Chapter Text
"I believe," Will croaked out, trying to force a smile. Despite the effort, he failed within seconds.
Mike had just wrapped up their last D&D campaign. Everyone sat at the table in Mike’s basement, the place where they had made countless memories together. Learning the game and eventually playing it like it was second nature. Movie nights, dumb arguments; the majority of their time together had been in this place.
Mike had finished telling them his theory, a story about The Mage and their characters' endings. They were all happy and content, finding their places in the world. It was deeply emotional, the group crying without shame or fear of judgement. While Mike was often a colossal idiot, he has always had a way with words that made their campaigns feel so cinematic. That skill made this moment all the more sentimental for the group.
They shared an understanding look; these characters were the party. Not literally, of course, but they represented their futures. They were just friends trying to make the best of everything that had happened. The final fight that killed Vecna, sadly ending with the loss of their best friend, had been a lot for all of them to understand and come to terms with everything. They felt they’d earned this: a bright future to look forward to and a moment to be kids again, playing this game together one last time. Mike knew, deep down, this would likely be the last time they’d be at this table together, with this game, being this close
Mike stared across the table towards Will, only to find Will staring back with his bright hazel eyes with tears threatening to spill. God, those eyes hadn't changed at all since they first met. Unsurprisingly, they still had the same effect on Mike. They made him freeze, making him feel trapped under Will’s gentle gaze. Memories of the two of them flashed through Mike’s mind: reading X-Men comics together, meeting each other on the swings, fighting by the rain. Those eyes have always been the same, just full of life and emotion.
Mike liked to think he had a peculiar power, that he could knew what Will was feeling just by looking at him. He liked to think he knew Will better than any of the other party members—better even than Joyce or Jonathan sometimes. Those eyes really, while nice to look at, began to give him a tingly feeling. Almost like a burning sensation across his body. He started thinking about how those eyes had glowed a nice, crispy, gold color in the sunlight as chatted, walking across a field for their next crawl. This was 18 months ago. Will had playfully shoved hi-
Mike's mind went blank.
Every damn time, Mike thought, averting his gaze from the other boy.
He didn’t know why, but anytime he deeply examined any one-on-one moment he had with Will, the memory was cut short. It would just come to a complete, sudden stop. When he tried to remember, he felt a pull in his heart and lungs, giving him a mix of giddiness and anxiety. However, every time without fail the attempt always snapped his mind back into an empty void. Like is in the process of being erased.
He couldn't remember when it started. He didn't mean to block these memories, or even want to; it felt like a force was sucking them out before he could really start to think about the depth of their friendship. He couldn't dive in, really think about their exchanges and the effect it had on them.
While it was odd, he thought he shouldn't dwell on it too much. He figured that tug in his chest was just old, well known worry he felt for what Will often. Thinking about what he had endured since he was twelve, being taken into the upside down all alone. It made Mikes stomach turn thinking about what he possibly saw and went through with how young he was, but Vecna was gone and everything was okay now.
He didn't need to focus on the negative trauma his friend had endured, not right now. Not while everyone else was focused on something more important. Now there was only one thing, one person on their minds: Eleven.
She was out there. Free. Safe. They all believed it. They had to.
One by one, they stood up from the table with their binders in hand. They returned them to the shelf they’ve sat on all these years, salty tears still running down their cheeks, and headed upstairs for Mrs. Wheelers Lasagna. Dinner was fun and quick. Between the getting ready and sitting through graduation ceremony then a five-hour long campaign after, everyone was pretty exhausted. They all were ready to just go home and chill out.
After they said their goodbyes, Mike went to his room and collapsed onto his bed. Although he was tired, he couldn't bring himself to sleep just yet.
That's where he lies now, alone in his bed, just getting done replaying the events of the day. He slowly closes his eyes, relaxing as he began reminiscing about the party and old memories they all shared. The AC unit groaned, a recurring noise he’d grown used to. It rang in his ears as he drifted deeper into thought. He thought about his rather traumatic childhood when he'd compare it to other childhoods. The battles they shouldn't have fought at their age, the night they found Will’s "body" at the lake, the night they met Eleven in the woods...
Good god, Eleven.
Mike thought about how she’d stood there as that song ended, "Purple Rain". He doesn't think he'll ever be able to listen to that song again. Now, all it brings the haunting events that happened as soon as the record was over, when the darkness of outer space embraced El. He really did believe she could be alive, out in the wilderness to avoid the government. But god, he couldn't stop imagining her in front of him, literally getting sucked into space after the bomb went off. The bomb he built. That fact lingers in his mind, making him shiver. The guilt of creating what led to Elevens doom was a weight he just couldn't shake. In their final moments together in her mind, she tried to make Mike understand and shared one last kiss. Their first kiss in quite a long time.
It was the last time they spoke. The last time they touched. As he thought about it, he couldn't help but wonder: Why did she only say goodbye to him? Why did she kiss him after everything? And the most gut wrenching question he keeps asking... why couldn't he say it back back? It should have been simple. So many friends as close as they were say "I love you" with no trouble.
Jesus, had she still been in love with me? he wondered, praying the answer was no.
As much as he hated to admit it, that kiss was a clear indicator. She was likely just wanted to be her authentic self before she disappeared, never seeing any one of them again. That might've been her final declaration if love for the boy, with nothing left to loose, not caring how he felt for her. It was their last time to stand face to face, to do or say what was on their minds. And who was Mike to strip her of that right? It was so sudden, all he could do was kiss her back. While he'd done a rather poor job, he figured it was better than pulling away. It felt like the kiss before she left for Lenora, he just stood there while she basically ate his lips. He wanted to know what went through her mind, what her goal was with that in her last moments with Mike. No matter what she had been thinking before he was no longer there in her mind, he figured she had to of known. Known how he truly felt.
After all, she said it herself.
Mike hasn't been in love with her for a long time.
It was May 7th, 1986 when El pulled Mike aside, insisting they had to sit down to talk. Mike knew this wasn't going to be good when he noticed the stoic expression she struggled to keep on her face. He knew for this he just needed to stay quiet, let her talk, then go from wherever they were.
That day, she told him everything. How he had been making her feel just before officially breaking things off with him, saying that things aren't moving in the right direction and its clear he doesn't love her. And that he hasn't for a while.
He was so confused, he thought they had moved on from this. Still, he felt terribly guilty about how he had made her feel, only feeling worse when she admitted that she was still love with him. She was dumping him because she knew that she had to stop loving him since he didn't love her. Not in the way boyfriend and girlfriends were supposed to.
Of course mike loved her, she was one of the most important people in Mikes life. He loved her that way at least, he's always known that. But he could never find the line between romantic and platonic love when it came to Eleven. She had said everything she needed to say, fulling opening up to him and ready for Mike to speak. Even thought he's a bit ashamed, he tried to change her mind and explain himself. Convince her that they that just needed time.
"Look, if this is about the letters, I just have trouble saying it out loud. You've seen my parents, I don't exactly have the best role models of what love is supposed to be-"
"Nancy says it."
He snapped his head in her direction, baffled at her words. He was about to defend himself but she dove deeper into it.
"Jonathan and Nancy act in love. They have been more natural with their feelings in the last 2 months than we have been for the past year."
Mike sinked further back into the couch they sat on, really trying to shut up and fully understand what she was getting at. He replayed every moment he could conjure of Nancy and Jonathan in his head. Then he visualized a side by side of him and El with them, comparing wha the saw as 'loving' and being a good boyfriend.
As he did this, El explained further that she has a better understanding of what love is, what romance is, and how relationships should work. Of course getting pointers from Max, Nancy, and Joyce. From Mike could gather, she believed that their dynamic is what a relationship is supposed to be like on paper but the love wasn't coming from the right place.
"Love is a feeling that you want to express to your girlfriend, not a chore to do to keep her happy." El said, letting her tears fall. Ouch. She continued.
"I wanted to send you letters and do things we do out of love, not because its what boyfriends and girlfriends are expected to do."
Mike felt horrible for how he made her feel, then pretty horrified as he realized... she was right. About everything. That whole year, after they had left for California, his actions were because Nancy had complained about things Jonathan hasn't done like sending letters and such. So he did the opposite of Jonathan and want Nancy wanted from Jonathan, he did for El. It was like he was learning or getting advise from his sister, it was just going through the motions. Small things to keep the relationship alive. He saw a couple at his school with the boys arm hung around the girls shoulder and figured it would good to do once he saw her again. Not because he wanted to, but because that's what boyfriends should do. That's what other boyfriends do, so he should do the same thing.
He realized it wasn't because of love, it was because of a standard he tried to meet.
It was a tough conversation for both of them, especially because of the fact that she still loved Mike romantically while breaking things off. As she cried and got everything off her chest, he held back his own tears. To Mike, it was the least he could do for her. To make all of this easier for her. Regardless of not loving each other the same way, he wanted nothing but the best for her. Mike thought that was what he was doing dating her, doing what's best for her. But the fact that's what ended up hurting her like this...it was a stab to the heart.
She made it clear that she would need time before they could be around each other as friends, but in the end she still wanted him in her life and knew it wasn't his fault he stopped loving her. God, he felt he didn't deserve her being this understanding, let alone her friendship. He apologized profusely for everything. The fact his feelings had changed, that she was the one who had to bring this up, and just for hurting one of the most amazing people in his life. He was genuinely sorry about it all, he knew that wasn't forced.
El, being a total saint, forced a weak smile and hugged him, trying to assure him it was alright. Then she left, leaving Mike to ponder further on his lack of love for the Eleven. He needed to understand it better. Was it the long distance he couldn't do? He didn't even know when he stopped loving her, or maybe if he ever did fully love her. He felt in love when they were 13, before she left for Lenora. Did he ever feel love for her? He was going insane. His memories after the break up were a blur.
Blurry
Mike snapped out of the memory. An eerie silence filled the room as The AC unit’s groaning came to an abrupt halt. He opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling. He tried to remember what the year after that had entailed for him. Summer had just begun after they had broke up, so there ought to be something, especially with the recent addition of Will and his family in his house. He thought and thought.
Nothing came up.
He sat up, eyes just staring into the space in his room. He's always has had an exceptional memory, so this was very unusual. He still wasn't tired from the long day he had endured; if anything, he was more awake now than he'd been all day. After another good minute or two of thinking, he let an uncomfortable realization wash over him. Not a single memory was resurfacing.
It wasn't "fuzzy" like a normal forgotten dream, and it couldn't of been a boring summer. In fact, it should've been a pretty eventful summer given him and Will had a handful friendship mishaps in California. But alas, there was absolutely nothing he could remember about the time following his and El's break up.
It was a total void.
He couldn't think of a single thing of what happened from May of 1986 till...when? He zones out looking at end of his bed as he tries to make a time line of this gap in his memory. When was his last memory after the break up? Then he figured it out. The earliest memories after the break up he could say is when his junior year, so September 1st, 1987. His eyes widen a bit, looking up from his bed.
May 7th, 1986-September 1st, 1987.
1 year.
No.
Over 1 fucking year of his life was from missing
Ok, slight panic was setting in. He had to remember, his sophomore year of high school had a ton of milestones. His sweet 16, being friends with Lucas again, the Byers staying at their house for that entire time. He had to remember something, even the worst, awkward moments ever. Anything would suffice.
He closes his eyes again in hope of thinking of something. Anything. Mike had subconsciously crosses to his legs, sitting cross-criss applesauce. He brings his hands to the sides of head, fingers pressing his temples in hope of helping him remember. Furrowing his brows, he desperately tries to concentrate and refresh his memory.
Nothing came to mind.
He got up from his bed and sped walk out of his room, heading towards the basement. There must be a book or maybe something Will left from him and his family living there. Anything that could remind him of that missing year.
He looks everywhere and any where for anything. Opening books, crouching to look underneath the table and couch. Nothing so far. This was stressing and irritating Mike. Maybe Mikes reaction was a bit over the top, but nothing about this was sitting right with him. There's no way he just forgot an entire year of his life. He would be acting less like a psycho if he couldn't in remember 2nd grade after 10 years.
Actually, now that he's thinking of it, he does in fact remember a decent amount of memories from second grade. If he can do that, there's no possible way he forgot a year of his life that just happened.
He looked over to a chair down there and saw a brown, leather book: his mom's photo album. He grabbed it and looked through it. He saw tons of old photos, like him and Nancy forced into a 'get along' shirt when he was 4. There had to be at least one in here.
He flips through quickly, skimming through old photos. There's some of him and the Will when they first met, when Holly was born, him and the party, and many more he knew weren't important right now. Then he got to the year 1986. He slows his pace, trying to find something. He flipped another page, and pauses everything.
He own breathing stops for a moment.
No one had faces.
There was a whole page of pictures that had all the faces blurred out. He flipped the next page. Both pages had no faces in all the photos, there were people but with skin replacing...every feature of their face.
Even their hair.
"What the fuck.." Mike uttered, genuinely was so disturbed. His feelings were plastered across his face.
It was the creepiest thing he's seen in a while, since the big battle 18 months ago. Every page after that was just the blurred faces just like the first page he saw. He was flipping rapidly again, now more aggressively. The further he went into the book, the more skin there was replacing more of the people. Covering their clothes, everyone just looking like blobs of skin. No one looked human.
Completely unrecognizable.
He tossed the book to the side, disturbed and disgusted, and made his way toward the bookshelf where the party's D&D binders rest. He begins looking through the more books and little trinkets upon the shelf.
"Come on, anything." Mike said to himself, his frustration building up.
Nothing was working. Now he was getting increasingly desperate to find anything. Any sign. Any trigger to bring him some flashback from that time period.
He glanced up for a mere second. Looked back to the shelf, then back up again.
Back at the wall beside the shelf. He found... something.
Not something bringing back any memory, just making him more puzzled. Catching his attention, it causing a drastic flip from pissed off to pure confusion.
He takes a slight step to the side of the shelf, right in front of a poster. London Calling by The Clash. All of his focus was solely on this poster. He didn't even like The Clash, but this caught him off guard. He glances at the bottom of the poster where the word 'Calling' was displayed in large, black letters.
He leans his face in closer toward the poster, squinting as he examined it. He was getting closer, then suddenly he begins to hear a quiet rumbling coming from the poster. No, not rumbling.
Yelling.
So muffled, barely audible. But definitely there.
It reminded him of parents arguing in the car after he was dropped off at the Byers house for sleepovers. He'd turn back and saw them yelling inside their car, barely able to hear it though, sometimes he didn't. But half the time you could hear their bickering even from outside the vehicle. But from the wall?
How is this possible? He thought. Mike was in disbelief, this was so trippy. This felt like some scary fever dream or illusions when he and Will got high for the first time off of Jonathans supply. But so much more realistic.
But this couldn't actually be real. There's no way.
He didn't just forget an entire year of his life.
He'd had just fallen a sleep thinking about... whatever happened during most of 1986 and 1987.
He still couldn't remember it. Fuck. His breathing starts to pick up more.
This is a dream. He thought, trying to convince himself. I'm dreaming all of this-
"Mike."
Mike whipped his head around, with a sharp inhale, fully expecting someone to be there. He hated to even imagine it... expecting Vecna to be there.
To his relief but adding on to his confusion, saw no one there. It was just him, alone, in his quiet basement.
Okay, now he knows he definitely did not imagine that. He clearly heard a timid voice called out his name, a breathless, terrified whisper. It sounded like it came from directly behind him, up against neck.
"Christ." He mutters, putting a hand to his chest as finally exhales. He then realizes, now able to process the fact, it was actually quiet. There wasn't any faint noise, Mike didn't hear a single thing. All the voices had stopped.
That same eerie silence had then filled the room, making him feel safer but suffocated to an extent.
Mike takes a moment to think about who's voice that was from behind him. He recognized the it, but couldn't but a name or face to it. It was so familiar, he was confident that he knows that voice. He had heard it before, exactly like that. The same shocked, almost needy gasp of his name. Just above a whisper, he's definitely heard it before.
He turns his attention back to the poster, his curiosity starting to eat him alive once more.
So many thoughts were overfilling his brain, he was unsure of many things but one thing had to be true. The voice he recognizes, his missing memories, the blurred faces: it all had to be centered around someone. Someone he knew.
But who?
He blocks out these thoughts, for now. He need to uncover this weird phenomena. He reaches his trembling hand out to the poster, specifically at the bottom words he's been analyzing. It shouldn't be so important, but he noticed something. Something wrong with it.
This was...not right.
It was almost identical to the album cover, but he knew something had changed.
As his fingers pressed against the poster, he couldn't feel anything underneath it to support it.
That's because there was nothing there. A gaping tear, perfectly hidden by the poster. Well until now.
Mike was oblivious to the huge missing piece of his wall, still transfixed on the words at the bottom of the poster.
"Calling"
Somethings off with it. But what?
He stared...Then it hit him.
"Calling..." he mumbles softly.
He presses harder into he poster, causing it to fall through the opening. Mikes keeps it held up as he reveals an impossible sight into another place, 100s of miles away.
4 years ago.
In Lenora, California.
Mike and Will, talking in Will's old room in Lenora as he packs to leave. Mikes stares in absolute awe, his mind and mouth moving slower than this memory physically placed in front of him. He finally finishes his previous sentence about the poster, catching up with the crazy shit happening before his eyes.
"...It's Supposed to be Green."