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So far from who I was.
So far from who you were.
Mudano made his way to a door. As soon as he arrived, people here quickly guessed his purpose. They had told him Kyouya was right here. He stopped by the door, first glanced at the end of the dark hallway, then reached out and pulled it open.
The room was very quiet. There were not many decorations, so it seemed to be almost empty. The bright light reflected the red color of the blood. Kyouya was sitting alone in the middle of the room, receiving a blood transfusion.
When Mudano open the door, the first thing he saw was that pale, sleeping face. Kyouya's head was tilted to one side, eyes tightly closed. His arms hung limply by his sides, and blood was flowing steadily into his body.
Mudano took off his shoes outside the door and slipped quietly into the room. The door was soon closed softly. As he walked toward him, Kyouya just sat there, completely still, as if he’d been sleeping deeply all along. He felt like he could even hear his steady breathing echoing in the room.
Kyouya didn’t react at all even when Mudano reached his side, seemed to be extremely tired. His normally neat hair was now loose and messy, brushing against his temples.
“Kyouya.”
Mudano walked toward his side, knelt down and whispered his name softly. But Kyouya still didn’t say a word and, only his steady, rising and falling breaths answered him. He sighed quietly, pulled over a chair from the corner of the room gently, and sat down right in front of him.
In the silence, Mudano reached out and took Kyouya’s hand. When he took his hand, his fingers began to unconsciously stroke the ring on his index finger, which was exact the same one as his.
It felt so warm, warm with his own body heat.
The two almost identical rings shone brightly together under the light. Roughly speaking, ever since their classmate from school days passed away, they had worn these rings for a long, long time. It had been so long that they were no longer just symbols of responsibility, but had become a metaphor for the bond between them.
A bond that could never be put into words, and would never end easily.
Mudano pulled his hand away from Kyouya and fixed his gaze on the ring. It fit firmly around his index finger, its metal surface gleaming brightly, showing how carefully he’d cared for it.
Sometimes, he might wonder if it was an unbreakable bond between them, or it was just a promise that cannot be spoken aloud. Its meaning had grown so complicated now, yet he knew it was precisely this indescribable connection that tied them so tightly together and ever.
Suddenly, Kyouya’s eyelashes fluttered, and his head moved slightly. Mudano thought he was about to wake up, but then he quickly fell still and silent again. He seemed to be dreaming, with his breath growing quicker, and it took him a while to calm down. It was as if a nightmare had ended, yet he was trapped in it, unable to escape.
What kind of dream had he been having? Mudano thought he could probably guess. Death, loss, an uncertain future, all those things that Kyouya never liked to talk about. He knew it.
Then, Mudano held his hand gently and made no attempt to wake him. He glanced up at the blood transfusion Kyouya was receiving and it looked almost done. Then he lowered his head, stroked his fingers, and whispered his name again.
“Kyouya.”
His voice was so low and it was almost a murmur to himself. The second Kyouya’s name left his lips, it disappeared into the air at once. Just as he’d expected, he still didn’t respond to him.
The room was quiet, it’s like no one had ever been here.
Time passed silently. The blood transfusion was eventually finished, then Kyouya blinked slowly and lifted his head. His messy hair fell on his forehead, throwing a shadow on his eyes.
“Ah, Danocchi, you are here.”
Mudano felt the hand he was holding moved a little. When he looked at him, Kyouya pushed his hair back casually with one hand and smiled at him.
"I was just planning to go back to Tokyo, but I heard you weren’t feeling well today, so I decided to come and see you before I leave. I’ve already submitted the report."
“You always worry too much, Danocchi. I’m fine.”
While talking, Kyouya brushed his fingers lightly, and then Mudano realized he was still holding his hand tightly. The palms of their hands, pressing together, were damp and warm. He loosened his grip, about to let him go, but Kyouya held his hand in return.
“You rarely come to Kyoto. Would you stay with me a little longer? ”
As Kyouya spoke, Mudano looked at his pale face, sighed softly, and relaxed, letting him keep holding his hand.
"Still no approval for the business trip to other regions?"
"No way, I guess. The priority task of ensuring medical care in Kyoto is already heavy enough, as there are so many Onis settled here, after all."
They chatted in low voices. Kyouya smiled all the time as they talked, and seeing his smile, Mudano felt a little more relaxed than before.
When talking, Kyouya tidied up the medical equipment with one hand, then pulled out his phone to check the time. After doing all this, he let out a sigh of relief, pulled Mudano closer, and asked him to sit down next to him.
Mudano gave him a silent look, then obediently pulled his chair over and sat down beside him. They sat there shoulder to shoulder. He could hear his breathing. It was so soft, as if he still hadn’t fully regained his strength. Before Kyouya finally spoke, he could feel that his own breathing had completely drowned out his.
"You always helped a lot, Danocchi. Things must be really busy in Tokyo, and yet you were still called over here to help. Honestly, they never take people’s feelings into account at all."
"It’s nothing. After all, you did say that expediency comes first in an emergency."
Kyouya hummed in response, smiled, and glanced down at their hands, which had been clasped together this whole time. Suddenly, he gave his hand a gentle but firm squeeze.
"You’re right, that’s true. But actually, I’m so happy every time you come. Do you know? The day you arrive is like a holiday for me. I hope to see you more often, and someday in the future, I’ll come to Tokyo and help you out."
"I see. Still, it’s probably safer for you to stay here. Tokyo’s never really been a peaceful place these days."
"Honestly, why do you always say things like that? You don’t have to be so polite with me, though. I’m capable myself, you know."
Mudano was about to speak when he suddenly felt a tickle on his neck. Kyouya had rested his head on his shoulder. He listened to his breathing, now so close, and reached out to brush his hair.
"When do you have to go back?"
"I’ll go back whenever you allow me to."
"Then don’t leave. Stay here with me. It’s nice here."
"Don’t be silly, Kyouya."
As soon as Mudano finished speaking, Kyouya laughed, and his whole body trembling slightly, like a warm flame dancing beside. He looked at him, leaning against him, his fallen hair completely covering his face. His sleeves were rolled up, and so he saw that the wound on his arm had already healed.
"I was just joking. Stay a little longer with me, and you need to go back soon."
The room fell silent once more, only the sound of breathing could be heard. Soon, their breaths merged into one.
Kyouya didn’t move an inch, so Mudano sat there, listening to his breaths. He thought he must have fallen asleep again.
The difficulty of this mission was beyond what they imagined. As the person in charge of medical work, Kyouya had no choice but to work beyond his limits to minimize the number of casualties. He had lost a severe amount of blood, yet he never mentioned it in any of their communications, so Mudano only heard about it later from the reports of other people.
Despite Kyouya’s unusual self-healing ability, blood was still precious. If he lost too much blood, he would still die. It was extremely dangerous. They both knew this very well.
By then, Mudano had already finished his own mission so he rushed to the rescue site immediately. He saw Kyouya there, still busy, and then he rushed over to stop him almost without thinking.
Kyouya gave him a smile, saying tiredly that more supplies of blood were already on their way.
“Nothing will go wrong. Death waits for no one, you know.” He said.
Mission first. That was the unspoken rule they had always strictly adhered to.
Mudano didn’t know how to respond for a moment, so he just stood by and watched him work. Blood loss had made him look even more exhausted. People hurried past them, and Kyouya still called out instructions from time to time.
The endless cries and sobs throbbed in Mudano’s head, but Kyouya was already used to scenes like this.
"Go back and have a rest, Danocchi. My work won’t be finished soon."
"What about you? You’ll die here if you keep this up."
Kyouya paused for a moment, yet he didn’t respond. Instead, he quickly refocused on his work again. As Mudano watched him, a surge of irritation somewhat washed over him. He knelt down beside him and grabbed his wrist that was still bleeding.
"I said, take a break."
Kyouya fell silent, and Mudano waited for him to speak. Then he shaked his wrist, trying to wriggle free from his grip, but he refused to let go, tightening his hold slightly. They stared at each other, neither of them saying a word.
"I get it. Just let go of me."
Finally, Kyouya gave in. He turned around and called out some names, and a group of young people came running over. Mudano heard him instruct them to replenish the medical supplies and carry out the new treatment plan.
Then the phone rang. Kyouya answered it with his free hand, and fragments of conversations like "blood" and "time" came faintly from the receiver.
Kyouya hung up the phone and stood up from beside the patient he had just treated, as Mudano stood up too, pulled along by him. He watched as he pulled a roll of bandages from his pocket and expertly wrapped it around his wrist that was still bleeding profusely.
Perhaps it was due to excessive blood loss that his wound could no longer heal quickly on its own. The blood that flowed out soaked through the first layer of bandage in an instant. Kyouya glanced at the bloody fabric, then wrapped another layer around it, and kept winding it round after round until the red stain faded from sight. Only then did he tear off the bandage and tuck the roll back into his pocket.
"The blood supplies will be here soon. I’ll get back to work as soon as they arrive. I’m the person in charge here, and I have to make sure the mission is completed smoothly. You know that too, Danocchi."
Mudano looked at his calm expression and had no choice but to let go of his hand. Kyouya’s hand fell limply to his side from his grasp. He frowned, his gaze fixed intently on his face.
This barely felt like him. At least, Kyouya wasn’t someone like this in his memory. Ever since he took on the heavy responsibility of medical work in Kyoto, something familiar about him seemed to have faded away.
Just like a flame that was slowly dying out.
This was a feeling beyond words. Perhaps it was because he himself had also begun to feel lost about his own future.
Someone was leaning against him, his chest rising and falling with steady breaths, and Mudano pulled his attention away from the memories and back to the present. Kyouya seemed to be sleeping deeply by his side, with no sign of waking up anytime soon.
Mudano gently separated their clasped hands and pulled him into his arms. Kyouya slept quietly, his body warmth seeping into his and wrapping him in a deeper comfort. He let out a long, soft sigh and, only then did he begin to feel the overwhelming exhaustion wash over him.
As soon as the mission was accomplished, he’d submitted a quick report and rushed over here, not pausing for a single moment of rest in between.
Silently, Mudano could hear the heartbeat of Kyouya, and at that very moment, he finally relaxed completely and closed his eyes gently. That exhausted face from just a short while ago had been lingering in his mind, refusing to fade away.
Logically speaking, Kyoto was an important stronghold, and it was by no means short-staffed. So why did they have to lay such a heavy burden on someone as young as him?
Perhaps, aside from his truly professional competence, the primary motive was simply to make the most of his blood. Much like what had happened to him.
In the cruelty of war, they had no choice but to stand at the forefront, fighting tirelessly on the front lines. As long as the war and bloodshed still continued, they must go from one battlefield to the next, day after day.
In the end, they were nothing more than expendable tools to the war. Sooner or later, their lives and souls would burn out entirely in these endless conflicts.
Yet the war between the Onis and the Momos, unknown to ordinary people, had lasted for a thousand years. It was like a flame that had been burning for far too long, and now, that flame was blazing ever fiercer, starting to burn down things that should never be destroyed. And so, both sides were now doing their utmost to bring it to an end as soon as possible.
When Mudano thought of this, he subconsciously began to think about Kyouya, and so his focus came back to him once more.
The sound of his breathing, the steady thud of his heartbeat, the warmth of his body, and his hair pressing softly against his cheek.
Again, everything about Kyouya wrapped around him like a warm ocean, and Mudano finally felt a sense of peace, his thoughts no longer wandering.
Before he knew it, Mudano had fallen asleep too. When he woke up, the first thing he heard was Kyouya murmuring to himself.
"Ah…Danocchi, you are still here. Too tired and fall asleep?"
Mudano opened his eyes to find that Kyouya had woken up earlier at some point. He was still holding him in his arms, but now he had shifted his position slightly to let him lean against him comfortably.
"You must be exhausted, right? It’s fine if you sleep a little longer. I’ll submit the report for you."
Kyouya smiled gently, just like the way he remembered. Mudano lifted his head and looked quietly into his eyes. Those eyes seemed to have returned to the familiar ones he once knew, and his soul felt like it was reigniting once more. When he smiled at him, he could feel that warmth slowly spreading into his heart.
"No need. Are you feeling any better now?"
“I still don’t feel rested enough, but it’s time to go back to work. Death waits for no one. The same goes for you, doesn’t it?”
Kyouya stood up and stretched his body. Mudano stood up after him, yet he did not leave immediately. They locked eyes with each other face to face, until Kyouya took his hand and drew him close to his side. Then they kissed, sharing a soft, fleeting sigh.
The kiss was too short, while the sigh lingered for far too long. As Kyouya pulled away from his lips, he merely reached up to brush his cheek gently, and neither of them said a single word of farewell.
"If there's a chance for me to come over again next time, I'll send you a message in advance."
"Hmm, I get it."
Kyouya seemed to have something more to say, yet the words died on his lips. Mudano looked into his eyes, gently grabbed his wrist, and lifted it up.
"I will keep living to make my way back here, and so must you. Live, so that I can return to your side again, Kyouya."
Mudano spoke slowly, word by word. Kyouya looked at his slightly furrowed brows and smiled silently.
"Okay, okay. I promise you, Danocchi. Then, remember to come back to my side safely every time."
Kyouya smiled at him in his usual way, his expression seemed to be genuine joy. Before Mudano let go of his hand, he pressed a soft kiss to his fingertips.
After that, they let go of each other at the same time. The smile on Kyouya’s face faded away quickly, and they walked side by side toward the door, going their separate ways.