Work Text:
Subnivean
/sub-NIV-ee-uhn/
adjective
existing or occurring beneath the snow
“the fox listened carefully for the rustle of subnivean creatures tunneling through the snow beneath its paws”
+++
Many people described snow as something beautiful. It was gentle and soft, and always carried the sound of children’s laughter and the smell of hot cocoa. Families would huddle inside, watching a movie or baking something warm, closer than any other time of year.
For Ryuunosuke, snow symbolized death. Its cold flakes were harsh on his exposed skin, and he struggled to find something, anything to keep the others safe. Gin most of all.
He wouldn’t describe it as a feeling of dread, because to feel dread he would have to be a child with emotions. But his eyes were as empty as his stomach, and the only thing he thought of was survival.
In the worst winters, he would feel a sort of aching underneath his skin. It wasn’t illness – he would have no trouble recognizing that. It would buzz as he watched the other children shiver, their cheeks even more sunken in than usual, growing only worse every time Gin coughed.
Her sickness always passed with the season.
His only worsened.
+++
One of the few certainties he had in the world was that he was alive for only one reason: to protect. He needed to survive, and ensure the survival of those who had come to fall under his care. If he could be good for nothing else, he could at least give that much.
The boy had not been born with much. His mind was almost as weak as his body, and he had no parents or home to call his own. All he had was his strange ability. It was often frightening for those around him, he was sure. However, it served its purpose well. It was enough.
Every scrap of food came with bloodshed. Even with his ability, he could not always be the strongest. Not when faced with adults, who had better control of their fists than Ryuunosuke could ever dream of having over the mindless beast that he had been blessed with.
Cursed with?
At times, he was not sure. Had he not been born with such a thing, maybe he would have been happier. He would not carry the burden of protecting those around him, because he would have died long ago. He was sure of it.
If he had been born without it, though, his sister would lay beside him. That was a thought he could not bear. Ryuunosuke knew he was no good – his existence was a stain on an already bloody world, and had he not been given the duty to protect, he would have no right to live. As it was, he was needed.
He remembered the first time a dog attacked, vaguely. Perhaps that had been the first time he had felt something. He was not sure – his mind refused to recall enough of the memory for him to be certain. That part didn’t matter, though.
The screams were loud, and he could barely tell them apart from the barking. He wasn’t strong enough to push the beast away, nor did he have the stamina to chase it off. It was one of the few times he regretted not eating more, not sleeping more, sacrificing so much. He remembered calling upon his ability, and there was so much blood. Some was his own, but it mostly belonged to the whimpering beast. His eyes drifted, and he saw one more source.
A barely twitching body of what had been his friend.
Maybe it was rage, or just desperation. Some part of him had planned to let the thing go – after all, it was just trying to survive, the same as him.
But his limbs were weak, and the dog was still growling, and the child’s body had stopped twitching.
The sound of silence was jarring as he delivered the final blow.
+++
Ryuunosuke waited for the day that adults would come to fear him; but no matter how many throats he tore, no matter how many people he cut down, that day never seemed to come.
The snow was cold and stained with his blood. He barely registered the feeling of a foot – equipped with sturdier boots than he could ever hope for – digging into his ribs. A sneering face loomed above him, holding the few coins he and his friends had managed to scrape together tauntingly over his face.
“You gonna cry?” He said, his tone expectant and cruel. Ryuunosuke did not falter, and the only sign that he was in any pain was his lidded eyes. The man’s face became angry when he did not get the reaction he wanted, and for a moment, the boy wondered if the thief would try to kill him. “Freaky bastard… No wonder people call you heartless.” A harsh kick to the face was all he left before walking away, muttering insults under his breath.
Slowly, quietly, the boy raised himself to his feet. He wanted to kill the man immediately, to take his money back and run back to his friends, to his sister. But they had not eaten for days, and a voice in the back of his head told him that the man may have food.
So for once in his life, he waited. Following at a distance, he watched his target, careful to avoid detection. His feet ached from the snow, the holes in his shoes were becoming increasingly obvious.
Finally, the man came to a stop. The harsh weather had killed most of the plants, something Ryuunosuke often relied on when they could find no other food. Somehow, though, this man had found a surviving bush. Under the cover of tall trees and buildings, it had a few pieces of fruit left. It wouldn’t do much, and some of them were probably rotten. He knew the leaves would probably be all that was left for himself, but it would hold them over until their next meal. Soon, they would have enough money to buy something from a nearby shop – as long as he got the money back, which he would.
He could not quite describe the feeling that overtook him when, inexplicably, the man began crushing the wild berries. He did not eat them, did not save a single one. With a smile on his face, he destroyed the only remaining food in the area. It wasn’t really anger that Ryuunosuke felt, but something heavier. Nausea pooled in his stomach, a result of weeks without food and the sight before him.
Without thinking, he allowed Rashoumon to rush forward. The man was dead in an instant. He ran towards the body, desperately searching. His fingers went numb as he dug through the snow, hoping that even something small had survived.
Beneath the surface, all he found were roots. Despite his willingness to eat them before, he knew leaves would not be enough to sustain any of the children in his group. It wouldn’t be enough – nothing found in the snow would be.
His hands brushed against something warm. The boy hadn’t noticed the snowfall burying everything around him, including his own body. Every inch of him shivered and ached, his stomach most of all.
As he stared at the body of the man slowly being pulled beneath the snow, he realized just how desperate he was.
Gin didn’t question anything. She knew exactly where their dinner had come from, but hearing it out loud would be too much.
Ryuunosuke knew she knew. He knew everyone knew. He hadn’t tried very hard to hide it.
The looks on their face told him all he needed; he could not do this again. For some reason, his friends did not believe their survival was worth this.
But for now it was enough.
Snow swirled around them, and the only way to stay somewhat warm was to huddle close. Akutagawa sat closest to the exit, and without a proper door, flakes brushed against his back. He stayed alert, listening for anything that may use the noise from the storm to catch them off guard.
Some part of him – the foolish part – thought that maybe if he listened hard enough, he could find something else beneath the snow. He knew it was futile, nothing worth eating would have survived this long.
Still, he had to try. Seeing his sister alive and full was no good when she was about to be ill. Even if he himself had no such issues, he knew this wouldn’t cut it.
It wasn’t for a long time that he was able to eat meat again, and it had been for too long since the last time he had eaten it then. So he savored the feeling of being full, and tried not to think about the lingering taste.