but nodded in response before looking back down at his hands.
Nick’s smile turned into a concerned frown at the reaction Chris gave him.
He wasn’t sure what was wrong with Chris, but he was gonna figure it out.
—---------------------------------------------------
Sturniolo household, 8pm. Hours after the park.
As soon as the three of them had gotten home, Matt ran up the stairs and Nick had told him to take a warm shower cause the last thing he would want is for Chris to get sick, so Chris went to his room, hung out for a bit, and then reluctantly took a shower.
The familiar lyrics of ‘Nowadays’ by Lil Skies echoed through Chris’ bathroom as the younger showered. Chris was exhausted and REALLY wanted to watch a movie, and with everything that’s happened in the last few hours, with Nick actually showing him that he still cares, he had hope that maybe Matt and Nick would want to have a movie night of some sort.
But as he’s learned before, not every wish comes true.
Chris reached his left hand out to turn the knob of the shower to the right to turn the water off.
Water dripped out of the faucet, creating a patter sound against the acrylic base of the bathtub. Chris carefully stepped out of the bathtub, shivering when a drop of water ran down his back as he grabbed his towel. He made sure to ruffle and scrunch his hair as much as he could cause he likes how curly the ends of his hair gets when he does.
He decided to put Nick’s hoodie back on which was odd but he missed feeling closer to his brothers and this is the only thing he really has to comfort him at the moment, but that’s fine, he’s sure they’ll wanna watch a movie with him!
Chris nearly tripped going up the lower story’s stairs, but wore a big smile as he got to the top. “Guys! do you wanna-” a pause. Chris’ sapphire blue eyes took a look around the area, seeing no sign of his brothers. That’s odd. They’re usually hanging out in the living room or kitchen after they spend the day together. Hell, he was half expecting to see Nick cooking something, which was rare since they usually eat like shit, but still.
The silence was loud.
Usually, on any normal day, Chris would be sitting next to Nick or Matt right now, watching a movie or laughing at some crazy story that Nick tells him.. But instead, the usually colorful looking house looks sad, and cold.
Chris’ eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He could’ve sworn that they were here just a few minutes ago… He was only in the shower for 30 minutes, so where could they have gone in that time?
A sigh escaped his throat. He should’ve known it was gonna be like this.. They give him attention for a few minutes and then go back to being douchebags.
He brought his hand up to rub at his sleepy eyes and turned towards the fridge, planning to eat before he goes to sleep, but as he turned, a bright, yellow sticky note on the fridge caught his attention.
“What the..” His footsteps echoed through the quiet house as he started heading in the direction of the fridge, ripping the sticky note off of it.
Just wanted to let you know that we’re gonna be out for a little bit! Tara invited us to her party and I really wanted to go so I dragged Matt with me so you could sleep! You looked really tired at the park earlier, don’t wanna over-exhaust yourself.
- Nick
Chris stood there for a moment, processing the note.
Nick and Matt left him home alone.. Again.. He's a grown man, he can obviously be home alone and be perfectly fine, but they didn’t even ask if he wanted to come..
This was the last straw, this is what broke Chris, seemingly beyond repair.
His throat started aching with held back sobs, but he didn’t cry, not even the smallest tear escaped his eye.
Chris blinked and suddenly, the sticky note was ripped, the small pieces of it falling to the ground as he walked down the stairs and back into his room, slamming the door behind him.
He took every plushie, every gift, the hat he borrowed from Matt and never gave back because he ‘forgot’ to, and lastly, he stripped off the hoodie Nick had given him earlier, and threw it into the pile of shit he’s made. He didn’t want any of it close to where he slept, he was fucking pissed.
His gaze drifted around his room for anything he may have missed, chest heaving, when his gaze landed on a picture on his desk.
It was taken no longer than a few months ago during the surprise party tour and it had been taken by a photographer while they were having one of their ‘we made it’ moments. The three of them were hugging and it seemed sweet. A stark contrast to recent events. It made Chris wonder where time had gone and why things had to change so quickly.
He carefully picked up the photo, making sure he held it tightly given it was a glass frame, which Chris ultimately regrets getting.
His back pressed against his wall and he allowed himself to slowly slide down it.
Chris bit his lip to avoid sobbing as he stared at their faces, remembering how happy and in tune to each other's emotions they had been at that time.
He was exhausted from how hard he’s been trying to undo this mess, to be the one who saves their relationship, but nothing he does works.
They yell at him, tell him he’s too loud, hang out with each other and leave him out.
A lot of people in the comment section of their most recent video have been saying that it had been borderline abusive of him and about how ‘sad’ Chris had looked… as if he’s a sensitive, no good baby.
It’s borderline offensive to him that the fans think that way of his brothers and even more offensive to him that they make him seem as if he’s weak and sensitive.
But, aside from that, he feels stupid. Stupid for letting himself think he had a stable sibling relationship with Matt and Nick, Stupid for letting himself cling to them and letting them see his vulnerable side.
The anger was starting to take hold of him, burning like a fire in his chest.
“Stupid..” Chris whispered, a lace of anger in his tone. “It’s all so.. Stupid.”
His grip on the frame of the photo tightened. The more he looked at it, the more he wanted to curl up and cry, but obviously he didn’t go that route.
All of a sudden-
CRASH
The picture was no longer in his hands, instead, it was on the other side of his room, broken glass surrounding it.
His breathing was heavy, and just as he realised what he had done, he let out a sob.
Chris hadn’t meant to do that, not by a long shot.
His head dropped into his hands. He finally allowed himself to cry, pulling his knees to his chest and pretending he was being hugged by one of his brothers.
The one thing he had promised himself his whole life was that he’d never let anything get to him.
But here he was, sobbing, lonely, and surrounded by a mess.
Chris distinctly remembers picking himself up and curling up on the bed, crying himself to sleep for the night.
Throughout the week, rope holding him up started ripping. Tonight, the rope snapped. It was only a matter of time before Chris wasn’t the same man his family knew and loved. And maybe he’s alright with that.
As long as they love him.
—------------------------------------------------
Walgreens. 3am.
Nick and Matt hadn’t meant to stay out this late..
Time had gone super quick and before they knew it, it was 2am, and then it was a 30 minute drive home, but Matt had insisted on stopping at Walgreens to get Chris a stuffed animal. Just as a small ‘we’re sorry’ gift for leaving him without any updates for so long, and Nick agreed, cause if anyone deserved to be spoiled right now, it was Chris.
The two of them whispered back and forth to each other as they attempted to find the perfect stuffie for Chris. “Y’know, we should make him a little basket of presents! I know that it’s nearly Christmas but we only get each other like- 2 gifts each anyways!” Nick exclaimed, obviously excited about his ‘genius’ idea.
Matt turned away from the plethora of stuffed animals to be sure Nick knew he was listening.
The middle child gave him a big smile and a nod. “Yeah! Sounds perfect!” The metal bar keeping all of the stuffed animals on the shelf shook as Matt stuck his hand out to grab one of the stuffed animals.
It was a Koala with soft gray and white fuzz covering its body. Chris loves anything soft because it’s ‘more comfortable to cuddle with while he sleeps’ as Matt heard Chris say once.
Nick yawned, rubbing at his eyes to get them to focus again. “Alright then, let’s go find some more stuff and get out of here. I’m exhausted.”
They were in the store for at least another 10 minutes before they even got to the cash register.
It was now 3:40 and they were both tired as hell, but it was for Chris, and it was worth it.
—---------------------------------------------------
Sturniolo household. 4am.
Chris heard a slam echo down the hallway from upstairs, but given he was still coming out of a deep, much needed sleep, he paid little mind to it.
It was Matt and Nick. He could tell by the pattern of their footsteps.
The youngest lifted his arm and maneuvered it under his head as a makeshift pillow since his actual one had somehow made it onto the floor while he was asleep.
His eyes ached from the crying fit he had earlier… whenever earlier was..
There was a huge chance that it was morning and Nick and Matt had just stayed at whoever’s house they went to, and honestly, at this rate, he didn’t really care much, he just wanted to feel better, and if sleeping for hours on end is how he’s gonna get there, than so be it.
As he eventually started to drift off again, the thing he was least expecting to happen, happened.
Creaaaaak
“Chris?” A voice echoed into his room, muted and low.. Matt maybe?
Or was it Nick?
That’s weird.. He’s usually able to tell them apart. It must be the exhaustion taking over his mind.
Next thing he knew, the light flicked on, causing him to let out a groan in annoyance.
Two gasps sounded from the doorway. Great. They probably noticed the broken glass that was scattered across the floor and the huge pile of stuffies in the corner.
Chris felt around his bed for anything soft to throw at his brothers, only to be met with nothing but his comforter.
Well shit. What was he doing in his sleep? Fighting zombies?
A bag rustling broke his line of thought. Something being put on the ground. Food maybe? No… Couldn’t be that.. The only scent filling his room right now was Nick’s obnoxious vanilla cologne he always puts on to ‘impress guys’??
It was silent for a moment, and Chris nearly thought that they had seen the mess and ditched him. It wouldn’t be a surprise in all honesty. He was used to it by now.
But seconds later, the silence was broken by whispers and footsteps. Two pairs of them actually, one coming towards him and the other (Chris assumed) going over to the broken glass.
The side of his bed dipped under the newfound weight. It took a moment but eventually a hand was placed on his hand, the person starting to run their hands through his hair. It was Nick, undoubtedly. Chris could tell by his nails. Matt’s were a bit short cause he bites them when he focuses, but Nick’s are a normal length given he usually paints his nails to avoid the obnoxious habit.
Chris couldn’t help but lean into the touch, the massage soothing his headache in seconds.
It’s been so long since they’ve run their fingers through his hair, so it’s hard not to accept the attention.
Matt spoke up from where he was crouched on the ground, picking up the bigger shards of glass so he could vacuum without a problem. “Check his hands for any glass. This frame didn’t break itself.”
Nick’s hand paused its soothing motions. The eldest hummed in response and carefully unlaced his fingers from Chris’ unruly curls to examine his brother for any injuries.
Chris whined and pushed Nick’s prodding hands away. They ignore him for weeks and NOW they pay attention to him? What changed in the few hours they were away from him? And why did he all of a sudden matter again?
Nick spoke up, once again trying to grab Chris’ hands “Shh, shh, It’s okay, I just wanna make sure you’re okay Chris-”
Chris slapped his hand away this time, sitting up and rubbing at his sleep heavy eyes. “I’m fine! I’m fine. Stop touching me.”
The irritation radiating off of Chris had Nick and Matt frozen in place. Chris finally opened his eyes, his vision blurry from rubbing at them. He took in Matt and Nick’s expressions, shifting a bit under their gazes.
Matt’s shocked expression turned into one of concern. “Are you.. Okay?”
Chris focused solely on Matt for a moment, studying his body language. The concern seemed genuine, but after the weeks of ignorance and neglect.. He wasn’t sure what to believe anymore.
Slowly, but surely, he began to nod, attempting to give them a smile that seemed genuine enough. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
Nick’s eyebrows raised in confusion, taking a look around the room.
The broken picture frame that was in Matt’s hands said otherwise, small pieces of broken glass still decorated the floor of Chris’ room. In the corner of his room was the pile of stuff they had gotten him that he had all but ripped off of his bed.
Yeah. He seems fine for sure.
Nick finally found his words after a few minutes of taking in his surroundings. They left him for no more than 4 hours and he tore up his whole room. “Chris.. What even happened?”
Chris thought back to earlier; his mental breakdown, the endless crying, the sound of the glass of the frame shattering.
He opened his mouth to speak, but paused. Did he actually want to tell them this right now? Let them see all his insecurities with the possibility of them being disgusted by him?
He looked up at Nick, then back at his hands.
Then back up at Matt, then back at his hands.
He couldn’t bear the thought of seeming weak to his brothers, but all the feelings and things he had to say to them all came out at once.
“Why the hell do you guys care??” Chris exclaimed, snapping at them.
Matt’s eyebrows furrowed in disbelief. “What are you on about Chris? We’ve always cared!”
Chris scoffed, a tone filled with anger and resentment lacing his voice as he started to rant. “For the last MONTH you both have been ignoring me! Brushing me to the side, telling me how annoying I am and I’ve spent so long trying to find the words to explain to you guys how awful you guys make me feel! ESPECIALLY you Nick!”
Nick looked taken aback by Chris’ words, his eyebrows going up in shock. Before he could say anything, Chris cut him off as he did with Matt. “I spend hours upon HOURS trying to be who YOU guys want me to be! Not who I want to be! YOU guys! Cause no matter how much I deny it I value your praise and affection and I can’t live a fucking day without it! This last month has been HELL for me!! And I hate you guys so much for making me feel like this! I- I-” A sob escaped his throat as he finally broke down in front of them.
His hands shot up to his hair to tug on the messy curls. Tears carefully flowed down his face, making his cheeks wet and red. He curled into himself in an attempt to hide his face from his brothers.
He’s not sure how long he spent with his face buried in his knees. It felt like hours to him when in reality it had only been a few seconds.
Arms wrapped around him in a gentle, familiar embrace, causing him to let out another sob.
Chris could distinctly hear Nick shushing him, attempting to console him, but he wasn’t having it.
His arms shot out to push at Nick’s chest in a desperate attempt to get away from the eldest. “G-Get off of- m-e!”
Nick shook his head, huddling Chris closer to his chest. “Just let it out.. I’m not gonna leave you, not again.”
Chris let out a frustrated groan, pushing at his chest again. “I hate you!!”
Nick could feel his eyes tearing up. He’s never been good around people crying, Chris and Matt were definitely no exception to that, especially if it’s him who caused them pain. “I know.. I know..”
Chris headbutted Nick’s chest once more. As he did he could hear Matt vacuuming up the glass. He let out a loud wail, obviously destroyed due to his brother's neglect, but he needed the attention, and he felt so tired…
Nick’s arms tightened around him, one of his hands drifting to his back to hopefully soothe him further. He didn’t shush Chris, he didn’t tell him to stop crying. He let him sob into his chest because if anything Chris needs it.
They all keep their emotions in and eventually, when they can’t anymore, everything floods out, whether it’s in the form of an argument, or a mental breakdown, it always happens. Nick’s just shocked that he couldn’t spot the signs beforehand.. He can’t believe he let it get this far..
Eventually, the sobs turned to soft hiccups. His body went slack in Nick's arms, finally not fighting the embrace.
Nick let out a sigh of relief and adjusted their position on the bed so he was against the headboard and Chris was sideways in his lap.
The youngest didn't complain or push him away but he didn't lean into the embrace either.
The floor was clean of the glass that had been scattered everywhere before because of Matt, who had been completely silent this whole entire time. Probably letting Chris and Nick have their moment.
The atmosphere of the room changed, the silence that now filled the room was more comfortable than earlier. It was peaceful.
Nick and Matt locked eyes, both sharing the same thought.
Chris wasn't okay.
And it was their fault.
Chris let out a shaky breath, his body slowly going limp in Nick's hold.
Nick continued to shush him, whispering sweet nothings as he drifted off.
Eventually, they were all cuddled up on Chris’ bed.
The room was now practically spotless thanks to Matt, all of the stuffed animals that were in the corner on the floor now surrounding them on the bed. The only exception being Chris’s bear Chip which the youngest was clutching in his arms at that very moment.
Cars was playing on the TV at the lowest volume possible as to not wake Chris.
Nick’s fingers were still buried in Chris’ hair. Matt was passed out on Chris’s left side, softly snoring.
Nick couldn't sleep.
Not when Chris had been suffering for so long without them knowing.
Nick was so caught up in his thoughts and guilt that he didn't notice Chris slowly waking up. Not until he was dragged down suddenly.
“N’cky?” Chris muttered, voice deep due to sleep.
Nick froze, his fingers pausing their soothing motions on Chris's scalp.
Fighting off his last thoughts of guilt, Nick answered “Yeah?" his voice was barely audible, even in the silence of the room.
“Go to sleep.. Please.. We’ll talk about it in the morning.” Chris pulled the blankets further on top of them, pulling Matt closer as well. “M’sleepy..”
Nick nodded, curling closer to his younger brothers. “Okay..” a moment of silence. “Night Chris.”
The room faded to silence again, Matt's snores breaking through it.
Nick started to drift off again, but not before kissing Chris’s forehead.
He let his brother's soft breaths put him to sleep.
They'd be fine.
They always bounce back.
No matter what.