Chapter Text
FRIDAY 23 JAN, 21:43
Misha Bachynskyi ✅ @badegg
New album out on February 14: On Fire
[Photo: The album cover has Misha sitting in a church, clasping his hands like a traditional choir would, wearing a backwards money hat and sunglasses. He has a gold chain with a pendant of the letter ‘N’ round his neck.]
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@monique-noel-gibeau ✅
y’all aren’t ready for this.
@pennyjane_l ✅
Omllll I’m so excited!!!
@pmoceanoconnellrosenburg ✅
It’s certainly something.
@mishasbiggestfan
BUT YOU GUYS DONT KNOW HOW LONG IVE WAITED FOR THIS
[St. Cassian’s Chamber Choir (Official Business Only)]
FRIDAY 23 JAN, 21:58
badegg:
i think that went good?
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
it went amazing!! did you see ALL the comments people are literally screaming rn
Ocean:
As much as I don’t like the album cover, the announcement went fine. And it’s your best album yet, no need to be worried about it.
connie loves recorders:
It’s amazing misha!!
the fans are so excited for it!!!!!
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
just like us, we’re all SO excited for it
SPACE AGE BACHELOR (WO)MAN:
SOOO excited we’re actually dying over here
headless doll named jane:
DYING
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
DYING
Badegg:
thank all you guys
we all know the plan, right?
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
operation soft lauch is a GO
[MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀 named the group Operation: Soft Launch]
headless doll named jane:
i’m so insanely excited for the fallout from this its not okay
SPACE AGE BACHELOR (WO)MAN:
frfr 🙏🙏🙏
connie loves recorders:
hey i’m about to post one of my ‘what my highschoolers said to me this week’ videos can you guys look it over for me?
it’s just a normal post but yk i always want second opinions about my delivery and the editing and stuff?
badegg:
yes!! i want to see your mean highschoolers
connie loves recorders:
[Video: Constance sits in front of the camera, with a whiteboard that says ragebait behind her.
CONSTANCE: Things my highschoolers said to me this week: Part something way too high, I haven’t been counting.
Number 1: One of my students walked into the room, saying to her friend ‘he’s just so microwavable, you know. He gives… neglected hamster.’ I asked her who she was talking about and she told me that it was Timothee Chalamet in Call Me By Your Name. I have since watched that film and I wholeheartedly agree.
Number 2: I have a student who is always the last to leave, so when he was packing up, I said ‘So-and-so, why are you so slow?’ and he goes ‘Because my burden is heavy… and I walk slow’ so I don’t know why he got lowkey possessed by a sick Victorian child at first.
Number 3: This one only really works if you know a bit about Formula 1, but some students were discussing Ferrari in my class, and one of them was talking about how Ricardo Adami was sacked as Hamilton’s race engineer, so another puts on a perfect, and I mean perfect accent and says ‘We are checking.’, so the first student joins in and goes ‘Must be the water’. A different student, not involved in this conversation or friends with these boys at all was passing by, and she patted him on the shoulder and said- completely serious voice- ‘Wrong engineer, babe.’ And- I don’t know- I found it funny because she has never talked to those boys in all of the lessons I’ve taught them in two years, but she felt the need to correct them for a Formula 1 meme.
Number 4: Wait, I have a clip for this.
[The camera switches to Constance sitting at her desk with a corkboard behind her. There are student’s voices that can be heard from behind the camera.]
CONSTANCE: I actually, legally, cannot do that.
STUDENT: No, but Miss, I need you to find his surname.
CONSTANCE: I am not looking up a random boy because you saw him in the hallway and thought he was pretty.
STUDENT: That’s homophobic.
CONSTANCE: I have a girlfriend. Every single person in my group of friends is queer in some way. I don’t think I’m capable of being homophobic.
STUDENT: But, miss, you’re stopping a gay family from forming. We’re going to have three children-
CONSTANCE: You’re fifteen years old, you don’t even know his surname.
STUDENT: It's going to be [actual government name] soon.
CONSTANCE: You’ve literally never talked to him, and you’re planning marriage?
STUDENT: What’s wrong with that?
[The camera cuts back to Constance sitting in front of her whiteboard.]
CONSTANCE: And lastly, number 5: A student barges into my room in the middle of my lesson, not a student I was meant to be teaching, and yells ‘You know Misha Bachynskyi?’ But before I could reply, the assistant head teacher comes in and starts trying to get her to go back to her lesson.
So, yeah, that’s it. There’ll be more next week, if you want to come back.]
badegg:
i like that a lot
your students should be comedians and the editing is very good
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
i feel so privileged getting to see the famous msconstance’s posts before she posts them
its perfect, like misha said
SPACE AGE BACHELOR (WO)MAN:
i genuinely laughed out loud at all of those
literal lol
SATURDAY 24 JANUARY, 09:37
Noel Gruber ✅ @monique-noel-gibeau
new album out february 14: hate my hometown.
[Photo: The album cover is of Noel lying on his back in a field of sunflowers, with his arms tucked under his head. He’s wearing black jeans, a dark red crop top and some heeled shoes are sitting next to him. If you zoom in closely, you can see the letter ‘M’ in brighter red on his t-shirt.]
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@badegg ✅
is going to be album of the year.
@mscontance
i’m so happy for you noel!! x
@mishasbiggestfan
but why on the same day as misha’s?
@oneofnoelgrubersgirls
noel was going to beat misha anyway so i dont see the big deal??
@sanjosesharkswillwinthestanleycup
You guys know that they’re friends, right? No need to argue??
[Operation: Soft Launch Nisha]
SATURDAY 24 JAN, 10:12
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
okay so why do people think we’re competing with each other??
badegg:
it sucks
connie loves recorders:
People always want something to make a conspiracy over, I guess
headless doll named jane:
iphones, am i right?
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
iphones.
oml jinx
headless doll named jane:
louis tomlinson 🙏🙏🙏
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
louis tomlinson 🙏🙏
no but seriously, why do they always think we’re competing
im sick of being pitted against my bf
badegg:
me too
they make it seem like we hate each other even though we always support each other publicly
they take all the things we say out of context as well
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
the media is evil
SPACE AGE BACHELOR (WO)MAN:
NOEL i have your song stuck in my head
and i can’t even play it bc its not released yet
i hate you
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
how is that my fault 😔😔😔
i just write good songs
SPACE AGE BACHELOR (WO)MAN:
its about sex.
you’re making me think about misha’s dick
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
AJKSLNNGIOFDDGF STOP
badegg:
i’m not sure if i like that or not
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOURE NOT SURE
MISHA
badegg:
[Used a sticker: Oscar Piastri shrugging.]
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
MISHA NO
SPACE AGE BACHELOR (WO)MAN:
misha yes 😘
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
STOP HITTING ON MY BOYFRIEND
SPACE AGE BACHELOR (WO)MAN:
no ♥️
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
i hate you all.
badegg:
look ricky you’ve upset him :(
SPACE AGE BACHELOR (WO)MAN:
i’m actually sav rn
[Used a sticker: George Russell making a diva pose.]
badegg:
look SAVANNAH you’ve upset him
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
ooooo full named sav you’re in trouble
SPACE AGE BACHELOR (WO)MAN:
wait why am i actually scared
misha im so sorry don’t kill me
[Used a sticker: Phil Lester with the words ‘I’M SO FUCKING SCARED’ pasted over his face.]
badegg:
really?
SPACE AGE BACHELOR (WO)MAN:
No :))))
[Used a sticker: Phil Lester with the words ‘I love lying!!!!!!!!’ pasted over him.]
badegg
i hate you
SPACE AGE BACHELOR (WO)MAN:
omg tysm
you don't know how much that means to me
headless doll named jane:
yo gang
quick
'the fate of anne boleyn' 10 letters
and the third letter is c
badegg:
idk why would i know that
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
beheaded?
headless doll named jane:
no that's 8
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
WAIT
I GOT IT
DECAPITATED
headless doll named jane:
no thats 11 letters :((
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
damn i felt really smart there
headless doll named jane:
'how to hide in plain sight' 5, letters, 4th letter is n?
anyone?
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
ask ocean
ocean's good at words
badegg:
did you just compliment ocean?
who are you and what have you done with my noel?
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
FUCK
wait
ocean's such a nerd she'll probably be able to do it
what a nerd
badegg:
atta girl
SPACE AGE BACHELOR (WO)MAN:
yeah i was also scared for a minute there
guys me and penny just committed credit card fraud
Ocean:
What?
headless doll named jane:
i swear we've explained it to u
badegg:
okay so ik the reference
but what.
Ocean:
Is it like a Falsettos reference or something?
SPACE AGE BACHELOR (WO)MAN:
we did it
committed credit card fraud
Ocean:
That's very illegal.
headless doll named jane:
*sighs* its an f1 reference
Ocean:
Why would Formula 1 drivers need to commit credit card fraud? Don't they get paid millions?
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
see, thats why its funny
do you get the idea of a joke, oce?
Ocean:
I will leave this group.
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
you won't
you love us really
Ocean:
I really don't.
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
then why havent you left yet
Ocean:
...
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
SHES SPEACHLESS I DID IT
ARE YALL SEEING THIS
OCEAN OCONNELL ROSENBERG IS SPEACHLESS BECAUSE OF NOEL GRUBER
badegg:
DAMN IT
SPACE AGE BACHELOR (WO)MAN:
FUCK
headless doll named jane:
well played, noel. well played.
Ocean:
What?
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
yall owe me 20 dollars
#proud
Ocean:
Did you bet on me?
MONIQUE (self-proclaimed whore) 🥀:
no.
badegg:
yes