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"That's incredible, Danocchi, " Kyouya said.
Then the silence was finally broken, and they’d just sat down in Kyouya’s room a moment before. There were no support missions to go out for and no extra classes planned, so the night was really quiet. Compared to all the mess they usually went through, it was even too quiet to feel a bit long.
Kyouya was on the day shift that day. After briefly going over the class schedule, Mudano dismissed the students for the day, then headed to his office and wait for his shift to end. Kyouya was getting medicine for a student at that moment, standing in front of the cabinet with his back to him and searching carefully for the right pills.
Mudano opened the door, paused for a few seconds at the doorway, yet walked directly in despite the student’s somewhat surprised look, then leaned against the filing cabinet and stood there quietly.
"Mr. Mudano?"
Kyouya must have heard the greeting too, but he didn’t respond to it. Mudano waited patiently until the student left and he took off his uniform. Always seemed to know what he meant, Kyouya walked over to him, who was already waiting by the door. Then they left together without saying a word.
Now they were both sitting in Kyouya’s room. He was pulling out the wine he’d hidden in the cabinet out, filling his own glass with it, and then the other one.
Mudano glanced around the room that felt like second home to him. Ever since Kyouya had come back to the school to work, this place had all but become his favorite place to be. His quiet refuge, he would say.
The room was big enough for two adults, but Kyouya still chose to sit close to him. It was really close, shoulder to shoulder almost. They usually kept a polite, proper social distance at work, just like their friends or colleagues. But when they were alone, Kyouya would always lean in close, like that social space had never been real in the first place.
Still, none of that mattered to Mudano. He actually liked this. Whenever Kyouya drew close, his sharp hearing let him catch the sound of his breathing, even every pulse of his heart. That sound wrapped around him, drowning out his own until it echoed in his ears, as if that was his life itself.
They leaned against each other, drinking, when the night wind blew in. It was a bit cold.
Kyouya kept talking about little things like he always did when they drank together. He talked about their students, about other teachers, all that stuff. But, he definitely wasn’t drunk yet, Mudano listened to him quietly and thought suddenly.
It was probably close to midnight, but there was no moon to be seen outside the window. Maybe it was hidden by clouds, or maybe blocked by the trees. Anyway, apart from the faint horizon so far away that was almost invisible, there was nothing at all in the night sky.
Everything seemed too peaceful. Kyouya was right here and they were both alive. Were they dreaming right now, or were they in real life?
While drinking, Mudano answered those odd little questions asked by Kyouya patiently. He had no idea how long it had been, but Kyouya finally seemed a bit drunk. His voice got slower and slower, then he suddenly shut up and stopped talking.
In the sudden silence, Mudano set down his empty glass and turned to look at Kyouya. He was leaning quietly against him, drinking from his glass with full attention. Even though the sky was completely void, for some reason he kept gazing out the window intently, as if there was something only he could see.
Kyouya stared at the night, not saying a word. His glass was already empty, but he still held it tightly.
What on earth was there outside the window? Mudano couldn’t help but turn his face too, but the night sky was still as empty as it had been the last time he looked out.
After a while, Mudano stopped looking out the window and waited for Kyouya to speak instead. He knew him so well that he could say all the stuff before was just a setup for some topic. That’s definitely not the real thing he wanted to say. But Kyouya stayed silent anyway.
Just as Kyouya finally set down his glass and was about to rest his hand on the table, he paused for some seconds, then reached out and touched the back of his hand. He touched his ring first, and just then Mudano felt the same one on his index finger too. The warm metal was smooth, like part of his skin.
"I never thought I’d come back here and lucky enough to live another year."
As Kyouya spoke, his hand stayed there the whole time, not moving away. Mudano could feel his palm getting slightly damp, but he didn’t pull his hand back. He was a bit confused, but he still turned his own hand over and held his hand.
"Yeah. And besides, all the kids got to make it through. They owe it all to you."
Kyouya let out a soft sigh, the sound faint against the night wind. He tightened his fingers, interlocking with his.
"I wish we could drink together like this next year, even the year after, and all the years to come."
“We probably will.”
"But today I want to say something more, maybe a little selfish, Danocchi. You have to stay alive. I’m telling you to stay alive, even if you have to leave me, it doesn’t matter. Just treat this like I’m making a birthday wish, will you? "
Mudano listened to him quietly. Kyouya said these words with a laugh, yet made him freeze up on the spot. Kyouya’s eyes were a bit wet, clearly drunk, and this wasn’t like something he would say normally. But maybe it was because today wasn’t an ordinary day. Mudano lowered his head to look at their interlocked hands.
It was Kyouya’s birthday, after all.
Ever since they graduated and went their separate ways, they’d rarely had the chance to celebrate birthdays together. Work came above everything else, and they both understood that each was willing to give their life for the cause they’re fighting for.
Now those distant past has begun to fade from their memories. Maybe ten years ago neither of them could have imagined that they would now be temporarily away from the war, spending this special night together again, let alone that Kyouya would end up working at the school they’d once attended, just as Mudano had wished before. So he also knew the "incredible" thing Kyouya had spoken of at the start of the night meant more than just that.
Kyouya had come back to him. He had finally made all those things he blurted out back in Kyoto true. Back then he had hesitated, constantly wavering in the face of the huge shadow of death, but he still made up his mind and come back here.
Looking back, it was probably one of his wishes that he could no longer keep silent about, but it could also have just been a request out of some kind of fear. After getting back to the school from Kyoto, Mudano found he couldn’t put into words how he’d felt when he saw Kyouya having narrowly escaped death, and he’d once thought he would never be swayed by the thought of his death.
“Kyouya, you’ll stay alive too, right here with me.”
"Well, if things turn out that way—"
Mudano was about to say something more, but Kyouya has already leaned fully against him, as if he were going to fall asleep. Drunk, he began to mumble softly to himself, so Mudano leaned in toward him, listening carefully to his words.
“I’ll be so happy. And even after the war ends, I want to live with you, Danocchi."
As Kyouya spoke, his breath brushed against his skin. It was so warm and moist, like he was pressing soft kisses to his neck. Mudano watched his hair, rumpled from leaning against him, and his heart skipped a beat. He thought to himself that he must have smiled, yet somehow felt a hint of sadness. He reached out to pull his warm body close, and when he pressed his lips to Kyouya’s cheek, time seemed to stand still.
"Do you know? I actually had a dream last night, Danocchi. I dreamed the war had finally ended."
In the silence, Kyouya suddenly spoke up. His words came very slow, as if he were already mumbling in his dreams. Mudano ran his fingers through his hair, watching his closed eyes, wondering if he was still awake at all.
Kyouya smiled silently, and Mudano waited quietly for what he would say next.
"It was probably winter in the dream. We were sitting on the couch at home, under the same blanket, and a movie was playing on TV. I think it was a love story, because when the characters kissed each other on screen, you kissed me too."
Kyouya laughed softly here, and Mudano felt his body trembling slightly.
"But you only kissed me once, because I said 'Wait untill the movie’s over'. Looked like it was snowing outside the window, but I couldn’t see clearly. Maybe it was because your body was so warm that I fell asleep when watching the movie in the dream, and I never even got to see its end." He finished telling his dream slowly, first letting out a long sigh, then continuing softly, "Will we ever get to someday like that?"
The wind on that late winter night was very cold, blowing in through the window and quickly cooling the room down a lot. Kyouya shivered, pressing himself tighter against Mudano.
“I believe such a day will come.”
After he spoke, Kyouya buried his face in his neck. Even Mudano found it hard to say if it was because his answer surprised him, or because the wind that had just blown was too cold for him.
Mudano hesitated for a moment, then stood up to close the window. The wind stopped blowing at once, and the room fell quiet. He kept holding his hand all the while, and when he sat back down, Kyouya snuggled up to him again right away. Mudano thought he must be really drunk, yet his words just now had been so coherent that he couldn’t make up his mind for a moment.
Maybe they should go to bed now. Mudano gently touched the hair that had fallen to the side of his neck. Kyouya’s freshly washed hair was so soft, and as he stroked it back and forth, he found himself starting to feel sleepy as well.
Even though tomorrow was the weekend, he’d arranged extra classes for the students before, so they still had to get up early for work.
"It’s getting late. Time for bed, Kyouya."
Kyouya nodded slowly, clumsily standing up while murmuring in a mumbled way. Mudano leaned close to his mouth to listen, and heard him say: “Just for tonight, I want to sleep with you. Can you not go back?”
Kyouya was probably drunk too much, and Mudano had to hold him tightly as they slowly made their way to the single bed in the room. The moment Kyouya touched the soft sheets, he fell onto the pillow. He rolled around on the bed a few times, then buried himself under the quilt and lay on one side of the bed, motionless.
Mudano watched him until he lay there quietly, as if he’d fallen asleep. He turned off the light, slid into bed beside him, and pulled him into his arms as he nearly fell off the bed to make room for him. The smell of alcohol had faded away with the wind, and as Kyouya lay in his arms, Mudano caught the scent of laundry detergent on his clothes.
For them, it wasn’t the most pleasant smell, but it’s not surprising, since supplies at the school were scarce, and this was a time of war. Mudano buried his face in the crook of Kyouya’s neck, and the scent, blended with the shampoo in his hair, made him think of what people always called "home."
"I believe it too, Danocchi. Such a day will come, and the dream will finally come true."
Mudano froze for a second when he heard his almost whispered words, then he realized he was answering the question about that dream. Kyouya’s voice was soft but unshakable, and he knew they both truly believed such a future would arrive, even if they might never live to see it.
After all, anyone could die at any moment, right?
He must have smiled again at that moment, Mudano thought right then. He began to kiss the top of Kyouya’s head, trailed his lips down his hair to his cheek, and then found that he was smiling too.
In this cold night, they kissed, then drifted into a dream that belonged only to the two of them. Even if the dream was fleeting, even if all their love would have to be buried back into darkness when tomorrow’s sun rose, they still believed that it would bloom beautifully again next winter.